The following month goes by in blur of avoiding Aiden and kissing Logan.
After Quinn's confession, I felt I had to keep my distance with Aiden. He liked me and it was evident in class. He gave me longing looks during work time, drew pictures of me in his notebook, and tried to get my attention.
I went as far as asking to transfer classes. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it because I didn't have a good reason, but I did get to switch seats in every class I sat close to him in.
While doing this, Logan is totally oblivious. He grins at my presence and glares daggers at Aiden in the hallway.
Should I feel like a slut?
For not telling Logan? For not confronting Aiden? For avoiding my problems? For not expressing them to anyone? God, it was so confusing.
When did life get so complicated?
"Dude, dude, dude!"
I snapped out of my daze and turned my attention to my lab partner - Miranda Edwards.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah?"
"You spilled water, mind cleaning it up?" She pointed to the water sprayed all over the lab table.
"Miranda, you spilled that." I pointed out.
She gasped in faux surprise, "Did not!"
"Did too," I frown. "You will not place the blame on me!"
"Girls," Mr. Edwards rushes over. "What is going on?"
"Hazel spilled water and is trying to blame it on me." Miranda whines, even adding a pout. The conniving devil!
"Hazel if you made a mess, it's no big deal. No one's gonna hurt you." Mr. Edwards said sternly like he was talking to a child.
I sigh in aggravation, hop off my stool, and stomp over to the paper towels.
"Thanks Haze!" Miranda smiled sweetly.
I came back over and clean up Miranda's mess. When I'm done, Miranda yanks my arm with a squeal - an annoying habit I've learned to deal with.
"Look!"
I look up to see Aiden rush in. Guilt twisted painfully in my stomach at the sight of him talking to Mr. Edwards.
"What about him?" I asked coldly.
"Damn, did he tick you off too?"
I ignore the jab. "Since when did you squeal over him?"
"Since I saw the light," Her eyes cloud over and she smiles big.
Oh god. The growing urge to strangle Miranda and slap her was almost unbearable. Not because I was jealous. Hell no! Because if they started dating, I'd have to put up with him even more.
"It's too bad he thinks I hate him."
Then, my senses perked up. That's right... He likes someone else - that someone being me.
God, I sounded like a bitch, but Miranda deserved so much better. At least, that was what my brain was telling me.
"He's a jerk."
Miranda shrugs and goes back to doing the project.
I watch Aiden nervously fiddle with his fingers while talking to Mr. E. Why was he here? Even his presence annoyed me.
Although, deep, deep, deep down, I knew a part of me couldn't let him go so easily. Even if I loved Logan, Aiden would always be the cute boy who noticed me.
December
As winter rolled around, so did my birthday. After my sweet sixteen was a bust, I didn't make a big deal about it. Neither did my family. Ever since we all aged thirteen, you got a cake and a few presents if you were lucky.
I woke up two mornings before my birthday to a text from Logan.
My heart races at all his morning text. Even though he used horrible grammar, I still get tingles on every word.
'Mornin baeutiful ! a lil birdy told me ur bday is in 2 days!! how cum im the only 1 who didnt no this?'
I grin stupidly at my screen for two minutes straight. Could he be any more perfect?
'Aha, yesh! Who told you?'
'Ur bros , miranda & fb :)'
'Have I ever told you you're the best bf ever?'
'No. but its not too late !'
'You're the best boyfriend ever! :)'
'& ur the best gf ever. gtg byeeeee!'
'Bye!'
My fingers lingered over the 'I' in question. There was no way I could tell Logan I loved him. He'd freak out. I wanted to so bad! What was the problem? It seemed evident that he loved me too...
I groan in frustration and stuff my phone back in the back pocket of my jeans.
I refused to cloud my mind with questions. It was better to have a moment with him than a moment with myself, I thought while shoving my arms through my coat.
"Hazel!" Carly screamed.
I run down the stairs with one shoe on and the other dangling in my hand. "What? What's wrong?!"
Carly leaned against the front door with an annoyed expression. "Come on."
I pinch my wrist to keep myself from having a spaz attack. "You almost gave me a heart attack." I puffed.
"Well if you want to walk in the snow, suit yourself."
"Snow?" my eyes go wide at the realization.
"Snow, yes." Carly opens the door to a sheet of snow laying in our grass and coating everything.
"Wow." I smile wide and join my sister in the bug.
"What?" Carly turns on the car and pushes up the glasses on her face. "Oh I forgot you've never seen snow before." She chuckles humorlessly.
Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in her head.
My day goes as usual. I avoid Aiden, I listen to Miranda fawn over him, Logan and I share lots of kisses, and then lunch.
I'm giving Logan 'guy time' during lunch to mostly avoid accidentally telling him I loved him. Instead, I keep Miranda company and listen to her blab about my birthday.
"It really sucks I can't throw you a party."
"Yeah." I honestly didn't know how to answer to that. I definitely wasn't going to suggest her to come over. Miranda is cool and all, but she talked about Aiden too much.
I found out he has lucky green underwear, once used self-tanner, and he has a bad habit of chewing his erasers when he's nervous through Miranda.
"Don't worry." Miranda shoves the last of her turkey burger in her mouth and talks with her mouth full. "We'll do something."
She gets up from the table to throw away her tray, leaving me all alone to think.
I wasn't planning on worrying.
The rest of my day is boring and ends with Carly picking me up and dropping me off.
"I have a semester final so be good." She warns me before driving away.
Lately, after it actually set in that I had a boyfriend, Carly has been cutting off my time with him. I think it finally set in that her little sister finally has a boyfriend while she's still boyfriend-less.
When she comes back home later, I confront her.
"Are you okay?"
"When am I not?" She snorts. All the time.
"It's just, I feel like you're not comfortable with me dating boys."
"What am I, your mom?" Carly asked incredulously. "I don't care."
It was evident that Carly was uncomfortable with me fishing into her locked set of mind - her emotions.
Something her past boyfriends have done, have taken away Carly's trust. She doesn't trust anyone. Why do you think she's always so cranky?
I frown at her. "Tell me how you feel."
Carly winces and pain writes itself on her face.
Her silence makes me feel disappointed that she wouldn't open up to me. It was just me and her. Zach and Evan went clubbing with their friends and Mom went to the grocery store for dinner items.
"I'm not okay."
"Why?"
"Your boyfriend..." She frowns and looks me in the eye. "...Logan reminds me of my ex."
I stay silent.
She looks away and says again, "Before you get offended, I have to tell you what Eric did to me."
I lean in close, intrigued by the secrets Carly was about to spill.
"He took my virginity."
I gasp. Carly nods wordlessly.
"The next morning he told me to my face that I was worthless, ugly, and just a bet. He hit me, Hazel."
Tears threaten to blur my vision. What kind of person could do such a thing?
"Hazel, Mom hid you from life, a lot. Boys will do horrible things to you and can get away with it. There's these types of guys who you'll fall in love with, and then they leave you when they've gotten what they wanted."
That I could understand - sort of.
"I know you're only sixteen, but it might happen to you. Boys t-take your trust a-and crush it." Carly starts to cry, which shatters my heart.
Carly is a strong girl. She didn't cry. She didn't deserve to cry.
I wrap my sister in a hug, bury my face in her shoulders, and cry with her.
We stay in that embrace for what seems like a lifetime. It's not till Mom opens the door to her crying daughters with red eyes and snot running down their noses, that we pull away.
"What did I miss?" She asked in bewilderment.
Carly and I both laugh it off.
That night, the three of us eat spaghetti, talking animatedly. Carly and I formed a closer bond and sat closer together at the round table.
Mom gives us a quizzical look. "So what was that about?"
Carly and I share a trusting look. "I'll tell you one-on-one after dinner, Ma." Carly says.
Mom raises an eyebrow in surprise, but smiles nonetheless. Carly was finally opening up to us. And all it took was a question.
On my way upstairs, Carly stops me on the stairs, "Yeah?"
"When I said Logan reminded me of Eric, I meant to say be careful with Logan." Carly smiled softly. "Good looks can get you far."
I knew Carly meant well, so I nod. I go into my room, deleting that statement from my mind.
I loved Logan too much to think like that. Thinking like that was like mentally hating Logan. And I refused to do so. Logan loved me; rather he said it yet or not.
And I loved Logan with all my heart.