Flora fidgets impatiently as I study two display model cellphones the clerk has set on the glass counter for me to look over, and I mutter, "I don't know which one is the better one."
This launches the clerk into an enthusiastic sales pitch for each, detailing specs about the phones that fly completely over my head, though Flora of course understands all the lingo perfectly. I feel ridiculously inept and stupid as Flora takes over the conversation and the clerk devotes his attention to her, even though I'm the one dishing out what Jared calls my hard-earned money to purchase the devices.
Hard-earned indeed. Other than the first few days after Jared's release from the hospital when he needed the most hands-on assistance, I wouldn't call my job difficult.
Behind us, two men appearing to be unobtrusive wait by the exit. My bodyguards. I have bodyguards, I think with a touch of surreal amusement. Not all the time—that would drive me insane, though they're nice enough, I guess—but when I'm going out into a crowded and very public place, David and Gene are with me. Jimmy focuses primarily on the residence, while the two new security personnel go with Jared and I whenever we leave the compound.
"The iPhone X," I announce, interrupting the clerk's sales pitch. "Two of them, please."
The clerk smiles broadly, and it's then that I figure out he works on commission. Quickly I choose the colors, sticking with plain white for me and rose gold for Shelby. The clerk fetches the phones, cases and extras to go with them. He begins to ring everything up and I'm cringing all the while. Good God, they're just phones, and I'm shelling out what once was nearly a month's pay.
David and Gene flank us as we leave the store. "I knew you'd go for the iPhone," Flora says. "Jared can help you guys figure out all the stuff on them. I'm an Android girl, so I'm not super familiar with the iOS."
I shoot Flora a sideways glance. "Like I'm supposed to know what that means."
"Never mind," Flora grins. She spots a Starbucks near the mall food court. "Do you have to be back anytime soon?"
"Not really. Jared's in the studio with the guys, and then some people are coming by to go over a contract or something." We approach the Starbucks counter and I add, "Then I guess Danica and Carrie are back from their vacations and he has some stuff to go over with them, too."
"Your boy wants to get himself back in the game," Flora nods. "I knew he would as soon as he got the cast off. He's going to be running himself ragged trying to make up for the down time. Has he committed to anything for Awards Season yet? It's coming up in just a few weeks."
I shrug. "He hasn't said anything about that. What exactly is 'Awards Season', anyway? I keep hearing about it."
Flora glances at me. "Music awards, film awards. You know, the EMA's, MTV Music Awards, Golden Globes, SAGs, Academy Awards, Grammys. A lot of networking happens, a lot of deals are born at the awards shows. But they're also an excuse to get dressed up in the finest of Armani, Balmain, Gucci, to parade down the red carpet and be seen..." her voice trails off as we reach the counter. "A small vanilla latte, please," she tells the barista. "You want anything?" she asks me.
"A small mocha," I answer, and then I add, "No whip. Almond milk, please."
Flora raises an eyebrow. "You've embraced the vegan life?"
I grin. "It's kind of grown on me." In truth, I haven't eaten any meat, nor dairy nor eggs, since my lunch with Flora at the beginning of October. Almost a month. And I don't miss it at all. In fact, I now get a little nauseated at the smell of cooking meat when Jimmy does his weekly barbecues out by the pool.
Once we're seated, with David and Gene at a nearby table with their own coffees and keeping a watchful eye on our surroundings, Flora leans forward and grins conspiratorially. "Okay, Lanie," she says, "Out with it. It's been almost a month since we had lunch. What's happening with you and Jared? And don't tell me nothing. I know better."
I study my cup and take a long, quivering breath that ends with a shrug. "You were right. He's in love with me."
Flora's grin is huge, but as she studies me, it begins to falter. "So then...what's wrong?"
"What's wrong is that he doesn't want to be in love with me." I gaze across the food court at nothing in particular. "There's no happiness in it for him. It's like this—this burden or something, and he won't discuss it."
Flora's hand covers mine. "Listen, Lanie. Jared is—he's probably afraid you can't deal with the kind of life he lives. He's a celebrity, getting pulled every which way and living twenty-four-seven in a fishbowl. It isn't easy to maintain a relationship when you're a public figure, especially not a guy like Jared with...well, with his reputation, and things he feels he has to...commit to. I imagine he's afraid he'll screw it up and he'll lose you."
I look straight back at her. "That makes two of us," I say softly. "He's been with an awful lot of beautiful women. Rich, famous, successful women. I keep asking myself why me? Is it love borne from gratitude, or is it real love?"
Flora sighs. "I don't know if this helps or not, but you're not alone in how you feel."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. There's this actor I know who fell in love with a waitress from Ohio, and in the beginning she felt the exact same way as you do right now. I think Chris was worried about Emily handling his lifestyle, too. But they got through it and they're doing great. Still together—in fact, they recently got married—and still crazy in love." She smiles gently. "Jared's a different breed than Chris, but I'm certain his love is just as much the real thing. He needs to let go of the fear and just be. I think with your help, he will get there."
***
As I let myself in the front door, a skinny girl with short-cropped black hair strides into the foyer from the direction of the hall that leads to the bedrooms and the tower. She has startling green eyes, sharp features, whiter-than-white skin which is on display with the crop top and very low-slung skinny jeans she's wearing. A sparkling jewel in her belly button ring catches the afternoon light beaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows as she comes toward me. "Can I help you?" she demands, squinting at me.
I blink several times. "I could ask you the same question."
"If you're the new housekeeper, the servants' entrance is in the back," the girl informs me.
New housekeeper? I clutch the bag containing the cell phones. Jared never said anything about hiring a new housekeeper. Did he let Ana or Carmen go for some reason? What's going on here, and who is this woman? Not a woman, but a girl. She looks like she's barely out of her teens. "My name is Lanie, and I'm—"
The girl's eyes widen. "You're Lanie?" She steps closer, shielding her eyes from the sun glaring in through the window beside me. "Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'm Carrie Walsh, one of the assistants. With this sun glare and these new contacts I just got, I couldn't see you very well, and I didn't recognize you at first."
"It's okay," I mumble and shake the girl's offered hand. "But why would you recognize me at all? We've never met."
Carrie tilts her head to the side. "Are you not aware of the pap photos of you and Jared all over the tabloids and social media?" When I don't answer, she says, "Oh, God. You're not!" She reaches into her back pocket—how she does it, as tight as her pants are, I'm not sure—and produces her phone. I set my bag down on the dining room table and look over Carrie's shoulder as she pulls up a website. The headline catches my eye instantly.
Oh, Noez! Jared Leto Caught Cheating on Katia Valkov!
Below it is a photo taken by the pap in the hospital hallway, catching Jared and I in that kiss. My face isn't clear in that one, but there's no mistaking Jared. "Shit," I murmur. Carrie scrolls down and there are more photos of us leaving the hospital, just before Jared pushed me back to the doors. Still more of us getting in Jimmy's Pathfinder once he came around to get us.
My face is clearly visible in all of those, and with no makeup and my hair in a casual ponytail, I look like I always have. If Todd sees these somehow, there's no way he won't recognize me.
I notice there's writing under all of the photos. "What's it say?" I murmur.
"Read it," Carrie says, and hands me her phone.
I swallow hard and read the short article.
For weeks after shattering his leg in a rock-climbing accident last month, Oscar-winning actor and 30 Seconds to Mars frontman Jared Leto has been in seclusion, but clearly the injury hasn't slowed down his playboy ways!
While devoted girlfriend Katia Valkov is in New York on a modeling assignment, our man caught Jared leaving Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles without crutches—and accompanied by a new gal pal, with whom Jared seems quite taken by as the pair were caught locking lips before leaving the hospital together.
Both camps have declined comment, but this steamy PDA leaves us to speculate about the future of Jared and Katia's relationship. Stay tuned for more dirty deets as we get them!
"It's all over the place," Carrie informs me, sliding her phone back in her pocket.
"Shit," I whisper again. It's so surreal to see my face splashed across a webpage that I can barely wrap my head around it. Jared surely knows, and I wonder how he feels about it.
"Yeah," Carrie says, fixing me with a look. "Katia's on her way back to L.A. right now. If I were you, Lanie, I'd prepare myself. The shit you speak of is about to hit the fan."
After Shelby and Tyrell get home from school, I spend the rest of the afternoon with them at the pool. How strange that so close to Halloween as we are, the temperature is in the upper eighties. Shelby absolutely loves this weather, and so do I.
I put on the black bikini I picked up when I went shopping with Flora, but my mind's not really on the beautiful weather or swimming. My mind is on the article Carrie showed me, and her words of warning.
Katia's on her way back to L.A. Undoubtedly, she'll show up here. And Jared will....what? I have to believe he will he tell her to fuck off, that he has no intention of playing along in this fake relationship anymore. Yes, he said he may not have a choice, but everyone has a choice. Katia and her father can't force him to be seen in public with her like she's his girlfriend, no matter what lies she feeds the media. Can they?
I join Shelby and Ty, already splashing around in the pool. I lay on a lounge under a huge umbrella, careful to stay out of the sun. I've been trying like hell to lose my tan and I think it's faded a little, but not enough. I'll never have that pure milky-white skin that's so appealing these days and I know it. Funny how a few years ago people did all they could, paying good money at salons for year-round tans like mine, and now being pasty-white is the look everyone strives for.
A car starting up echoes from the front of the house; either Carrie or the people Jared's been in a meeting with are leaving. I close my eyes and try to relax. I haven't seen him yet since I got home from the mall, and I really want to spend some quality time with him. Not just so he can teach me all the mysterious workings of my new phone, either.
Since the first night we made love, our relationship has taken on a different, heightened quality. He moved back into my bedroom. He doesn't hold back physically any longer—we've made love every night since. But at the same time, he's changed. There's warmth and love when he looks at me, but there's pain as well. Pain that I wish I could take away from him, pain that I wish I could understand. I want to talk, to grow closer emotionally as well as physically. I want to know him.
All of him. The bad with the good. All of him.
A shadow crosses in front of me, and at the same time a two-child chorus of "Jared!" chimes out. I open my eyes and look up at Jared gazing down at me.
"Hi," I say, sitting up. I look him over. He's wearing swim trunks with a brightly colored Hawaiian floral print. "You're going swimming? But I thought—" I gesture at the house. "I thought you'd be busy the rest of the day. And you turned me down last night when I asked if you wanted to join us out here today."
Jared sits on the edge of the lounge chair next to me and bends to remove his leg brace. "Yeah, but you also said swimming would be great exercise. Just as effective and less painful than the range-of-motion stuff you've got me doing in the gym. You said it'd be fun, and that I could use some fun."
"And I'm right. But what about work?"
"I delegated all of today's legal crap to Carrie, to take to Danica at the Wilshire office. She's the pro at contract law. I made the changes I wanted to make during the meeting, everyone's in agreement, and Danica can write up the revised contract for everyone to look over."
"What's it for?" I ask.
"A movie," Jared answers, holding his hand out to me. I take it and we both stand.
"Are you swimming with us, Jared?" Shelby cries. She swims to the edge of the pool and looks up at us. "You and Mom?"
"In a sec, kiddo," Jared tells her. To me he says, "This past summer I was offered a really interesting role, and after some time to think about it and now with my schedule getting cleared up, I've decided to take it. The producer, director, and casting director were just here. We were discussing the role, and using MARS's music in the film."
"Yeah?" I smile at the way his eyes shine. "What is this film about?"
"It was called Devil's Playground, but we're discussing a title change. It's a crime thriller," he answers. "A really atmospheric indie film, just the kind I like to sink my teeth into."
"What's your role?" I ask as he pulls me into his arms and drops a soft, gentle kiss on my forehead. "The lead?"
"No. The villain," he answers, his lips still touching my skin. "He's a psychopath. A sexual deviant who also happens to be a serial killer."
I pull back a little and stare up at him. "You? A serial killer?"
"Uh-huh. Me. A serial killer. And don't forget the sexual deviant part."
"Oh, God. With your method acting, how far down the rabbit hole are you going to go to prepare for this?"
Jared laughs an evil cackle. "I guess we'll find out, won't we?" Then he turns, still holding me, still grinning, and gives me a push into the pool.
I hit the water with a scream. When I come to the surface, Jared's looking down at me and laughing. Shelby and Ty are giggling, and I glare up at him. "I can't believe you did that!" I sputter indignantly, but I'm far from angry. The water feels great, and I love seeing Jared's face lit up with laughter. I wish I could do the same to him, but I'm not going to risk him getting hurt.
And anyway, in seconds Jared's in the water, too. We play with the kids, splash, and before I know it the sun has disappeared from the sky and none of us have had dinner yet.
"You were right," Jared says as I fetch towels from the pool room for us. He takes one and rubs his hair vigorously. "That felt amazing. Let's swim again after Shelby goes to bed." He gives me a grin, and the gleam in his eyes is unmistakable. When I don't answer him right away, he continues, "Unless you don't want to."
"I do, it's just..." I pause. "Jared, there are things we need to talk about and I was hoping we could talk about them tonight."
Jared frowns. "What things?"
I wrap my towel around myself. "Things happening that I'm pretty sure we're both well aware of, but we're not discussing. We're going out of our way to not discuss them, in fact."
"What things are those?" Jared asks as we head toward the patio door leading to my bedroom. He slips his arm around my waist as we walk.
Does he need me to say it? Really? "Katia Valkov, for one," I mutter.
In an instant, Jared's arm is rigid, and then he drops it from my waist. "I'd prefer not to discuss her with you." His tone is clipped and cold.
I stare at him as I open my patio door. "Why not?"
"Because she has nothing to do with us, Lanie." He follows me into the room.
"She's going to be here very soon," I tell him. "I think we'd better talk about her before that happens, don't you?"
Jared looks at me quickly. "How do you know that she's going to be here?"
A long moment passes as we stare at each other. "You know it, too. You know she's coming here. Right?" I say, my voice tight.
Jared closes his eyes and rubs the spot between his brows. "Lanie—I wish I—okay. Yes, I know she's coming. I know why she's coming. The pap pictures have gone viral, and she's livid about it. She'll be here at eleven tomorrow morning."
"Do...do you want me to—what—disappear so you can have privacy?" I hate the jealous twinge in my voice, but I am unable to stop it. "I mean, I'm sure David and Gene will be available, I'll just drag them back to the mall. Just let me know how much time you need so I won't come back too early and end up interrupting someth—"
"Stop it, Lanie." Jared's voice is a growl. "I'm not fucking her. I'm simply meeting with her. I really resent what you're implying."
I sigh and turn away, digging a change of clothes from my dresser. "Okay. I'm sorry. But until you open up about what's really going on, and what this woman has over you that makes you believe you have no choice but to carry on this phony public relationship crap with her, I'm gonna end up drawing my own conclusions." I turn around and Jared's leaning against the bathroom doorway, arms folded, messy damp hair framing his perfect features, unblinking eyes boring right through me. "And that's not fair to either of us."
"You're right," he says softly. "It's not fair, Lanie. I told you falling in love with me opens you to pain. I promised you I'd hurt you." His throat works. "I wish to God that was a promise I could find a way to break."
Dinner that night is quiet, with the exception of Shelby, who unknowingly plays as a buffer between Jared and me as she chatters on about school and about her new phone—which, of course, she's already figured out. She's adjusting remarkably well to school in Los Angeles, and has made more friends besides Ty. "Mylloni Abram said you threw a huge Halloween party here once and all your neighbors got pissed," she tells Jared halfway through dinner, her eyes shining with excitement. "Can you do it again this year? I mean, except the pissed neighbors part."
Jared laughs softly. "I think we'll skip the party this year, kiddo. If you want to invite a few friends to hang in the tower and have a slumber party or something, I have no problem with that, but I think my big blowout party days are over." He glances at me. "What do you think, Lanie?"
"A sleepover? Sure," I answer, and tell Shelby,"Let me know a few days ahead of time so I can stock up on the snacks and stuff, and Carmen and Ana can help me get spare beds ready." This reminds me, and I turn to Jared. "Are you getting a new housekeeper?"
He glances at me. "As a favor to Ana, yeah, I'm hiring Ella, her youngest sister. Apparently she just arrived in L.A. and desperately needs a job. Magda and I agreed to bring her on, just on a trial basis after she passes her background check. Why?"
"Carrie thought I was the new housekeeper when I came home today."
Jared grins. "She did? Well, you work around here as if you are."
I manage a smile in return. "Got Oscar in his rightful place, though, didn't I? Along with the rest of your awards."
"True, you did," he agrees. "I wouldn't have thought to even look for the boxes in any of those rooms."
I shake my head. Only Jared would stash his many film and music awards in forgotten-about boxes shoved in the corner of a remote basement room. It took me days to locate them, and when I did and asked him where to display them, he merely gave a noncommittal shrug, saying, "Wherever you think they should go. I didn't get into this business to have a shelf full of trophies."
Multiple shelves of trophies, morelike. I put the music awards on display in the soundstage, and the acting awards—the Oscar, the Golden Globe, the SAG, and others I'd never heard of on shelves I put in the living room with Jared's El Capitan painting.
***
After Shelby's asleep, Jared returns to the studio and I go out on my patio and sit in the swing, rocking gently and staring up at the night sky. It's a beautiful clear night, and while the city lights dim the stars, just knowing they're overhead brings me a kind of comfort. No matter what, no matter where I am, the same stars still shine at night.
Jared returns from the studio shortly after eleven, but I'm lost in thought and don't hear him until he speaks right behind the swing.
"You okay, Lanie?" he asks quietly.
I jump at the sound of his voice. "Yeah, I'm fine," I answer, though my pulse is quickening by the way he's looking at me.
Jared moves around from the back of the swing and I scoot over to make room for him. He sits and for a time we just rock back and forth silently, neither of us speaking.
"She's got something on me," he finally says with a heavy sigh. "Something pretty big."
I immediately know who he's talking about. "What is it?" I ask.
Jared shakes his head. "It could be one of any number of things."
"But if you don't know what it is, how do you know there's anything at all?" I ask, studying his profile. He's looking up at the dim stars like I was before he joined me, his eyes fixed on the heavens overhead.
"Because Katia wouldn't be so insistent on keeping this up if she didn't have something to bargain with. People like Ivan and Katia Valkov use people to get what they want. They're rich as fuck, but they're takers. And they never move on a target without having some kind of insurance."
"So it's not your money they want. Whatever it is they have over you, it's not about money."
"No. Christ, Lanie, Ivan Valkov is a multi-billionaire. I'm small potatoes to people like him."
"Then is it something more...more personal?"
Jared looks at me, and his face is expressionless. "I'd say that's the most likely thing they've got. Dirt that they know I wouldn't want brought out into daylight." He sighs and rubs his face. "I don't know. I mean, on the one hand, if that's what it is, so the fuck what? Like there isn't enough out there already. What's a few more salacious gossip tidbits, right?" Jared turns to me suddenly. "Lanie, listen to me. When you start going online and you know where to look, you're going to read a lot of shit about me. I hope you'll steer clear of the tabloids and groupie gossip boards, but if you do happen upon them, I want you to promise me something."
"What?" I ask quietly, my heart thumping. His eyes are very direct, and very blue as they stare into mine.
"That you'll ask me if the stories are true or not before you believe them, and I promise I'll be truthful. I'll tell you right now the overwhelming majority of them are either outright lies or else hugely exaggerated versions of something that happened many, many years ago. I swear to God."
"Okay," I say quietly and I get up from the swing. "I can do that."
"Promise me you'll do that," Jared insists, his eyes following my every movement.
"I promise." I turn and go inside the house.
Jared follows. Moving quickly, considering he's wearing the brace, he catches up to me before I'm halfway across my bedroom. His hand snakes out and grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him, and then he yanks me against him. His mouth drops down on mine, hard, demanding. I kiss him back, sliding my hands over his strong shoulders, my fingers entwining themselves in his hair.
How does he know this is exactly what I need? I want to talk more. I want to get everything said and out in the open, but more than that, I need this. The assurance his body pressed against mine can uniquely give me.
Jared's kiss gentles and then deepens, and I feel as though my bones are melting from the heat rushing between our bodies. His hands swoop under my oversized t-shirt and cup my breasts, teasing my nipples into hardened, hyper-sensitized peaks. A low moan rumbles up from deep in his throat, he breaks the kiss and whispers against my neck, "If I'm not inside you in about five minutes, Lanie, I'm going to explode."
His words send a thrill shooting through me. I step away, lock my bedroom door, and then return to where he's standing, watching me as I pull my shirt over my head and toss it aside.
"God, you're beautiful," he sighs as, wearing only panties now, I step closer and begin to undress him. Jared closes his eyes as I untie the drawstring on his track pants and slide my hands under the waistband. Those eyes open again as I tug them down over his hips, springing his manhood free, fully aroused, hard, ready, and gorgeously naked.
"Oh, Christ," he whispers as I drop to my knees. Burying his hands in my hair, he guides me where he wants me to go.
I can't begin to take all of him in my mouth. But Jared doesn't seem to mind. He gasps and moans under the tender assault of my lips, tongue, and my hand smoothly stroking his shaft. I shiver with anticipation of his entry.
"On the bed, Lanie." Jared's voice is a hiss, a growl, a testament of his need. "I need you on the bed now."
I look up at Jared and meet his eyes, so dark and filled with erotic hunger. So beautiful, so primitive and pagan and glorious. Slowly I rise to my feet and immediately Jared hooks his fingers in my panties and tears them from my body. That's the sixth pair he's ruined so far. The thought makes me laugh.
Jared returns my grin even as he pushes me gently down on the bed. I slide up and meet his gaze, but he doesn't move from where he's standing, watching me, eyes narrowed, the grin still on his lips.
I shiver as Jared keeps his eyes on mine, and he whispers, "Touch yourself. I want to watch you touch yourself first."
At first, I don't move. It's like I'm paralyzed. I know what he's asking of me, but I've never done that in front of anyone before and I'm not sure where to start.
"Now," he commands, his voice low and raspy.
Slowly, I run my hands down the sides of my neck, over my chest and to my breasts where they pause. Keeping my eyes on Jared's, I caress them, and then move down over my stomach to the juncture of my thighs and I slightly part my legs. I shiver again, this time with anticipation, as I touch myself the way Jared touches me.
His eyes still don't leave mine as he removes his leg brace and lowers himself onto the bed. As I just did, he slides his hands in the same path my own had taken, starting with my neck, which he encircles with one of his hands, stroking it, then over my breasts, my stomach, and to the heated core of me, touching me delicately with the pads of his fingertips.
Shutting my eyes tightly, I bunch the sheets in my hands, bite my lip and moan. Didn't he say five minutes or he'd explode? I need him inside me. Right now.
"Look at me," Jared growls, never letting up on the soft, gentle caresses of his fingers.
I open my eyes and meet his gaze. He owns me, I realize. Body and soul, for better or worse, Jared owns me. But I know in my heart that I own part of him as well. And he knows it too.
Jared shifts his body and reaches for the condoms in the drawer next to his side of the bed. Quickly he rolls one on. Then he opens my legs further, and with one long, hard thrust, claims me, surging deep inside me, making me gasp, making me cry out, making me love him.
I wrap myself around him, holding on tightly as he takes us both to dizzying, incredible heights. Frantic, clutching at each other, gasping, moaning. Jared's thrusts grow harder, deeper, and when my climax hits, it's with a harsh cry that Jared joins me, hurtling over the abyss into a joyous, throbbing paradise.
Jared lays, shaken and spent, curled in my arms. It's times like this that it feels like I've known him forever, as if Todd never existed and the man who saved me from the raging crowd at the State Fair is the one I've been with ever since. As if Jared fathered Shelby.
It's a silly, pointless fantasy, imagining that kind of what-if. But it keeps replaying as we lay there in the darkness, sweat-dampened and sated. What if I'd gone to the bus that night?
Then I'd have been one of many fucked-and-forgotten, that's what. For me it would have been a memorable one-night-stand with a rock star right on the heels of losing my virginity, and for Jared, nothing more than one more hookup with one more fan.
Things happen for a reason. And things don't happen for a reason, too.
"You're a million miles away," Jared says quietly. "I can feel it."
"Mmm...I'm right here," I answer in a whisper, holding him, relishing the wonderful sensation of his bare skin against mine.
"I love you, Lanie," Jared whispers. He turns so he's facing me, his blue eyes penetrating the dimness of the room. "I know this situation is fucked up and it's weighing on you, and I'll do whatever I need to do to end it. Okay? But just know that no matter what tomorrow or whenever brings, I love you."
I comb the hair from his face with my fingers. "I love you, too."
Jared smiles, rises from the bed, and holds a hand out to me. "So. How about that swim?"
"Skinny-dipping?" I glance outside. "What if someone sees?"
"It's late. The land around here is all private property, gated, the whole bit. We'll keep the lights off. No one will be able to see anything. C'mon, let's go."
With a grin, I nod and take his hand. We hurry out the patio door and across the grounds to the pool where we swim, we play, and again make love, there in the water, completely oblivious to anything but each other.