I think my last note freaked some of you out - but please read this author's note all the way through.
After a lot of consideration, I've decided that I've put too much effort into this book and to delete it would be a waste of the hundreds of hours spent on it. That being said, I am going to be making this book mostly private. What I mean by that is every one shot following on from this one will be made private and I might go back and make some of the ones I've already written private too. And for those who don't know what that means - it basically means that only my followers will be able to read the privated chapters. This way, if someone decides to copy my work again, I can simply block them and stop them from following me so they can't access my work again.
But it wasn't an easy decision to come to. I never had the intention of restricting who can access and who can't access these but unfortunately it's come to this. So the next one shot - I'm not sure when it'll be posted - will be private, as will every following one.
So if you requested one of the remaining one shots that I've got left to post until requests are open, then I suggest that you follow me at least until I've posted yours. That way you'll actually be able to read it.
Anyway, moving onto Cormac. I thought I'd take the time to explain the final hint from the last chapter. I know it's widely accepted canon that Cormac was a member of the Slug Club because of his relationship with his uncle and his link to the minster but something about that didn't sit right with me. Surely if he was capable enough to be taking N.E.W.T. level potions he must have been good at it? Keeping in mind that when Cormac was in sixth year, potions was being taught by Snape - and Snape only accepted students with an O in O.W.L level potions into his N.E.W.T class. So there must be a brain behind that pretty exterior, it's just never mentioned in canon because Harry has no reason to know that ~
Just thought I'd put that out there and add another layer to one of the side characters that sometimes tends to be portrayed as being very one dimensional in fanon
Quick warning; this hasn't been edited and the word serious is included a ridiculous number of time - most of which is purposeful.
There were very few occasions on which the library was packed and usually that was because either an assignment was due, or exam season was just around the corner. But, if you timed your visits carefully, it was possible to avoid the rush and hubbub of students as they all scrambled for the final copy of a textbook they needed. Except, sometimes that didn't work out as planned.
I had purposefully ducked into the library in the gap between two lessons. Most of the students were currently hurrying between their lessons but I knew enough of the shortcuts around the school to get to the library within minutes, leaving me more than enough time to get to my next lessons. Besides, Slughorn was a much more laid-back professor than Snape had been and as long as I remembered to apologise, he'd look past any tardiness with a genial smile.
And whilst I had managed to check the book out just fine, I hadn't expected to find myself suddenly careened into from behind. The book tumbled out of my hands, falling to the floor as I turned to see which obnoxious brat had decided not to watch where they were going. But they had quickly hurried out of sight and by the time I went to retrieve my fallen book, someone was already crouched in front of me to pick it up. The fair-haired Gryffindor rose to his feet, outstretching the book out for me to take. My eyes fixated themselves on those familiar eyes and despite my efforts not to, I found myself smiling at the taller boy.
McLaggen sure knew when to turn up. I was beginning to get bored and he'd miraculously appeared out of nowhere to relieve me of my boredom.
"Thanks," I said, taking my book back from him and watching as he looked at me with a smirk. He must have been getting bored too.
"You're looking good Arellano," he began conversationally, tucking his hands into his pockets.
And just like that, I was grinning, and I tossed my hair over my shoulder for effect. "You're saying that as if it's news."
As I walked out of the library, I didn't bother to listen out for his following steps or look back to see if he was going to join me. I didn't need to; I knew he was going to come after me anyway.
He dropped into step beside me, chuckling slightly as he remarked, "That's true; you always look good."
"You too," I agreed, watching as the arrogant boy's shoulders straightened out at the compliment. "Stop looking so pleased with yourself and I'll let you walk me to potions."
"You'll let me walk you anyway," he retorted, rolling his eyes. "You're forgetting that we're in the same potions class, Arellano."
"And how do you know I wasn't just going to duck into one of the secret passages and leave you to walk on your own like a loner?"
"I'd rather we explored the secret passages together," he said in a way that was so typical of him that I did nothing more than reach out to slap his arm. He hesitated for a moment before speaking, "Try-outs for the Quidditch team are this weekend."
"And?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, knowing that he was hinting at something. "What about it?"
"Come and watch it?" He suggested with a grin. "You can be my good luck charm."
"Oh please," I couldn't help but scoff. "You know just as well as I do that the moment a Slytherin turns up at the Gryffindor Quidditch team try-outs that they'll think something's up. Salazar, they might even think I'm spying, even though I can't stand the bloody game."
"Even if I'm the one playing?" he questioned, holding the door of the potion's classroom open and gesturing for me to head in first.
"Why should the person playing the game have any influence on my opinion of it?" I asked, brushing past him as I headed towards my desk at the back of the room.
Even though his desk was on the other side of the room, McLaggen trailed after me and when he arrived at his table, he stood in the way and frowned.
"But I said I needed luck."
"I can't imagine that I'd bring much luck to you," I said with a roll of my eyes as I unpacked my things for the lesson. "Besides, when you really need luck I'll just kiss you and that'll be all the luck you need."
His eyes narrowed playfully in my direction, crossing his arms and leaning down to prop them on the table top. "Merlin Arellano, I know we agreed that kissing was one line we wouldn't cross, but one of these days I might actually take you up on that offer. You should be careful."
"Oh please." Rolling my eyes, I pressed a finger to the centre of his forehead to push him away. He moved away willingly. "You're much too Gryffindor for that."
"That sounds like a dare," he murmured with a smirk and I shook my head incredulously, only just noticing the number of eyes that were trained on us.
Honestly, they were acting as though it was odd for the pair of us to be talking. Had they not yet realised that it was inevitable for McLaggen to, at one point in the lesson, prop himself up on my desk? Or for me to be circling his seat for that matter as I stopped to talk to him on my way to grabbing another ingredient?
But really, what was the big deal. We were only flirting; it was just a bit of fun.
"Try it if you're brave enough," I goaded the waiting Gryffindor whose eyebrows rose in surprise at my words. "I've been meaning to see if your skills lived up to all that bragging you've been doing. I hope you're not setting me up for disappointment."
He chuckled, casting a glance over his shoulder at the sound of the door opening again. When he realised that Slughorn had walked into the classroom and that the lesson was sure to begin, he straightened up with a reluctant sigh.
"Until next time Arellano," he said with a crooked smile, reaching out to tuck some of my hair behind his ear as he headed back to his own seat.
I watched him go with a smirk, shaking my head and turning my attention to the lesson that had begun. Picking up my quill, I twiddled it between my fingers with a frown; I was bored again.
**********
The school corridors were never as busy as they were when the final lesson of the day ended. It was as if the students had grown tired of spending their hours trapped in the classrooms - and I couldn't blame them. They were all rushing to get back to their common rooms to unwind before we were would all eventually make our way to the great hall for supper.
I followed to do the same. Stepping out of the Charms classroom, I walked a little quicker than normal in my bid to get back to the Slytherin common room before the first years got there and stole all the best seats. But of course, a single look and they'd be tripping over themselves to free the seats. My steps only slowed, returning to my normal pace, when an arm was slung over my shoulder. I smiled, not even needing to look up to know who had decided to join me. After all, there was only one person within this castle who so freely wrapped an arm around me.
"What are you doing here, McLaggen?" I asked pointlessly, wrapping a free arm around his waist in return.
"What makes you think I have an ulterior motive?" he questioned, tightening his arm around me and pulling me into his side.
"Are you sure you haven't fallen for me?" I raised an eyebrow and fought a smile when he laughed. "It's a valid question McLaggen - you do seem to be hovering around me a lot lately."
"Don't get so worked up Arellano." Rolling his eyes, he assured me, "I won't fall for you - besides, don't you know that commitment isn't for me?"
I scoffed, dropping my arm from around him as I retorted, "You should know that I'm not much for commitment either."
As we walked down to the dungeons his arm left my shoulder as he reached out to curl a strand of my hair around his finger, "It's why we're so good for each other; neither one of us is serious about this."
"And this way neither of us gets hurt either," I agreed gently as we approached the entrance of the common room where some of the sixth years were returning from their lesson.
McLaggen drew away from me slightly as we drew closer to the common room and we would eventually be forced to part ways. He seemed to hesitate for a moment and I put off going into the common room and instead looked over the Gryffindor who was acting very unlike himself. Shaking his head slightly, McLaggen let out a deep breath before he reached a hand out to brush his thumb across my bottom lip and my words died suddenly. Raising my eyes to his, I waited to see what he had to say.
"It's a shame," he murmured, voice heavy. "I really want to kiss you."
The abrupt confession didn't take me by surprise. In fact, I wanted to tell him that sometimes I wanted to do the same. But I didn't. Instead, I reached out to push him away from me with a firm hand against his chest.
"But that's not flirting, McLaggen," I reminded him gently. "That's not what we do."
He nodded, accepting my words in an instant, "It's a line we shouldn't cross."
"Glad you agree." Clearing my throat, I gestured for him to leave, "You should probably get back to your common room."
"I should."
He hesitated for a moment longer and I got the strangest feeling that he was going to kiss me anyway. Even though we'd both agreed that it was something that should never happen between, even though we both knew that there was nothing more between us than a harmless flirtation, he was going to do it anyway. And I wasn't sure whether I wanted him to do it or not. I held my breath for a moment and waited until he finally turned away to begin the trek to his common room. I watched his retreating back until it disappeared from view before I turned and headed into my own common room.
The moment I walked into the room Daphne was at my side, linking her arm around mine and dragging me towards one of the unoccupied sofas. I would have thrown the sixth year a strange look if I hadn't grown already used to her antics, but because I knew her, I simply let her escort me without a word. Settling herself down onto the sofa beside me, Daphne turned to me with crossed arms.
"What?" I questioned, as she continued to silently watch me.
"I saw you," she accused. "You and bloody McLaggen at the entrance to the common room. God, what is it about that Gryffindor that has you falling for him? You've been hovering around each other for years."
I made no effort to stop the derisive laugh that left me. Daphne's eyes widened slightly at the sound, but she persisted, trying to stare me down and the attempt almost made me laugh.
"I'm not falling for him Greengrass," I reassured her, a little taken aback that I had to reassure her. "He's just good to look at. That's all."
"So is Draco," she threw back. "And you're not exactly flirting with him all the time."
"I don't think so," I disagreed, "he's a bit too pale for me. And that whole moody thing that he's kicked up a notch this year? It definitely doesn't do it for me."
"Arellano."
"I'm fine with this," I assured her, "I don't do commitment and neither does he - neither of us has any misunderstandings about what this really is about."
"But it's such a waste," Daphne protested. "You could be in such a loving relationship that -"
"Maybe," I cut in, "but I kind of think you have too many expectations in that regard, Greengrass. What kind of schoolboy is going to be able to give you the type of relationship that you want? But I understand what you're getting at."
I fidgeted with my fingers as Daphne sighed, "You're not even willing to try and -"
"And even if I did get into a relationship with someone, I wouldn't know how to behave with them. I've never seen a functioning relationship, you know that."
"Well, maybe you need to try dating - someone nice and kind, someone to break down even the first layer of those defences you've built up."
**********
It was rare for McGonagall to finish her lessons early. But surprisingly, she had managed to cover all the necessary information with almost ten minutes to go and we all knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. So, when she finished the lesson by asking whether we had any questions, we all kept our hands down and that was enough for McGonagall to dismiss us.
Straightening in my seat, I began to pack my things up when the Ravenclaw sitting in the desk in front of mine, turned towards me. Stilling my movements, I raised my eyes to his only to find them averted slightly as he fidgeted with his robes.
"Can I help you with something, Carmichael?" I asked, and the sound of my voice had him raising his eyes to meet mine.
And Salazar, I recognised that look in his eyes. I'd seen it so often reflected in the eyes of some of the fifth or sixth-year boys as they did their very best to hide their appraising eyes. Hell, sometimes I even saw it in McLaggen's. It was the sudden thought of those green eyes that made me pause slightly as if I was thinking of doing something that I shouldn't have but it was just flirting. Flirting was fun, and it wouldn't hurt to try it out with someone new, now would it?
"Carmichael?" I called out again, looking to the boy who had yet to say a single word. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
He shuffled a little awkwardly in his seat, rubbing the back of his neck. I couldn't help the intrusive thought that McLaggen wouldn't do that. Except, I had no reason to be comparing the pair of them; not when they were so very different from one another.
"Are you busy?" He winced, realising just how vague his question was before he carried on to explain, "There's a Hogsmeade trip coming up this weekend."
Carmichael left the other half of his offer hanging, watching me with eager eyes and waiting for me to give him some form of answer. Looking away from him, I began to pack my things up. Yet he continued to watch me, waiting for me to speak.
"I don't go to Hogsmeade with boys, Carmichael." Folding my notes away, I stashed them inside my textbook, so they wouldn't wrinkle before stuffing them into my bag. "It's just very typical."
"I get it," he assured me with a small smile, turning back to pack his own things when I remembered Daphne's words.
I watched Carmichael for a moment longer, pondering slowly. He was a 'good' boy, right? The type of guys your parents also claimed you should be dating? The type of guy that Daphne was insistent that I needed in my life? Personally, I was fine with keeping myself distanced from boys, or everyone in general but was there something that I was missing? Surely there was some reason for why some people seemed to strive after relationships as if it was their only goal in life?
"Carmichael," I called out, biting my bottom lip for a moment as I slung my bag over my shoulder. He glanced back at me, just like I knew he would. "Maybe not Hogsmeade, but -"
Just like he had, I left the offer hanging and headed out of the classroom. And again, as if he was following the next cue written in the script, he followed after me and jogged slightly until he fell into step beside me.
"But?" he prodded, with a grin that completely lit up his boyish face. I turned to him, giving him my attention and ignoring the call of my surname that came from behind it. Distantly I recognised the voice as McLaggen's but instead of searching the hallway for him like I wanted to, I raised my eyes to the waiting ones.
"There's a Christmas party coming up," I explained, and though I tried very hard not to, my eyes drifted down the corridor in search of the Gryffindor. And I found him, not very far away from us, standing as he took in the sight of me talking to Carmichael. Turning back to Ravenclaw, I added, "Slughorn's throwing it, care to be my date for it?"
He blinked a little in surprise at the offer before nodding with a grin. But before he could verbally answer me, McLaggen crossed the remaining distance towards us and stood by my side, using his taller stature to stare down at Carmichael until he was eventually cowered into leaving.
Turning my eyes away from retreating Ravenclaw, I raised an eyebrow at the green-eyed glare that shifted onto my face. "What's your problem now, McLaggen?"
"You were flirting with him just then," he accused, eyes leaving my face to glare daggers in the direction that Carmichael had left in. "I know that look - the one you were giving him."
"Yeah, I was," I admitted truthfully, not seeing a reason to deny my actions. "It's not like we can't flirt with other people. So, I don't know why you're acting like you've got a ruddy broom up your arse."
"Are you really going to be like this?"
"I just don't see what your problem is," I said with a sigh. "Don't act like you're not currently chasing after Gryffindor's resident princess."
"But it's not serious with Granger." He crossed his arms over his chest and demanded, "Weren't you the one that said you don't do serious? That looked pretty serious."
"Well it's not serious," I said, wondering why he was making such a big deal of something that was so simple. "It's just a date. Now stop bothering me about something so stupid, and let's go to potions before we end up late."
He was silent, not saying a word as he looped an arm around my shoulder. We headed off towards our potions classroom and I wondered whether I should make an attempt to break the rather unnecessary tension that seemed to fill the space between us. But when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side, I decided against it.
**********
Last night I had gone to bed with the unsettling feeling that I was forgetting something. But I'd shrugged the feeling off as nothing and now, as I walked through the corridor with my textbook open in front of me, I wished that I hadn't dismissed it. I had a free period and then I had an Astronomy lesson which was suddenly so much more difficult at N.E.W.T. level. For one thing, professor Sinstra had become obsessed with making sure that we were doing the reading she always assigned us. Of course, no one did the reading the first few weeks but that was only until she had assigned us a surprise quiz on the chapters we were supposed to be reading.
Merlin, I had completely forgotten to do the reading and now was left to cram during my free period and that was why I couldn't spare a moment. I was even reading as I made my way to the library.
Suddenly, the book was plucked out of my hands and the rebuke died on the tip of my tongue when I looked up to find McLaggen holding my book hostage above his head. I rolled my eyes, holding my hand out for it.
"Give it here, right now," I demanded, blinking my unimpressed eyes up at him.
He frowned, although it was more of a pout. "I was expecting you to ask me what I wanted first. Isn't that the normal order of these things?"
"Fine," I rolled my eyes and fought a smile. "What do you want in return McLaggen?"
"There's the real Arellano," he said with a grin.
"What do you want?" I demanded with a sigh.
He went silent for a moment, hesitating before he admitted, "An answer to a question."
His unexpected answer threw me off, making me regard him a little more closely than I had just moments ago. "Alright," I said quietly, "go ahead."
"Rumour has it that you and Carmichael are going to the Slug Club together?" My answering nod had him lowering the book that he'd continued to hold above his head. I took the outstretched book from him, giving him an odd look as he murmured, "I thought we were only supposed to be doing this with each other? We can't keep flirting if you're suddenly dating Carmichael."
Clutching the book to my chest, I looked over the silent Gryffindor and murmured quietly, "Why are you behaving so weirdly?" But I didn't need him to answer the question for me. No, I managed to figure it out for myself, just from the way he looked away from me and suddenly I clutched the textbook tighter in my hands. Licking my bottom lip, I began hesitantly, "You don't - surely you're not ... serious about me, are you?"
He scoffed, "Of course not."
I nodded, eyeing him warily as I reminded him, "Good because we agreed that the only thing we're both good for is flirting. Not for anything serious. So, don't go thinking of anything else - let's leave it at this harmless flirting." He opened his mouth as if to say something, but I didn't let him. Glancing over his shoulder, I spied Granger hovering in the hallway and it was obvious that she wanted to say something to him. "Look, your Gryffindor princess is waiting for you."
He made no move to acknowledge Granger's presence, not even when I pointed the younger girl out. So, I decided that it was probably best for me to give the pair of them some space.
"Look, I've got a stupid quiz thing coming up for Sinstra's next class, so I need to go." He caught my arm before I could even take a single step away from him. I raised my eyes to his, swallowing slightly when I saw something brimming in them. It wasn't an emotion that I could easily identify, at least not in him. "McLaggen?"
"So, what - Carmichael," he started voice tight. He screwed his eyes shut for a moment before letting out a breath. Opening his eyes, he continued steadily, "Carmichael; is he the knight in shining armour that's just appeared to knock down all those walls you've got placed around your heart? Is that it?"
"Of course not." I shook my head at the ridiculous words. "But I need to try, don't I?"
Those words were enough to make him drop my arms and I looked him over one last time before I continued on my way to the library. Before I turned the corner, I glanced back at McLaggen who was now talking to Granger. And although the tension in his shoulders remained, it was enough to make my stomach turn uncomfortably. Was this what he felt when he saw me with Carmichael?
**********
When Slughorn's party finally arrived, I allowed Carmichael to escort me to party and I tried to enjoy myself in his presence. He was everything a date should have been but Merlin, the boy was so boring. Or rather, had being serious always been so bloody boring? And to make matters worse, Slughorn wasn't even serving anything strong enough for me to begin enjoying this horrendous evening. Salazar, if being committed to someone was so boring, I just didn't understand why people raved on and on about it. Or maybe Carmichael just wasn't for me. But there was a chance that we could always be friends, surely? Perhaps that was too much of a stretch too?
Maybe even Carmichael had agreed because he'd had no issue when I abandoned him some time ago. He was busy talking to one of the ex-students that Slughorn had invited to the party and I was doing the same. The ex-student standing before me was talking about some sort of expedition he'd been on but Merlin, did I really want to listen to this man as he told me all about the different types of Flobberworm and how they varied between the continents? Salazar, I needed a drink.
As they always did when I was bored, my eyes drifted across the room as I looked over the rest of the Slug Club members. But they eventually settled, like I knew they would on McLaggen and Granger. Although the pair of them had arrived together, it certainly didn't seem that way. They were standing far from one another, not even bothering to talk to each other. At least I wasn't the only one not enjoying this party.
I started slightly when McLaggen began to look across the room, his eyes settling on me. He gave no reaction to the weight of my eyes on him and instead raised his cup to his lips. Turning away from him, I gave my attention back to my supposed conversation partner. He told a joke that was intended to be funny and I laughed obligingly, going to take a drink from my cup which had emptied long ago.
"Will you excuse me?" I asked quietly, "I need to get a drink."
"Of course," he gestured for me to go ahead and I walked quickly away from him.
My eyes drifted to the clock mounted on the wall and I briefly wondered when I'd be able to leave this horrendous excuse of a party. Just how much longer did I need to hang around here until it wasn't considered rude for me to leave? A hand emerged suddenly, clasping around my arm and pulling me behind one of the curtains. My hand went quickly to my wand, hidden in the belt tied around my waist but I faltered, meeting McLaggen's green eyes.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hissed, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.
He appeared unwilling to give me a response and instead fixed the curtain, returning them to their original positions so that we were hidden from view. Pressing my back against the pillar behind me, I waited for McLaggen to say something. When he turned back to me, he narrowed his eyes at me.
"What is it?" I insisted. "You're silencing is getting to become very aggravating."
"Remember what you said," he began rather confusingly. "You said that kissing meant we were serious."
"I did say that," I acknowledged, furrowing my eyebrows. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
He didn't answer me with words. Instead, he pointed upwards and a quick glance up alerted me to the presence of the sprig of mistletoe hovering in the air above us. I took in a deep breath, looking back to the Gryffindor standing across from me.
"McLaggen -" I couldn't get the next word out, not when he reached out to put a single hand on my waist.
Salazar, he couldn't be serious. I met his eyes, trying to convey to him what a stupid idea this was but I knew he was resolute about this. Swallowing thickly, McLaggen stepped closer towards me, as he raised his other hand to my face as if to cradle it in his hand. He was already leaning down towards me -
I ducked out of his hands, emerging from behind the curtains before he could fully close the space between us. Not daring to look back at him, I headed straight towards the place where I had last seen Carmichael, so I could inform him that I was planning on leaving. The moment I stepped out of this stupid room, I'd take the time to stop my heart from beating so erratically. But for now, I just needed to get out of here quickly.
**********
In the days following Slughorn's disaster of a Christmas party, I took to avoiding McLaggen so well that he didn't catch even a glimpse of my shadow. In the lessons we shared, I always strolled in just before the lesson began so he couldn't approach me to talk like he so clearly wanted to, and I left the moment the bell rang, ducking into one of the hidden passages that he didn't know about. If my avoidance of him was getting on his nerves, he didn't have the opportunity to mention it. That was how the remaining weeks of the term went.
I spent my Christmas holiday at home, avoiding the train wreck that was my parent's marriage and wondering why, if mother knew about father's affairs didn't she just leave him? Because I was sure she knew - he was never very discrete about any of it. Whilst I couldn't stand the constant tension at home, it certainly helped me forget about McLaggen and I hoped that over the holiday, he'd forgotten me in the same way.
When the new term began, I was so convinced that he had managed to forget about me or that I that I had wounded his pride enough for him to give up. What I hadn't expected him to do was to corner me on my way out of the classroom. I hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether or I should smile at him in the way I normally would. But I did nothing and instead waited to see what he would do.
Realising that I wasn't trying to get away from him, he dropped his offensive stance and said only one word.
"Coward."
My eyebrows rose quickly, a sharp breath of shock slipping past my parted lips. Salazar, I had not been expecting that. I let out a deep breath, clenching my jaw and steeling myself for whatever other offensive thing he had to say to me.
"You ran from me, Arellano."
"And I'm going to do it again," I muttered, grasping my schoolbag in a tight grasp.
Brushing past him, I continued down the corridor, but of course, the idiotic Gryffindor hadn't gotten the hint. He continued to follow after me. Growing tired of his persistence, I stopped dead in my steps, looking back at him with eyes narrowed in annoyance.
"Why are you following me? Do you have anything else left to say to me?" Letting out a deep breath, I spoke tightly, "You've already called me a coward. What else are you going to say now?"
"Well what else did you expect me to call you?" he demanded, "You ran because you were scared, right? You're scared of trying."
"There's a thin line between flirting and it becoming serious McLaggen," I retorted, staring up at him in irritation. "I thought that when this all started we agreed that we'd flirt but nothing physical would happen. That's the line we set, and I am not crossing that line."
"What's the big deal?" he exclaimed, "You can't be serious with me, but you can try to be serious with bloody Carmichael. Does that make any sense? Choosing Carmichael over me?"
"We're not talking about Carmichael here. We're talking about why you're suddenly trying to pretend that a serious relationship - a committed relationship is something you want. Especially one with me."
"But I do want one," he said, voice suddenly much gentler. He reached out hesitantly, holding my shoulders. "With you, Arellano. I have for a while."
"Liar," I murmured in shock because he had to be lying. There was no way that he was speaking the truth.
"Ok, say I am lying, what do I stand to gain from this?"
Although his words made sense, he just couldn't -
Surely, he didn't -
But he did. It was all there, written all over his face. I bit my bottom lip uncertainly.
Salazar, if I was ever going to try to become serious, it wouldn't be with someone like him. He wasn't a 'good' guy, the type of boy you brought home to your parents. Merlin, sometimes he reminded me too much of my father and in those moments, what else was there to do but pull away from him. Because even if I could imagine a serious relationship with him, and Circe could I, I would just remember my mother's fate and that was enough to remind me why we couldn't happen.
McLaggen, misreading my thoughts, began to speak earnestly as if trying to convince me. "If this is about Granger, we both knew that we were just using each other and -"
"This isn't - about Granger, that is," I said quietly, shaking my head slowly and drawing out of his arms. "This is about me and my ability to commit to anyone in general. Whether that person is you or anyone else. So just give up."
**********
But of course, he didn't listen to my words.
When I returned to Hogwarts for the beginning of the new term, I had promised myself that I would be a more dedicated student, even if it was only because these upcoming exams mattered. So, like all the 'good' students did, I spent more time in the library so much so that the corner I normally studied at became my table. My friends had taken to calling me hopeless, until they remembered just how close N.E.W.T.s were and then they were quick to join me. No doubt, even today, they were all going to slowly walk into the library to settle down in the seats beside me. But for now, I was alone and could peacefully review my notes from my last Charms lesson.
Or I had been until McLaggen decided that it was perfectly natural for him to settle himself down in the seat across from me. Just the appearance of him had me straightening up in my seat, leaning as far back in it as I could have. If McLaggen knew just how many times our last conversation had played through my mind, then I was sure he would have been thrilled.
Except, no matter how many times I thought over him, I just couldn't get over the similarities between him and my father. I wasn't willing to risk the chance of ending up hurt like my mother was, so it was simply better to not even entertain the thought of dating McLaggen. Even if he was the only person that I thought it would be alright to be serious for. I couldn't let myself dwell on those thoughts for long.
McLaggen took too much joy at my evident surprise, smiling at me as he said, "I decided to corner you here on purpose; you can't make a scene in the library or else Pince will have your head. And we both know that she's cranky enough to make Snape listen to her."
Clearing my throat, I crossed my arms and muttered, "How very Slytherin of you."
He smirked at that, leaning across the table to play with the quill I'd left lying on the table. "You appreciate the effort, don't you?"
I was very reluctant to admit that I did appreciate the effort, so I didn't tell him that at all. Instead, I asked, "What do you want?"
"You already know the answer to that question, Arellano," he said with a roll of his eyes, leaning back in his seat and mirroring my position. "Aren't you supposed to be bright?"
"Cut the crap McLaggen," I said sharply, straightening up and leaning towards the table and speaking firmly, "I know you, you don't do serious. So just stop it."
"You're right," he agreed casually, "I don't do serious. But neither do you and I know that but for some reason, I wouldn't mind being serious. Not if it's you."
"And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Because it's you." Glancing away from him, I added hesitantly, "That's the truth, McLaggen."
He narrowed his eyes at my words, demanding, "What?"
"Truthfully," I began steadily, "you're too much like my father."
My answer took him by surprise, that much was evident, but they also offended him much more than anything I'd ever said to him. He wasn't unknowing of the true nature of my parent's relationship and it had been under a veritaserum induced haze when he'd asked why I didn't like my father that the truth had come spilling out despite my efforts to stop it.
"You won't even give me a chance to prove your thoughts wrong?" he asked quietly, growing solemn under my eyes.
"No, I won't."
His crossed his arms over his chest, thinking for a moment and when his eyes lifted off the table top I stiffened. That look in his eyes meant that he was up to something. It simultaneously set me on edge, but also made me want to listen closer. The only problem was what was he -
"I was right," he began steadily, "you're a coward, Arellano."
And though I knew he was playing with me, that he knew baiting me, I demanded crossly, "What?"
"You heard me," he taunted, leaning back in his seat, now confident that I was going to play right into his hands.
"Damn you," I spat, and I watched in irritation as the knowing smirk grew on his face. Letting out a deep breath, I went on to mutter, "Once, just once McLaggen."
**********
2 YEARS LATER
They said that Christmas was a time for family, and yet I wanted nothing more than to get away from mine. Cormac and I had spent the last Christmas with his family and whilst I was jealous of the relationship Cormac had with his father, I was even more bitter about the relationship his parents shared. But the McLaggens had welcomed me with open arms and I had been grateful for it. I had secretly hoped that we would have joined his family again this year but apparently, Cormac had other plans. He had claimed that since last Christmas had been spent with his family, it was only fair that we spent this Christmas with mine.
I spent every spare moment in the build-up to Christmas trying to convince the stubborn man that spending a Christmas with my family was the last thing he wanted. He knew about the relationship my parents had, he knew how strained my relationship with my father was so what reason could he possibly have for wanting to sit in that tense, suffocating atmosphere? Arellano family Christmases were nothing like McLaggen family ones were. There was no warm exchanging of gifts in front of the fireplace, no children running around with cheeks reddened from their laughter, and all the adults certainly didn't clamber into the kitchen to cook the meal together.
No, Arellano family Christmases were cooked by house-elves who magically summoned all the food to the table as mother and father sat on opposite ends of the table with me forced to sit between them. Father would continue to make digs about how mother had let herself go after giving birth to me and mother at that point wouldn't take another bite of her food and would instead reach for her wine glass which would refill itself a countless number of times over the duration of the meal. Father would shower me with affection, calling me the apple of his eye but I 'd wonder whether he truly meant that and inevitably, he would be the first to leave the table and announce that he was leaving to meet his latest mistress. He would hop into the fireplace and completely miss the way mother's head fell into her hands as she smothered her cries.
So really, I saw no reason for Cormac to want to accompany me. Despite my insistent protests, he claimed that he could handle it.
But now, as he sat rather silently beside me, I wondered whether he regretted those words. Father, always one to keep up appearances, had informed us that since Cormac was going to be staying with us, he wasn't going to be visiting his mistress. Neither mother or I welcomed that news.
Throughout the dinner, as he drank more wine, father's character slowly began to shine through and the digs inevitably started. The first time he'd said something horrendous, Cormac had jolted as if he wanted to say something, but I reached out to put a hand on his knee, halting him. The first few times I had said something too, but mother didn't want it. She'd rather we continued to act as though nothing was wrong. So, Cormac took in a deep breath and returned to his meal.
Father, like always, was the first to finish his meal but before he left the table like he always did, he turned to address Cormac, "When you're finished, come and join me for a smoke."
"I don't smoke, sir," Cormac said firmly, and I watched my boyfriend with a little surprise, he had gotten much better at hiding his emotions. If I didn't know what to look for, I wouldn't notice the anger brimming beneath the surface.
"For a drink then," father amended with a smile. "Leave the women to their gossiping and come and join me for a drink. I get the impression that we have much in common."
If he saw the way I stiffened at the throwaway words, Cormac said nothing about it. Instead, he reached out to take my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "I don't really think so, sir."
Father shrugged, as if it was Cormac's loss, and finally left the room. Mother pushed away from the table too and I just knew that she was going to cry on her own; she wouldn't let the tears fall because Cormac was around.
"Excuse me for a minute," I said apologetically to my boyfriend who had no idea to react in the unfamiliar situation, "I'm just going to check on mum."
"Of course," he agreed, pressing a kiss to my hand as I rose to my feet.
Following after mum, I made my way through the house and to her room; father and she had long since stopped sharing a room. I hesitated on the other side of the door, her sobs carrying into the hallway. Taking a moment to steady myself, I pushed the door open and walked into the room and headed straight for the bed where she sat with her head in her hands.
"Mum," I called out gently, wrapping my arms around her. "Why do you continue to do this? You can leave him, we'll leave him."
"I wouldn't know what else to do," she murmured, wiping her tears away and giving me a strong smile. "For as long as I can remember, I've been your father's wife. Salazar, we married when I was straight out of Hogwarts -"
"And he was the older man that charmed you," I finished steadily for her, brushing a hand over her hair. "But he's gone back on every promise he's made to you. Why stay in a marriage where he uses you as nothing more than a pawn to maintain the image he has? Salazar, I've even had the divorce papers drawn up for you - all you need to do is sign on the dotted line and I'll handle it from there."
She sniffled, caressing my cheek, "My darling daughter, the only thing that made me keep going."
Her words brought tears to my eyes that I blinked away. "Please, if that's true then do this for me. I can't keep seeing you suffering in this way.
"But where would we go?" she protested.
"With me," Cormac's voice sounded from the doorway as he stepped into the room. Mother's eyes widened as she tried to say something to fix the situation. "I hope you don't mind my intrusion."
"Cormac," I began warningly but he didn't listen to me and instead crossed the room until he was crouching in front of our seated forms.
He reached out to take my mother's hand in between both of his. "You could come and stay with your son-in-law."
"We're not married."
"Not yet, anyway," he added quickly, eyes only for mother as he smiled gently up at her. "You could get away from here and come with me? I'm just becoming a more famous Quidditch player but I make more than enough to support us."
"You're being ridiculous," mother chastised, even as she melted under his eyes.
"Perhaps, but once I marry your stubborn daughter - I'll be like your son, so you can rely on me." Mother didn't say another word and instead, her eyes drifted to her bedside table and it was enough for hope to begin to bloom within me. Deep in the top drawer of the bedside table were the divorce papers I'd managed to draw up in her stead.
And if her change in mind had really been because of Cormac, then I was going to marry the man like he so clearly wanted.
____________________
So, I think the angsty-ness I've been feeling kind of bled over into the ending of this one shot. But anyway, just a reminder that from now on every one shot I post will be private so you'll need to follow me to read it.
Here are your hints for the next one:
* Played as a chaser on the house quidditch team
* Was selected to be the team captain
* He was REALLY hard to write for, and that is not an exaggeration