Justice is the set and constant purpose which gives every man his due. -Marcus Tullius Cicero
Liam’s POV
“What about you? Don’t you have anywhere to be after?”
“Well, I want to catch my friends at the bar.” He says, “They’re probably wasted by now.”
“And what’s in it for you?” I asked.
“Nothing, I just get to be with them.”
“And?”
“That’s it.”
“That’s where I’ll help you.” I said. “I need to make you love yourself.”
“What?”
“Love yourself.”
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“Love myself?” I repeated.
“Yeah,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing to do for me, “I mean…” I caught her sit up and start to count with her fingers. “When you were a kid you closed an eye cause you saw how happy your mom was with the new man she was with. You kept your mouth shut when she left. You took care of your dad, you worked for him and for yourself. When you were taken in by your new family, you made effort to be friends with your sister cause your adopted father showed you kindness. He loved you and you wanted to repay for that. You closed an eye for your ex girl friend. You stood up for that friend of yours cause she asked you to, not even knowing what was happening or why you should, you just did. You did all that, not knowing if you’ll be gaining anything in return.”
“And is that so bad?” I asked.
“No, I like it.” she said, “Shows how good you are, how selfless you are. But, are you happy? Does closing an eye and getting hurt in the end feel good?”
I frowned and looked at my feet.
“I’m taking that as a no.”
“Silence means yes.” I tried to joke.
“Not always.” She said. “Stranger-“
“I’m not trying to be the good guy.” I said. “I don’t want to be known as the boy who disrespected his adopted father, gave up on his parents, didn’t care for his siblings. I can’t.”
“But did you ever thought of the consequences?” she asked. “The consequences on you?”
I didn’t answer.
“Have you told your mom how hurt you were when you gave up on them to look for greener pastures?” she asked. “Or have you told your sister that you wanted to be close to her not only because you needed to but because you actually wanted to? You didn’t even tell your ex how hurt you were.”
“There is no question to it, you know how to love, pure and true. But you seem to be forgetting yourself.”
“I love myself…”
“How?”
“I’m trying to make myself happy now don’t I?”
“How? By pleasing yourself with different girl every night?”
“No…” I said, “I’m trying to find that person who would love me for me, aren’t I?”
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“No, no, no…” she says, “yellow won’t work.”
I grinned watching her as she slumped down the chair.
“No need to be bitchy about it.” Henry says. “Liam, what do you think?”
I shook out of my staring and turned to Henry, “I think yellow is good-“
“What-” I raised a hand to shut her up and she did, fusing mad.
“But it will go against the lighting plan, so I do agree with Justice, yellow wouldn’t be good.”
“Then what do you think will work?” Henry asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’ll show you.” I ran up the stage and to the back stage. I had it fixed earlier seeing I knew the two enough by now that we’ll probably be staying for an hour just discussing the curtain color.”
I grabbed the blue curtain and took off the yellow ones that the crew set up earlier and replaced it with the one I chose. I stood at the window and looked down at them.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Much better.” Henry agrees. “Though that could be because you are there Liam, you know you can make anything look beautiful when it’s around you. So get your ass out of there.”
I chuckled and shook my head, running back down the stage to look at the effect of that very small detail.
“What do you think now Justice?” Henry asked.
“Better.” She said. “Without Liam there its less than perfect, but that would do.”I gave her a look, making her laugh. “I’m just teasing, is Henry the only one allowed to do that now? Is there something going on between you?”
“Please, we all know Liam is as straight as his-” Justice slapped her hand over his mouth.
“Don’t finish that line or I will go all out on my PMSing episode.”
Henry pushed her hand away, “Fine, fine…” he sighed, “Well, let’s call it a day. I don’t know about you two but I want to get wasted tonight, I heard the crew would be at the bar, so if you are interested…”
“Yeah sure…” I said, “Justice?”
“I have a deadline on Monday.” She says.
“And you’ve perfected it forward and backward,” Henry says, “chill out.”
“I don’t know-“
“Liam, talk to her.” Henry says, “I’ll just freshen up.”
He storms toward the backstage.
“Aren’t you going to freshen up?” I asked.
She chuckled, “Have you ever seen me freshen up?”
I laughed, “Point taken.” I said. “You don’t need it anyway.”
“Sorry?”
“Nothing…” I said. “Anyway, I do agree with Henry on this one. You need a break, I’ve seen you working on the music for the play and your school piece-“
“And I need that so I can get into the industry.” She said.
“But I thought you just want to go winging it for the first few years.”
“I do, but not like a decade or something.” She said. “I’d like to at least make something in the music industry before I kick the bucket.”
“And that would be like hundred years from now.” I said, earning a glared from her. “Tell you what.” I said she faced me, arms over her chest as well. “Give it half an hour, if you aren’t enjoying yourself then we’d both leave-“
“What? No Liam, you want to go-“
“I also have a deadline on Monday which I haven’t even started on, so I hope you’d let me crash at your place and let me do it there, that way we’d both be party poopers and dorks in front of the whole crew, what do you say?”
She stared at me for a few seconds.
“It’s either that, or Henry ties you on a chair.” I said.
“Deal.” She says without any second thinking.
I smiled at her, while she just shook her head, amused.
Half an hour later we were on her way up to their pent.
“I guess you were serious with your deadline.” I said.
“More than you are.” She teased.
“Well, that depends. I always start from scratch, while you have a standard to meet.”
“Standard?” she asked.
“You’re playing another piece, right? Who is it this time? Bach? Mozzart?”
“It’s an original.” She said.
“It is?” I asked, surprise.
She laughed, “We’re almost finish with out college life Liam, we all knew I’d come to this point.”
“But not this soon.” I said. “How is it going?”
“Pretty good.” She said, “Just need to clean it up, and its all good. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to do it with a hang over.” I laughed and nodded, “What about you?”
“What about me?” I asked.
“Your deadline, what is it about?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Nothing?”
I sighed, “I have no deadline.” I said, “I just wanted you to agree on the deal really.”
“What?” she asked, “Are you serious?”
“Yup.”
She shook her head and was about to press the next floor.
“What you do that for?”
“Cause you are getting out of this elevator and going back to the bar.”
“No.” I said.
“But you aren’t gonna do anything, you’re supposed to have fun and enjoy and-“
“And so do you.” I said. “Besides, I don’t need a loud bar or alcohol to enjoy.”
“What about a girl?” she asked as the elevator door opened on the level she pressed, where three guys came in.
“Well, I got you, don’t I?” I teased.
“I won’t be like those girls, Liam.” She giggles, moving near me and away from the three guys who came in, obviously checking her out.
“Well, I don’t mind.” I grinned, tucking a hair behind her ears, “you don’t need to be that girl to get my attention.”
“Really?” she raised a brow.
“Really.” I repeated.
“Even if I do this?” she stepped up to me and started to run her hand over my stomach, barely touching.
“Justice-“
“I’m better than those girls, right?”
“Always.” I said, holding her by the waist, keeping her distance, not wanting her to know the effect she has on me.
To my surprise she put her arms over my neck and turn to the guys behind her. “And that’s all you guys will know.”
The elevator rang and opened to her pent and she pulled me out, with the three gawking at us. I chuckled, picking up what she was doing.
“Sorry boys, my girl’s a bit of a show off.” I said as I passed by the, hearing Justice laugh before giving me a tug to get out of the elevator and to their pent.
I closed the door behind me as she sat on her sofa with a shrug.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“They’ve been giving me a hard time.” She said. “They’ve been asking around the place of who I am, where I live…”
I raised a brow, “Have you had security checked?”
“Yeah, Henry had the guards keep an eye on them and me.” she rolled her eyes.
“You ok?”
“Yeah.” She smiled, “Now they know I’m a one man girl.”
I laughed, “And that man is me?”
“Well, if you don’t mind?” she says as she slip out of her shoes and walk toward the grand piano at the corner of the room.
“I’ll try to stay away from girls when they’re in the vicinity then.” I said slumping on the sofa as well.
“Oh, god, I totally forgotten about that.” she groaned, “You don’t need to, I mean-“
“It’s cool, I’m kind of tired of the girls moping and running around anyway.” I sighed, “I might actually want to settle.”
She raised a brow as she opened the piano, “You settle down?”
“What does that supposed to mean?” I asked, acting offended. “I was a torn and broken man before you met me, you know.”
“I know, I know, heart broken by the love of your life, yeah yeah…” she sighed as she press a key, “I know the feeling.”
“Maybe we are two piece in a pod then.” I said.
She glanced at me, her face saying what the hell are you talking about.
“I’m not saying we hook up, I’m just saying maybe we got more things in common than we think.”
“Yeah, like being cheated on… and then that thing and that thing and oh!” she jumped, “that thing too!”
I rolled my eyes, “Fine, so we don’t have that much in common, that’s good to.”
“Liam, just forget about it,” she said, “you’re you and I’m me, I like it that way.”
I stared at her as she started to play a whole new piece I’ve never heard of. I guess it was her project, and I just sat there watching her and listening to her play.
At that moment, I knew what I wanted, who I needed.
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“So you are actually pursuing this girl you supposedly love?” she asked.
“I don’t know if that’s pursuing, but I want to.” I said, “I just need her to see that we can actually be more than friends.”
“Have you tried just saying it?” she asked.
“What?”
“You know, just telling her that you want to date her. That you care for her this much? That you might actually love her?”
“No.”
She sighed, “From the sound of it, this girl seems to be a right at your face type of girl.”
“She is.” I said, “Still, I don’t want to scare her.”
“If she is a friend, she won’t be.”
“She will be, trust me.”
“No, she won’t be.”
“This girl has more trust issues than you do.” He said. “She hasn’t seen a guy since that douche bag cheated on her. She can’t even stand guys flirting with her.”
“Well, she stands you doesn’t she?”
I wanted to retaliate but then I realized that she was right.
“She let you tease her and trusts you enough to let you in on her life.” she says, “Could it be possible that she likes you too?”
“No…” I shook my head and ran my hand down my pants. I looked up where I saw a clock hanging, indicating that the show will be coming to an end soon. I try to look at the audience and saw that it had doubled, even beyond the bleachers there was a crowd staring at the wide screen, where my face was plastered, looking undecided.
“I’m guessing you’re rethinking every single memory with her?” she asked.
“Not really, just one single memory…”
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I stepped back and looked at my finished product. I looked around my room and there was no other painting that would be any better than the one that I had just finished. It was understandable; I worked on it for a year and a hald, didn’t I?
I looked turned around and smiled as I see a whole wall of canvases and paintings that had Justice’s face on it; even an oil base version of her favorite photo of us during the trash the gown incident.
Since that night in the elevator before the first semester ended I knew that I was in love with her.
How I wanted to always see her smiling, to always satisfy her and keep her safe.
The fight with the curtains wasn’t the last one, it has a repeat every time we make a play, and we’d agree on the blue curtain always.
That curtain had kept more secrets than anyone in our small production group, but for me, it was more than that. It was the epitome of what I am, a curtain, one which she chooses regularly to keep her from the world.
And I try my best to keep the harm and negativity of the world away from her.
Despite the annoying phone call from the network hours before, just a look at that wall and the canvas I just finished, it was enough to make me forget.
I smiled and washed up wanting to look more decent for the world, seeing that I needed to.
Plus, that phone call made me realize something as well.
It was time that I faced what I’ve been hiding behind that curtain.
I needed to tell her what I felt.
I have let go of the past and I was ready to take a chancel.
Even if it meant to fail the moment it escapes my lips.
I knew how she is, I know I will scare her. I might even disappoint her or hurt her.
But still, I won’t let this opportunity slip away.
Not like what I did with Jas-
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“So you do admit that you fell in love with that high school new girl?” Dudette cut off.
“No, I didn’t fall in love with her.” I said.
“But you just admitted-“
“It’s no where near to what I feel about this girl…” I said. “No where near…”
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Right after I washed all the paint off me, I picked up the dried painting and drove to the theater where I knew she would be, but I never expected what I would be hearing.
“Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own savior,
When, the thunder calls for me…
Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet…”
I stood by the door listening to her, she sounded just like Jas. But the emotion was greater, it was like every word meant her life.
I listened to her as she continue to sing, almost in a whisper, the theater was as serene as it can be, and even gave me that feeling that we were the last people on earth, and I was the lucky one between the two of us.
“Cause I won’t let you, close enough to hurt me,
No I won’t ask you, you would just desert me
I can’t give you, the heart you think I gave me,
It’s time to say good bye- its time to say good bye…”
She paused and I just stared at her, staring at he keys. I didn’t want to disturb her. not when she was looking so beautiful underneath all the lights and looking so at peace.
“Turning tables…” I hear her say, she had her eyes closed right until the last note had faded out.
She just sat there, staring at the keys, as if lost in her own thoughts. Thoughts that cause her to look like she was in pain, and I didn’t like that.
So I did what every idiot would do. I clapped.
I totally ruined her moment. I watch it crash and burn before me, her face was that of a surprised one, then she became worried- just s second.
“Hey…” I greeted, smooth Liam. I thought sarcastically to myself. I set the painting down on the seats before I walk toward the stairs leading up to her.
To my surprise she smiled and calmed down, “Oh, hey Liam.”
I made my way up to the stage, wanting to hear her laugh, to totally eliminate that frown and worry on her face and mind earlier. “All this time I was wondering if you really are a Music major.” I teased. “I guess I should never doubt you again.”
I caught her roll her eyes, but was looking amused. “I just didn’t want to play here at school, that’s all.”
“So, I’ve noticed.” I walk across the stage toward her, “Though a pretty sad choice of song, don’t you think?”
“Well…” she sighed, “It’s an amazing song-“
“Which you sang amazingly too.” I added.
She looks away, blushing. “Thanks.” Then she gave me a smirk, “Sad I wasn’t able to satisfy you enough.”
I stifled a laugh, “Well, maybe you can sing me some more.” I said.
“Nice try, but no.” she said with conviction. “I don’t want to damage your hearing. You’d need that in the long run.”
I chuckled, “Are you serious? Have you heard yourself sing?” she just gave me a look and I sighed, “Well, I guess I’m asking for too much. I mean, I’m only the guy who you’ve been asking favors of doing tarps, posters, tickets, flyers and not to mention your set.” He dropped his mouth as if in shock, mocking me.
She rolled her eyes again, but more on amused this time.
“Fine.” She says, I smiled, knowing that somehow, she listens to me. “So I’m guessing you aren’t into Bieber?”
“For the love of all that is good, no.” I groaned, acting up.
“I know…” she says excitedly and starts to play.
“Hmm, hm…
You by the light is the greatest find...”
I smiled as she gave me a look, I guess she took that as a hint to continue cause she did. Giving her attention to her piano, but getting lost in her words, and so was I. If I wasn’t on my right mind I would have closed the gap between us and just kiss her, not wanting to be far from me.
And if my chance that she agrees to date me, I would call my mom and dad to help me out on the fine that the stupid network wanted me to be on.
“In a world full of wrong,
You are the thing that’s right…
Finally made it to the lonely, to the other side…”
That was me, those lines were me. She made things fall in its right places, she makes things possible for me, I try to be better because of her. I was ready to cross the line if it meant that I can be with her.
She smiled as she continue to sing.
“You set it again my heart’s in motion,
Every word fills like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotion,
Watching the shadows burning in the dark…
Cause I’m in love, and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time in my only life…”
It was as if she was reading my mind when she chose this song, it was exactly what I was feeling and she was telling me to man it up and ask her out.
Well, at least, I hope that was what she was thinking.
As the song came to an end she looked up at me, as if asking what I thought.
I just grinned and shook my head. “Almost, but not quite.”
“Well, you need to tell me or you’ll be running out of free concert tix.” She says, crossing her arms.
I chuckled as I made my way toward her, I gestured to sit beside her and she made room.
This was a song that Mrs. Greyson, our old neighbor, taught me once after I mow her lawn.
I try to remember the keys, cause I can remember the words by heart. The words that I have wanted to tell her for about a year already.
“I can only give you love that lasts forever
And the promise to be near each time you call
And the only heart I know, for you and you alone
That’s all… that’s all…”
A memory of her calling me to help out with the stage on our freshman year came into mind.
“I can only give you country walks in spring time,
And a hand to hold when leaves begins to fall
And a love whose burning light
Could warm the winter nights,
That’s all… that’s all”
The night we went home after she tried to dethrone Nicki Minaj popped into memory this time, and I had to hold back a laugh just remembering how she picked me over the arrogant bar tender.
“There are those who I’m sure
Who have told you
They would give you the world, for tonight
All I have are these arms to enfold you…
And a lifetime can never destroy…”
I remembered her face as she looked up at me after we trashed her gown, how she smiled and let that tear go before telling me that it was a happy tear and close her eyes only to be taken by peace and satisfaction, that I don’t have the heart to let her go at that moment.
Cause deep inside, I knew I made her happy, without even trying so hard, I made that possible.
“If you’re wondering what I’m asking in return dear,
You’d be glad to know that my demands are small,
Say its me that you’ll adore, from now and ever more,
That’s all, that’s all…”
I stared at her with a smile, hoping that I can get across how I truly feel about her with that song. But all she gave me was a surprised look. Well, she never really knew that I can play the piano, or even sing.
So I guess I have to look for some other way to tell her.
“If you’re wondering what I’m asking in return dear,
You’d be glad to know that my demands are small,
Say its me that you’ll adore, from now and ever more,
That’s all, that’s all…”
I kept my eyes on hers, glancing at her lips for a mere second, and then looking back at her, wanting her to read in my eyes what my heart was saying.
I lean forward, not wanting to let go of that moment, not thinking of the consequences after. Just wanting that moment with her, that was all I wanted.
“Ok, let’s go Justice!” we both move away.
The fear on her face was so obvious that I had to stand up and move away.
I thought she trusted me? I thought.
“Oh hey Liam!” Henry greeted.
“Hey…” I greeted back, disappointed. “Uhm, I just came to drop the painting you asked for.”
“Oh yes…” I said as I made my way to the edge of the stage and jumped down. I know how Justice hated it when I do that, but at the moment I didn’t care what she thought. I don’t even know if she really do care.
I handed Henry the painting and he gushed at it, like always, he had practically bought three of my paintings, all for his parents, and her mom once asked me to paint something for her.
I glanced at Justice who was just staring at me, with frown.
Was she disappointed as I was? Or was she just sorry for misleading me?
“Isn’t it amazing Tease?” Henry raised the painting for her to see.
She stared at it for a few moments, I knew it would catch her attention. Aside from the fact that it was for the play, it was for her. It is her.
“I- it’s beautiful…” she said, not able to look away from it.
Well, at least that went as planned.
“I know!” Henry cheered. “You are amazing Liam, I swear, I will auction this to the audience if you aren’t taking it back.”
“Oh, well, I’m giving it to you guys, so I guess you can do whatever you want with it.”
Deep inside, I didn’t want them to give it away. It was a gift for Justice, but I can’t tell Henry that. He’ll surely read into it.
“It’s ours?! Seriously?!”
I looked away and ran my hand over my hair, “Yeah.”
I glanced at her again, this time she was grinning as she stared at me. Making me wonder what was going on in her mind.
“Oh, Tease, this would look so good in our leaving room, don’t you think?!”
Henry ran back to her and started telling her where it would look great at the pent. He was pleading to her that they keep it and all.
But the whole time, justice was just staring back at me, as I stare at her smiling. Not that I know something, nor was there any reason to smile really. For all Iknow she could be thinking of a way to stay away from me now after that awkward moment, but at least, I know she will be thinking of me. that I’m pretty sure of.
To my surprise she just smiled back before she turned to Henry and shrugged, agreeing to keep the painting.
“Yes!” he says, “This definitely calls for a celebration.” Henry turns to me again, “Would you want to join us for a drink Liam?”
I shook my head, “I can’t.”
Henry laughs, “I forgot, the great Liam Montgomery is busier at night.” I looked away and shook my head, for a quick moment I glanced at Jsutice, wanting to tell her that I haven’t seen a woman for the past six months, as I have stopped fighting and lying to myself that I really do like her. she frowned the moment henry asked, “Your place or hers?”
I smiled knowing that the thought of me and another girl caused that frown. “None. It’s business.” It wasn’t a lie.
“Ooh,” Henry says, impress, “hot.”
“Anyway, I can’t be late, so I’ll see you tomorrow for the final rehearsal?” I said.
“Yeah, we’ll be starting at 9 am.” He reminded me.
“Great!” I said. “I’ll see you then. Bye Henry!”
“Bye Liam.” Henry says before turning his back at me.
“Justice…” I waved at her, wanting to actually continue what was disrupted earlier. But I knew better.
“Yeah, see you Liam…” she said in a whisper, I barely caught it.
I walked out of the theater thinking of some way that I can tell her. Any way, just for her to believe what I was saying is real.
And the moment I saw the cameras and the bustling crew people, I knew what I needed to do.
I knew how I would confess to the girl I love.
And it wasn’t going to be easy.
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“And you’re doing that now?” she whispered.
“Yes.” I said.
“Are you sure she’d like that?”
I chuckled, “Weren’t you the one who said that she’s the type of girl that would want to have this thing said on her face?”
“On her face, not on live television and for the whole world to know.”
“But it’s the only way I know she wouldn’t doubt me.” I said, “The only way that I know she’ll believe me, even just a bit.”
“And what if she turns you down?”
“Then she’ll turn me down.” I said. “I can live with that. What I can’t live is knowing that I was given a chance to know such an amazing girl and fall in love with her, and not take the opportunity to make her mine.”
She doesn’t answer.
“This is what I’m telling you dudette.” I said, “Taking a chance, you are amazing, and I’m sure that there is someone out there who knows that and is just too scared to tell you cause he doesn’t want to scare you as well.”
“Please…”
“This is me showing love to myself.” I said, “I love the fact that I can make people happy, and knowing those people I love and care for are happy then I am. I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who I know loves me without saying it. All the pain and disappointments are proof of that. Everything that happened to you, every single thing that you considered as the worst moment of your life, those are the moments that made you who you are now. Made us who we are.”
I paused as she continued to stay quiet.
“Your mom made you learn to love without expecting anything in return. Your brother’s love taught you to accept what you have in life. Your father’s love taught you to be the sweet and loving person you are. And your love for that ass ex of yours, taught you that there are boundaries. One that you can cross if you think its worth it. As for your best friend and his family, taught you that there is someone who will care for you beyond your family.” I paused and smiled, “And that boy, that jock in high school who chose his ex over you? He taught you to live outside the confinement of your comfort zone. That you can make more comfort zones other than the ones that you are familiar with.”
To my surprise she just sat their, still quiet.
“So I’m doing this.” I said. “I’m doing this cause it will make me happy, if she turns me down, then I just have to wait for fate to bring me happiness. But I’m not messing this one up.”
“Don’t do it.” she finally said.
“I need to.”
“Please don’t.”
“Why not.”
“Cause I don’t want to disappoint you, Liam…”
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