A/N: Hello everyone! Here's another entry from Brandon's Notebook, covering Ch. 8 The Other Parties. I'm finding that writing his thoughts on the events that happened in TMMM isn't as easy as it seemed because now there's all this back story to fill, to shape their motivations and actions. But at least, it offers us a glimpse of things we wouldn't really have known just from Charlotte's POV.
Hope you like it!
===
Saturday was the first day since I came back from my trip that I spent apart from Charlotte.
It was Gerard Raleigh's birthday that day. He and Jake got along better because Gerard could be a bit of an ass sometimes and he didn't appreciate it every time I said so but since Jake was still in Bangkok, I had to go on his behalf. We played an afternoon of golf with a few other guys and then met up for drinks at the VIP lounge in Square 10, the same bar Gerard's brother owned.
When I showed up, Gerard, already half-drunk, asked where my 'fiancee' was and I told him pointedly that I didn't bring her with me because he said it was going to be a guys' night out and since he was the birthday celebrant, I respected his wishes. Turned out he was just being a jerk on his birthday because there were more women in that party than men. The whole place had more breasts, legs and thighs than the nearest KFC.
Normally, I'd enjoy these things. I could appreciate an attractive woman and I didn't mind the attention, even when I knew it would be harmless because it wouldn't go anywhere. But I knew Charlotte would be so pissed if I got splattered all over the tabloids the next day, tangled in the long legs of some brunette bombshell.
Besides, the whole thing felt... old. Like we've been doing this for years. And we really have if you consider the fact that Jake and I have been charming our way with the ladies since we were twelve. That'd be about seventeen years and God, the thought makes me cringe. That's nearly as long as Charlotte's been alive. Good God. I'd be a paunchy old man with rickety knees while she's still out seducing the male population with her crooked grins and bubbly laugh.
And I did act like an old man that night, standing around the corner, trying to be dignified, satisfied with the company of my martini. I would've seen the evening through like that if Gerard hadn't ambled forward, already wasted, slung an arm around my shoulders and asked if Simone liked it slow and sweet or hot and rough. I glared at him and he just laughed and asked why I was being greedy.
He said a lot of men were hovering around Simone, waiting to swoop in and offer her comfort after I'd so 'callously dropped her and then shit on her by getting engaged practically the next day to some ditzy gold-digging waitress' (Gerard's own filthy words, that scumbag).
I shoved him off and told him that if he referred to Charlotte in any manner other than complimentary, I would punch all his teeth out. Next, I told him to stop being such a jackass and maybe he'll get a chance with a good woman like Simone who deserved to be treated better than just his next lucky lay. As I was walking out of the room, Gerard yelled at me to fuck off because if anyone should be railed at for not treating women better, it should be me since I dumped Simone and left her humiliated and brokenhearted.
I didn't stay to face off with Gerard because as crass as he was in his accusation, he was right. Yes, I was a toad for cutting my ties with Simone abruptly and following it up with the announcement of my engagement to the world. In the eyes of others who knew about my relationship with her, yes, my actions would appear crude, brash and utterly selfish.
It didn't sit well with me. I may have been with many women all these years but I always treated them with respect and fairness. I had a mother, a stepmother and two younger sisters, after all. I may not have been a perfect gentleman with Charlotte in the beginning but I had been under the impression that she was hustling my father. I was now striving to correct my wrongs with her but there wasn't a lot I could do with Simone but ask for her forgiveness and hope she'd understand.
On Sunday morning, day of the engagement party, I called Simone.
Well, I called Charlotte first to greet her good morning and reassure her that she's going to be just fine at the party. Talking to her reminded me of the other woman I'd hurt in all of this so after I hung up with her, I dialled a number I hadn't called in a while.
I'd sent Simone an invitation to the party because despite our past intimacy, she's still an old friend of mine, but after Gerard's comments the night before, I was questioning the wisdom of it.
She sounded excited when she picked up and I had to suppress a sigh because the first words out of her mouth were that she missed me.
As gently as I could, I told her that maybe it wasn't a good idea for her to come to the party. I could tell the instant her demeanour changed. She stonily told me that she wanted to meet Charlotte. She wanted to meet the woman she's forced to play second fiddle to. That was an even worse idea and I told her that. She didn't say anything for a long time that I thought she hung up on me. Then she asked the question I've been dreading: Where does this leave us now?
Nowhere, really, because there's no us anymore.
I'm getting married, even if it's just for a year, and despite all the stupid things I said to Charlotte about being with other women, I not going to cheat on her. To be honest, even if I wanted to, I don't know where I'll ever find the time because Charlotte would be pretty hard to ignore. She isn't the type to be put on a corner to be forgotten. She's a mini blonde bulldozer.
In the end, all I ended up telling Simone was that I was sorry for hurting her and that she deserved better. She asked me if she should wait until I was no longer married after a year. I haven't looked that far into the future and at this point, I didn't want to just yet. I told her we'll have to wait and see what the future brings but that she shouldn't put her life on hold for my sake.
I spent the rest of the day working from home because I was taking some time off for the wedding and the honeymoon (which I still haven't finalized). In between emails and reports, I called Charlotte to check on her progress and ensure that she hasn't bolted yet. She was spending the day with Felicity and her style team, prepping for the event, so she was in good hands but I was still a little paranoid. The party was going to be our first official appearance together in public and that spotlight could be daunting to someone who wasn't used to it. I made arrangements with Felicity to make sure that there would be as many familiar faces as possible in the party for Charlotte so she wouldn't feel so alone in a sea of strangers.
Barford came in the afternoon, bearing the necklace I'd commissioned for Charlotte to wear to the party. It was purely a thing of whim I decided on after our ring shopping at the jewelry store where Charlotte declared she could afford nothing more than the paper bag. She deserved something sweet and special and the pink and white diamonds were perfect for her—unconventionally beautiful, fun and enduring.
It took me no time to get a haircut, shower, and get ready for the party. Jake also left me a message to say that he was going to be there because he wanted to make sure I hadn't hit my head or something. Jake was a far more advanced ladies' man than I was and he took the news of my engagement like it was an apocalyptic announcement. He went as far as to promise rescue if I were indeed making this decision under duress.
When I showed up at Charlotte's house and saw her standing in the middle of the living room, clad in what looked like a stream of starlight, I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. The fact that she had a slightly guilty look on her face with her bottom lip thrust out, her eyes sparkling with humor because she wasn't really all sorry for fantasizing about cheeseburgers, made me want to run up and grab her, the engagement party be damned. I had to remind myself I was a civilized man and Boston's elite, who was waiting for us at Thurston House, wouldn't appreciate my caveman tendencies.
There were a handful of reporters waiting behind a corded area when we came and my instinct was to step in and shield Charlotte from their prying eyes but she took me by surprise when she marched up to them fearlessly. She made my head spin a little as I stood there and listened to her chat them up like they were all good friends and they ate it up happily. Charlotte was a natural with people. Maybe it was her candid nature or her whip-smart sense of humor but it wasn't all that hard to adore her and for some reason, that made me smile.
She squared her shoulders and held her head high as we walked into the banquet hall. The only time I felt her falter was when she looked up at me, her blue-green eyes wide and stark with uncertainty, and reminded me about getting cheeseburgers and fries after the party.
I nearly stopped us right then and there to turn her around and take her away from all of it. I wanted to take her somewhere with bags of take out and spend the rest of the evening eating and talking, just the two of us, where she wouldn't feel scared because to see Charlotte scared was just a shame.
But before I could seriously consider the benefits of my idea, Dad caught us.
Then Jake showed up, the wattage of his charm turned all the way up the moment he saw Charlotte. It didn't surprise me. Jake could never help himself around any woman. The fact that Charlotte looked nearly incandescent in her shimmery dress and teased him effortlessly like they were old friends didn't make it any easier for him. In fact, he looked downright smitten and that irritated me.
Jake and I hardly competed for women over the years because there were always plenty of them but I didn't like the way he was genuinely enjoying Charlotte's company. That was a bad sign. He was susceptible enough to women with beauty and grace. A woman with beauty, grace, intelligence and a wild, mischievous streak that was hard to resist would make him trip all over himself, which was too bad because Charlotte's mine and I told him that loud and clear.
He might be smoother with the ladies that I was but I contented myself with the fact that the brilliant smile on her face when she saw her friends arrive was all because of me.
I felt very much rewarded when she happily threw her arms around me. Kissing her was an inevitability, one I was tired of fighting, so I gave in to it and would've gladly continued if we didn't get reminded by the fact that we were still in the middle of our engagement party.
I was enjoying myself until my little brother surprised us when he came up on stage to play. Mattie's musical talent was no question even at his age and I was always happy to listen to him play. But as I sat there listening to him sing, I realized his words were too familiar.
He described so accurately the way it felt whenever I was around Charlotte and I got that.
I was immensely attracted to her. It was futile to deny that. And yes, I cared about her. Only a bloody statue wouldn't feel something for Charlotte.
But it wasn't love. It was a lot of things but not love.
Because love was the kind of devotion my father showed Evelyn—and the kind of devastation he felt when he lost her.
So this couldn't be love.
I refuse it to be love anyway.
But my brother's words kept playing in my head for the rest of the night, keeping me distracted that I didn't even notice Simone arriving until I overheard two women busily chattering together in a corner. They were saying something about how much torture she really wanted, coming to her ex's party to celebrate his engagement to a diner girl who was obviously better than her since Charlotte managed to drag me down to the altar.
So I went to find Simone. I had to get her away for two main reasons: I didn't want her running into Charlotte and I didn't want more people to be trashing her behind her back for something that was largely my fault.
I managed to pull her into a corner and ask why she came when I told her it wasn't a good idea. She told me that by showing up, it indicated that she wasn't as affected as people thought her to be. She said she wasn't going to stay at home and wallow in a corner.
Simone didn't have Charlotte's bravado but for all her reserved nature and poise, she was a strong woman. She forged her career as a model, survived marriage to a difficult man, started her own business and held on tightly to her independence. I knew that with time, she would get over the hurt I've caused her but for now, she had to keep her distance.
She asked me to dance with her and I said no. Then she flashed me a smile and asked why not when we were supposed to be just good, old friends—unless I was so in love with my fiancee I couldn't even acknowledge the rest of the female population around me.
Since she was right—we were still good friends and I wasn't head over heels in love with Charlotte—I accepted and danced one song with her.
I did it to prove a point, which I botched up when Simone snapped irritably at me to stop craning my head around so much and pay attention to my dance partner.
Obviously, I wasn't paying her any attention. I was looking for Charlotte, making sure no one was treating her poorly, and that Jake hadn't absconded with her since he'd been making such moony eyes at her all night.
I apologized to Simone, for being rude yet again, and walked her over to some friends before fetching myself a drink.
I stood around to look for Charlotte so we could leave, grab some fast food and hang out at her living room. But there were too many people and I couldn't easily spot her.
But I spotted Jake coming at me, looking foul-tempered, which was rare because Jake wasn't the type to take things seriously.
He straight out called me a jackass for bringing Simone when this was mine and Charlotte's big night and that I should be by her side and not my ex's. I bristled at how protective he sounded of my fiancee and told him there was no need to play the knight in shining armor because Simone was harmless. I didn't add that she really was because even as I was dancing with her, when she looked splendid and glamorous, my mind was preoccupied with Charlotte. I was in no danger of falling into bed with her when I could hardly remember that she was there in front of me.
I walked away from Jake before we could come into blows and sought out Simone. It was time she went home because between trying to take care not to hurt her feelings any further and trying to look after Charlotte as she navigated her way around guests she'd never met before, I was getting a miserable headache.
Simone looked to be in better spirits when I found her and I felt better.
But before I could say anything, she told me she was going to get out of there as soon as I danced one last song with her. I was itching to find Charlotte but what could one dance with Simone really hurt? If it was to be our final goodbye and she'd be happier and better after it, wasn't it a small price I could pay?
So I danced with her and walked her out where her driver had been waiting.
Twenty minutes after I returned to the party, despite having been waylaid by a dozen other people who couldn't get out of my way fast enough, I still couldn't find Charlotte or get her to answer her phone and dread started heaping in my gut with every second that passed.
I spotted my sisters sitting by a table all by themselves, their heels kicked off, their faces bored.
I hadn't even opened my mouth to ask about Charlotte when Tessa threw me a disgusted look and told me that Charlotte left. Anna waited for a moment to let that sink in on me before adding that Jake drove Charlotte home. Something must've shown on my face because my sisters spent the next ten minutes berating me for being as dense and stupid as a brick that I deserved in the face for my behavior that night. Yes, a lecture from two women who couldn't talk me out of marrying Charlotte fast enough just a week ago.
I called Charlotte on my way out to find her and it wasn't hard to guess just how unhappy she was with me when she answered. It rankled further that Jake was right there with her listening to the whole thing but I didn't quite see red until she casually told me that they stopped for cheeseburgers and fries.
She was supposed to get the fucking cheeseburgers and fries with me!
I swore right after she hung up on me that I was going to shove the cheeseburgers and fries Jake got with her right into his face because he had no right to take my place.
Charlotte stuck it out through the whole party so she could get cheeseburgers and fries with me as I'd promised her right after. Jake just went and conveniently took her to get some when it meant absolutely nothing to him.
I drove out to Charlotte's house, making a quick stop at McDonald's and frightening the girl at the drive through when I practically growled my order at her.
I was there at her house before they were which only added fuel to the fire and I was already seething. Charlotte was strong and bold enough to fend off advances but Jake had a long, rich history of women not wanting to fend off advances from him. I hated standing there out on the street, pondering whether Charlotte was going to be an exception or not.
When Jake's car finally came into view, I summoned all my self-control not to plant myself in front of them and smash Jake's headlights. I wasn't a particularly violent man, especially toward my best friend, but Jake was making an already bad situation with Charlotte so much worse. He knew right away that I wasn't particularly fond of him at that moment but it didn't stop him from trying to walk her up to her door. As if I would maul Charlotte on the street! Did he think I was some kind of rabid animal who would hurt her?
I nearly staggered to my knees with relief when Charlotte sighed and told Jake to go home. He should've gone home a long time ago because it wasn't any of his business—Charlotte wasn't any of his business. She was mine and I was about to remind her that before she turned to leave.
I ran after her as she strode to her door, clutching the take out bag, practicing a dozen lines in my head to find the one that would set things right. Frankly, I wasn't clear on what I did wrong exactly.
The party was a success, Charlotte did superbly in disarming everyone as I knew she would, and Simone seemed to be in a better disposition, hopefully finally putting the criticisms to rest after a show of our restored friendship.
But Charlotte was very angry at me about something and I wish I knew why so I could fix it and get it out of the way. All I wanted at that moment was to pick her up and dump her on the couch, take off her shoes and give her a foot rub and watch her sink her teeth happily into a cheeseburger.
None of that happened because she slammed the door shut on my face, leaving me to wonder why an evening of efforts at trying to make two women happy—one for not being with me and another for being with me, turned out to be such an awful, confusing mess with no answers.
I sat in my car outside of Charlotte's house, eating the cold fries and watching for her bedroom light to flicker off so I knew she was at least asleep. It never turned off though and I wondered if she stayed up as I did that night.
This could be nothing else but love, as my baby brother would say, but he's only ten and probably very wrong about this.
It didn't feel like love.
It felt like madness and there's nothing I can do about it.
- B
===
So, what do you think? A lot of people are quite unclear about Brandon's relationship with Simone after he started his fake-engagement with Charlotte and it'll be interesting to see what went through his mind during their first big fight coming up. He'd said some things there that made us all go 'WTF!' so we'll see.
Thanks again!
♪♪♪Journal Soundtrack: Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz ♪♪♪
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks ‒ they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And "kind and courteous" is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
'Cause here, here we are, here we are
Here we are [x7]