A few hours pass, and Chris never leaves my side. He's treating me like a china doll, like I could break at any moment. For once, I don't mind it. Dinner has already passed, and there's still no sign of Danny, Joseph, and Jonathan. It's actually kind of peaceful with them gone.
"Can we go outside?" I ask randomly. I'm sitting at the table while Chris is cleaning up. He refused to let me help. I mean it's sweet and all, but I can still do things. It's not like it will hurt me or the baby.
"Why?" He asks.
"It's just been so long since I've been out there. I just want some fresh air."
Chris contemplates for a few seconds before saying, "Now isn't the best time. We can go out as much as you want once the guys get back."
I almost forgot that we were docked. I could be seen. "Oh, ok." Escape is so close, but I couldn't even if I tried. Chris won't leave me alone for even a second. That's probably the reason why.
He sits in a chair next to me and takes my hands in his. He plays with my ring. It's been a long time since I've seen this sweet, caring side of Chris. It's reassuring to know that he's not all bad, but it scares me at the same time. I grow more comfortable with him each second he's here. It's wrong, I know, but I can't help it.
Stupid hormones. Yeah, it's the definitely the hormones, another part of myself whispers in the back if my mind. I shake it off and silence the voice.
"So what do you want?" He asks staring at my eyes. They're so beautiful and powerful. He could change the world with them if he wanted to.
"What do you mean?" It's sort of a vague question; limitless actually. I want many things. Some more than others. I could go on forever about what I want, but I doubt he'd want to hear all that. He'll need to specify.
A small smile dances on his lips and humor shines through his eyes, probably from my obliviousness. "Do you want a boy or girl?"
My cheeks burn and I can't help but smile. Blonde moment, of course he was wondering that. "Oh, duh," I laugh trying to hide my embarrassment. "I guess I want a girl." I shrug. I don't give him any reason, but it's a good enough for him.
"I was thinking the same thing," he says with a big smile. "I wouldn't mind a smaller version of you running around." I look away from him. I still can't imagine that. It hurts too much to. I still don't want this, but I can't change it.
"Oh, well in that case I want a boy," I try to steer his attention away from my sudden change in mood.
"Why?" He asks confused.
"Because I was a little brat," I joke.
"You couldn't have been that bad," he laughs.
"Oh my gosh, I was terrible," I gush. "Since I was the only girl, my Mom spoiled me rotten. I thought I was a princess among frogs. The frogs being my brothers." Thinking about my younger self brings a smile to my face. Things have changed so much. I've changed.
Chris finds this hilarious. I join in with his laughter. "Care to explain?" He asks.
"Before meeting Ryan, I was a little, well, a girl-"
"Wait," For a second I'm scared that he's mad at me for mentioning Ryan, but his face says otherwise. "You, a girl? No." Chris says sarcastically.
"You know what I mean," I say feeling sort of relieved. "I wasn't the tomboy I am today. I was the 5 year old that wore dresses everyday and always had a big bow in her hair," I start.
We spend most of the evening telling each other our misadventures we had when we were younger. Chris doesn't care if I mention other guys which surprised me. I thought he would've been jealous or something. It's a nice, carefree way to end the day. For a few minutes, I forget all the bad things Chris has done and see him as a regular guy. He's really easy to talk to, and his smile is contagious. For that small moment, I see us as friends having a good time.
But then I'm brought back into reality. It's around 10 p.m when the door opens, and the guys walk in. All of them are there; Danny, Joseph, and Jonathan. They also brought two more, Ashley and Tyler. My stomach drops, I didn't do enough to save them. Here I was laughing and having a good time while they were being kidnapped.
I'm such a failure.
The good news is that Ashley looks completely unharmed, and Tyler is sleeping peacefully in her arms. She looks the same as I last saw her, only now she isn't happy. I can tell that she is a nervous wreck. At least she is ok, I can't say the same for Danny and Joseph. Danny's eye is swollen and already turning blue while Joseph has a busted lip and a scratch above his eye. This is Devan's handiwork for sure.
I gasp. Devan, is he alright? Please don't tell me I lost him, too.
Jonathan shows no sign of a fight like the others. His hair is still styled and there isn't a mark on him. My instincts tell me that he was probably the get away car if they needed it.
"How'd it go?" Chris asks as he stands to greet them.
"Could've gone better," Danny says almost hostile towards Chris. I guess he's still mad that Chris didn't go with him. Danny's arm is wrapped around Ashley's waist. She doesn't look at me. She's too busy rocking Tyler, an absent look in her eyes. Guilt washes over me, I should've done more.
"It went fine," Jonathan answers sensing the tension. He glances at me and I shy away. He still scares me. I can't even imagine how much he hates me. Most of his family is in jail, and he lost his wife because of me. No matter how good of an actor you are, there's no way you can cover that much hatred up. I doubt he will hurt me though, he'll have to do something else to get back at me.
Feeling useless, I think of a plan to get out of the room. It isn't a great one, but it's something."I'm tired," I lamely tell Chris. All of this worrying and guilt is giving me a headache. I feel like I'm dead. They are all staring, but I don't care. I get up from the table and briskly leave the room before Chris can answer.
I'm walking down the hall alone. That's something that I want right now, to be alone. A few moments later, Chris follows me down the hall. "Hey, Morgan, wait," he says.
Having no other choice, I stop and lean against the wall. I look anywhere but his eyes. "Are you ok?" He asks worried.
No, I'm not. I'm falling for you again and I can't stop it. Instead I say, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I put my hands on my hips trying to act confident and bold. It seems to convince him.
"Um, it's just we were having a good time and you left just like that. You didn't even let me tell you good night," he says unsure of himself.
"I'm sorry it's just-" I rake my mind for an excuse, "it's pregnancy stuff," which isn't a complete lie, but I'm also close to having a mental meltdown.
"Oh, yeah, of course," he scratches the back of his head. He looks so uncomfortable and it's cute. This is a nice role-reversal.
Gosh, what is wrong with me?
He starts to turn around to go back to the kitchen. Suddenly, I lose control of my actions. "Chris?" I ask stopping him. He faces me again, confused. Next thing I know, the gap between us is closed, and I'm kissing Chris. It's short, but it's enough to scare me. "Good night." I mumble then quickly walk away. It isn't until I'm in the room that I realize I was the one who kissed him.
It was me.
I shut the door and lean against it. What am I doing? I groan in disgust at myself. That was probably the worst thing I could've possibly done. Why am I acting like this? It isn't the hormones. I should hate Chris, but I can't. Instead I keep getting closer and closer to him.
Why can't I keep my emotions straight?
I head towards the bathroom. There's only one thing I can think to do in a situation like this. Maybe a quick shower will help clear my mind.
Quickly, I turn the water on, get undressed, and hop in the shower. I don't know why, but the water helps me think. It's always been this way for me.
Many ideas pop in to my head, but one keeps reappearing and haunting me. It's hard for me to believe, but I think it's the most reasonable answer. I think that the reason I'm acting like this is because I feel alone and want to be loved. If this is true, it's possible that I'm willing to get it from anyone who is being kind to me, even if they've done terrible things. Even if he kidnapped me. I don't care, all I want is to be loved.
I'm diagnosing myself with Stockholm Syndrome. I've always told myself I wouldn't fall victim, but it looks like it's been trying to take me by surprise.
I need to get myself and my baby out of here soon. There's no way I can keep living like this. I'm either depressed, or I'm feeling guilty about something. Even when I am happy, it's not real. It's just my mind going crazy by creating an illusion that I am.
Great. I'm going to be known as the girl who fell in love with her kidnapper. Well if I ever get out of here anyways.
I need to talk to Ashley. Maybe she knows what's going on with my family. Maybe she'll have an idea on how we can get out.
It's a little shorter than usual, but it's a quick update. Things are about to pick up, I promise.
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