Riley
"Johnson Parker is an idiot," Madison says as she hands me a glass of lemonade. She sits opposite me on her bed and takes a sip of her glass before setting it down. "He doesn't deserve you."
"It's my stupid dad's fault," I say. "He scared him off."
"I mean, what your dad did was totally crazy but if Johnson can't separate you from your dad then he's an idiot. And we've established that he's an idiot."
I sigh and lean my head against the wall. "I hate my life."
"Oh, shut up. You're beautiful, smart, artistic, and funny. You don't need stupid boys to value you to be valuable."
I give her a small smile. "Thanks."
"I have good news." Madison tucks her legs underneath her. "Sophie texted me."
My eyebrows raise. "Oh really? What did she say?"
"'What's up?'"
"What's up?" I repeat. "That's it?"
"Bro, she's the fittest girl in school and she texted me. I wouldn't care if she texted me a smiley face. She's keen."
Madison came out to me as bisexual when we were 15. It's one of the most intimate things to happen in a friendship, and it really strengthened our relationship. She cried a lot, and then I cried, and then we both asked ourselves why we were actually crying. Her parents still didn't know, which I knew was difficult for her. They were pretty conservative and she was scared to tell them which meant she couldn't really be herself. She struggled a lot.
At school she was a completely different person. She was confident, funny, loud, and she knew how to get girls' attention. Even if they were straight as a ruler, Madison could turn them.
Madison's philosophy was that "everyone is a little gay." She constantly teased me for my heterosexuality and tried to bring out "my inner gay." It hadn't happened yet, but she was sure it was going to.
"Are you going to ask her out?" I ask.
"Already have." She smiles proudly. "We're going out next Tuesday."
I smack her arm. "That's great! So, she's gay?"
Madison winks. "After Tuesday night she will be."
------
Madison dropped me home around 7, and sure enough as soon as I stepped in the door mum and dad were both waiting for me.
I sigh as I close the front door. "Do you guys have anything else to do besides controlling my life?"
"Riley, say hello to your mother," dad says.
"Hi, mum," I mumble, walking down the hallway to my room.
"Riley!" Dad yells.
"It's okay," I hear mum say. "She'll be tired."
I close my bedroom door and sit down on my bed before pulling out my sketchbook and pencil case from my top drawer. I open the book up to a fresh page and begin drawing. A few minutes later there's a knock on my door.
"Riley?" It's mum.
"What?" I reply.
She opens the door and gives me her natural smile. "Mind if I come in?"
"You're going to anyway," I say, looking back down at my sketch.
She closes the door and comes and sits on the end of my bed. "What are you drawing?" She asks.
"Nothing," I answer.
She holds out a small gold box to me. "I got you something. From that art store you like in Manchester."
I take it from her and open it to reveal a set of wax crayons. I had been eyeing these up on their website for a while now. I close the box. "Thank you," I say, setting them aside.
"How's your art going?"
"Good."
"Your dad was telling me Mr Harrington is very impressed with your work this year."
I keep drawing.
"Riley."
I look up into her blue eyes. Mine were darker. I wish mine were a softer blue like hers, instead mine were deep like the darkness of the ocean. If you looked into them for too long, you'd disappear.
"You know that everything your father and I do is to protect you, right?"
I just nod. Too much protection, if you ask me.
"Who is this Johnson Parker boy? Is he your boyfriend?"
I groan. My mum literally turned into an 80 year old woman whenever she talked to me about boys. She still saw me as being a child, and that whoever I was interested in I was going to marry. She still believed I was a virgin, I couldn't bare to break her heart.
"No, mum," I mumble.
"Do you want him to be?"
"No. And even if I did, dad scared him off."
"Your dad just worries about you."
"I'm not five anymore," I snap. "I can look after myself."
"I can talk to your father. Would you like to invite Johnson around for dinner one night?"
"Oh my god, mum, no. He's literally nobody. Just drop it."
She lets out a deep sigh. "Alright. Have you had dinner?"
"I'm not hungry."
"There's some leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry later," she says as she stands up. She squeezes my knee before walking towards the door. "Goodnight, love."
"Night," I say as she closes the door behind her.
I look down at what I've drawn. I never know what I'm drawing until I look at it when it's done. My mind just controls my pencil and I draw without knowing where it's going to end up. Sometimes, when I have lots of thoughts in my head, my artwork is messy. Other times it's delicate and fragile. Sometimes I draw 5 pages at a time, sometimes I can barely even draw a circle.
Tonight I've drawn me, but it's not the me everyone recognises. It's my face, but it's peeled back to reveal what's behind the skin. I've drawn my dark blue eyes, my long dark hair, my sharp cheekbones, and I've drawn the bones and the veins and the muscles. I look at it for a second or two before closing my sketchbook and shoving it, my pencil case, and the gold box of wax crayons into my drawer. I then turn off my lamp and go to sleep.
--------
"Hey, who the fuck ate one of my chips?"
"Fuck you, Jordan. I paid for them."
"They're still mine."
I sip on my Coke and watch as the guys fight over fries in Montoya's. Madison was eating a burger beside me whilst simultaneously texting.
"Riley, you all good?" Jordan asks. He holds out his half-eaten pack of fries. "Want some fries?"
I shake my head. I hadn't felt like eating since Monday. "I'm fine."
Sometimes after school, Madison and I would catch up with a few of 'the guys.' 'The guys' were a group of boys who we partied with and therefore we were acquainted with. They went to our school, but most of them wagged classes or had dropped out. Apart from Jordan. Jordan was in most of my classes, but we never hung out at lunch or anything. He had his own group of friends. That was the thing with 'the guys,' they all had their own group of friends and their own lives. Madison and I just saw them at parties and outside of school sometimes. Madison and I never actually felt like we belonged with them.
"Mad, you got a light?" Noah asks.
Madison looks up from her phone and nods. They both go outside.
"Come on, Malik," Jordan taunts. "Eat."
"I'm not hungry," I mumble.
"How's that Johnson kid?" Rhys asks me.
God, you'd think I had dated Johnson for 2 years with the way everyone was going on about it. "What about him?" I snap.
"He's a fucking idiot," Jordan says. "Can barely spell his own name."
"Aren't you two a thing?" Rhys says.
"No?" I say.
"Oh. So you just fucked?"
"Why would you think that?"
"Because that's what he's going around telling everyone?"
"I'm going to get a refill." I leave them to walk over to the drink station. I decide to mix all the flavours together and I let the cup overflow before I chuck it all in the bin.
"Hey, Riley!"
I turn and see Nick Foster smiling at me. He's sitting at a booth with Carl Webster and Eli Matthews. My eyes move to Eli's instantly and he quickly looks away.
I give a small wave.
"You coming to Lisa's party Friday night?" He asks me.
"I'm not sure yet, probably. Are you?"
"Yeah, we're all going."
I look at Eli again and he's staring at me.
"Cool." I smile. "Maybe see you there."
Nick gives a thumbs up. "Sweet!" He then turns back to face the others and they all engage in a new conversation.
I sneak another look at Eli again. He's not looking at me this time. He looks so much different. The Eli I knew was goofy and small. I remember the first day of high school he showed up late to the assembly, and he had this ridiculously bright green backpack which made him glow. He was tiny, so skinny and scrawny. He used to always read comics in class. I look at his tan, muscular arms peeking through his school shirt and his strong jawline. Who knew the scrawny glowing backpack kid would turn out to be so ... hot?
I turn back around and head back to our table. Madison and Noah are back and everyone's finished eating. I sit back down and Madison gives me her "are you okay" look. I give my "I'm fine" look back.
A few minutes later, Nick, Carl, and Eli walk past our table. And this time, when Eli and I make eye contact, he smiles.