Plans for Malaysia & Training by Parvatamma
February 21, 1988
Prasanthi Nilayam
Om Sai Ram,
Sivarathri (Feb. 16) was very nice. There was a discourse by Swami, He sang three songs then all-night bhajans began. Swami left then came again at 7:30 PM or so; then left and only came again to end the bhajans at 6:30 AM. I stayed up, only taking 1½ hour break in the middle of the night, for a one-hour nap then shower. In the morning Swami watched as prasad was distributed, yellow rice and sweet rice.
All the time, I stayed in the background, not doing any seva, as per Mataji’s orders at Christmas / Birthday.
I have my ticket Madras to Malaysia roundtrip, about $330, going on March 8 at 4:45 AM; return ticket is open, it shouldn’t be more than one week that I will be gone.
Venkamma asked so many questions about Malaysia - wanted to know if I had mother’s permission! Wanted to know how mother was; I had to answer, “Depressed.” She just looked sad and asked why – then she started saying I could earn money in Malaysia! Later heard these Eastern countries are always quick to hire foreigners as English teachers. That is farthest from my mind!
Parvatamma is OK – her late husband’s elder brother’s son just died, day before yesterday – of a snake bite in his village home one kilometer away, so I had to see Parvatamma cry and people console her (he was 45 years old or so). Otherwise she’s OK. I continue to help her – clean dishes, scrub stove, give her medicines, even sometimes she has me wash her silk saris! I'm learning the precise Hindu ways – more than once she’s gotten upset with me for doing wrong things (like interrupting her when company is there, or attempting to contradict her word, making her buttermilk wrong, etc.) Sometimes she even yells at me (never hits, happily), but she’s quick to forgive (providing I correct my behavior). Even when she scolds, so much love comes through – Swami’s love.
Ingrid has been renewing the room rent. But now that Swami is expected to leave (tomorrow on 22 February), the office is demanding that we leave also, that our time is up. I really don’t wish to go to Brindavan, but I may have no other choice. What to do.
Finally the nice weather has come again.
Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.
Love,
Divya
______________________
Most of the Spiritual Life is Waiting
March 4, 1988
Prasanthi Nilayam
Dear Peoples, everyone, etc.,
Swami left for Whitefield and I had no choice but to go to the office and beg special permission to stay, on the basis of plane ticket (permission for roommate Ingrid was refused – she has completed her 2 months allowed stay!) Shocking but, ole’ friend Chiranjivi Rao gave the permission! The angry Public Relation and Accommodation office could only mutter obedience, as Chiranjivi Rao took me again personally to both offices! Meanwhile Ingrid was ejected and I was given a new, beautiful room in R3, to myself.
Plane ticket is for Madras to Malaysia at 4:15 AM on March 8, 1988. I must leave here on night bus March 6th.
I am happy in the peace and quiet here, and attention from sisters. Parvatamma has me doing different things lately – I don’t know why, but one of my favorite things is washing her saris and clothes. :-) I guess I like being a “water baby". She’s training me quite well. She insists on perfection. Also, her personality is like mine as she is used to getting things for free! I have to laugh sometimes, like when I brought my young Sai photos to show her. She promised to return them the next day but since then she’s hidden them away. I guess they’ll never be returned! She does have limits though, sometimes saying how people want to give her expensive things, but she’s not like that, taking so much.
Venkamma is fine. For awhile she ignored me completely (one week) but I kept demanding why so now she’s giving me more attention. Yesterday she asked where were my shoes (someone just recently stole the ones you left me, Mom). She promptly called me into her house, and gave me a pair her granddaughter Neeraja used to own! Then one day I was sitting near the Mandir writing, she came by so I grabbed her (no one was around) and sat her down next to me. That was fun to have the freedom to “capture” God - ha, ha, ha! She knows I'm going to Malaysia and all about me helping Parvatamma. Venkamma still never asks for anything, and complains when Parvatamma has me working and missing half of bhajans.
To answer your letters: yes, it seems that most of the spiritual life is simply waiting. When I first came here, how desperate I was to receive “orders” to spend my life, so I could get my karma over with! But Swami simply refused to answer. Now it seems as if I'm in control of everything, that I have so much freedom. Whatever I decide is working out, and Swami is keeping more silent than a mouse. It’s like I'm actually molding my own life, and what I aspire to, I am getting. So I am happy. I am near God's temple, have God's Darshan and get so much of God's love through the mothers (sisters and others). Sadhana, even meditation, is active and otherwise comes easily.
I have $950 left, plane ticket is bought. Will wait to see what to do after six months. Parvatamma recently complained that this is not a life at all (talking of future financial security), but what to do. I just told her I have money now and about the future, I’ll see. Venkamma is compassionate, simply listening to my problems without giving the solutions. Like a mother, Venkamma will ask, did I eat, did Parvatamma give me food as usual, etc. Venkamma sometimes gives fruits, sweets and tells me to get out of the sun, get sleep, read, etc.
I can't see my future in Prasanthi Nilayam because oddballs don’t last long - especially young ones. Unless Sai gives permission, or seva in the ashram, how long I’ll stay, I know not. Perhaps I'm destined for a different ashram.
Keep well all
Love,
Divya