Begging his nervously shaking legs to please stay still, Ming forced himself to let out one of his signature bright smiles. But it seemed that he wasn't doing so good of a job. Because the grim expression of the man sitting in front of him did not change one bit. Ming's awkward smile faltered.
From the moment that he picked up the call this morning, Ming couldn't get rid of a sinking feeling that this meeting wasn't going to be pleasant. And he certainly had a reasonable basis for feeling that way. Ming had never met the man in front of him just by himself. Kit had always been by his side in each and every such encounter, which definitely boosted Ming's courage and confidence.
Of course, even with Kit by his side, the man never really did smile at Ming. At the sight of Ming, his typically grumpy face had always been fixed into a scowl, accompanied with a mouth spewing out a string of threats that were aimed directly at him. Threats that all basically summed up to how the man would be sure to kill Ming if he ever broke his baby brother's heart. And whenever that happened, even if he put on an unfazed front, Ming had always secretly felt (very very very) intimidated. But, right now, Ming would rather take all the deadly threats than sit through this wordless staring contest.
After what seemed like an eternity of chilling silence, Kieng sighed and finally opened his mouth.
"Ming, I like you."
What the f*ck?! Ming felt his jaw drop in shock. That was definitely not what he was expecting to hear. He blinked rapidly at Kieng, desperately trying to figure out what he should say in response. Thank you?! That's good to know?! I like you too?!
Not giving Ming a chance to get over his shock and come up with an appropriate response, Kieng continued to speak.
"I know you're a good guy. And, most importantly, I've seen how happy you make my brother. But this is spinning way out of control."
Kieng paused and shot Ming an expectant look. With confusion written all over his face, Ming just stared back at Kieng, not knowing what to say. Kieng sighed again.
"You don't know," Kieng mumbled under his breath. "Of course, you don't. Kit may try to act all tough on the outside, but you and I both know that his heart is way too soft. He wouldn't want to hurt you in any way, even if it means that he would take on all the pain alone."
The sinking feeling inside of him instantly grew into a roaring hurricane of dread. At that very moment, Ming knew that he was about to find out the ultimate truth. The truth behind everything that he had been dying to know. The truth that Kit had promised to tell him tonight. And even though his brain frantically ordered him to tell Kieng to stop and to wait until Kit was ready to tell him directly, his mouth wouldn't listen. Because Ming really wanted to know. Why Kit had pushed him away again and again, even when he still loved him and was tearing himself apart every step of the way.
"Your mother. She's not accepting of your relationship with Kit. And she voiced her opinion directly to him."
Ming's heart dropped.
"I don't know how many times because Kit will never say, but it was definitely enough to convince him that continuing his relationship with you would destroy your world. Yesterday, your mother came to our house and voiced her concerns to our mother as well. Luckily, there wasn't anyone in the house except for Mom and me, but it's not going to be long until your mother spills out the truth to our entire family."
Kieng's eyes softened when they read the utter despair on Ming's face.
"Despite what Kit thinks, this isn't something that he can handle by himself," Kieng said in a gentle but firm voice. "And he shouldn't. You need to know too because this is your decision as well. Ming, I want you to think about it. I want you to be completely sure before you decide to keep pursuing this. And if you're going to end everything with Kit, I'd rather you break my brother's heart now than later."
Although he tried his best to listen to Kieng's voice and process his words, Ming couldn't hear anything at that moment. Because his brain was too busy dealing with the wreckage of his heart. Ming closed his eyes shut.
***
He didn't know how many minutes had passed as he aimlessly sat there in his car, attempting to recover from what had just been slammed into his heart. It didn't work. Ming felt forever suffocated as a chaotic jumble of dark emotions kept stomping on every little piece of his shattered heart.
The betrayal.
Because Ming had never thought that his mother would turn against him. Especially behind his back. He had known perfectly well that his father would most likely never give his support, but Ming had always believed that his mother would be on his side.
Back in his high school days, when she suspected that her son's best friend might be gay, his mother had been very open-minded about it.
"There's nothing wrong with that," she had commented in a calm voice.
Ming had felt relieved inside, even though he continued to refute her suspicions. He didn't want to risk creating any bad reputation for his friend. "What would you do if that happens to me?" He had randomly asked in order to switch her focus.
"Well it's difficult to imagine given your history of women," she had joked. "Right now, anyone who could make you stop passing through girl after girl and finally settle down for once would win me over."
Ming had laughed with her, as he tried to ignore a particular smiling face with dimples that kept popping up in his thoughts endlessly during that time of his life.
The self-loathing.
Because Kit had probably tried to tell him in his own careful way. To a Ming who was always so f*cking clueless as ever.
"Ming, tell me about your parents," Kit had asked him one day, smiling when Ming had given him a curious look at the abrupt question. "You've met my family but I've never had the opportunity to meet yours."
Ming had smiled back, pausing for a second before giving his thoughts. "Well, they're both quite strict. Especially my father. He's difficult. You know, my whole life, I always tried my best to win his affection. To meet his standards and be a son who he would be proud of. But I don't think I've ever satisfied him."
Clearing his throat, Ming had quickly moved on because he never really liked talking about his father.
"My mother, less so. I'm her only child, so I guess she spoiled me rotten my whole life. But she's also my number one supporter and respects all my thoughts and decisions," Ming had told him, while his lips slowly curved up into a playful grin. "You know, she would definitely like you."
"Yeah?"
"She likes pretty things, and you obviously are the most beautiful of them all."
"I hope so," Kit had whispered back in a soft voice. Ming had cocked his head to the side, a little confused at Kit's reaction. He had been expecting Kit to roll his eyes and smack Ming for his silliness. But Kit had just smiled at him. "I hope that your family likes me."
Ming had beamed back at Kit, tightening his hold on him when Kit had snuggled back into his arms. Of course they will. It's impossible not to like you. Ming had soothed Kit in a gentle voice as he showered an infinite number of kisses on him.
That moment had been one of Ming's most precious memories because he had felt so touched that Kit was thinking about meeting Ming's family. Excited that Kit was hinting at a future that involved the two of them spending it together. But Ming hadn't realized at the time. He hadn't realized until now that Kit's smile had been slightly broken before he eventually hid his face inside Ming's embrace.
The heartache.
Because his mind kept flashing back to Kit. His precious Kit who kept crying in his recent memories. Who had probably cried over and over again by himself, during those moments when Ming wasn't there with him.
Ming had his suspicions about what had happened, but all of his guesses had revolved around Kit's family. Perhaps Kit's parents had found out about their relationship. Perhaps Kit's family disapproved of Ming and demanded that he end everything. And if that were the case, then, even if he really wanted to, Ming couldn't force Kit to choose him over his family, unless Kit was willing to do so. He couldn't force Kit on a path that might make him miserable.
But he was wrong. He had been wrong about this the entire time. It had never been about Kit's happiness. It had always been about his. Or about what Kit thought was Ming's happiness. Even when, ironically, all of Ming's happiness had already been chained to Kit from the very moment that he first laid eyes on him.
Ming, do you know? You make me the happiest person in the world. Kit's sweet words from last night began to replay in his head. And Ming couldn't take it anymore. The car horns shrieked loudly when he crashed his arms on the steering wheel and buried his tear-drenched face in them.
***
"Why didn't you tell me?"
The first task that came to his distressed mind was driving straight to his parents' house and confronting his mother. As he expected, her face revealed no signs of surprise when Ming had stormed into the house and approached her with a furious expression.
"I'm the one who fell in love with him first. I'm the one who chased him relentlessly until he finally gave in. I'm the one who you should be talking to. So why did you have to meet him behind my back and hurt him?" Ming spat out in a trembling voice.
"Because you're too emotional about this." His mother let out a weary sigh, her eyes overridden with exhaustion. "Ming, I know that you really like him, but please think about it. Just casual dating is not ideal but fine. But you're serious about him, aren't you? You're already throwing away good opportunities in your life because of him. And that's just going to happen again and again. Can't you see? No matter how hard you try to make up for it, he's always going to be that one flaw in your life that everyone spots and judges you for."
Ming clenched all the muscles in his body to stop his bubbling fury from exploding out of him.
"And the same goes for him," she continued to say. "His life is going to be so difficult if he continues to stay with you. And from what I've seen, his family is also not very supportive of your relationship with him. Are you going to make him suffer because of your selfishness?"
Ming closed his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. "That's how you attacked him, right?" he quietly said, his voice sounding eerily calm. "Saying how he was going to ruin my life? Telling him how selfish he was being? But that's not going to work on me. Because I'm different from him. Kit, he's so soft and full of compassion. He always puts others and their happiness before his. But I was always selfish. I don't care at all about the happiness of others as long as I can claim my own. He was the one exception to that. I couldn't press for my selfish wants if I was hurting him. But I've seen how miserable he was when we were apart. And if he's willing to hang on to me, then there's no reason for me to let him go."
Ming gave his mother one final look before turning away and heading towards the door. He told her everything that he needed to say, and he was on his way to end this once and for all.
"Are you going to your father?"
Ming stopped his steps, but he didn't turn back towards her. "Yes. He needs to know now."
"You'll be breaking our family apart."
"We were already a broken family from the very beginning."
"You're just like your father," she accused him with a shaking voice.
Her bitter words wrenched his heart in an instant. She was right. It was the one truth that he had tried to deny for the longest time, but had eventually accepted. Because he finally realized that accepting it was the only way that would let him love Kit. That would give him the opportunity to be happy for the rest of his life.
"I'm sorry, Mother."
And with that soft-spoken apology, Ming opened the door and walked away.
***
Author's Note: Apologies again for the super late update T.T I send all my love and infinite gratitude to any readers who have still been patiently waiting for this story. Life keeps demanding to take up all my time, but I really do plan to finish this story! (I think I have about 4-5 chapters left?) :D As always, thank you to all who read, vote, and comment!!!