Title: Moon
Author: NovelistFang
Rating: 9.2/10
Status: Work in Progress
Authors Description:
Lightning cohen and Falz Cohen were siblings but in debts of their father from the mafia, they were force to be slaves for 10 years to fill the debt which is from their selfish father. One night they escape from the Fortress of The mafia. They keep running through the deep woods until they met the tall bricks and the barbwire scattered on wall, they had been surrounded by the men of the boss called "Robert". Falz let his younger brother to escape first and he will deal the all men by himself, luckily he did defeat them all and he found his brother unconsciously laying on the ground and they went to their old house. They went to a new life with their new name and entering a university and fell in love. But the thing is, they don't know that Robert is still alive and planning to get revenge from the brothers. (there some mistakes and errors regarding on my story and grammar, but please try to enjoy my story as long as you can, sorry for my poor descripion, i love you all)
My Thoughts:
The idea and concept of the story is good, such an original story line. I liked how I was confused in the beginning but was able to fill in the blanks easily by your writing. Now for the criticsm starting with your description, Don't write things like sorry for my grammar and comments to the audience in the description. The description is what readers rely on to chose which books they are going to read, you don't want to give them a bad impression even before they start reading your book. The title of your book doesn't have much of a link to the story line, so maybe you should change it? Also yes your grammar and spelling is a little off but it is fixable. Also in different dialogues or some of your description the words become awkward like you don't know how to explain an event in the right way. Read over your work out loud and it will be noticeable and itll make edditing your story much easier. It is good but from experience these things play a big part in the advertising of your book. And sorry to say I don't like your cover picture and maybe that might need to change aswell but as for the writing itself its perfect once you get past the minor mistakes. Well done and keep writing.
Pointers to Audience:
- Read and support, this story can go a long way.