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BIANCA'S POV
Napaatras pa ako ng makita ko si Chris na pumasok sa bahay. Nagtatanong ang tingin niya sa akin tapos ay titingin siya kay Chrissy.
"Mommy, who is your visitor?" Inosenteng tanong ng anak ko. Papalit - palit ang tingin niya sa amin ni Chris.
"Mommy?" Parang bahagyang nanginig ang boses ni Chris.
"Yes. She is my mom," sabat pa ni Chrissy.
"You got married? Where is his father?" Tanong pa niya. I know he is probing. Wala akong masabi.
"Oh, I don't have a dad. Mommy said my dad left us a long time a go to work far away," sabi pa ni Chrissy. Gusto kong tahiin ang bibig ng anak ko sa sobrang daldal.
"C - Chrissy, can you go inside first? Go to Tita Sallie for a while," sabi ko sa anak ko.
"And they know where you are? What is this Bianca?" Ramdam kong galit na ang boses ni Chris.
Napatingin kami pareho kina Sallie at Armel na nakita kong nagulat din na nakita si Chris.
"Oh god!" Bulalas ni Sallie.
"Tita Sallie, mommy has a visitor." Sabi pa ni Chrissy.
"Come on, baby. Come to Tita. Let your mom talk to her visitor for now," sabi ni Sallie at kinuha si Chrissy. Si Armel ay nakatingin lang sa amin. Nakita kong sinaway ito ni Sallie at inaya na umalis doon.
Wala akong masabi. Here were are. Chris and me face to face.
"Is she my daughter?" Hindi tonong nagtatanong iyon. Parang sigurado siya sa sinasabi niya.
Pinilit kong maging matatag. I never imagined this to happen. Sigurado na ako na tatanda ako, lalaki si Chrissy na hindi na kami magkikita ng lalaking ito. Kahit sa panaginip hindi ko inasahang mangyayari ito.
"Give me a god damn answer!" Tumaas na ang boses niya.
"It doesn't matter! Maayos na kami ng anak ko. Huwag ka ng manggulo," sagot ko.
"What? What the hell are you saying? You lied to me. All of you lied to me! You left me. You didn't give me a chance to explain. What else did you do? You hide from me. What the hell, Bianca? I know I did something bad to you. I know I lied to you but I don't deserve this. You took away everything from me!" Parang mapapaiyak na si Chris.
Pinahid ko ang mga luha ko.
"You made me believe I lost my child. But you took her away from me. You took everything," hindi na napigil ni Chris ang sarili niya at napaiyak na rin siya.
"I chose to leave because I know that is the best for us," sagot ko.
"You left because you are selfish and you just think about yourself," naiiling na sabi niya. "And I thought I am the worst person for hurting you. It turns out, its the other way around."
Hindi ako makasagot. In a way totoo ang sinabi ni Chris. Natakot kasi ako noon. Alam kong ayaw sa akin ng mommy niya, ibang tao na siya. He is a fucking billionaire and who am I? I am a nobody.
Nakita kong pinahid ni Chris ang mga luha niya.
"I need to see my daughter. She needs to know who am I," sabi niya at mabilis na naglakad para makapasok pa sa kuwarto na pinagdalhan kay Chrissy.
"No! You're just going to confuse her!" Awat ko sa kanya. Talagang pinipigilan ko siya.
"Because everything you told her about me are all lies! Natatakot kang malaman ng anak ko kung sino ako? Why? What more lies did you tell?" Galit na sabi niya.
"Chris."
Pareho kaming napatingin kay Sallie na naroon na pala. Nakita kong sumama ang mukha ni Chris ng makita si Sallie.
"And I thought you are my friend. All of you lied to me. I begged you, Sallie. Kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa iyo para sabihin lang kung nasaan si Bianca. Pero natiis mo na ilihim sa akin lahat. Even my daughter. Itinago 'nyo sa akin!" Galit na galit si Chris.
"I am sorry. It's her decision. Wala kaming magagawa doon,"'nakayukong sabi ni Sallie.
"Huwag mo silang sisihin. Ako ang may gusto noon. Dahil ayoko na sa iyo," sabi ko sa kanya.
Tumingin sa akin si Chris. Inilang hakbang lang niya at nasa harapan ko na siya. Bahagya pa akong napaatras ng lumapit siya kasi nakakatakot talaga ang itsura niya.
"Ayaw mo sa akin? Tell me now. Ayaw mo sa akin?" Nakatitig siya sa mata ko ng sabihin iyon.
Napalunok lang ako. Hindi ako makasalita kasi ang lapit na talaga niya.
"Tell me!" Sigaw niya.
"Ayoko sa iyo!" Sigaw ko.
And without a word, he held my head and kissed me on my lips. I fought him para makawala ako sa pagkakahawak niya pero mahigpit ang hawak niya sa ulo ko. He is kissing me hard. It is painful, his kiss taste like punishment because of what I did.
Patulak niya akong binitawan. Iyak lang ako ng iyak.
"Now tell me you don't want me." Matigas na sabi niya.
Umiling lang ako. Hindi na ako makapagsalita.
"I'll be back, Bianca. And I am going to tell her all about me. You can't run now. Because I'll find you. Anywhere you go, I'll find you and I am going to get my daughter from you." Punong - puno ng galit ang boses ni Chris tapos ay dire - diretso na siyang umalis.
Agad na yumakap sa akin si Sallie ng makaalis si Chris.
"You need to think about this, Bianca. He has the right to know. He is Chrissy's father kaya may karapatan din siya sa anak ninyo. Hindi mo masisisi si Chris kung bakit ganyan ang reaksyon niya. He thought he lost a child. I saw how he was devastated when he learned about that. Sobra din ang guilt ko sa pagsisinungaling sa kanya."
I don't know what to do now. Litong - lito ako. Iniisip ko ang kalagayan ni Chrissy. Baka hindi maintindihan ng anak ko ang mga nangyayari.
"We will help you fix this," sabi ni Sallie at mabilis na lumabas. Siguro ay susundan nito si Chris.
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"Chris! Chris wait up!"
Alam kong si Sallie ang humahabol sa akin pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Dire - diretso lang akong naglakad hanggang makarating sa sasakyan ko.
"Chris! Talk to me!" Sigaw niya sa akin.
Tumingin lang ako sa kanya. She is running towards me.
"What do you want now?!" Sigaw ko sa kanya.
"Chris, please. We need to talk about this. Be reasonable," sabi ni Sallie ng makalapit sa akin.
"Reasonable? Did you think of that when you lied to me? Did you think of that when you told me that I lost my child? You don't know the guilt that I felt thinking I am the reason why I lost my own child. Now you are asking me to be reasonable?" Galit talaga ako.
"I understand you, okay. I know how you feel. But you also lied to Bianca. You lied to us. To me. Your friend," bahagyang namasa ang mata ni Sallie.
Hindi ako nakasagot sa sinabi niya.
"I know we did something wrong. I know lying about your child is something unforgivable. But that was Bianca's request. She doesn't want to be part of your life anymore especially when she learned who you really are. You can't blame her. You are different. You are not the simple Chris Kutcher anymore," sabi pa niya.
"And who are you to judge? Sallie, ako pa rin ito. I am still the Chris Kutcher that you knew in Canada. Ako pa rin 'yung kasama mong matulog sa bodega, sa maliit na apartment. Nothing changed," sagot ko.
Napailing si Sallie.
"Chris, please. Huwag mo munang biglain ang anak mo. If you are worrying that she is going to run away again, I promise you. I'll be the first to let you know." Sabi niya.
Parang ayoko ng maniwala sa sinasabi ni Sallie.
"I promise. Believe me, please. This is for the sake of Chrissy. Baka mas lalong maging magulo kapag bigla ka na lang magpakilala sa anak mo. Lets make baby steps, okay?"
Napahinga lang ako ng malalim. She has a point.
"Fine. But tell Bianca, I'll be back tomorrow. She better let me see my daughter."
"Yes. I will. We will fix this, this time." Sagot niya.
"I have to go," sabi ko at binuksan ko na ang kotse ko. Naramdaman kong niyakap ako ni Sallie.
"It's so nice to see you again, Chris. I missed you." At humiwalay na siya sa akin.
"Okay. I'll go," at sumakay na ako sa sasakyan ko. Hindi ko na nilingon si Sallie kahit alam kong nakatingin pa siya sa akin.
While driving, I felt numb. Parang hindi ko kayang mag drive kaya iginilid ko ang sasakyan ko. My body is shaking maybe because of the emotions that is running inside myself. Halo - halo na. Pain, anger, guilt.
I thought I lost everything back then. Bianca left me. I lost a child. And when I came back home, I lost my father. Feeling ko kasalanan ko lahat kung bakit nangyari iyon. Feeling ko I do deserve those pain dahil sa ginawa ko kay Bianca. Para na akong masisiraan ng ulo noon. I don't know how did I overcome that chapter in my life.
And now that I found her and my daughter is alive, I won't allow Bianca to take away my daughter from me again. If she wants to leave, fine. Kahit masakit sa akin, pababayaan ko siya. But she needs to give me my daughter.
I will not let to hide my daughter again.
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