Songs for the chapter:
Beyoncé // I Care
Harry's P.O.V
"You promised," I spoke quietly but sharply. She looks confused at first but she seems to realize what I meant because her facial expression changes from a confused one with her eye brows knitted together to her eyes widening and her mouth forming an 'o' shape.
"What?" She asks.
"You know what I'm talking about." I say eyeing the skin on her wrist that was exposed moments again, but now is covered.
"Harry"
"I-I'm sorry," her voice comes out small and weak.
"When did you do it?" I asked ignoring her apology.
"Last n-night," guilt floods through me instantly. The night I left her alone she's done this to herself.
"Fuck!" I scream pulling my hair aggressively before spinning around, knocking a cup off of the table in the process.
"Dammit, Mel I'm so sorry." I apologize sincerely. I was out, partying when she needed me the most.
"Shit!" I swear again.
"Harry, please calm down. I-it's not your fault! I'm s-sorry!" Her voice is still small. But She's now standing up gripping my shoulders sliding her hands up down trying to get my attention.
"I'm so sorry," I say quietly finally looking her in the eyes.
She wraps her arms around my neck I respond immediately by weaving my arms to her lower back.
"Why'd you do it?" I mumbled against her neck. My voice just as quiet as hers was. I tried to hide the disappointment in my tone but I can tell she heard it despite my best attempts to hide it.
She's quiet for a few minutes before she finally speaks. "I don't know." She states simply. "The physically pain distracts me from the emotional pain." She continues. She's told me this before when we were playing questions. When id asked her the same question. Why do you do this to yourself.
But this time I didn't want a vague, empty response. I want what caused such emotional pain that she resort to physically harming herself to distract her from her emotional turmoil? What caused such great pain that causes her to intentionally hurt herself?
And to know she was in a dark place and I wasn't there for her was enough to bring my own wave of horrendous pain, and guilt upon myself. I hate how utterly Sad and miserable she is. I hate how I wasn't there for her. I hate that she has dealt with this for so long. I hate that I couldn't take the pain away from her and put it upon myself because if I could I would, In a heart beat.
I hate that she isn't happy.
"W-what caused the emotional pain?"
Again, she quiet for what seems like hours which in reality was probably only a couple minutes.
"Can we sit?" She asks, her voice already cracking.
I nod moving toward the couch. We sit on opposite sides of the couch, facing each other.
"I have been through hell, Harry" she starts. She takes a few breathes before continuing. "I've never had anyone there for me, ever. And I'm so used to having to bottle up my emotions because I had no one to express them to. Sometimes everything just gets so overwhelming and I need a release. And that's where these come from." She points to her wrist. "It's really hard to describe. At first it was just self hate, I wanted to destroy myself, I wanted to Inflict pain on myself. I felt like I deserved it but then I noticed it balanced out my pain also. It was a release from everything I was feeling, the only release I could get. It distracted me from the emotional pain. I don't know how to deal with such powerful emotions and that's when I turn to this."
"Did you try to talk to anyone?"
"I didn't have anyone, Harry," guilt immediately flooded through me. She shook her head assuring me it was fine and she knows I didn't mean it like that.
"W-what about your dad?"
"He left my-" she was cut off by a loud pounding at my front door.
"Open up it's the police!" I deep voice sounds from the other side of the door.
"What the fuck" i say looking over to Melody. Her eyes are widen with fear.
"Hold on," I say before getting up and walking over to the door. I try to look through the peephole but it's covered.
I cautiously unlock the door, and swinging it open slowly.
"I didn't do-"
I'm cut off when I'm faced with a wide grinning Niall, an annoyed Liam, and Louis who's trying to fight back laughter.
"We got you go huh? You should of seen your face Haz! It was priceless!" Niall says. He is now laughing, hard. Louis lets out a small chuckle. Liam is just standing with his side pressed against the side of the door, looking irritated at his immature behavior.
"Sorry Harry. I told him not to do it," Liam sighs. I wave off his apology.
"What the fuck are you guys doing here?"Annoyance clear in my voice.
"You left your car at the party last night, idiot. And as the good friends we are we came to return it to you." Liam says with a half smile, dangling my keys in front of my face.
"Uh thanks I guess," I reply taking the keys. I totally forgot about my car to be honest.
"Welcome," Niall grins pushing his way Into my flat along with Louis, followed my Liam.
"What are yo-" I begin but I'm quickly cut off by Niall's voice.
"Ooh Harry, is this your girlfriend? Now it all makes sense! Why you haven't been hanging, or talking to us lately. Who would of thought Harry would finally have a girlfriend! I'm proud of you mate. She's pretty too."
"God, Niall fuck off she's not my girlfriend!" I groan running my hands through my hair pulling at the roots. They haven't even been here for five minutes and they're already driving me up a fucking wall.
"Sorry about... Them. I'm Liam" Liam introduces himself to Melody with a smile.
She nods in acknowledgment. A small smile spreads across her face. I know she's not in the mood for this shit right now and neither am I.
"So thanks for my car but me and Melody have some stuff to to an-,"
Louis cuts me off, "Ah, nice try mate but you're not getting rid of us that easy!" He smirks dropping his eye, winking.
"Bloody hell," I groan pushing my fingers through my hair once more.
Niall puts a movie in, and turns on the TV plopping right next to Mel with his arms around her shoulders. A flash of anger runs through me.
"Niall. Get. The. Fuck. Up. Now."
"Why? She's not your girlfriend right?" He asks, smirking snuggling further Into Melody. She looks petrified. And I'm getting angrier every second he's touching her.
I take a few deep breathes.
"I don't care, stop touching her." I say slowly.
His smirk only grows, but he removes his hand from her shoulders raising both of his arms up in defense.
"Okay, okay."
"Jesus Niall, this is why We don't take you out in public." Liam scolds him. Rolling his eyes. Niall flips him off before turning to me.
"Sorry, Harry I'll behave if you let us stay, pleaseeee?" he asks playfully batting his eyelashes, and poking out his bottom lip
A frustrated sigh leaves my lips my palms run over my face multiple times before looking over at Melody surprise to see an amused smile on her lips. I asked her silently does she mind and she shakes her head slightly signaling she understood me and that she doesn't mind.
"I don't care. I don't fucking care!" I give in.
I walk over to the couch where Niall is still sitting by Melody, a little too close for my-Melody's liking.
"Move."
He listens quickly, getting Up from the couch moving to the opposite side. Louis sits in the chair. One of his legs are pulled to his chest while the other hangs lazily off the arm of the chair. Liam is on the floor in front of the chair, his legs extended in front of him.
The Telly is now playing Paranormal Activity 2.
"I've seen this shit ten times!" I complain.
"Well now you'll see it eleven times," louis says clapping his hands together.
"And press play, you're the only one up." He adds. I flip him off before waking to the Telly to press play.
I groan once against before plopping on the couch next to Melody.
"Are you okay with this?" I ask Melody only loud enough so she can hear.
She nods. I grab a blanket, returning back to the couch I lay it over me and Melody.
"Are you hungry?" I ask Melody once again, remembering that we haven't ate breakfast yet.
"No, I'm fine." I nod and focus my attention back to the Telly.
About halfway through the movie I see Melody shaking. She pulled the blanket to cover half of her face. I let out a chuckle at how scared she was.
"I though you would be fine?" I tease quietly poking her side she swats my hand away.
"Come here," I request quietly, opening my arms. She hesitates at first, her eyes flicking between my own and my open arms. She finally gives in and crawls into me. Her back is pressed into my torso. My face nestled into her neck as my hands wove their way to connect on her stomach pulling her closer.
I could feel three pairs of eyes boring into us, but I couldn't give a shit less.
**
Ahh guys thank you for ranking me fanfiction #110 today!! I love you all so much!!
But My fish died :( Rip Malik! Ha I was surprised I kept him alive as long as I did tbh
& I'm sorry I don't update when I say I would but stuff comes up and yeah /: but I'll try to make a schedule and I'll try even harder to follow it lol. Do you guys prefer a day or two during the week you would like an update?
& I hoped you guys liked this chapter!
Okay you're all wonderful amazing humans that I wish would talk to me lol but seriously guys talk me :(
Okay goodnight you beautiful, amazing lil shits 💘 sweet dreams Xx
Keep smiling, and Fighting
Stay strong sunshines Xx
(I'll edit tomorrow, I can barely keep my eyes open rn )