"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” – The Fault In Our Stars, now in theatres!
Chapter Four
I kept coming back to the Center every day for more than a month. Since the night after my meteor shower date with Hunter, I couldn’t wipe off the smile on my face. I felt lighter inside. I also find it easier to sleep at night. My nightmares were somehow replaced with dreams of the magnificent boy I met at the most unlikely place.
Hunter and I would usually stay in our garden. He would wait for me at the front steps and we’d go to our garden together. He would always have his guitar case slung on his back. And I would always play the song, “In the Arms of an Angel” for him.
It was like we have our own world and no one can touch us… hurt us or haunt us here… in our garden. Hunter takes my breath away. He is devilishly handsome… and heavenly sweet. He would give me flowers almost every day. He would serenade me with his beautiful voice. He would kiss my scars every day before I go and tell me that he would chase my nightmares away.
One afternoon, as the sun prepares to set, we were sitting under a tree in our garden. I was sitting between Hunter’s thighs, resting my back against his chest, with his arms wrapped around me. I played him the song on the guitar. I sang the words with my heart, and he listened to me intently. My head was rested against his broad shoulder. He leaned his cheek against mine… close to where my scar was. I would feel him occasionally kiss my temple, then my scars. His soft, lingering kisses were speaking to my soul, pulling at my heartstrings.
When I strummed the last chord, I turned my head to look at his face. He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips.
“I guess that’s your song for me.” He said, smiling gently. Then his face turned sober. “You are my angel, Allisson. With you in my arms… I find hope… courage… comfort…” He took a deep breath and added, “Love.”
I raised my hand and cupped his cheek. He turned sideways and kissed my palm. He took a deep breath and then he smiled.
“When I came to this place, I felt it was a curse. It was my death sentence. I went here to punish my Father… punish myself. I lost the will to live… the will to fight. This was my hell.” He shook his head very gently. “I never thought I would find heaven here… never occurred to me that I would meet an angel amidst all the anger and misery that I feel.”
“You’re too young to waste your life in anger and misery, Hunter.” I said to him. “Like me… life goes on. Our mothers left us… but the only way we could really make them live in our memories… is if we start living our lives again. Forgive. And move on.”
“When I came here, I have no sense of purpose anymore. I have no will to let go of that tragic day. I live that day over and over in my head for the past three hundred and sixty-five days. I didn’t want to see again, because I thought nothing in the world is good… and beautiful anymore.” He took a deep breath. “But I would give everything just to see your face right now.”
I smiled and then I leaned forward to kiss him. I put the guitar aside and shifted my body so I could face him properly. I took his hands in mine and then I brought them to my face. He touched every inch of it, as if he was memorizing my features, imagining in his mind what I looked like.
He gave me a crooked smile. “You’ve been lying to me.”
“What?” I asked.
“You’re not horrendous.” He said. “Not even close.”
I laughed. “Well, I’m no beauty queen either.”
He shook his head. “You’re beautiful… wonderful.” Then slowly he leaned forward and kissed my left eye… then my right… then the tip of my nose… my right cheek… my left cheek. “And Angel… I think…” He took a deep breath. “I’m falling for you.”
My eyes widened and I think I dropped my heart to my toes. My breathing completely stopped. And before I could react or say something… before I could even breathe again, Hunter closed the gap between us and kissed me on the lips… numbing me and electrocuting me at the same time… then completely wiping out my senses.
That evening, after dinner, I had a chat with Meredith.
“You’re happy.” Meredith said to me as I sat on the couch, drinking hot chocolate.
I just smiled at her. She fell silent for a while, not really knowing what to say next.
Well, this is awkward. I really did feel for Meredith. She looked so unsure, so uncomfortable, but also so determined. So I decided to help her out. “I am.” I said. “He’s… wonderful.”
“Who would have thought you would meet somebody in the Center, right?”
I nodded. “He… made life worth living for again.”
“What’s his name again?”
“Hunter. Hunter Vaughn.” I replied.
Meredith took her laptop and typed something. After a while, I saw her eyes widen.
“What?”
“Your boyfriend is… hot!”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” To be honest, I don’t know if he is. We never talked about it… about us. He said he was falling for me. But we never really told each other that we were going steady… that I’m his girlfriend. Maybe it’s too early. What matters most is that… we’re happy. I’m happy. I barely have nightmares anymore.
Meredith continued reading on the screen.
“What’s that anyway?”
“I’m checking his file. I volunteer there so I get access to their database… at least the basic stuff.” She replied. “Hunter Vaughn. Age, sixteen. Parents: Patrick Vaughn and Diana Vaughn, deceased. Only child. He’s from Jacksonville…” She trailed off as she read something on the screen again. “Apparently the prince of Jacksonville.”
“What?”
She continued reading. “His father owned one of the biggest property development firms in the country. His mother owned several real estate firms. Hunter was tested with an IQ of…” She trailed off and stared at me with an amazed expression on her face. “One hundred sixty. Whew!” She shook her head. “He achieved Chess Master rating at the age of fifteen. He plays tennis and is on the school’s football team. A black belt in Karate. He plays the guitar and drums. Gees! Is there anything this guy can’t do?”
I felt a sense of pride run through me. I sighed. Yeah. That’s Hunter. My Hunter.
“Hot. Genius.” Meredith shook her head. “Wow! No wonder you’re going back to the Center every day.”
I laughed and threw a small pillow at her. We fell silent for a while. Then Meredith took a deep breath.
“Alice… since I’m your designated… guardian. I get to be the one to tell you that…” She took a deep breath again.
Oh no! She’s going to give me ‘the talk!’. This is going to be embarrassing!
“Just make sure…” She started and I thought she looked constipated.
“We’re not having sex, Mer.” I cut her off. “And it’s very unlikely that we will. Well, at least… not yet.”
She breathed in a sigh of relief. “Okay. I’m sure you’re a smart girl. And you’re dating a genius. But… well, just be careful, okay? I won’t stop you from deciding what you want to do with your life. But you two could have a good future going for you. Even with his condition. As long as you make the right choices and… wait for the right time.”
I nodded. “I’ll remember that.”
Meredith began searching through the net again.
“What’s up?” I asked her.
She heaved a frustrated sigh. “My company’s going to shut down. I will have to start looking for another job.”
I instantly felt bad for her… actually I felt more guilty than bad. She didn’t have to take care of me. She should have been dating and having the time of her life. She’s twenty-five and taking on the responsibility of a forty-five year old woman. And it’s not like my mother left her with a fortune anyway. She only left behind a few trinkets, which Meredith didn’t want to sell. I didn’t too.
I smiled at her ruefully. I think Meredith has taken care of me long enough. It’s time for me to do my share around the house. I finished my hot chocolate and then I went to her. I gave her a hug. “Thanks for taking care of me, Mer.” I kissed her cheek and then I went to my room.
The next day, I went to the nearest newsstand and got a copy of the local paper. I went through the classifieds and decided to look for part-time jobs. Anything that would accept a sixteen year old girl.
I spent the day calling firms hoping to land a job that would help Meredith out. She doesn’t say it, but I know she needed help too. And I’m fine now. As in, ‘really-okay’. Not ‘bottled-up-pretending-to-be-fine-okay’.
It was already late in the afternoon when I went to CRC to see Hunter. He was playing his guitar, sitting on the bench in our garden. When I approached him, I saw his mouth curve into a smile.
“There you are.” He said. “I was afraid you weren’t coming.” He put the guitar aside and reached out for my hand. Then he pulled me to him and made sit on his lap. Hunter was not all muscular, but he wasn’t skinny either. He was lean, his muscles were surprisingly well-toned, and his shoulders were broad. I fit perfectly in his arms with my small, petite frame.
I rested my head on his shoulder, as if it was the most natural thing for me in the world. He kissed the top of my head and inhaled through my hair.
I giggled. “You love doing that, don’t you?”
“Hmmm… you smell like strawberries. You have this sweet scent that is engraved in my mind now. I would recognize you anywhere.”
“Did I keep you waiting for long?”
“I would wait for you until midnight if I have to.” He said. Then in a somewhat sad voice, he said, “I would freeze this moment if I have a choice.”
I giggled and pulled away from him. “We do this everyday.” I said. “I was afraid you would have gotten tired of me already.”
He shook his head. “I would never get tired of you, Angel.”
I squeezed his nose and he squirmed a bit. I laughed and then I rested my head on his shoulder again.
“Meredith looked up your profile.” I said.
“Investigating on who you’re dating already?” He asked, amusement all over his voice.
“She was just curious.”
“And worried.” He added.
I giggled. “I’m sure she would never admit that. But yeah. I think so too.”
“So what did she find out?”
“Nothing bad. Apparently, you were the high school sweetheart in Jacksonville. A lot of girls must be pining for your attention, huh.” I said.
“Jealous?” He asked, a crooked smile spreading over his face.
“No.” That was a lie. I would probably be jealous if I see him with somebody else. Some other girl who was flawless… beautiful… unscarred… unbroken. But then again… if he wasn’t blind, he probably wouldn’t see me, which I think was quite the irony.
“What else did she see on my file?”
“What your parents did. You weren’t kidding about the Chess Master bit.”
“You thought I was? After I beat you… twice… without looking?”
I pinched his side and he laughed.
“Wow! Hunter, you have an IQ of one-sixty? You’re like… Einstein smart!”
“Some would debate that Einstein’s IQ would be more than that.” He said. “I think I’m alright.”
“Humility doesn’t suit you!” I teased. “So what subjects were you good at?”
“Math.” He said. “Science. Literature. Music.”
“And you don’t even look like a nerd.”
“I know. I look hot, don’t I?” He grinned.
I laughed. “Oh my God! You’re humble about your brains and conceited about your looks? You should seriously know what your assets are. Brag about what you have… keep quiet about what you don’t.”
He laughed. “Oh my God! I can’t believe the first girl I dated seriously wouldn’t even think I’m at least cute!”
I blinked back at him. “You… never dated anybody seriously before?”
He nodded. “Like you said… nerd!” He replied. “And you never dated anybody before me?”
“Like you know… broken. Scarred.” I said in a sober voice.
He took a deep breath. He didn’t say anything. He just pulled me to him and kissed my temple. “Beautiful.” He whispered.
“If you weren’t blind… do you think you would even notice me?”
“Do you think I’m shallow and I only care about the looks and fancy clothes?”
I shrugged. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t know him before he was blind.
“I’m sure I would notice you immediately. Your scent would draw me in. And if you play a song and sing for me… then I’m gone! It’s over. Your every wish would be my command. I have a certain weakness for kick-ass chicks who can challenge my guitar prowess.” He said, grinning at me. Then he shook his head. “There are many, many things about you that a guy would kill for, Angel. Don’t let any other girl make you feel small about yourself.”
I smiled at his words. They meant a lot to me. I didn’t have many friends and I wasn’t always appreciated. So when I heard those words from Hunter, I couldn’t help being touched. I couldn’t help feeling that I was… worth looking at.
We stayed there, cuddled in each other’s arms until sunset. It was getting dark, but somehow, Hunter refused to let me go. He kept holding me, caressing my arms, kissing the top of my head.
“Shall we go?” I asked.
“Wait for a while.” He whispered.
I rested my head back on his shoulder again and I stared at the last rays of the sun. It was getting darker but we still sat there, locked in each other’s arms.
“It’s getting dark, Hunter.” I said.
“And you’re scared?”
“We might not find our way back.” I replied.
He laughed. “You’re with me. And whether it’s day or night does not make a difference to me. This time… let me have the unfair advantage.” He grinned.
I giggled. “You’re right. Just make sure you don’t make me trip or something.”
“Impossible. You’re clumsy.” He teased. Then his face turned serious. “Is it dark enough?”
“Yes.” I replied.
“Look around, Angel. Do you see them?” He whispered.
I pulled away from him and looked around us and up above the branches over us. Suddenly, I could see what he wanted me to see. My breath caught in my throat and I gasped. I was speechless as I watch the magnificent creatures flying around us, emitting glowing lights and making our garden… even more magical than it already is.
“Hunter…” I whispered.
“Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Wonderful.” I said. “How did you know…”
“A bird told me. Figured I’d surprise you.” He grinned. “Do you like them?”
“Love them.” I whispered. “If you could only see them too.” Tears welled up in my eyes. I really wished he could see where we are right now. It was a place as magnificent and as perfect as he is.
“I would rather see your face as you look at them. What I wouldn’t give to see it right now.” He said in a sad voice.
I leaned forward and gave him a hug. “Thank you!” I whispered. Then I reached up and found his lips. He kissed me thoroughly... right there… in the middle of the fireflies.
We stayed there for a little while more. Just then, Hunter’s watch beeped.
“Eight o’clock.” He groaned.
“Which means?”
“Means one hour before lights out. As if that would be a problem for me, right?”
When I thought he would normally feel angry about that, he actually looked amused with his own joke. I think Hunter is beginning to accept his condition… embrace it even. He is beginning to find happiness after the storm. And I feel good thinking that I was part of his change. I was part of his reason to smile again… laugh again… live again.
I stood up from the bench and pulled him to his feet. He put an arm around my shoulders. “Stay close to me if you don’t want to lose your…”
“Life?” I supplied for him.
“Your shoe.” He grinned.
I laughed. “You’re not even funny.”
“Charming, though.” He said smugly.
“Alright, Prince Charming, lead the way.”
We walked out the path quietly. Hunter walked the same way he always does. With quiet precision, you won’t even think he’s blind if it weren’t for the walking stick in his hand.
“Is Meredith going to pick you up?” He asked.
“Yes. She’s probably here already. Wonder why he hasn’t called me up yet.”
We walked slowly, still savoring our time with each other. I had my arm around Hunter’s waist. There were fireflies all over us, keeping our path illuminated. It was amazing.
Hunter walked me all the way to the parking lot where Meredith’s car was parked, but without signs of her.
“I’ll be okay. You can go in now.” I said to Hunter.
“I will not leave you until she comes… until I know you’re gonna be safely home.”
“Protective, aren’t we?”
He smiled ruefully. “I just wish I could do more for you, you know.”
“And you are.” I said to him. “Since I met you… I can sleep better at nights.”
He grinned smugly. “You’re saying you’re thinking about me before you go to sleep and you dream about me?”
“No. I’m saying you’re hideous enough, even my nightmares went running scared.”
He laughed heartily. “Unbelievable!” He said under his breath. “Allisson Harley… your sense of humor alone got me wrapped around your little finger.” Then his face turned serious. “As long as you think of me often… that would be enough.” And then he leaned forward and kissed me. He kissed me like he hasn’t kissed me before. He kissed me like he would never be able to kiss me again.
And when he pulled away from me, I was left breathless… complete and empty at the same time. I felt like I didn’t want to let him go… because the minute I do… I might never get to hold him again… see him again… or kiss him again.
It was then that I realized how I really feel about Hunter. If a guy can make you feel happy and sad… full and empty… complete and broken… all at the same time… I didn’t have to be a genius like him to know what’s happening to me. I realized, I’ve just made myself vulnerable to him. I’ve just completely fallen in love with Hunter Vaughn.
Somebody coughed behind us. I turned around and saw Meredith looking at me.
“Your Aunt?” Hunter whispered behind me.
“Yes.”
“I would like to meet her.” He said.
I smiled and took his hand. I guided him towards Meredith.
“Mer… this is Hunter. Hunter, this is Meredith, my Aunt.”
Hunter extended his hand and waited for my aunt to shake it. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Meredith.” He said.
“Pleasure is all mine, Hunter.” Meredith smiled. “I’m glad that… somebody is making my niece smile these days.”
“She not only makes me smile. She taught me how to laugh again too.” Hunter said smiling at her politely.
“Well, we better go. I have an early start tomorrow.” Meredith said. “I’ll wait for you in the car.” She said to me and then she turned to Hunter. “Nice meeting you, Hunter.”
“Same here, Ma’am.” Hunter said.
I turned to him. “So… I need to go.”
His face turned sober. And then he nodded. He pulled me to him and gave me a tight hug. Then he kissed my forehead and then my lips. One kiss. But it felt like he wanted it to last forever.
I was breathless again when I pulled away from him. “I’ll see you.”
He nodded. “Take care, Angel.”
“You too.”
Then I hopped inside Meredith’s car. Hunter was still standing at the parking lot even when Meredith drove away. And somehow, I couldn’t help my heart breaking at the sight of the widening distance between us. I turned away and faced the road sadly.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Meredith asked.
I sighed. “I think so.”
“He’s cute! No… he’s, I don’t know how kids your age call it these days… but we usually score from one to ten. And that boy, Alice… is a perfect ten.”
“We still score that way. For me, he’s actually a twelve. And I’m not even accounting the looks yet.” I said, looking out the window, missing Hunter already.
***
The next afternoon, I went back to CRC. I couldn’t wait to see Hunter again. Hug him. Kiss him. Yesterday, I was unsuccessful with the job-hunting thing. Today, I planned to put a bright smile on my face first and then I’ll go job-hunting again tomorrow.
But when I got to CRC, Hunter was not waiting for me at the steps. He must have gone to the garden already. However, when I got to our place, he wasn’t there either. I felt extremely disappointed. I never went to this garden and not find him sitting on the bench or pacing back and forth in front of it… because he was eagerly waiting for me. But today… something was different. And somehow, I have this nagging feeling that today… something was not right.
At the table, there lies a small wooden box. I picked it up nervously, my hands were trembling. Somehow, I knew it was for me. Nobody else comes to this place but the two of us.
I opened the box, and found a small recording device. It has a post-it on it that says ‘Play me’, in crooked lines. My heart immediately broke because I knew the clumsy handwriting was Hunter’s effort to write something without actually seeing what was in front of him. I also have a feeling that whatever was on the tape… was his way of saying goodbye.
I took a deep breath and pressed play. After a while, I heard his soothing voice speak to me… like he was just sitting here beside me.
“Angel,
I’m sorry. I had to make a quick decision to leave and take my chances.
When I came to this place, I planned to stay here for as long as my Father can pay the bills. I thought this would be my jail, my hell… for the rest of my life. I had no intention of going back to my old life… or living my life at all.
But when you came… you taught me how to smile again. You reminded me of the things I loved about my life and made me love myself again. I forgot the sound of my own laughter, until you came along. You touched me in ways that I never thought possible. You gave me the warmth, comfort and hope that I never thought I needed.
You gave me a new reason to live for… a new reason to want to wake up in the morning and see the light. You gave my life a new meaning… a new reason to get out of the darkness where I found refuge in for so many months.
That reason… is YOU. Because of you… I want to see again. I want to take care of you. I want to see you smile, as much as I love hearing you laugh. I want to build a future with you… where I could protect you, where I am whole enough, capable enough to chase your nightmares away.
I want to be able to go out with you on a normal date. Where I can take you out of the confines of this center… and take you to the movies or take you dancing.
This is not goodbye. I know we will see each other again. And when that time comes… I will be able to see the beautiful face of my angel. I will be able to see you… the way you see me.
Can you do something for me?
Can you write a diary for me? Write on it everyday until we see each other again? Because when I come back, I would want to know everything I missed about you… about what happened to your life while I was gone. When I come back… I would be able to read your diary, Angel. I would be whole again… and strong enough to protect you, take care of you… live for you.
I have something for you. I enclosed it with this letter. I hope you wear it. And think about me everyday… because I for certain would think about you everyday of my life until we see each other again.
You never told me how you felt about me. I guess I’m gonna have to wait until I get back to know for sure. But I want you to know… without a doubt…
I love you, Angel.
I didn’t say it in front of you before because I want to be able to see your face when I do. I never said that to anybody before. I never felt as strongly for anyone. But now… it’s one of the reasons why I wanted to see again… if only to see the reaction on your face when I say those words to you.
You will always be my angel… and I hope one day, I could be yours.
With all my love, Hunter”
Tears were rolling down my cheeks. My heart was heavy although I know it must have been torn to pieces. I struggled to breathe and I was cursing myself. I should have come earlier. I should have been with him the whole day yesterday. If only I knew that it was our last day, I would have spent most of it with him. I wouldn’t have wanted that day to end. I would have kissed him a million times and memorized how to it feels. I should have taken a picture of him on my phone, so I could look at his face every night before I go to bed.
I should have told him how I really feel about him. Because I love him too! While he was doing what’s needed to be done to get his vision back… he should have that to hold on to. He deserved to know that I would be waiting for him to come back to me. And even if he couldn’t see again… I would still stay with him… and love him. That I didn’t care if he was blind… he was still capable of protecting me… he already chased my nightmares away. And that was enough… he was enough.
Inside the box, I found a gold necklace. The pendant was a shape of a guitar pick. It was gold with the letters ‘H & A’ engraved on it. At the back, something was engraved in Braille. I don’t know how to read Braille but I have a feeling I know what it means. Three lines. First line has one character. The second line has four. And the last line has three.
I sat on the bench and raised my knees up to my chin. I hugged my legs… wishing that it was Hunter’s arms that are wrapped around me right now… just like yesterday and the days before.
He said he would give everything just to see my face. Well, right now, I would give everything just to have him with me again. Here. Now.
Thinking about his face and calling out his name in my head… I did the only thing I could do now… I let all the tears go.