a/n - happy new year everyone! may the new year bring you good luck and new opportunities!
--
Eight Years Young
The first time they see him, he's grinning brightly up at a slightly larger kid, who does not look amused, and who has another kid behind him glaring as well. The little guy doesn't seem to be smiling like an idiot to purposely piss Unamused Guy off, he just seems to be...happy, and maybe a little stupid. Ryan stares silently and Spencer frowns and stops pushing Ryan on the swings.
"Don't you ever shut up?"
The smaller kid, with black hair curling a little around his ears and a purple hoodie about four sizes too big, tilts his head to the side, looking a little confused, then brightens and says, "Not really! I think talking is pretty fun!"
The bigger guy's friend snorts, and Unamused Guy mimics the kid's jubilant response. "Well I think you're pretty annoying!"
The kid's smile slips a bit. "Um."
"Um," the big guy parrots again, smirking at the small kid. "Oh - I'm sorry; do you want your mommy?"
"I -" the kid's lower lip is beginning to tremble, and Ryan feels Spencer shift a little behind him, feels him start to walk over before he even sees him.
"Are you gonna cry? Is the poor baby gonna cry?" the bigger kid taunts, and Ryan knows enough to think, even at his young age, that this guy is probably taking too much bullying advice from PG-rated movies.
Ryan's still sitting on the swings, watching Spencer walk slowly over, but as soon as the kid being messed with bites his bottom lip and scrunches up his forehead and Ryan's forced to think, he's actually going to cry, he's up and jogging after his best friend.
Spencer still gets there first, stands about an inch in front of the tiny kid and crosses his arms, smiling a little dangerously. "Problem?" he asks, raising that same eyebrow that first made Ryan want to be his friend, in a situation almost exactly like this one, two years ago. Ryan reaches them and stands on the kid's other side, looking a little bit like this is a huge bother for him, but still annoyed enough to be willing to fight.
The two boys are still bigger than all three of them, but Spencer's pretty strong for a seven-year-old, and they seem to be unwilling to fight if there's a chance of them losing. Cowards, Ryan thinks spitefully. Always picking on the little guy. He remembers being the little guy, before there was Spencer.
After the two larger boys roll their eyes like they're still big men and turn around and walk away, the kid throws himself into Spencer, wraps his arms around his neck like that monkey Spencer won Ryan at a carnival last year, and just breathes deep for a few seconds, muttering thank you over and over again.
When he pulls away shyly, the kid has turned a little pink, but he wraps himself around Ryan too. Ryan surprises himself by not flinching away, and when the kid lets go he has the left corner of his mouth quirked up.
"Hi! I'm Brendon!" Ryan looks from the kid, Brendon, to Spencer, sees the way Spencer's looking at the tiny kid, made even smaller by the huge hoodie, and remembers the way Spencer looked at him after saving him two years ago. He sighs, because he knows that they're stuck with this kid, now. Brendon.
--
Nine Years Young
Ryan sits attentively in art class, as usual. Brendon squirms restlessly next to him, scribbling something that looks like half-duck, and half-bicycle on his paper. The teacher drones on, as usual. The only thing that's not usual is that Spencer isn't on Ryan's other side today. Ryan figures he must be sick. Maybe he'll go visit him, in the afternoon.
He's kind of annoyed, though. Why does Spencer have to be sick? This is the only class they have together, and it's only once a week. Spencer and Brendon are in the grade below him, so they always see each other. All three of them have recess and lunch together too, so Ryan figures it's not so bad, but it's still aggravating that Spencer's not here.
"Mr. Urie." Brendon's head jerks up from his drawing, and he blinks wide, brown eyes up at the teacher. Ryan wonders how she manages to be immune to that. The teacher stares down her nose at them both, "Would you like to share what you're doing with the class?" The way she holds her hand makes it seem like there's no option for refusal. Brendon hands over the paper.
The teacher inspects it for a moment before showing it to the class with an over-exaggerated and slightly mocking flourish. "Brilliant!"
Brendon beams, not realizing she's making fun of him, and Ryan feels like hurting the teacher for the first time.
"What is it?" a girl a table over asks.
"A dog!" Brendon says.
He's still grinning, until someone from the back of the classroom says, "It looks more like a stupid bird to me." The smile slips slowly, and Brendon looks down at his desk. Ryan turns to glare at the general area the voice came from for a few seconds, then looks back at the teacher.
Spencer's not here to say anything, so the task falls to Ryan. "This is art class. What's the problem with drawing?" He stares at her challengingly, raising an eyebrow like he's just asking a question, and not simply defending his friend. He doesn't want to get in trouble, though. That wouldn't be good, so he's relieved when the teacher is forced to turn away to break up a brewing fight between two boys over a Pokemon card.
Ryan feels a hand slip into his under the table, and he turns to see Brendon watching him with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He returns it, and says, "That's the best dog I've ever seen." Brendon flushes a little with pride, his smile widening a little, and Ryan squeezes his hand.
--
Ten Years Young
Ryan throws himself at Spencer the minute he sees his best friend outside of his home. It's been an entire week since Ryan's dad decided to take him on a vacation, and five days since he's last seen Spencer - and Brendon, who's grinning excitedly behind Spencer. When he lets go of Spencer hugging Brendon isn't even optional, what with the way the boy jets at him.
"Hey, Bren," Ryan mumbles, and then pulls away, ignoring Brendon's confused look. Ryan's getting a little old for hugs - except for with Spencer, Spencer can always have hugs. His dad comes up behind him, not looming like he usually is, and Ryan turns and smiles, not forcing it like he usually is. "Can we go for a walk? I'll be back in like, fifteen minutes."
"Don't let it get dark." His dad goes inside.
They start walking, Spencer looking like he wants to say something every minute, but then deciding not to. It's Brendon, Brendon who never really worries about what he's saying, who asks, "So how was the trip?" The good thing about Brendon (who never really worries about what he's saying) is that he doesn't overanalyze things so much that he realizes it might be a bad question. Spencer, obviously assuming the answer would be no, hadn't known how to ask it.
"It was great," Ryan says, and Spencer looks kind of surprised. Brendon just lets out a happy noise. "It was - great. Better." His father hadn't gotten drunk, hadn't gotten mean, and had only yelled at him once or twice for silly things. It was better.
"Did -" Spencer starts and stops, and Ryan nearly rolls his eyes. He's saved from guessing by Brendon, once again.
"Did your dad have fun too?" Again, Brendon doesn't get what problems could arise from the question. Ryan is kind of grateful for that a ridiculous amount.
"He did. He was nice." Ryan's getting a little annoyed at Spencer's stupid shocked face. It's not like his dad doesn't know how to be nice. He just...hasn't bothered trying, in a while. "He helped me win a contest for this awesome remote control car."
Brendon's eyes widen. "Can I use it?"
"Yeah, after me." He would add "and Spencer" but he's pretty sure Brendon would get this wide-eyed, hurt look on his face like he always did when Ryan unknowingly said something that was mean. Besides, it's been long enough and they're all close enough that it's not even RyanandSpencer anymore, it's RyanandSpencerandBrendon.
Ryan tells them about the rest of the trip for the next ten minutes, while they make a couple rounds around the block. They show up at his doorstep again, and he's not finished with his tales, yet. "You guys want to sleep over?"
He knows it would be a smarter decision to ask his dad before putting the idea into his friends' heads, because now they're excited, although Spencer tries not to show it. Ryan thinks his father might say yes for once, because of how well their vacation trip went, and how much fun they have together.
When he walks into the kitchen and sees his father, beer already in hand, his smile automatically turns to a scowl. He doesn't even bother asking, just walks back outside to tell Spencer and Brendon it's a no.
Ryan thinks he should be a little relieved, because he really doesn't want Brendon to see how his dad is. Even though his dad would probably be on his best behavior if Brendon were to stay over, Ryan is pretty sure even his father's best is bad for most people. But really he's just disappointed that things seem to have gone back to normal.
--
Eleven Years Young
"Oh, yeah," Brendon mutters, moving with the PlayStation controller when he jerks it to the side. "Spencer Smith, I am going to make you my b-"
Spencer punches him in the arm to make him shut up, and it's not a moment too soon because his mom walks in a second later with three glasses of lemonade. Ryan and Brendon thank her, and Spencer asks, "Hey, can they sleep over tonight?"
Spencer's mom says yes, as long as their parents are okay with it. Brendon paused the game and goes into the kitchen to call home, and when he comes back and announces it's alright for him to stay; Ryan knows it's his turn. He shuffles a bit slowly into the kitchen, finds Spencer's mom reading the newspaper and sipping tea at the table, and he smiles weakly as he reaches for the phone. His dad doesn't like it when he sleeps over at Spencer's house. Ryan thinks his dad is afraid Ryan won't want to leave and come back home. It might be a reasonable fear to have.
Before Ryan's hand can close around the phone on the wall, Spencer's mom is next to him, taking it away from his reach. She says, "I'll call for you, if you like."
Ryan suddenly feels a bit like crying. He nods, afraid he'll sound choked if he speaks, and he bites his lip nervously while she dials, glances away when she smiles warmly at him. A minute later she hangs up and tells him, "He said it's alright. You can wear something of Spencer's to bed, honey."
**
"Spencer?" Ryan whispers that night, curling up a little further next to his best friend. "I wish your mom was my dad."
Spencer focuses his eyes somewhere around Ryan's nose in the dark and mumbles back, "Me too. Then we'd be like brothers, you know?" Ryan wants that to be true more than anything he's ever wanted in the world. Even a Xbox of his own.
"Awe, would you two shut up? I'm trying to sleep," Brendon grumbles from Spencer's other side. Then he sighs and says, "Besides, you guys already are brothers."
Ryan finds it easy to drift off, after that.
--
Twelve Years Young
Ryan is flipping through his book to find the page he was on - he never, ever bends the corners - and kicking his feet at the floor under the playground swing set, when a burst of dirt flies up in front of him. He holds his breath, closes his eyes, but not before he inhales a little and some stings at his lashes. He chokes and splutters for a moment, grimacing, and looks up to see a couple kids who look to be his age grinning in front of him.
"Sorry about that," the one in the front says, but he doesn't look sorry at all. In fact, he looks like he wants to laugh. Ryan doesn't find the situation amusing. "What are you reading?"
"Nothing you'd understand." Ryan doesn't mean it to come out the way it sounds, but honestly, this kid probably wouldn't understand what was going on in these poets minds when they wrote.
"You calling me dumb?" the kid glares down at him on the swings and Ryan raises an eyebrow in return.
"No. Just saying you probably wouldn't understand the book," Ryan replies.
"So, because I wouldn't understand your book, I'm dumb now, huh?"
Ryan stares at him for a moment with an are-you-an-idiot look on his face that increases in dagger-esque qualities with every passing moment. "I didn't call you anything. The fact that you think I am is practically you insulting yourself."
Ryan wasn't calling him dumb at first, but the kid obviously doesn't comprehend a single word Ryan just said. Ryan snorts and looks back down at his book, turning a page just as it's yanked out of his hands. He hears a tear, and gasps, a little embarrassingly, as if it's a piece of himself being ripped out, when he sees a single page fall to the ground. "Hey!"
"Oops, sorry. But, I couldn't have understood it anyway, right?" The kid tosses the book to one of his pals and picks the torn-out page off the playground floor. He laughs as he sees what's on it. "What is this - poems? Oh my god, that is so stupid!"
Brendon swoops in out of nowhere - seriously, he hadn't even come to the park with Ryan - and yanks the book out of the friend's hands. He bounces a few feet away and stands smirking, flipping idly at a yo-yo in the hand he's not carrying the poetry book in. He puts the yo-yo in his pocket after a few seconds and turns through some pages of the book. When he looks back up, he deadpans, "What can I say? Chicks dig poetry."
Ryan shakes his head with a small smile, and the kid who is still holding the ripped-out page of poetry says, "Real men don't read poems."
Ryan rolls his eyes and pushes off the swing, moving to stand next to Brendon. "It's a good thing I don't define who I am by what I read then, isn't it? According to you, people who don't understand poetry are dumb, as well. So by your own standards, all I have to say to that is: Enjoy your idiotic life." He yanks at Brendon's wrist and walks away while the younger boy snickers next to him.
"That was great." It was Ryan has to admit. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't define himself by what he read, though. He defines himself by how he acts when people like the boy next to him, and Spencer, are around. How he laughs, how he enjoys everything more around them. They're a part of who he is, and he hopes that never changes.
"Even though I don't read poetry either. So by your standards, I should enjoy my idiotic life," Brendon adds thoughtfully.
Ryan snorts, "I don't even think half of what I said back there made sense. I just knew he would look confused enough by it that it would be hilarious."
Neither of them realizes Ryan's hand is still latched around Brendon's wrist. "Oh, it was hilarious, Ryan Ross. It was," Brendon says dramatically.
--
Thirteen Years Young
Brendon likes Red Bull. He likes it a lot, and it somehow manages to make him even more hyper than he usually is, which Ryan would've thought was impossible, but no. Ryan sometimes curses the mere existence of Red Bull. He also curses the mere existence of Brendon's pouty bottom lip, because all Brendon ever has to do to get Spencer to buy him one or four cans is stick it out a little.
Today is such a day, but Brendon's twisted it up a little. Today, he challenges them both to a Red Bull-athon.
"No," Ryan says firmly, and doesn't look up from his book.
"Ry-an," Brendon says, but Ryan doesn't budge. Brendon lets out a sound that Ryan supposes would be accompanied by an eye roll, if he bothered looking up from page ninety-two. "Spencer?"
Dammit, Ryan thinks, because Brendon's using the voice, the voice that never fails to get him what he wants from Spencer, much to Ryan's annoyance. Then he thinks it may actually be fun to see Spencer get all hyped out and act crazy, for once.
"Sure, you're buying though." Ryan's assumption was correct that Spencer would agree, as always.
Brendon grins widely and bounces, blinking through his new red-rimmed glasses before running into the 7-11. He comes back out a minute later with a four-pack of Red Bull, and Ryan snatches them from him to put in the little bin on the back of his bicycle. He explains, "We're doing this at Spencer's place."
They're probably the least menacing biker gang to ever ride the planet, but that's mostly Brendon's fault. He's grown into that purple hoodie he wore when they first met, and it's old and worn now but he still wears it all the time, except for when he wears his pink one. So yeah, they'll never be called Hell's Angels or anything, but Ryan doesn't think they'd be known as biker dudes anyway considering their bikes don't have motors. Actually, Brendon's has sparkly tinseled handlebars and one of those light bulb-shaped things you're supposed to honk.
The worst thing is Brendon's not even ashamed of being a complete loser. It's the worst thing, or the most admirable, depending on how you look at it.
All three of them arrive at Spencer's a few minutes later, and they immediately proceed through the house and out the back door to sit at the picnic table in the back yard. Within seconds of sitting down, Brendon already has a can open and is handing it to Spencer and opening one for himself, before gesturing to carry on.
Spencer raises an uninterested eyebrow, and Brendon twitches his eye comically, like they always do in those old western films before a showdown. Ryan doesn't realize he's acting like this on purpose until Brendon smirks and twitches his hand where it's resting next to the first Red Bull.
"Ready - set - go!" Brendon's hand closes around the Red Bull and he lifts it to his lips while Ryan tries to pretend not to be amused. Spencer looks surprised, like Brendon didn't give him enough of a warning, then glares and whips the Red Bull up and gulps it down in one, two, three long swallows.
It takes Brendon a few more seconds to finish his off, and he looks smug until he sees that Spencer's already finished. "How did you -" He glares and reaches for Spencer's can, shakes it to see if it's really empty. It is. "I want a rematch!"
Ryan lets out a snort, and Brendon turns his glare onto him. "Unless you're challenging me, Ross?"
"Oh, no. I could never measure up to your champion Red Bull drinking skills. Especially since you so obviously just defeated Spencer."
Spencer lets out an amused giggle, sounding like maybe he's already feeling the effects, and hands Ryan a Red Bull, knowing that really, however much he protests, Ryan can't deny Brendon anything for too long either. Ryan lets out a long-suffering sigh, but pops the top on the can.
"Just you wait, Ross. You'll be my bitch after I win. Ready - set - go!"
Ryan, too, is able to chug the drink down before Brendon's probably even managed to gulp half. Brendon lets out a distressed cry when he lowers his drink to see Ryan's finished already. "How are you two doing this?! Do you have a lot of practice swallowing?!"
Spencer cracks up, and Ryan turns bright pink, trying not to cough up the little bit of Red Bull in him.
"What'd I say?" Brendon asks, tilting his head to the side.
"Oh, nothing of importance. You'll find out when you're older." Spencer reaches over to pat Brendon's messy head of hair, and Brendon scowls, looking more adorable than menacing.
--
Fourteen Years Young
"Ryan!" That's all the warning Ryan gets before he's slammed into from behind, and he stumbles a bit, and then whirls around to glare at Brendon, who's laughing with one foot on his skateboard and one planted on the ground.
"What the fuck, Brendon?" Ryan asks, shifting his backpack and glancing around at the bunches of students milling out from his high school as of one month. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to visit you!" Brendon announces brightly, and then tilts his head, his forehead crinkling. "Was that bad?"
Ryan wishes Brendon weren't so damn...hurt, when he felt hurt. It makes Ryan have a little trouble saying things that might hurt him. So he sighs and says, "No, it's cool."
Brendon licks his lips absentmindedly and says, "Oh my god, Ryan! Guess what I can do now! I've been practicing all week!"
Ryan's a little worried, because the last time Brendon said that he spent ten minutes afterwards trying to show Ryan how he could make a string of spit touch the ground and then slurp it back up. He never did succeed, and every time he screwed it up he'd say that the next time he'd get it right. Therefore, Ryan is a little hesitant when he says, "What is it?"
"Okay, okay, just watch, it's great," Brendon says, and then shoots off past Ryan on his skateboard, towards the staircase outside of school. By now most people have either already gone down it or are smart enough to get out of Brendon's way as he jets closer and closer to - his death! Ryan despairs dramatically, and runs after Brendon.
Brendon's got a head start, but Ryan still sees when he jumps into the air and the skateboard flips a few times before both it and Brendon land on the banister, skidding down it. Ryan reaches the top of the staircase just in time to see Brendon wobble near the end of his slide, and as the skateboard drops, Ryan's heart does too, a little. Brendon tumbles off the banister, landing on his front. He doesn't move.
Ryan feels frozen, until a few members of the crowd gasp, then he's running down the stairs, barely taking the care of not hurting himself, too, as he jumps a few at a time to reach Brendon. When he does, he drops to his knees roughly, wincing as they connect with the ground. He doesn't shake Brendon, because he knows if there's some sort of back or neck injury that could make things worse. "Brendon? Fuck, fuck!"
Ryan is pulling out his cell phone, getting ready to call an ambulance, when Brendon finally shifts and sits up, giggling. "That was great," he says, wincing a little when he brushes some dirt off his shoulder. "Wish I could've seen your face, though."
"You asshole!" Ryan yells, and if he's shaking a little and his eyes are wide and he's gone a bit pale, no one can blame him; one of his best friends could have just gotten seriously injured or, or died, and - he really wants to throw up, he can't handle this sort of thing, Brendon could have hit his head and never been able to speak again, or forgotten Ryan, or ceased to exist at all.
Brendon takes a good look at him, squints, and then his eyes widen and he says, "Hey - Ryan, I was just messing around, I didn't...I'm fine, see?" He flaps his arms a little, looking ridiculous, and Ryan closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head and hugs himself, swallowing against the pit of fear that had lodged itself in his throat the second he saw Brendon wobble on his skateboard, near the end of the banister.
Ryan keeps his eyes closed, because he's sure if he opens them everyone will see what he's never wanted them to, what he's never even wanted or let himself see. He keeps them tightly shut until he feels Brendon reaching around him with both arms, curling up close to his neck, and whispering, "Ryan, I'm fine, I'm okay, yeah? I won't do it again, I'm sorry."
Even then, Ryan only fists a hand in the back of Brendon's shirt, clinging tightly, and he ignores the jock's jeers around him in favor or keeping his eyes closed off to the world, so no one can see what he doesn't know himself.
--
Fifteen Years Young
"Who's that?" Brendon asks on his and Spencer's first day of high school, and Ryan's first day as a sophomore. Ryan looks to where Brendon jerks his head, and frowns.
"Rebeccah Stanton. She was in my bio class last year. Why?"
Brendon stares at her for a few seconds, before jerking his head sharply towards Ryan, eyes wide and serious, "She's pretty."
Spencer says, "Girls do tend to be that, sometimes."
"Shut up, Spencer, I'm serious." Brendon goes back to staring at Rebeccah Stanton. Ryan doesn't see what's so special about her. She's kind of plain, brown hair cut short in a graceful bob above her shoulders, brown eyes with maybe a few flecks of gold in them if you look hard. Cute little nose, though.
Ryan shrugs and turns back to his locker, shoving a book in roughly and earning a strange look from Spencer. "I don't see it."
Brendon looks away from Rebeccah Stanton for a minute to stare at him incredulously. "Are you kidding? She's perfect! She's like...perfect!"
Ryan slams his locker door shut and smirks. "You've always had a way with words." He starts walking away towards his first class, even though he promised Brendon he'd help him find his way around; Spencer already knew because he'd been to orientation.
"You've always had a way with my dick, Ross!" Brendon calls after him, and Ryan feels his cheeks burning when he turns around to glare, but Brendon and Spencer are already lost in the crowd that is high school. Ryan misses Brendon-before-8th-grade-health-class.
**
It's really just luck that gets them all the same lunch period on B-days. It is not luck, however, that makes Rebeccah Stanton also have the same lunch.
"I'm gonna ask her to marry me," Brendon announces, and Spencer spews chocolate milk out through his nose in his laughter.
"Have you ever even talked to her? You don't ask people to marry you who you've never even talked to!" Ryan protests.
"I don't have to talk to her! I've seen her talk! And I love her!" Brendon waggles his eyebrows, but it doesn't seem to be by choice. Those things have a mind of their own. Ryan doesn't respond, just scowls at his sloppy joe.
Ryan doesn't think Brendon's actually going to do anything, because Brendon can't be that stupid to draw attention to himself on his third week of high school. When Rebeccah Stanton walks past, however, Brendon stands up on his seat and announces loudly, "Rebeccah Stanton, will you marry me?"
The entire cafeteria falls silent, broken by a few giggles from idiotic girls who probably think its (insert love struck sigh) romantic. Rebeccah Stanton's cheeks turn a little bit rosy, and she looks to be fighting back a small smile. Ryan can maybe see a little why Brendon thinks she's pretty. She glances around at the surrounding tables and lets out a small, nervous-sounding giggle, and says, "I don't know about marriage. Maybe popcorn and a movie?"
Brendon fucking beams and Ryan feels his heart flip a little. "Yes!" Then he calls to the rest of the cafeteria, "She's going to marry me!"
Ryan puts his sloppy joe down, his appetite gone. It looked nasty anyway.
**
In the week since his marriage proposal to Rebeccah Stanton, Brendon's become a bit of a legend around campus. The Little Freshman That Could. Boys come to him to spew worshiping words of how they would never be brave enough to do that, and girls slip little notes into Ryan's locker (to give to Brendon) about how they wish they were the one. Ryan doesn't give them to Brendon. His head has gotten swollen enough already.
Brendon is enjoying the attention, of course, but since he's not willing to ditch Ryan and Spencer for his new clan of friends, he spends less and less time with Rebeccah Stanton. That's why it doesn't really shock Ryan when Brendon comes shuffling into the cafeteria two weeks after his infamous proposal, head bowed and not smiling like he usually does.
Brendon plops down into the seat next to Spencer, just drops, like he can't bother holding himself up anymore. He crosses his arms on the table and pushes his head down onto them, mumbles something inaudible.
"What?" Spencer asks.
Brendon lifts his head and says miserably, "Rebeccah was making out with Jerry Toolstinde in the bus lot after school yesterday. She broke up with me this morning."
Ryan feels a sort of sick sense of happiness. He's not proud of it, and he doesn't understand why it's even there, but it starts in his toes and moves upward until he can't help but smile.
Brendon glares at him. "What the hell is that face?"
"What? Oh - I was thinking about...cookies," Ryan says lamely, and the fight seems to drain out of Brendon as quickly as it came while he mumbles, "I like cookies..."
Rebeccah Stanton walks in a moment later hand-in-hand with Jerry Toolstinde, and even though Ryan's kind of disturbingly glad she and Brendon aren't together anymore, he still kind of wants to punch her and Jerry Toolstinde in the face for not having the class to not flaunt it in Brendon's face. Ryan doesn't seem to be the only one who feels this way; the majority of the freshmen in the cafeteria who knew/know of Brendon are glaring at her, and a few of the sophomores, too.
Brendon sees her a split-second after everyone else and by then everyone has turned to look at him for his reaction. To his credit, he holds his head high until Rebeccah Stanton and Jerry Toolstinde make their way into the line, until most people lose interest, before Ryan catches his eye and for a second a bit of pain replaces the look of stubborn pride.
Ryan finally understands why the most sadness had shown in Brendon's eyes after he and Brendon have parted ways with Spencer on the way to Ryan's locker. It's in the same hallway as Brendon's.
"I loved her," Brendon says, pouting at him when they finally reach Ryan's locker.
Ryan just "hmms", because he really doesn't think telling Brendon that he hadn't really loved her would be the best idea at the time.
"She was pretty awesome," Brendon continues, and Ryan tries not to smile at how Brendon's acting like Rebeccah Stanton died. "Reminded me of you a little, actually."
Ryan looks away from the inside of his locker at that. "She did?"
Brendon nods. "Well, she read books a lot. She liked poems. She was smart, good with words. And she was pretty girly," Brendon smirks.
"I am not girly!" It comes out a little less manlier than he would have preferred, and a few people glance over at him and Brendon. He feels his cheeks burning and turns back to his locker, then whispers again, "I am not girly."
"You kind of are, Ryan. Just - I mean, you're pretty."
Ryan's face heats up even more - from anger, he tells himself - and he says, "Shut up!" Brendon's smirk widens to a smile, the first Ryan's seen from him all day. He doesn't like when Brendon stops smiling, so he decides to forgive the "pretty" comment and he returns the smile. "Too bad I can't be your girlfriend."
"Yeah," Brendon says, and his grin turns into a thoughtful look, "too bad."
Ryan ignores the flip in his stomach - god, what is wrong with him today? It must be because he didn't eat lunch - and grabs the last book he'll need to get through the afternoon's classes. When he looks again, Brendon is kneeling on the ground, hands clasped together in front of his face like he's praying. "Ryan Ross, be my new girlfriend. We could lie in fields and watch the clouds and point out which ones look like Disney characters. I'd start a grass-war and at the end I'd let you win just so I'd have to be the one to pick all the little grass pieces out of your luscious locks. And then we'd lock eyes and it would feel so mesmerizing that neither of us could quite help the way we leaned in for that perfect, passionate-"
Ryan shoves at his shoulder, and Brendon falls back onto the floor, giggling. It's not funny though, not to Ryan. There are people watching, and even more girls cooing at how romantic Brendon is even if he's only messing around. Ryan hisses, "God, Brendon. What the hell is your problem?"
Brendon gives him a small, confused smile from the floor. "Relax, Ryan. I was just kidding."
Ryan zips up his backpack, turns on his heel and walks away before he can say something stupid like, "I wish you weren't." It isn't until he actually has this thought that he realizes he's completely fucked.
--
Sixteen Years Young
Spencer's got a crush. Ryan can see it in his face the moment he watches Spencer's eyes widen while looking at the new senior on the first day of Spencer and Brendon's sophomore year.
Brendon nudges Ryan in his side and says, "Spencer's got a crush!" Ryan turns to him, a little surprised. Ryan sometimes forgets Brendon knows Spencer almost as well as he himself does.
Spencer snaps, "I do not," but he's blushing and he hasn't even bothered looking away from the new kid. Brendon rolls his eyes and moves to pass Spencer, who grabs at his arm but misses. Brendon bounds up to the new kid, eyes bright and wide.
"Hi! I'm Brendon Urie, and you are new!" Brendon shoves his hand nearly into the new guy's face for shaking, and Ryan sighs while Spencer buries his face in his hands in embarrassment.
The new guy just chuckles a little, and Spencer looks back up to the scene ten feet away. Ryan smirks. Brendon's hand is waving a little, and after a second the new guy takes it, and smiles a smile that Ryan thinks probably melts Spencer a little. The new guy agrees with Brendon, "I am new. But mostly people just call me Jon Walker."
"Jon Walker." A thoughtful look crosses Brendon's features for a moment, and he exclaims, "I like it! You are going to be my new best friend, okay? Well, my new other best friend, because we don't want Ryan and Spencer getting all possessive of me." Brendon rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, like "oh, those silly boys," before gesturing backwards for Ryan and Spencer to come over, and Ryan has to drag Spencer a little.
"Ryan Ross," Ryan says, and shakes Jon's hand as well, but without waving it in his face beforehand because, unlike Brendon, Ryan is not certifiably insane.
"Awesome, alliteration," Jon says, and Brendon looks a little dreamy.
"You're perfect," he says. Ryan rolls his eyes again. Brendon's such a little fangirl. Just because Brendon said the exact same thing about alliteration (well, alliletation, but he was eight years old at the time) after finding out Ryan and Spencer's full names.
Jon looks at Spencer expectantly, but when Spencer just stares back he questions, "So you must be Spencer, right?"
Spencer looks a little bit like a fish. "I might - I might be?"
"He definitely is Spencer. Spencer Smith, more alliteration," Brendon confirms, then says, "RR and SS. Their initials are right next to each other's in the alphabet, woah. That might mean they were soul mates if you weren't already Spencer's, Jon Walker."
Spencer turns crimson and hisses, "Brendon!"
"That's cool with me," Jon says, still smiling, and Spencer looks like he's just about ready to die.
"It'd kind of suck if Spencer was Ryan's soul mate," Brendon considers with a thoughtful look, "since Ryan's mine."
Ryan wonders how many times it's possible to roll your eyes before they're stuck rolling around their sockets for the rest of your life. Even rolling his eyes can't stop the little bit of pink that flushes across his cheeks, though. "I don't have a soul mate," Ryan says, and ignores it when Brendon looks kind of hurt. Brendon's a good actor; he's probably just messing around anyway.
--
A week later, Ryan answers his phone to a nearly-hyperventilating Spencer in his ear.
"Oh my god, Ryan, you should have been there except I'm kind of glad you weren't because that might be awkward, but he said, "Do you want to get some coffee?" and then he sort of shuffled and he fucking turned red, he's so cool, I didn't even know he could blush, and holy shit!"
"What? Who? When? What?" Ryan's really kind of confused; Spencer never gets this excited about anything.
"Jon. As in Jon." Spencer sounds a bit breathless with excitement, and Ryan feels a sharp pang of bitterness inside him.
"That's great, Spencer," Ryan says into the phone, the scowl apparent in his voice, and Spencer goes silent on the other line. Ryan doesn't feel as bad as he probably should for ruining his best friend's high.
"You don't get to wish it was you, Ryan. Not when it could be if you let it," Spencer says quietly.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Brendon wasn't joking when he said you were his whatever, his soul mate," Spencer replies, and Ryan can practically see him waving a hand around while searching for the words.
"That's just Brendon. He always says things like that. He says them to everyone, and he's always joking."
"Not with you."
Ryan doesn't really know what to say to that. Especially because he doesn't really believe it. "He calls you his secret lover, Spence! It doesn't actually mean anything."
"He's never called me his soul mate."
"Maybe because you're not." It takes Ryan a second to realize what he's just said, and how it contradicts every single other thing he's said thus far. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." Spencer snickers a little on the other line. "You're a fucking idiot, Ryan, oh my God."
"I know." Ryan kind of wants to punch himself in the head. He's always prided himself on knowing Spencer and Brendon to the deepest depths of their souls, how the fuck could he have missed something of this magnitude? "I gotta - Spence, I gotta go."
"I know," Spencer says, and they both hang up. Ryan doesn't put the phone down, however. He dials Brendon's cell number and gets voicemail. After leaving what he wishes were a deceptively calm message but actually was probably more nervous and desperate and scared sounding, he pulls on a light jacket and sets off on foot to the park - their park.
He's sitting on the swings, pushing roughly off the ground when a panting Brendon shows up directly in front of him. And - Brendon is the biggest fucking idiot in the world, he doesn't even realize how far Ryan's got in the air and that Ryan won't be able to stop until Ryan's plowed into him on the swings. Ryan flies off as well, and they both land on the ground, Brendon letting out a whoosh of air when Ryan's elbow connects with his stomach.
"Ow, fuck!" Brendon whimpers.
"It was your fault, you jackass!" This was not how it was supposed to be going, so Ryan stands up, winces when his back crackles a little, and pulls Brendon to his feet. He can't resist brushing off a little dirt on Brendon's shoulder, and he says softly, "Sorry."
Brendon gives him an unreadable look, and then seems to remember something. "Are you okay? You sounded freaked out on the phone, I ran all the way here when I got your message!"
"Um. I'm fine; I just wanted to...talk."
"That sounds scary. Ryan Ross, are you breaking up with me?" Brendon smirks a little, and Ryan scoffs and sighs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
"No, actually, kind of...the opposite." Ryan bites his lip a little, waiting for Brendon's response. It comes after a few seconds of Brendon searching Ryan's face, in the form of a tiny gasp and a squeaked, "Really?!"
Ryan doesn't even have time to nod before Brendon tries to kiss him. Tries, being the operating word. Instead of an actual kiss, he gets the angle all wrong and their noses crash together. Ryan jerks back, raising a hand and rubbing at his now-throbbing nose. "Dammit, Brendon!"
Brendon flinches a little, draws away, and says, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
Ryan's hand drops to his side, and he sighs. "Okay, so that didn't work."
Brendon's eyes widen, and he says quickly, "No, no, I'll try harder, it was an accident!"
Ryan raises his eyebrows, and then understands. Brendon had thought he was saying nothing was going to work. He nearly laughs. "I meant that it didn't work, this one time."
A look of relief passes across Brendon's face, and he ducks his head in a shy way that Ryan has never seen before, but kind of loves an insane amount. "Does that mean you want to try again?"
Ryan doesn't answer, just leans back in.
--