A man staring blankly as like a lifeless zombie.
Perhaps even more so than a zombie;
for zombies at least live to satisfy hunger for brains.
Its a pain you see, among different kinds of pain.
The pain of regret.
"Omnes Est Vanitas" such is the Latin that stands for "All is Vanity".
Surely that was what I am, shortly after my unfortunate death.
If I had to describe it frankly,
it was... ominously equal.
Whether you were the rich or poor,
young or old,
wise or even a fool,
in the end is it not just all the same?
Death greets all equal.
Life is a short journey and full of regrets.
And till the end of it, ain't just all matters vain?
"The graveyard is the richest place on earth,
because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled,
the books that were never written,
the songs that were never sung,
the inventions that were never shared,
the cures that were never discovered,
all because someone was too afraid to take that first step,
keep with the problem,
or determined to carry out their dream."
─Les Brown
The ignorance of the blessed & the regret of the cursed.
I once had a respectable job, CEO of development in Yamasa; a chemical manufacturing company.
Well though none of it matters any more since...
But till then, mind staying around hearing my story?
...whilst it last?
My childhood was a distant tragedy.
Raised from only by my single mother;
my father has left her behind,
a stable income a mere pipe dream.
Not much is needed for an explanation.
Strangely however,I did never resented my father.
Though perhaps because I never known him well.
How can you come to hate someone you barely knew?
He was akin to a stranger,
I never knew him.
Some might disagree but I oppose.
I was not obliged to him,
therefore neither was him unto me.
Other than the fact he was my biological father,
we had nothing that could bridge.
In a very young age I was very studious & pragmatic.
Study & work.
Work & more studying.
That was my burden from a young age.
My ambition that reached the ceiling.
To fulfill a role in society so that I may repay my debts to my mother.
I vowed that we would never be poor again.
The impression of my mother for a good and old age came to mind.
Most students my age were preoccupied with worthless things that didn't matter;
I often scoffed at them.
While they were enjoying their time; partying, adventuring, finding love.
I focused on competing for the top rankings while holding a part time job.
Assuming that within with my tireless efforts, that I may delight in my success.
Though known throughout my life as a branded introvert, I was recognized as a valuable honor student.
Peers seek out to me regardless of intention, and I would be inclined to consider that a plus.
Being needed and being wanted is close enough, I did delight in being needed.
Quickly after my graduation, I was hired to a cooperation, where there I work till the dawn of my life subsequently.
Monotonous...
One day there came great grief regrettably, mother passed away before I could made any honorable position.
Or that was what my naive thoughts first wandered until...
"Before I die.
I wish you to have a good wife,
I wish you to have children,
I wish you to be happy.
Is this too selfish of me to ask for my son?"
That was instant.
I lament to failed repaying her.
Least I held her hand till the end.
Could've made her proud...
Her only boy is an honorable man now.
But I never did fulfil her wish then.
Life continued on by; regardless how much you wish it to last.
By then the funeral was long past.
Left with my own devices, I held still true to my only past principal, to work hard to obtain a fulfilling life.
What's fulfilling?
Maybe because I was considered a inspiration or an fine role model, as I was cared & worked on notably by my seniors and juniors in return.
But this was not fulfilling to say.
Work hard for the company & never letting anything go any less then perfect.
Hard working, complexity, formalities, service, perfection, unending, relentless, rest unheard of.
With great ambition & will, I chased perfection relentlessly to achieve every promotion, ruthlessly stomping & ignoring things that stands in my way, that's where I placed my worthless pride.
Not so much as money concerned, end of the year bonuses are a great measure stick for the competition.
While years passed by, little by little so did I climbed up to the upper echelon.
And eventually before I knew it my comrades had already gave a bottle of sake; to celebrate my 60th year birthday.
I am already at the submit now & what did I gained from it?
Nothing.
Just an empty void that awaits me.
Looking straight through me.
Mother had already passed on,I have no family to speak of.
Who knows where father is; I hope he might have had a proper burial done for him as well.
Having no heir to pass on; I've passed my blossom age, I'm already a CEO; any further and it would be a miracle.
And all my subordinates?
They all are probably many generations younger.
They all could be my sons ─some even my grand sons.
No beating around the bush, I know reality.
It's basically a matter of time before I'm replaced by a younger candidate & off to retirement I go.
Takashi the bold...
Takashi the old...
Takashi the saddest man in a coffin cold...
My wander in imagination land has abruptly halted.
I should stop day dreaming, I might turn to become patient zero of a zombie outbreak.
Looking down to resume my work; what was I planning to do?
An another endless night; rechecking an employee's documents & reports.
As if this day was like any other.
Till little do I know.
The lights went out.
Was it a black out?
Did someone kill the lights?
May that be unusual...
Did a earthquake hit a power plant?
I attempted to search my pocket.
Standing up I to check for my smartphone.
Except it wasn't there.
???
In fact nothing really was there, my shirt, the wall, the ceiling, and even the night sky that pierce from the glass window was pitch black...
My body?
Where am I?
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By:
J.J. Kusuma
First Published in 2017/12/27
Second Remastered in 2023/11/1
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