4 YEARS LATER
I opened the door to my house, trudging in. I placed my bag on the kitchen counter, grabbing a glass and heading for the fridge. I found the wine bottle I had placed in there the night before, pouring the content into the glass. Placing the wine back in the fridge, I picked up the cup and drank it.
I come home everyday, at the same exact time and it still doesn’t change anything. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the lonely feeling out of my house. My daughter wasn’t running around, screaming at the top of her lungs. She wasn’t laughing and excited as I walked through the door. She wasn’t any of these things because she wasn’t here. It hurt everyday knowing I wasn’t going to come home to my cheery daughter.
I also wasn’t going to come home to Anthony.
We had fused are relationship two years ago, settling on friends. A part of me wondered if Anthony even wanted to be something more again. He apologized for what he had done to me, sure, but I didn’t know if he even thought about us anymore. Then again, I didn’t know if I wanted us to be us again.
The day he walked out on me brought back so many memories from back in college. It was like the same thing all over again. I found myself, cuddled up in Kayden’s bed, crying my heart out because I was all alone. I didn’t have my daughter and I didn’t have someone to come home to and be comforted by. From then on, I vowed never to let a guy into my life to hurt me again. Three strikes and you’re out. I was already on strike number two. I didn’t even want to think about how destroyed I would be if that ever happened again. So, yes, the majority of my heart claimed I didn’t need Anthony anymore. I was doing well on my own, even if I did wine up a little lonely.
I saw my mother every now and then. I was slowly slipping back into my old habits. I’d go over every six months to show up for the major holidays, but then I’d stay home and wouldn’t contact them. If someone called me, I’d let it go to voicemail and then delete the message. I couldn’t look at them. I couldn’t walk around the house knowing that they blamed me for losing my daughter. Hell, I blamed myself.
If I had just tried a little harder, pushed myself a little further, then maybe my daughter would be here, with me and I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of not seeing her.
I haven’t talked to my daughter since the day she left. It hurt me tremendously to not get to talk to her. I wouldn’t be able to help her out with all her problems that would be emerging in her preteen to teenage years. I didn’t see her ever unless it was on the cover of a magazine or on ESPN, when Blake’s team would be playing and the camera would flash to Kayden.
If I was anyone else, I would think she was as happy as could be. But I knew my daughter. We had this mother-daughter secret bond that no one could replace. I knew when she was upset, when she was angry. When the camera would flash to her, I would see that fake smile, the smile she wore best whenever she was in public. However, underneath it all, she wasn’t happy. I could tell there was something in her that didn’t enjoy where she was. Then again, it could be the loneliness in me.
I grabbed my glass and headed for the couch. I plopped myself down and grabbed a magazine off the end table. On the front cover was my daughter, plastered in her father’s team’s apparel. I smiled, resting my fingers over her face.
I opened the magazine and flipped on the TV. I was absently scrolling through the channels when I heard my daughter’s voice. I snapped my eyes to the TV and saw her, talking to the anchorwoman like she was her best friend. Beside her sat Blake, arm placed on the couch behind them. Occasionally, Kayden would look over to Blake and flash her signature smile, putting on a show for the world.
In that moment, I felt like I was with my daughter again. The way she looked into the camera, I swear she was looking directly at me. I knew she knew I was watching. She had to have. It was like she was talking to me whenever the anchorwoman would ask her a question.
“So, Blake, we heard a rumor that you’d be appearing in Briarcliff, is that correct?” the woman asked. I felt the breath catch in my throat. Did I hear that correctly? He was coming back?
I felt my breath kick up as I waited for an answer. Kayden looked between the two, smiling as she did so, like she was the happiest girl in the world. I sat up, watching the TV intensely.
“Yes, for a meet and greet. Then we’ll be on our way to Rome,” he answered. I felt bile rise up in my throat as he said his words. I watched as Kayden give the woman a half-smile and whisper something to Blake. I saw his face grow hard and he shook his head violently in her direction before planting a smile on his face. Kayden sunk into the couch, clearly displeased with the answer.
“That’s fantastic. Is there anyone special whom you would meet there?” she asked. Kayden shot up from the couch and nodded her head vigorously. Blake laughed slightly, pushing Kayden back down into the couch. Kayden looked at him with hurt eyes and he gave her pat on the knee.
“No one more special than Teresa,” he answered.
“How are you two doing?” she asked.
I flipped off the TV. My heart was racing like a Russian race horse. I reached for glass, downing the rest of the wine, hoping to settle the nausea that was impacting my stomach. I took the magazine, waving it in front of me to settle the heat wave.
I got up and went into the kitchen. Out of the bag, I dialed the only person who could make me feel better. The only person who could calm the raging sea.
“Hello?” she asked.
“Madison, it’s me. Can you take a break from Darin and come over for a second? I need to talk to you.”
* * * * *
“He’s coming here?” she asked, shock written across her face. She took a sip of the wine she was currently holding. I nodded my head slightly, watching as she came up with something to say. I took a sip of my drink before placing it on the coffee table next to us.
“Yes, he announced it on the news,” I answered.
“Why?” she asked, confused as to why, all of a sudden Blake Williamson wanted to come to Briarcliff. He hated it here. He didn’t want to see me and now all of a sudden he wanted to host a meet and greet in my town?
“Meet and greet,” I answered coldly. I couldn’t help but wonder back to the interview, Kayden getting excited and Blake pushing her down. She was excited about something and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because I was here.
“A meet and greet?” she smirked. She shook her head, amused, taking another sip of wine.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No,” I answered. I crossed my leg over my left, my foot tapping the air. Madison looked in my direction and laughed. I looked at her questioningly and picked up my drink, downing a huge mouthful.
“Blake Williamson…is coming here. I guess Hades froze over,” she laughed. I smirked at my friend’s comment. Taking another sip of my drink, my phone rang.
Madison looked down, as curious as I was to see who was calling me. I glanced down at the name and instantly my body froze.
Blake Williamson popped up.
I swallowed, frantically searching Madison’s face for answers as to what I should do. I felt my breathing pick up and it felt as if the world was spinning. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like this. I should be fuming that he even had the audacity to call me. He shouldn’t even want to speak with me. I shouldn’t want to speak with him, but I felt this odd feeling creep into me. I almost felt like this had been what I was waiting for. It was almost like I wanted to talk to him.
I shook my head, clearing those strange thoughts from my mind. Madison looked at me, waiting for me to answer the phone. I took a deep breath, answering the phone on the third ring.
“Hello?” I answered. I was breathing so hard I could swear Blake could hear it on the other line.
“Mom?” the voice on the other end asked.
I felt like I could cry. The last time I heard that voice was when she was crying entering Blake’s car the day she left. My heart warmed up at her word. Madison looked at me, waiting for answers but all I could do was smile. Judging by the look, I could tell she was utterly confused as to why I was smiling.
“Kayden?” I whispered.
“Yes,” I could hear her squeal.
I couldn’t help it. The tears fell. I hadn’t been this happy in a very long time. I was finally talking to my daughter for the first time in years. It was crazy how much her voice had changed in those four years. She sounded so much more older, I mean, I knew she was.
“How are you?” I almost yelled. Madison looked at me and smiled. She took another sip from her cup and excused herself. I watched as she left the living room, giving me some privacy.
“Good. Daddy’s taking me to Briarcliff. I might get to see you,” she said.
I felt my body stiffen. This was what I wanted for years, but I couldn’t help the feeling that was entering my body. I didn’t deserve to see Kayden. She didn’t deserve me. That’s why the judge gave her to Blake. She was better off with him. She was content with where she was.
I didn’t care anymore about what everyone was telling me. They were all saying that Kayden deserved to be with me. Blake wasn’t capable of raising a child. But what if it was me that wasn’t capable? What if I was the problem and everyone was just trying to be nice.
“That’s great, bug,” I said through slit teeth. I didn’t want my daughter to hear the hesitance in my voice.
“I love you, mom,” she said. I could hear Blake on the other line telling her to say goodbye. My heart sunk a little as she said those words. She didn’t deserve me, I kept repeating in my head.
“I love you too, bug,” I repeated.
“See you next week,” Kayden squealed before the line clicked dead.
* * * * *
What was wrong with me? This was what I wanted for four years. I had fought for this. I had tried so hard to win her back. But here lately, I found myself second guessing things. I kept telling myself I didn’t deserve her. She was worth way more than I could give her.
I didn’t have the fancy things. I didn’t have the money to give her everything she ever wanted and needed. I didn’t have any of that. Why did I deserve her? I couldn’t afford to disappoint her. I disappointed her enough already.
I pulled the packing taping across the top of the box, sealing my dishes shut. Two more boxes to tape and I was set to load them up into the truck.
The sun was shining outside. Today was the day that Blake and Kayden were coming to Briarcliff. They were going to go to the meet and greet first, then Blake was going to drop Kayden off at my house for the rest of the day.
After he had called to tell me that, I worked vigorously, packing up everything and anything in the house. I wanted to leave before they got here. I didn’t want to face Kayden the way I was. I couldn’t bear to have her disapprove of me. I wasn’t the woman she thought I was. I wasn’t the caregiver I should be. I wasn’t up to normal standards.
Finishing the last box, I heard my front door open. I felt the breath immediately catch in my throat. Glancing at my phone, I knew that Blake wouldn’t be here for another hour or two.
I heard the footsteps approach the kitchen and Madison appeared, alongside Darin. I glanced up at them, avoiding Darin’s gaze, considering I still hated him. I smiled weakly at Madison who clutched her purse in her hand.
She promised to stick by me through it all, even though she didn’t agree with my thought process. When I told her I was leaving, she offered to tag along, not wanting to leave me by myself. She wanted to support me. So eventually, I gave in.
“Are you ready?” she asked. I nodded slightly, picking up the box in my arms. I followed her to the door, taking one last look at the house. Here laid all the memories I had made since I found out I was pregnant with Kayden. I felt a tear form in my eye before walking out the door and shutting the chapter of my life.
I walked to the moving truck where Madison and Darin were waiting. She helped me placed the box in the back before shutting the door. I looked over at Madison and she must have known I was going to fall apart because she leaned in and wrapped me in her arms. I took deep breaths to swallow whatever tears were threatening to overcome me. I wasn’t going to cry, especially with Darin here. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day I kicked him out of the house.
I watched as he swayed on his feet, side to side uncomfortably. He agreed to follow Madison and I when she told him what was going on. However, much like me, he wasn’t a big fan of it all.
“You’ll be okay, Isbell,” he said. I glanced in his direction before smiling slightly.
“Thanks,” I said weakly. Madison let me go, grabbing my arms to give me one last reassuring smile before letting go and locking her arm in Darin’s.
“Let’s go,” she said. I nodded and turned to head to the front of the truck. Making sure my car was connected to the truck, I climbed in the front seat. I waited for Madison and Darin to enter their vehicle before starting the truck and making my way to the next chapter in my life.
I know it sounds crazy that I just left without telling anyone where I was going, but I wanted to start fresh. I knew I would disappoint my daughter when she found out I no longer lived there, but it was for the best.
Before I left, I changed my number and my name so no one could find me. I wanted to start new. I didn’t want to be the person I used to be. She was a disappointment. I wanted to be someone my parents would be proud of. Not the one that got knocked up at eighteen, the one who could barely survive own her own with a child and lost her. I wanted to be the one who had their whole life ahead of them, who got married, had children and grew old, living a happy life. The old Isbell wouldn’t do that. She lost everything that meant something to her.
As I stared down the road, driving to my new destination, I felt alive again. I was someone important, someone who their parents could be proud of. I was starting on a new, clean slate.
I just hoped my daughter wouldn’t hate me.
Hello lovelies! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a couple weeks. Writer's block is a bitch. Anyway, comment and vote on the chapter please, I'd love your thoughts. Now you may think this is gearing towards the end of the book, but don't lose hope yet! There is still nine chapters and an epilogue! Plenty of more surprises to come. I'm asking for thirty votes to update by Monday. Just thirty. It hasn't been done yet! If not, I'll update, hopefully, by next Friday or Saturday. Early update = 30 votes! :) Anyway, thanks for your support and don't forget to comment, I'd love to hear what you have to say!
XOXOXOXOXO