One thing's for sure, and that is I'm nervous.
I'm nervous about Katia Valkov's arrival this morning. I'm nervous that she'll walk in here like she owns the place—like she's been here dozens of times before and knows every nook and cranny as well as I do. I'm nervous that I'll be intimidated into silence...or, worse yet, into disappearance. I'm nervous about what she and Jared will discuss. I'm nervous about what she has hanging over him, if there's anything at all. Jared seems convinced that there is. And I'm nervous about the outcome of this meeting.
Will he, or won't he?
Probably in an effort to make me feel better, Jared fixes his famous vegan pancakes for breakfast. It's Saturday, which means Shelby doesn't have school. I can only hope she'll go hang out with Tyrell by the time Katia shows up, but she seems perfectly content to sit at the table with us and take her time eating. I glance at the clock—it's quarter after nine.
Jared doesn't miss a thing. "Five minutes since the last time you looked," he murmurs. "Lanie, this isn't as big a deal as you're making it out to be." His phone buzzes and he glances down at it quickly before silencing it.
"Who's that?" I ask, sipping my coffee.
"Suzanne Hoffman, my chief publicist," he replies. "Again. She's been texting me non-stop all morning. Seems like everyone has." He shoves the phone in his pocket.
"Yeah, I noticed it's been going off constantly. Texts and calls. What's up?"
Jared shrugs. "No idea. I haven't read any of the texts or listened to my voicemail yet. I try to make it a point not to spoil my appetite in the morning. Y'know, breakfast being the most important meal of the day and all that."
Shelby stabs into a large piece of pancake, her eyes flitting between me and Jared. "You guys seem uptight or something," she observes. Her phone beside her plate buzzes and she looks down at it, swiping the screen.
"Jared has...an important meeting soon," I explain. "I guess we're a little on edge about it, and—"
"Oh, my God!" Shelby squeals, looking up from her phone. "Nick Jonas is gonna be at Mylloni's house today! She wants to know if I want to come over and meet him!" She bounces up and down in her chair. "Please, can I?"
"Wow, Nick Jonas, huh?" Jared grins. "He's a pretty big deal."
"Big? He's awesome!" Shelby shrieks. "He's sooooo cute!"
"Who the hell is Nick Jonas?" I ask, looking from one to the other.
Jared's grin becomes a laugh. I shoot him a withering stare as Shelby rolls her eyes. "Oh, God, Mom. Seriously? He's super famous. As famous as Jared. Maybe even more famous."
"Hey now." Jared gives her a scowl, and then a wink. "With your generation, I'm sure he is a lot more famous than me. I'm an old man, after all."
"Oh, good grief," I groan. "You're not old."
"So can I go to Mylloni's and meet him?" Shelby implores.
I shrug. "I don't see why not. Jimmy can take you." I don't know who Nick Jonas is, but thank God Shelby has found something to get her out of the compound today. I have no idea how this meeting with Katia is going to go down, but given the woman's penchant for theatrics, I'd rather Shelby not be around for it. Hell, I'd rather not be around for it, but Jared wants me to be here—in the room, with them. God knows why.
Actually, I know why. He told me why, last night after our swim, when we settled into bed for the night.
He wants me there to lay whatever insecurity I have where Katia's concerned to rest. Because he knows she intimidates me and he says there's absolutely no reason why she should. "Believe me. Once you actually try to have a conversation with Katia, you'll feel foolish that you could ever have thought she's better than you," he said last night, pulling me into his arms. I lay my head in my favorite place—the crook of his shoulder, where I could both hear and feel his heartbeat, and I listened to him tell me that despite her vast wealth and stunning beauty, Katia Valkov is little more than a vapid, self-absorbed opportunist. "I don't love her. I never did. I don't particularly even like her."
You liked her enough to date her for months, and not only for the photo ops. You liked her enough to fuck her repeatedly.
But then I remembered—Jared doesn't mix sex with emotional involvements. I also remembered that he said monogamy is an alien concept to him, that he's screwed around on every woman he's ever been involved with.
After Shelby leaves the table to get ready to meet her idol, I clean the kitchen, still looking at the clock, still mulling over whether I belong in this meeting. Whether I belong in this house, with this man, in this city of excess, weird relationships, and anything-goes hedonism that Jared not only takes in stride, but has been a willing participant in. I'm no prude, but I do have values. Values that right now, and in this place, seem hopelessly outdated.
Voices pull me from my reverie as I switch on the dishwasher. At first I wonder if Katia's arrived a full hour early, but then I realize all the voices are male. One is Jared's. The other is Jimmy's. The third I don't recognize.
"I'm so sorry, Jared. Like I said, I've been out of town until this morning. I thought my dog and my security staff were plenty. In the two years I've lived here we haven't had a single successful breach. If I'd had any idea this was going to happen, I'd have—"
"It's not your fault, Pharrell," Jared says with a sigh. "I'm just sick that they poisoned your dog. What the fuck is wrong with these parasites!"
"A lot," Jimmy grumbles. "This guy thought nothing of hurting an innocent animal, exploiting Lanie, you and the children, all in the name of getting a big payout from the tabloids. You've got the potential for a hell of a lawsuit here, but it's not enough. Gentlemen, I think it's time to press criminal charges."
I dry my hands and hurry out of the kitchen, my heart leaping in my chest.
Jared, Jimmy, and a slender, well-dressed African-American man are standing in the main living room, and they all stop talking and turn to me as I come in the room. Jared is pale and tense. Jimmy's big shoulders are stiff, as is his expression. The other man appears shaken.
"What's going on?" I ask.
Jared swallows hard, glances at the two men, and then back at me. "There was a pap up the hill from the pool yesterday. There are photos. Several of them. Of yesterday...and of last night."
"Oh, my God," I whisper, growing cold all over. "Of me...of me and the children and...of us last night in the pool? But you said—"
"Yeah. Of you. Of the children. Of you and me, last night." Jared's jaw works. "If I could get my hands on that slime, I'd kill him with my bare fucking hands."
"You said...it's all private property around here. That it was dark. That no one...no one would see..." my voice is trembling.
"I own the house above the hill where the pics were taken from. My dog, you've probably heard her barking. She is...she was...pretty noisy."
I nod; I have heard a dog barking up over the hill from the pool. And, come to think of it, that barking was conspicuously absent last night.
The stranger steps forward, offers a hand and I shake it. He says, "I'm Pharrell Williams. I'm pleased to meet you, Lanie, but I'm sorry it's like this. And I can't tell you and Jared both how sorry I am that this happened."
"It's not your fault," Jared puts a hand on Pharrell's shoulder and squeezes. "If anything, I bear some responsibility for your dog's death. I talked Lanie into that swim last night knowing the pap have been on my case recently. I just didn't think they'd stoop to this. But I should've known." He shakes his head. "Well, it's clear why everyone on my team has been blowing up my phone all morning."
"So these pictures...they're already published on the internet?" I manage.
Jared looks at me. "They've gone viral. Trending on Twitter."
I don't know what that means, and I don't want to know. "Let me see," I say softly.
"Lanie, I really don't think—"
"I don't know how to do all that with my phone yet. Let me see yours, Jared." I put my hand out, and slowly Jared places his phone in my hand.
I look. And gasp. And look some more.
A half-dozen photos taken yesterday as first Shelby, Tyrell and I, and then Jared hang out by the pool. A shot of him holding me and kissing my forehead. More of the four of us in the water. And then the real money shots, those taken late last night when Jared and I swam nude, and then made love against the side of the pool. The pictures aren't great quality due to the darkness of night and the fact that we were in the water, but it's clear exactly what's going on.
Moments that had been special and meaningful between us are now something made shameful and dirty for the whole world to gawk at and gossip about. I feel sick and violated, and I can imagine Jared feels much the same, despite having dealt with this invasion of privacy for years.
Jared has asked me to be strong enough to deal with his celebrity. I promised him and myself that I would. And I guess this, as disgusting as it is, qualifies as part of his celebrity. Hastily I wipe away the tears and turn away, drawing a deep, shuddering breath. "Well...at least ours aren't as graphic as I thought they might be. That guy needs a better lens for night photography."
"Lanie—" Jared's voice is soft, pleading. "I'm sorry—if I'd had any idea something like this would happen, I wouldn't have—"
"No. You shouldn't have to apologize for anything," I move to his side and he pulls me to him, his body stiff and tense. My voice is low but laced with anger. "This is your house, Jared. You should be able to do whatever you want at your own home, in your own pool, without worrying about some sleazy paparazzi hiding in the trees taking pictures." I raise my eyes to Pharrell. "And your neighbors shouldn't have to worry that someone will trespass on their property and hurt their pets."
"Unfortunately, a celebrity doesn't have that luxury," Pharrell says gently, and I see the sadness in his eyes.
"Obviously not." I hand the phone back to Jared, who shoves it in his pocket. "You've said you don't belong to yourself, Jared, and I'm finally understanding exactly what you mean by that."
Shelby takes that opportunity to come running to the room. Oh, God. Shelby. Not only is her face splashed all over the internet, but her mother's been photographed naked and having sex in the pool. There's no way she won't find out, and I know that I along with Jared should be the ones to tell her.
"Hey, Jimmy, can you take me to—" Shelby stops, her eyes bugging at Pharrell. "You...you're...Pharrell. The Happy song guy, right?"
Pharrell grins. "Yes ma'am."
"Wowwwww," Shelby breathes. "I love that song! No matter what, it always puts me in a good mood whenever I hear it. I'm Shelby." She puts out her hand and Pharrell shakes it.
His grin widens. "Nice to meet you, Shelby."
"Happy is on my karaoke machine, too," Shelby says. She looks at Jimmy then, seemingly remembering what she'd come into the room for. "Mom said I can go over to Mylloni Abram's house if you take me. And Mylloni wants to know if Ty can come, too?"
"Sure," Jimmy says. He glances at me, and I know what he's thinking. Yes, Jared and I have to tell Shelby about the pictures, but not right now. I'm still reeling from it, and on top of that I've also got to prepare myself for Katia Valkov's arrival, which will be any minute now.
After Shelby and Jimmy, and then Pharrell leaves, I make my way back to the kitchen where I stand bracing myself against the counter, staring out the window, peering at the trees up on the hillside. Are they out there now? Am I going to have to constantly ask myself that question? Am I forever required to be mindful of everything I do and how I look when I step out of the house?
"Lanie. Are you okay?" Jared asks from the doorway.
I don't turn and look at him. I keep my gaze on the window, on the hillside, on the trees and on every shadow among them. "I don't know," I answer quietly. "I—I don't know how you can live like this."
Jared sighs and I finally turn as he crosses the room to stand before me. His arms as they wrap around me are tentative, as if he's unsure that I want him this close to me. I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder, and his embrace tightens.
"You know, I'm remembering something," he murmurs. "A long time ago. When Shannon and I were kids. I can't remember a time when we weren't making music, even when we both got into drugs and booze and shit when we were teenagers."
"Yeah?" My voice is muffled against his shoulder.
"Uh-huh. Life was pretty chaotic even then, but it was a different kind of chaotic. It was insecurity, it was growing up, it was Mom away at work and at school, and the two of us getting into whatever trouble we could find. But it was simpler then, yes." He takes a long breath. "Writing songs in our bedroom. Playing them on our shitty instruments. Not knowing then what it was going to become."
"Something huge."
"Yeah." Another sigh. "We played gigs in dive bars where five people showed up. Sometimes we actually had to pay the club to let us play. But God, those days were so much fucking fun, Lanie. We listened, we experimented, we worked our asses off. I had my acting thing going on, but for Shannon, the band was it. We got a couple of guys on board and then boom. We got signed, and it was like getting shoved in fast-forward even more for me. I didn't have a chance to stop, take a breath, and wonder how Shannon was dealing with it."
"Fame?"
"Yeah. I mean, I was already somewhat known, but my brother was brand-new to all of this. It was weird for him going from working construction into being recognized on the street, perfect strangers coming up to him asking for pictures with him and autographs. The first time he got papped he freaked out. He's gotten used it it now, at least as much as anyone can get used to being followed around while you're just trying to live a life, while you're trying to go about that daily life like everyone else can." Jared shakes his head. "Having said that, papping Shelby and Ty, and then us, and my God, with what happened to Pharrell's dog? They've crossed lines before, but not to this extent, and I will take action."
I nod against his chest."It scares the hell out of me, what they think they can get away with."
"People say when you choose to become a celebrity, you choose to give up any semblance of a private, normal life. It stands to reason, I guess, since we're a celebrity-obsessed culture. The internet has only deepened that obsession. What used to be on some obscure grocery store tabloid can now be accessed instantly on dozens and dozens of gossip sites. Complete with the salacious articles to go with the pictures."
"Did...ours have an article?" I ask.
"Yeah. I didn't bother reading it and neither should you." He draws back a little. "Lanie, if you're going to be with me, you're going to have to accept this is how things are. Again, not that this is okay, and I'll hit them with a slew of lawyer's letters letting them know just how not okay it is. But this is how things are in the bubble."
I stare up into his direct blue eyes. "Is it worth it?" I ask.
Jared's face is grim. "Not during times like this, it's not, no. But it's not always like this, either. I'm only on the radar right now because Katia's made it a point to keep me there. Usually I get papped out hiking, or going to the grocery store or arriving at and leaving an event. Not when leaving Cedars, and certainly not in my own fucking backyard."
I hear a sound outside and I turn. "Speaking of Katia," I murmur as a sleek black sports car of unknown and probably foreign origin pulls into the motor court.
So, Katia knows the gate security code. That's going to change. Today.
Jared peers out the window, his eyes narrowing a little, and then he sighs. He looks at me, his expression resigned. "Well, let's get this over with."
***
"We have a problem," Katia begins with no greeting whatsoever the moment she steps into the foyer. Her glass-green eyes sweep over me, and then lock on."You. God!" she sneers, and with a toss of her perfectly groomed head, breezes past me into the living room like she owns the place. Just like I knew she would.
"What problem is that, Katia?" Jared sighs, throwing himself into a beanbag chair. I stand uncertainly in the archway until Jared beckons me forward. I ease myself into a chair nearby, fold my hands, and wonder what the hell I'm doing here.
Katia refuses the seat Jared offers her. Standing in the middle of the room, eyes blazing, she spits, "You know what the problem is. Refusing to continue our arrangement." Her eyes briefly flit in my direction. "Then this—this person moving into your home. And finally, your indiscretions. Quite a show the two of you put on for the paparazzi last night. You wanted to humiliate me? Congratulations. You succeeded."
"Believe it or not, it's not always about you, Katia," Jared says levelly. "Get it through your head that I'm done with this. Find someone else to boost your profile and take your shit, because it isn't gonna be me any longer."
Katia's eyes narrow. "Like hell it isn't. We have an agreement. We date through Awards Season, and Papa will finance your next film." A smile forms on her perfect lips. "I've asked Papa to see that I am cast in the lead opposite you."
"Yeah, I know you did. I guess Papa didn't tell you that Destination's been shelved," Jared fires back. "Tough luck."
"I'm not talking about Destination," Katia says, strolling slowly across the room to Jared. "I'm talking about the film Liz Moore is producing. Devil's Playground. I understand you've signed on for the lead."
I look quickly at Jared as his eyes widen, he opens his mouth to speak, closes it again, glances at me, and then back at Katia. He says, "Your father's putting up the money for that film? I thought he didn't want to work with women directors and producers."
"I guess he's willing to overlook it this once, because the script is sensational and the role of Diana is perfect for me. I want it, and between Papa and you, I'll have no problem getting it." She looks over at me and smiles. "Jared and I will make love on camera, you know. Several times, in fact. The sex scenes between us are...mmmmm. Delicious." Her smile broadens.
I clutch the arms of the chair until my fingers ache. Katia's doing her best to bait me, and I have to resort to superhuman willpower against the temptation to leap up and lay her flat on the floor. Instinctively, I know that's exactly what she wants. And so I smile back, replying calmly, "Well, Jared is a fantastic actor. He should earn another Oscar nomination for that performance."
Behind her back, Jared is biting back laughter. Katia blinks several times uncomprehendingly, lascivious smile firmly in place, and then a few seconds later her face grows rigid, pink spots flare on her cheeks, and her green eyes flash with fury. Cunt, she mouths, and then turns to Jared who's rising awkwardly from the beanbag chair. "So, Jared. Since when did you start fucking your assistants, anyway?" She gives a dramatic pause. "Oh, that's right. Since always. It's common Hollywood knowledge that you've nailed every assistant who's ever worked for you."
Jared pulls himself upright. "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer." He puts his hands on his hips. "Cut the high-school crap, Katia. What do you want?"
Katia steps very close to him and runs her talon-like, perfectly manicured nails over his chest. Again, I have to physically restrain myself from jumping up and knocking the bitch across the room. "What I want is very simple. I want our arrangement to continue through Awards Season. I want the part of Diana in Devil's Playground. We'll shoot the film, attend the premiere, and do any press associated with it together. That's it. After the wide release we'll make up some amicable split statement for the media." Her eyes flit to me briefly again. "Oh, and Jared, until then, keep your screwing around out of the public eye. It's getting tiresome fending off the press about my cheating boyfriend."
"And if I say no?" Jared's teeth are clenched and his jaw's working. His eyes are like chips of blue ice. I can see why he wanted me here—he might be a great actor, but this is no act now. His mounting anger is tangible even where I'm sitting. He truly does detest this woman.
Katia sighs, and the hand stroking his chest becomes a condescending pat. "If you value your precious image and your career, you'll join Papa and I at Bouchon tomorrow night at seven o'clock. We have a little surprise for you." She glances at me. "You, too. Evening attire is required. That won't be a problem for you, I hope." Without waiting for a response, she tilts her head as she studies me. "You know, I don't believe I ever got your name."
"That's right. You didn't," I reply icily.
Katia considers me for a moment. "That pretty little blonde girl who was photographed in the pool—your daughter?"
"Yes," I say, my tone acidic. "Why?"
Katia waves a hand carelessly. "Well, I don't have kids, so I probably shouldn't hand out parenting advice, but if you plan to stick around here long-term you might want to keep an extra-special eye on her. Jared's...ah...tastes...tend to lean toward younger girls, you know."
My vision goes red, and this time I can't hold back. I bolt from my chair. But Jared's quick, probably anticipating my reaction. He moves in my way and grabs me before I can reach Katia, who, after delivering her punchline, is exiting the room. "Lanie, no—" Jared grips me tight. "Don't."
"See you both tomorrow night," Katia calls gaily over her shoulder. "I for one can't wait!" She leaves the room. A second later, the front door slams.
"I swear to God—" vainly, I twist and struggle to break free of Jared's iron hold on me. I'll kill Katia Valkov myself, if he'll give me half a chance. I'll tear her emaciated ass to shreds. "Let go of me, damn it!"
Instead of letting go of me, his powerful arms pull me tightly against him. "I know, Lanie. I know. But that's exactly what she wants. You kick her ass, she cries to the media, and our so-called love triangle is at the top of the tabloid news for weeks to come. You'd be playing right into her hands, Lanie. Don't do it."
"How? How can you let her say that shit and then walk out of here, Jared?" I demand. "For fuck's sake, she just practically accused you of being a pedophile!"
Jared lets go of me and looks at me solemnly. "Do you think I'd ever do anything like that?"
"Of course not! But—"
"Then it doesn't matter what she says. She knew exactly what she was doing. You sat there and quietly took everything she dished out. It pissed her off. She was baiting you, hoping for a reaction."
"Well, she succeeded." I sink back into the chair, my head in my hands. "Oh, God, Jared. You're ridiculously intelligent. You say you have instincts about people and that's why you keep your circle small. So how the hell did you ever get mixed up with someone like her in the first place?"
Jared runs his hands through his hair and sighs. "That's a long, weird story." He pulls his phone out of his pocket just as it vibrates again. He stares balefully at the screen. "I'll tell you if you want to hear it, but right now I've got about a hundred fires to put out." He pockets the phone again, crouches down and takes my icy hands in his. He frowns, rubbing them between his own. "Lanie, it's going to be okay. Stay strong, and everything will be okay."
But even as Jared speaks, the emotions crossing his face— anger, sadness, resignation—make me wonder if he believes his own words.