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Jack: Saturday, 18 June
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Sometimes I really do think I'm an asshole. Not as much as Videl, but an asshole nonetheless. I left Mark in a coffee shop yesterday probably confused and more importantly: upset. I had to do something to make up for it, or at the very least make sure that I didn't scare him off.
I didn't mean to be so harsh, I simply didn't want to commit to anything. More than anything, I was afraid of making myself vulnerable to him again.
So, I decided to ask if he wanted to go out for a drink.
To which he agreed.
I met him at a bar -- not the one I worked at -- and he was dressed in a way I wasn't really expecting. He had on a black button-up shirt and a pair of blue jeans and a loosened red tie. His hair was slicked back more than normal and he flashed me a smile.
"You make me look bad," I chuckled as we sat at the bat together.
He shrugged. "I had a meeting earlier today, so I dressed up."
I did not mind it one bit.
I watched Mark roll up the sleeves of his shirt as two beers were slid in front of us. We clinked them together, and I took a sip of the drink. I assumed Mark did too, he was all smiles at the moment, and I was surprised that he was so easily navigating everything.
"Hey," I said and grabbed his attention. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to come off as harsh as I did. I had no intentions of hurting your feelings whatsoever."
"Oh no, it's fine," Mark nodded. "I-I get it." Then we sat in silence until Mark spoke again. "How's work?"
I shrugged. "Easy. I mostly just flirt with bar patrons until they buy me expensive drinks. Every time someone buys me a drink I get a cut of it."
"You must have to have a lot of people buy drinks for you in order to make any sort of money."
"I don't know, it seems for the most part I make the same amount every week. I think there's something else to it," I said. "Why were you in there in the first place?"
"My coworkers like that bar," Mark explained. "I mean, you're right when you say it's expensive. Apparently they think everything is really high quality. For the most part though I think they're there for the.. uh.. entertainment."
"Hale is good at what he does." I chuckled and Mark went wide eyed. "I mean, he makes a lot of money. He's always showing me all the tips he gets. It's kinda weird."
"What is?"
"Well," I breathed. "Everyone there is more fit, better looking, more confident. They all seem like registered sex gods, and yet there I am. Looking like a thumb."
"You don't look like a thumb." Mark laughed. "You're pretty cute."
"Yeah, 'pretty cute,' doesn't make you money in this kind of work." I sighed. "They all radiate sex, and I look like a.. A gamer who lives in their ma's house still." The thought made Mark chuckle a little bit. "And like I drink a lot of alcohol and eat a lot of high calorie food."
"I mean, isn't that what you do?" Mark asked.
"Well yes, but so do they and they all look great."
"Do you know why that is?" Mark asked.
"I don't know."
"Cause they work out," Mark laughed. "If you want to be in shape you have to put in the effort." Before I could answer though, Mark continued. "I like you the way you are though."
"You're biased."
"No, I just know my type." Mark said. "I'm sure that's how you got a job in the first place. Cause you're different looking than the rest of them. You add variety and some men really like that. They want a bottom, you know?"
"I-I am not a --"
"Yeah sure, go ahead and tell yourself that." Mark laughed. I felt my face turn a bright red and I hated this feeling that Mark pulled out of me. He had this.. way with me. To make all of my confidence disappear and to remain as nothing more than a very awkward and shy boy which was not a good description for me at all.
Something about it though was.. So nice. So familiar and so comforting.
I looked down at my beer and let out a sigh.
What a life a lived..
I was an outcast from my family, I had no close friends anymore and here I was, sitting beside my ex as if nothing had changed in the first place. My name had been raked through the mud and I know I would never be able to get an actual good job, and I know that it will only become a worse job the longer I'm involved with it, I mean, look at the obscenities my coworkers go through.
Knowing that I would never have the life I wanted, well that kind of sucked. And yet, I was sitting right beside the man who had ruined it all for me. Why would I think that was a good idea? Well, because even after everything he was the only one who still wanted me. He was the only thing from my past life that was both good and was left. I had no idea how to react to that knowledge.
"Jack?" Mark spoke up, "You've been quiet for a while. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it is." I said before turning to the bartender and ordering a shot. He smiled kindly at me before pouring it and placing the glass down in front of me. "I guess I'm just thinking is all."
"Well, there's not a reason for you to not tell me, is there?"
"I don't know if there's a reason for e to be thinking about it at all." I shrugged.
"I'm sorry," Mark said and the apology stunned me a little.
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
Mark looked down at his glass and shook his head. Maybe he was feeling the same kind of confliction that I was. The confliction that even though we both had some deep feelings for one another, there was an underlying fear that came with it. That it could end in disaster once more and then where would we be?
"Mark?"
"Hm?"
"I have a question."
"Go for it."
I took a deep breath. "All this time, when you were trying for me again and what not, giving it this shot," I began. "Are you ever.. Afraid of anything?"
"Anything like what? Like you cheating on me again?" Mark asked. I nodded my head.
"No," he shook his head before giving a sad smile. "No, I think I would deserve something like that. Besides, you never really struck me as the cheating type, it was just so.. sudden and I don't think it's something you take enjoyment out of."
"What about that thing that happened with Emily?" I asked.
"Mm, the bet, is that what you're talking about?" Mark asked.
"Yeah."
"No, I'm not really worried about that either." Mark shrugged. "I don't know, so much of you is the same and yet, so much of you is so different. So much more rugged, matured, almost as if you lost part of yourself when I.. When I revealed everything."
I nodded my head slowly.
"I think that it's on me to make things right," Mark said. "And I know I've certainly paid the price for it."
"Why do you say that?"
"Besides losing you? I have to move a lot, it feels like I'll only be living in a place for a short period of time before someone finds my address and begins sending me death threats again." Mark said before letting out a sigh. "I don't know, part of me really needs to go somewhere where no one knows me, you know?"
"Trust me," I sighed. "I know."
"Why did we ever stay here?" We both said at the same time before laughing.
"There's no reason to it, right?" Mark laughed. "I mean, nothing ties us here."
"No, but we both stayed here this whole time." I said. "It hasn't been that long but it's been long enough for sure."
Mark smiled and contemplated it. "Yeah, that's weird."
We continued to drink in a thoughtful silence every now and again talking a little, and I never even once thought about how much I was drinking until I said I had to go to the bathroom and almost fell when I stood up. The only thing keeping me up being Mark.
"Easy there," Mark laughed. "Do you want me to walk with you?"
I was a giggling mess, "That'd be much appreciated." I watched Mark throw a few bills on the counter before leading me into the bathroom. My wobbly self managed to urinate successfully, and when I got out Mark practically washed my hands for me before guiding me towards the exit.
"How much did I drink?" I laughed as I walked alongside Mark.
"I don't know, enough." Mark smiled. "Come on, I can drive you home."
"You can't drive!" I gasped. "You drank too!"
"I'm fine, just trust me on this one." Mark said. I didn't put up much of a fight, and we eventually got to my home before Mark attempted to guide me up the stairs and into my house.
I giggled, "Come in! Come in! Don't be shy!"
"Oh are you --"
I dragged him by his wrist and nearly tripped over the door frame if Mark didn't catch me. I guess the house was mostly emptied since everyone liked to work Saturdays. After all, idiots like me were out there getting wasted.
"Where's your room?" Mark asked me.
"Well I'll show you!" I replied with a laugh and tugged him up the stairs. I probably tripped about three times, but Mark was holding to me by my waist in an attempt to straighten me out. We got in my room eventually and I immediately thought to push Mark up against the door.
"What are you doing, Jack?" He asked in a playful yet unsure tone.
"I want to kiss you, silly." I giggled and when I leaned forward, Mark pushed me back.
"You need to go to bed."
"Bed with you?"
"No, Jack, I'm gonna go ho --"
"No stay," I whined. "Come on."
Mark looked me up and down before sighing and following me over to the bed, I was a laughing mess and I immediately slid my pants down. Mark averted his gaze and let out a sigh. "You need to put your pants on."
"I can't sleep in jeans!" I huffed.
Mark dug around and gave me a pair of sweatpants before I plopped down on the bed. I guess he had a shirt underneath his button up, cause he slid it off and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Why don't you want to kiss me?" I asked and Mark turned his head to me, I could barely make out his features in the dim light.
"You don't want that, Jack. You're very drunk." He said.
"How come you're not drunk, you had just as much as I did!" I huffed.
Mark smiled a little, "No I didn't," he replied. "I didn't have a single sip."
"What?" I gasped. "Why not?"
"I can't drink alcohol, we can talk about it another time." Mark said as he pulled the blanket over me.
"Okay." I said quietly. "You can lay down too, it's a big bed."
Mark thought about it for a moment before laying down underneath the covers. The moment he did, I scooted very close to him. "Hi Mark." I giggled.
"Hi Jack." He looked like he was trying to suppress a smile but couldn't. "Go to sleep, you're gonna feel awful in the morning but it's what's best right now."
"Okay." I said.
I closed my eyes, but the moment it was completely silent in the room, I started giggling. "What is it?" Mark asked.
"It's funny." Was all I said before closing my eyes again and repeating my previous comical event.
"Jack." Mark sighed. "Come on, go to sleep."
Mark rolled over onto his side, and I climbed over onto him, my limbs practically everywhere. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"What are you doing?" I asked back.
Mark laughed and shook his head. "Why are you climbing all over me?"
"What are you doing?" I repeated.
"I'm going to sleep." Mark said, he rolled over and I fell beside him.
"Oof," I said before gathering myself and climbing back onto Mark, only this time it was more like I was straddling him.
"What are you doing, Jack?" Mark asked.
"You ask too many questions." I huffed and laid my head down on his chest. "You need to be quiet so you can sleep!"
Having my head on Mark's chest, I could hear his laugh deep inside of him and hear him say, "Alright, I'm going to sleep."
I giggled a little, "Goodnight Marky."
And I vaguely remember Mark saying goodnight back to me.
AN:
Wattpad is being a shiiiiit.
Also my feet are coooold
I went back into The Flirt to remember whether or not Mark and Jack actually had sex (they did I'm pretty sure) and I like see all of my author's notes and I'm like wtf was I thinking about. And I legit wrote for one of them: "What a fuckboy amiright?" And legit in this book I wrote "What a fuckboy amiright?" For another author's note so I've determined that Jack is actually the biggest fuckboy on the face of the planet.
Rinny