Chapter 94.
I Don't Want to Fight - Westlife
May I - Trading Yesterday
More Than This - One Direction
Finally - Fergie
Mia's POV
"Can I come in for abit?"
I peered out from the screen from my phone and saw Zayn standing in my doorway. I hadn't even realized he opened it. I was too busy searching through Google on Wali's colon diagnosis.
"Uh, yeah," I pulled myself up on my elbows then hands so that I could sit up. "What are you still doing up? It's past two in the morning."
"I can't sleep," he casually replied.
Can't sleep? Was he having nightmares again?
The thought saddened me.
Despite the way he acted towards me earlier, my weak heart gave in to the vulnerable man child by my bedroom door.
"Is it alright if I sit here?" He pointed to the edge of the bed.
"Yeah."
No. The close distance would make me uneasy, especially since we were in close proximity of a bed.
"What were you looking at on your phone" he gestured to my phone on the bed. "You looked very .. focused?"
"Oh, um, just looking through some stuff," I said and quickly changed the subject. "How about you? Did you have another bad dream?" He nodded his head and my heart sank. Not another one. "What was it this time?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"I'd rather not elaborate," he told me and I decided not to push it. He had enough on his plate and pressuring him to tell me would only add onto the platter. "Mia, I'm sorry for being a jerk before," he said after a long minute. "I'm just very.."
"I know," I interrupted him. "You're worried about your sister. You're stressed and you're not in your right mind. I understand how you feel."
He turned his head to look at me, his relieved smile sending little flutters in my stomach.
"Still, I shouldn't have talked like such a smartass."
"No, you shouldn't have," I chuckled slightly. He was acting overly witty. "Zayn," I called him as he looked away to his hands on his lap. "Why did you tell me that you took the money?"
He thought for a second before understanding what I was referring to.
"I don't know," he shook his head. "I was just .. Mad. At you. And at me."
"At yourself?"
"You, of all people, should know why I'm mad at myself. If I hadn't," he stopped mid-sentence. He fixed his position on the bed, lifting his legs up so that they laid straight across next to mine which were underneath the duvet. "If I hadn't done what I did, we would be in such a better place." I stayed quiet, unsure if I should disagree or agree with him. "How does it feel to lose someone, Mia?"
"What?"
"How does it feel like to lose someone?" He repeated the question for me, although I heard it clearly the first time.
"Zayn, you're not going to lose Wali," I assured him. "She's going to make it."
"Yeah, but what if she doesn't. You know, I wanna be prepared. I wanna be ready."
"You can't be ready for something like this," I answered him truthfully, my mind wandering back to how my mum passed in the middle of the night and I didn't even know it. "It just happens, and we have to make our peace with it. We have to be strong, we have to fight through. It's hard to find acceptance but life has to go on."
"I wasn't just talking about Waliyha you know," he murmured aloud, his solemn yet calm voice sending a sensation in my fingertips. "I shouldn't have said the words that I said to you. I was a jerk when I mentioned the whole money shit. I would never take the money from your dad. Thinking back now, I am repulsed by them. Mia, I want you to know that loving you was a privilege I will never take for granted."
"Where are you going with this?" I asked a little afraid of what he was leading with. I wasn't prepared for this kind of deep conversation so late at night.
"I just want to say a few things before it's too late," he softly spoke.
"Well, you still have many days left to."
"No, Mia," he almost cut me off. "There's not many left. You never know what happens tomorrow and I want to get this out there just in case tomorrow never comes."
What was he saying? He was not talking like himself. The Zayn I knew wouldn't be speaking like this.
"Zayn--"
"Mia," his eyes helped to shush me, silently pleading me to listen. He inhaled a breath slowly before continuing. "I want to thank you." Thank me? What did I ever to do to deserve his gratitude? "I know you're probably wondering the reason why I'm thanking you but it's really all I can do. I'm just a man, a boy actually when we first met. I don't know much, I never received any kind of education, nor did I give you anything valuable. But you. You showed me what love was. What true love was, and what I felt when I was with you, I'm certain I won't find it again."
"You will, Zayn. You will find it again," I tried to assure him. "Just like how you moved on from previous relationships, Perrie, Lindsay," I reminded him. "You found me. You will find love again." He wasn't convinced by my horrible persuasion. "You said you've never given me anything valuable?" I repeated his words and shook my head. "You've given me your heart. And the payment for that is way beyond any piece of manufactured tree. I can never repay you for giving it to me, but I'll have to return it soon," I tried to lighten the sullen mood with a smile.
"You don't have to," he tenderly informed.
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do," I argued and he replied with the same comeback. "Stop telling me what to do," I tried to joke by adding a smile, punching him gently on the shin.
"Stop being so stubborn," he taunted. It felt like forever ago when we were playfully teasing each other like this. I really missed it. I really missed him. Even though he was with me (for now), even though we saw each other almost every day, I missed him. "I'm sorry for messing us up." His eyes turned to his hands which were now balled into fists.
"We both did wrong."
It was true. We both did this to ourselves. Maybe if I had been more experienced, or more careful with my relationship with Zayn, I think we could have made it through this dark time. We could have made it. I think.
"Whatever time we have left, I will only give you good memories. I will leave you with nothing but a Zayn who will smile with you, who will laugh with you, and hold you like there's no tomorrow," his small smile faltered, almost tearing my heart apart. "And kiss you as if it was my last," he carefully added.
That was the tipping point. I knew he always had a way with his words, but in this devastating moment, I couldn't hold back anymore.
I slowly moved the sheets off, bending my legs at the knees so that I could step out quicker. Using my knees, I moved across the bed over to Zayn's side, my legs inches away from his as he watched my actions.
My arms reached up so that my hands gently touched his jawline, the contact made him flinch slightly, his light stubble prickling at my palm.
"Our last," I whispered quietly. My fingers cautiously rubbed at the small hairs on his tan skin, my eyes locked on his. They were glossy like a piece of polished glass, one that was shattered and damaged, only one person can mend. And I hoped, selfishly hoped, that that person was me. But I knew I shouldn't be that person. Our time had already passed. We were simply stalling it.
"I love you, Mia," he said, wrapping one of his clammy hand around mine on his cheek. I nodded, while looking downward at the small space between, knowing fully well that hearing those words were the only ones that I would never ever take for granted again.
His other hand tucked a piece of hair behind my ear while the other remained enclosed on mine.
He pulled his hand away after the gesture. He didn't do anything but stare into me, his intent gaze somehow breaking a wall I had built around myself the past few weeks.
I was disappointed when he looked away, his hand loosening its handle on mine.
"Good night," he said to me as he began to slip away.
Before he could get off the bed, my hands repositioned themselves back on his cheeks, making him look at me.
I didn't know where this was going.
I didn't know if this was a clever idea.
All I knew was that tomorrow could never come. Zayn might be diagnosed with cancer or ran over by a truck or shot by a gunman, and it would be too late to show him how I felt.
Urging forward with as little force as I could, I closed my eyes and inched closer to him, the touch of his soft, plump lips igniting a fire in me. The familiar sensation I hadn't felt since the last time he kissed me in Yorkshire. I could still remember how much force he used. But in this kiss, he didn't move, probably taken aback by how forward I was being.
"Good night," I finally replied, my lips still hovering over his. When my eyes fluttered opened, his were already visible, gazing at me with a soft ferocity.
My heart pounded out of control, the thudding sound filling my ears along with Zayn's breathing as he never blinked once.
"Can I stay?" He quietly whispered. Could he stay? Like stay the night? In my room - er his guest room?
"Well, it's technically your house, so it's your room, why are you asking for my permission?" My hands liberated from their place on his cheeks.
His eyes remained serious at my attempt at a joke.
"I didn't mean that, Mia," he uttered apologetically.
"I know."
"Will you let me stay?" He repeated the somehow frightening question. "We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I just want to lay next to you."
Without a verbal reply, I nodded my head slowly, a little scared where this might lead to.
I moved to the left side of the bed, laying on my side so that I faced him while he took the right, the sheets only over me as he didn't put it over himself.
"Your hands are cold," he spoke, wrapping one of his hands around both of mine. I hummed quietly, his warm touch feeling appeasing against my fingers.
"Let's try to get some sleep, it'll be morning by the time we finish talking."
"Okay," he chuckled, but I could tell he was .. disappointed?
"What is it?" I asked.
"What?"
"You're not happy," I pointed out.
"What, I am," he lied.
"Tell me." He took his hand off of mine to scratch the back of his head.
"I ... I want to kiss you," he looked away from me like a timid child.
He was asking me if could kiss me? When was the last time he did that? Probably only once, the rest just kinda happened.
I closed my eyes gently, raising my eyebrows as I waited for his lips on mine. I felt the bed shift under me a little as he leaned across the two feet of space between us. My lips parted slightly when he kissed my forehead, his hot breath fanning my skin as he placed another one by my cheek, then to the corner of my lips.
My breath hitched at the sweet spot. He was teasing me.
When my eyes reopened, he was already back on his side of the bed, his back facing me. I had a little naughty idea when I creeped my fingers underneath his shirt, slowly tracing circles on the skin just above his trousers. He jumped at the touch and turned around again to see me laughing.
"What are you doing Mia?" His eyes narrowed playfully. I remained laughing, using a hand to stifle it so that I could stop. "So you want to play that game."
The next thing I knew, the sheets was off, his legs on both side of mine, enclosing me. His fingers targeted the side of my hips and I wriggled and squirmed underneath his legs.
"Zayn, stop," I could barely manage to day between laughs. "Javadd!"
"Now do you surrender?" He asked with a victorious smile on his lips, leaning down so that his face was inches from mine, and I nodded with his hands still gripping at my sides.
A long moment passed before his smile faded. I could see his Adam's apple move when he swallowed and I knew what came next would happen only with him. He was the first man I wanted to be with.
"Do you trust me?" He asked, his teasing mood had vanished, and I nodded, affirming his question. "I want to hear you say it."
Why did he need me to say it aloud? Whatever the reason was, I did trust him. I trusted him with my life.
"I trust you," I said in a whisper before he brought his lips onto mine as I slowly allowed myself to get lost into the man that was Zayn.
So that's the "doing it scene" or the sex scene if I'm being more forward. Lol. Finally.
I'm sorry if it wasn't what you thought it'd be but I didn't want to get too detailed, or it might've gotten too raunchy. Haha. I like tastefully done.
If you want a more detailed version, write "PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME" in caps because I can do it (I think) and a simple vote. *friends reference* lol.
If you think it's perfect the way it is, please give it a vote and comment your theories on how you think TIAL is gonna end (;
Emma xx