"Though the pressure's hard to take
It's the only way I can escape
It seems a heavy choice to make
And now I am under all."
Never Let Me Go - Florence and the Machine
-
Next Monday, Luke was timid. He walked by himself, he sat by himself.
Ashton noticed and he wished he wasn't a teacher because he would- never mind.
"Luke!" Liz screamed.
Luke rolled over in his bed, springs screeching beneath him. He groaned loudly. Why can't his mom just let him sleep? Why can't she put down the bottle?
Taking his precious time, he slowly walked down the hall. Where was his mom even at? Bedroom was a no-go, and same for the living room and kitchen. She wasn't in Ben's room, or Jack's.
"Bathroom," Luke muttered. And sure enough...
Her make up was smeared and she was laying on the floor. Her muscles were starting to tense up and it immediately snapped. She was having another one of her panic attacks.
Luke shakes his head. Don't remember. Don't remember. Please don't remember.
Luke eventually got his mom to breath right as she crept into unconsciousness. He carries her upstairs and onto her queen sized mattress.
Stop Luke. Block it out.
The door slams shut. Dustin walks upstairs and stops when he sees Luke.
"Did you put my little toy to sleep?" He smirked.
"Yeah she, uh, she had a panic attack and I brought her upstairs." Luke shrugged and tried walking past Dustin through the doorway.
"Mmm where are you going? who else am I gonna play with?"
Luke gulped. What does that mean? he knows what it means, and fuck does he not want to. He's not ready.
Please no.
But it happened.
Usually having no friends in your first period class is a nice thing, it gave him time to think. But the last thing that Luke needs is time to think about that.
So he skipped.
But he didn't really have anywhere to go, so he just sat in the bathroom and waited for Michael to reply to his text.
But Michael never did.
So Luke just sat in the bathroom for 55 minutes and when the bell rang he texted Calum-
Please meet me in the bathroom
And something told Calum that this was urgent. So Calum texted Luke and asked which bathroom he was in but didn't get a response. When Calum finally found Luke he was panting and had his hands on his knees.
"I want to leave." Luke said plainly. His hood was placed over his head and he was staring at his hands that remained in fists.
"What do you mean? Just leave, where's your car?"
"I rode the bus." As the late bell rang Luke explained, "I seriously don't care if I have to walk to your house, but I will. I need the house key. I'll just walk. Or I'll ask Justin to take me."
"Woah, dude, slow down. You're not talking to Justin. I don't care what he does for you. I don't like him. And you can't walk either. I can see if my mom will take us to my house, but until then just sit tight."
Luke just nodded. All he can think about is that night. No, not the one when he took a two hour shower after being violated. But the night he wished that the pills worked. The night when he took 8 pills of anxiety medicine and they killed him.
Calum just knows thats what Luke is thinking about, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he just calls his mom.
"Hey mom, will you come get me and Luke? I know but... please? It's important. I'll talk to you about it later. Alright... see you later text me when you're here."
Luke looked at Calum, "Is she coming?"
"Yeah she is. She'll be here in like 10 minutes." Calum sat down on the floor next to Luke. They spent the ten minutes just sitting in silence. Calum offered to hold Luke's hand (normally Luke would do it) but he shuddered away, panicked almost.
"Sorry," Luke muttered breathlessly.
"S'alright."
Calum felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he didn't need to check to know it was his mom.
"She's here!" he said positively.
Luke half smiled and followed him out of the door.
-
"Manage me, I'm a mess." Luke sang carelessly while waiting for his popcorn.
Calum waltzed into the kitchen where Luke was and sang along. They had been transitioning from All Time Low and Green day pandora radio stations for an hour. It brightened Luke's mood and got his mind off of that.
The microwave beeped, bringing Luke back down to Earth. He immediately pulled the bag out and shook it around before opening it and putting it in a bowl. He also watched Calum dance around the living room like a fucking idiot. How is he just so damn care free? Luke wanted to be like that. He wanted to stop worrying about his god damn mom and Dustin. He's tired of praying every night that he won't get raped again. He wants to be like Calum when the inly thing he worries about is homework.
But things aren't that easy. So Luke suggest, "Let's go out," with a smirk.
Calum knowns what that means, and he says yes.
-
"You'll never fucking believe who's here," Calum yelled. It either the alcohol or the loud music but whatever it was Luke was having a lot of trouble understanding anything.
After a short delay Luke finally says, "Who?"
"Our algebra teacher, Mr. Irwin!"
Luke looked confused for a moment. "Really? He seems so uptight, why the hell is he here?"
Calum shrugged as he walked away with some girl.
The thought of teachers being at clubs made him laugh his ass off in the middle of a dance floor. Gross old people drinking and dancing, ew. As Luke was laughing and stumbling across the floor he ironically bumps into the oh-so-joyful Mr. Irwin.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I- Lucas?" Ashton questioned.
"Who is it?" Luke called as if he was at the door. "Oh, it's you! Mr. Irwin!"
Ashton couldn't help but laugh, "Luke you're not supposed to be drinking, you're seventeen."
"Which means I'm almost eighteen and the eighteenth amendment says that alcohol is prohibiting!"
Well Luke still has his brains... slightly. Ashton wanted to laugh, but he also wants to force himself to be serious. This is his student for Christ sake. And here he was, getting drunk and partying. In all fairness, however, Ashton thought about it and he used to do the same dumb shit. And Luke is almost legal, so it's not that big of a deal.
Yes it is Ashton. He's still not eighteen.
"Come on," Ashton shouted. "I'm taking you home."
Luke, really just not wanting to argue, said okay. He ran over to Calum quickly and told him that he "met a boy" who was "taking him home". Even drunk Luke isn't dumb enough to blab about him Ashton.
Ashton leads a stumbling Luke out to his car and helps him into his seat.
"Do you know where to get to your home from here?" Ashton buckled his seat belt and leaned over for Luke to do the same.
"Calum's home!" Luke yelled excitedly.
Ashton smiled, "No... no, no. Your home. The place of which you reside."
"I don't wanna go home."
"Luke, you have to. You can't stay here. I already have to pretend I didn't see Calum."
"Well then take me to your house!" It was almost cute because Luke sounded like a little kid.
Ashton knew it was wrong, but at the same time... whatever. He sighed and headed towards his house, praying that he won't get in trouble for this.