ACT III
— Scene 16 —
P O V : L O U I S
AN: Blast "No Goodbyes" by Dua Lipa during this chapter!
I had to tell him.
Ever since Harry left, the only thing I could think about was the question he asked me this morning. It had taken me by surprise, and made me realise that I needed to figure out what I wanted.
So here I was, taking a walk through Camden. It was something I did whenever I needed to clear my head, and it gave me more time to think.
After thinking long and hard, I finally decided on my answer.
I knew things would be better if we just stayed as friends.
It made sense. Harry deserved someone amazing to love, and someone to love him just as much in return.
And that person just couldn't be me.
I couldn't deny that I liked Harry. I really, really did. But I couldn't put him through the mess of such a confusing and unclear relationship, and I think he deserved something more stable. Besides, Harry clearly had something going on with Sean, too. I didn't want to get in the way of that.
I was doing this because I care about him.
I wanted him to be happy.
I pondered a bit longer as I approached our home.
I opened the front door and stepped inside, pushing away any doubt I had. I walked into the living room, expecting to see Harry sprawled on the couch as usual. However, he was nowhere to be seen.
"Harry?" I called out, pacing around the ground floor. When there was no response, I went upstairs, expecting to catch him dancing to some Britney Spears again.
However, once I reached the first floor, I noticed that the bedroom door was shut.
I knocked twice, not hearing a word from inside the room.
The door was unlocked, so I opened it, expecting to find an empty room. What I saw instead was Harry, sat on the edge our bed with his back turned.
"Hey, uh, Harry... I wanted to talk to you about-"
He turned to me, revealing his blotchy, tear-stained face. He didn't have to say anything for me to know that he was miserable.
Concern sprawled across my face. Without thinking, I rushed over to sit beside him, taking his hand.
"Harry, I-"
He cut me off once again, pulling back his scarf as if he wanted to show me something underneath.
I leaned closer, my eyes widening when I saw his neck covered in at least a dozen hickies.
Fuck.
"I didn't want this to happen," he swore, another tear falling down his cheek.
"Oh, Haz..."
I pulled him close to me, engulfing him in a tight hug. I hated seeing him this upset; it broke my heart.
"I'm sorry," he said, again and again, "I'm so, so sorry."
I shut my eyes and held him tighter.
"Don't apologise," I whispered.
He shouldn't feel bad for being intimate with someone else. Harry deserved someone better than me.
And now, I knew I was right. Harry and Sean were an item, and it was my time to step out of the picture.
As we pulled apart, I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. But I pushed the confused thoughts away, bringing my hands to rest on his face. I brought up my thumb to wipe away his tears, looking straight into those deep green eyes of his.
"It's gonna be okay," I assured him.
He nodded. "I'm so glad you're here," he said, his voice not rising above a mere whisper.
A few seconds of silence passed, and I could feel him slowly leaning closer to my face. I was getting lost in his eyes, and my common sense began to drift away.
I felt his lips on mine, and I was gone. At first, I let it happen, hardly thinking about what was going on. It was like I had completely forgotten about everything I promised myself I'd do.
I kissed him harder, and at this point, I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to care enough.
I held the back of his head in my hand, running my fingers through his curls.
I'm not supposed to be doing this.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer and leaning deeper into the kiss. His lips felt so damn good on mine, and I only wanted more.
Harry got up, changing his position to sit on my lap and wrap his legs around my torso. He put his arms around my neck as he kissed me with even more passion, my arms around his waist.
I kissed him back as he pushed me back onto the bed, landing on top of me.
Minutes passed, or maybe they were hours. Time had dissolved into thin air. Every kiss, every touch, I felt myself sinking deeper in. Every breath I took was begging me to pull away, to stop. But Harry's pink lips and green eyes were asking for the opposite.
Eventually, he pulled away. As my eyes met his, I realised what a huge mistake I was making.
"You're beautiful," he spoke.
I gave him a small smile, trying to think of a way to stop whatever was happening. I knew that if I didn't, I could end up doing things I would really regret.
"We should get ready for bed," I choked out.
Harry nodded, a dumb smile still plastered on his face. "You're right."
---
I closed my eyes, trying desperately to drift off to sleep and forget about everything. I couldn't believe how much I'd just fucked up. I was trying to make this simple for Harry, but I'd ruined everything.
I'd taken advantage of him, and I hated myself for it.
Harry climbed into bed, nuzzling into my neck. "You're so sleepy."
I opened my eyes, letting out a quiet chuckle. "Yeah, it's been a long day."
Indeed it has.
I was quiet a bit longer, my eyes burning holes in the ceiling.
"A penny for your thoughts?" he giggled.
"What?" I turned to him. "Oh, uh, it's nothing."
He hummed, his arm lazily draped around my torso.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah, of course," he beamed, and I couldn't help but let my eyes trail back to the hickies on his neck. "What were you going to ask me earlier?"
I lied, "It's not a big deal, really."
He was silent.
I sighed, looking at the clock. "I'm gonna hit the hay."
"Okay," he said, giving me a peck on the cheek. "Goodnight Lou."
I shut my eyes. "Night."
As Harry slowly drifted off to sleep beside me, my mind was still buzzing with troubled thoughts.
I knew I couldn't tell him I wanted to be "just friends"; Not after what we did. It would be incredibly cruel, but continuing to take advantage of him was just as worse.
No matter what I do, I'm going to end up breaking his heart.
The thought petrified me.
After a while, I decided that it was no use to keep on tossing and turning. I laid still, trying to slow my breathing and drift off.
It turns out, Harry was still wide awake.
"Louis," he spoke softly, "I know you're not awake, but-"
He paused for a few seconds.
"I think I'm in love with you."
And even though I was already completely still, I froze.
He ran his fingers through my hair, sighing.
Eventually, the motion stopped, and I knew that now, he genuinely had fallen asleep.
My head was spinning.
I opened my eyes once again, thinking about Sean, and the hickies, and the way we kissed.
I thought about "just friends", and "what are we?", and the word love.
I was fucked, and there was only one way out.
---
I sighed, scribbling messily on the yellow post-it note. When I finished up the note, I peeled it off the stack and stuck it on the kitchen counter.
With one hand gripping my suitcase handle, and the other closed in a tight fist, I made my way out the front door and into the driver's seat of my car.
After starting it up, I drove towards the highway, not looking back.
I had one destination in mind.
Newcastle.
— Ava and Melina