I felt that I was getting closer to Seven and he knows I like him that's been established but I felt I needed to get closer to the rest of them, that I should become a person that they know and can trust. I want them all to be happy and I thought I was the one to do it.
Jumin: Hello, Mc
Me: hello jumin how have you been?
Jumin: I've been better. How are you?
Jumin: are you settling in the apartment alright?
Me: I've been good thanks to you guys and I've been settling in the apartment slowly
Jumin: well it makes sense since you've basically been forced to stay there until Luciel and V find that hacker
Jumin: But if you really wanted to you could just leave the chatroom, delete the app and never speak to us again
Me: that would be sad
Jumin: you don't want to leave us?
Me: absolutely not! You guys make my morning better, you guys really make everything better to be honest...
Jumin: well I'm glad to hear that......it's rare that it's just the two of us in this chatroom
Me: it is....usually another member pops up and takes us to another conversation
Jumin: yes... I'm glad we can just talk for once....I want to get to know you more thoroughly
Me: same here
Jumin: that's surprising
Me: why?
Jumin: well you seem to like Seven, which means that you like who he is and in turn that means your kinda like him
Jumin: and he's very different from me
Jumin: why would you take interest?
Me: well I'm no one paged book, there's more then just what I adore about Seven in me....in some ways I feel I relate to you
Jumin: you? Relate to me?
Me: was that supposed to sound snobby?
Jumin: absolutely not, It was a more a deep confusion...
Me: well I can tell that you feel lonely....I feel that too...like no one understands what your truly going through...and you hide it to feel strong or just to get through daily life
Jumin:......
Me: I feel like you ball up your emotions until there this tangled mess and one day your not going to be able to hold them back. Everyone brakes.
Jumin: I feel your finding things that aren't true
Me: maybe...I also feel like you want someone you can depend on....that isn't V.....I'll be that person if you give me that chance....in a friend way
Jumin: I don't need people to depend on
Me: but it never hurts to have one
Jumin: I guess I didn't make this clear. I. Don't. Need. People. To. Depend. On.
Me: say what you want but it's nice to have a shoulder when you brake
Jumin: I must leave for a meeting
Jumin: please take care MC
Jumin Han has left the chatroom
Jumin didn't like talking about emotions, I got that, but I don't want him to feel alone...I want him to feel comfort. He works all the time and puts emotions last which can really hurt him, Especially when your best and only friend is keeping secrets from you and you can tell that it's hurting him. I want to help him.
Phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Hello, MC"
"I....I felt I should call you"
"Okay....why did you feel the need to call? That didn't sound mean right?! Oh sorry if it did"
"No...it didn't sound mean...don't be sorry.....I really don't know why I called I just felt I should"
"Is it because you kinda left the chatroom in a hurry after I talked about emotions?"
"Maybe....yes. I don't talk about feelings, so don't take offense if I don't want to talk to you about them"
"I don't. I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to untie those tangled threads in your head"
"*deep inhale* what did you just say?"
"If you want to untie those tangled threads in your head?"
"Yes that!....."
"Are you really Okay Jumin?"
"Yes I'm fine"
"I know your lying"
"How?"
"I can tell in your voice"
"I sound the same as usual"
"You did there but not when you said you were fine"
"I don't understand how you could tell something like that"
"It's easy...it more of the feeling you get when you hear someone say something that tells you something is up"
"The feeling?"
"You know like the feeling you get when...ummm oh! Like when a business deal looks all perfect but there's something telling you not to make the deal...it's kinda like that...you just feel something wrong"
"I guess I know that feeling, but that's definitely not enough to go off of"
"Maybe not, but can you say I'm wrong?"
"Yes"
"But Can you say I'm one hundred percent wrong about what I said in the chatroom?"
".....No"
"Well, Jumin I'm sorry you feel that way.....if there's anything I can do to help"
"I....don't need help...but thank you"
"Jumin...."
"If I ever need to talk about.....emotions....I'll come to you. Okay?"
"Okay...."
"You really are helping me..."
"Am I?"
"I wouldn't even think about...thinking about my feelings if you weren't here.....would you be upset if I talked about V?"
"Not at all...I'm here to listen"
"There's this study I read that said that people can feel better when they talk, even if they don't get advice back...just having someone to listen to them..."
"Do you think it works?"
"I don't know"
"Well we can test the theory"
"We could...."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes"
"I want an honest answer"
"Okay"
"Are you okay?"
"........"
"Jumin?"
".....Ye......yeeee.......No"
He hung up.
I sat in the apartment, just hearing him fight to get the word yes out broke my heart...I wanted to help him. I believed I saw things in him that others didn't or just ignored. He put on this facade of being put together but on the inside he was falling apart, his world around him was crumbling, I just needed to put my hand out far enough to pull him to safety.
Phone rings 5 hours later
"Hello?"
"Hello Jumin"
"I need to say some things so just listen...I don't want to hear your voice or I might stop"
"...."
"I feel that tangled mess you were talking about, it feels like there's threads inside my head that are all tangled in a ball and everyday that goes by they ball only gets tighter and tighter. I felt that no one could see them besides Elizabeth the 3rd until I met you, you reached out, you admitted that you could see them and when I talk about my.....feelings to you I feel like the ball gets loose. I know you don't want me romantically....but I'll gladly accept you as a friend, you've done more to help me in a few days then V has in all our years of friendship. It's sad to say but I'm losing trust in V and I don't like saying that.....it hurts....I feel he's distant, that he doesn't want me to know the truth on what happened between him a Rika....I was friends with Rika but he was always like a brother and Rika hurt his eyes, I could never forgive her for doing something like that and she said if she wasn't already with him she would have picked me and basically said that if I ever wanted to have her she would break ties with V....that's.....that's so wrong on so many levels. I can feel his sorrow and he won't let me help him and I'm zero to no help because I'm bad with emotions and he only speaks with Luciel and I don't know why...there's no way he knew Luciel longer than me because Luciel is younger than us so I think it might be like a father son kind of thing because Luciel has never talked about a father in any sense but he's talked about a mother in different ways like a time he was talking about a dream he had and there was a mother cat but no father cat he also only talks about mother so a mother must have been a big part in his life wether it was good or bad and a father must have not been and I think V has taken that place of a father figure for Luciel and that's why Luciel trust V with his life also maybe V knows who Luciel was before joining the secret agency that Luciel is a part of now but that still doesn't show how they would have met...Luciel has a bathtismal name so that means he was bathtiesed but he was bathtiesded way after he was born because Luciel is not his birth name so maybe they met each other at a church and built a relationship that way but that still leaves some gaps.......are you still there?"
"Yes"
"Oh....you were listening like I said"
"Mmmhmm"
"I kinda went all over the place. Let's never talk of this again"
"No it's fine I'm glad I got to hear some of your inner thoughts"
"I do feel a lot better"
"That's good....Rika hurt Vs eyes?"
"I shouldn't have said that. Please forget you heard that"
"Okay, I won't talk or ask about it again"
"Thank you.....why did you pick Luciel?"
"Hmm?"
"*deep breath out* never mind. When people do what you just did it usually means they heard what you said and they were confused by it and want to hear it again"
"True, did you want me to choose you?"
"......is it rude if I say yes?"
"No"
"Then.....yes. I hope you two the best and I wish that he never does anything to harm you mentally or physically but I wish I had your heart.....that's an horrible thing to say.....I deeply apologize."
"No....it's really fine. Jumin I don't want things to be awkward between us"
"I would never let that happen"
"That doesn't mean I want you to sweep your feelings under the rug.....you can find a woman who can truly untie those threads for you"
"There's not"
"Maybe in another life we will meet and my heart will go to you but.....in this one....it belongs to Seven"
"I understand that....I.....I think I'm feeling jealousy right now. It's a mixture of...Mad and sadness" he said in a calm tone and with zero emotion
"Please jumin don't be mad or sad. I love you and your in my heart like all the members are but just not romantically.....I wish I could give you a hug right now"
"It's fine I understand.....I guess I'll wait for you in another life....." he says with a laugh
"I'll see you then" I laugh with
"The sky is beautiful tonight"
"Indeed it is"
"I hope that you solve any problems you have in life and I hope you find true happiness with Luciel but I'm claiming you in another life" he says with a laugh
"Okay Jumin. I'll be all yours then" I say with a laugh and a smile
"I think I should have a glass of wine then go to bed"
"Wait get your glass of wine while we are on the phone!"
"Why?"
"You'll see. Just do it"
"*glug noise* it's poured now, what now?"
"Okay now act as if your cheersing with someone in 3 2 1...." right at one I made a cling noise with my glass of water
"Oh I see" he said with a laugh
"Cheers?" I said with a shy smile
"Cheers" He said and I made the cling of the glass again and he laughed though his drink
"It was.....really nice talking to you MC"
"Same goes to you"
"Can I....could I call again if I need to talk....like this?"
"Absolutely"
"Okay.....Have a goodnight MC"
"You to Jumin"
He hangs up
I really felt that Jumin and I connected that night. I do feel bad that I had to friend zone him, and he feels he will never find a girl after me and it hurt my heart to hear him say that but my heart belongs to Seven and that's not going to change, like I said maybe in another life.