"Whoa, wait. Did I miss something? You're going for a ride with him?" Corinth was practically jumping up and down, holding my hands in hers as she pranced around the room which inevitably jerked me along after her.
It was another few minutes before I managed to pull her to a stop, "Calm down! It's not a big deal."
"Yeah right! You two are going to be so cute riding together!" She squealed, flinging herself backwards to land on the soft embrace of her bed.
Oh, and Eli who had still been sleeping.
"Get off of me, woman!" Eli begged with a whine, burying his face deeper into the pillows. But Corinth was a force not to be reckoned with, especially when she was like this.
Corinth grabbed the blankets which were tangled around Eli's body, and gave them a harsh tug. The blankets twisted free, sending Eli right off the side of the bed and onto the ground with a loud thud that no doubt echoed throughout the compound. Dustin was vulgar with his curse words, Eli was a close second in that moment.
"Listen here mister, Dustin is leaving the compound which means you and Lumiere have to accompany him. Which also means I get to go!" She shrilled, pumping her fists into the air as though this victory meant salvation for all of mankind. Eli didn't feel the same. He stared up at her from where he lay on the floor, arms crossed, glare fit for the devil himself resting crudely across his face.
"You know, there are other ways to motivate someone besides jumping on them." Eli informed.
Corinth leaned over the side of the bed, her upper torso hanging off as she bent at the waist. With a tinkling laugh that made even Eli smile, she kissed the tip of his nose, "I know babe. But this way is so much more fun."
Then she was on her feet, pulling me towards her closet while Eli begrudgingly pushed himself up. But from the corner of my eye, I saw him swipe two fingers across the tip of his nose before shaking his head with a quiet laugh not meant to be heard.
He was so whipped.
Corinth threw the door to her closet open and tugged me inside, speaking along the way almost too fast for me to comprehend, "You've only ridden once and let's just say it wasn't your finest moment, so I'm going to give you a quick crash course on how this all works."
"Please don't use the word crash in any sentence pertaining to motorcycles."
"Hmh, okay. Then I'm going to give you a quick not-crash course on how this all works." She beamed at me, "You always wear long pants. The motor get's really hot and it can burn your skin in some cases so jeans are preferred. Also, boots are best simply because your feet are going to be very close to the asphalt and the last thing you want is to accidentally drop your foot just a little too far while wearing flip flops. Trust me."
Oh boy, "Okay, so jeans and boots."
"And usually we wear leather. Even in the middle of summer, the wind can be very cold and leather keeps in your body heat. But you don't have a cut, so I'll have to improvise." As Corinth was explaining, she began pulling out one clothing item after another, tossing them onto her bed. Then she emerged with two pairs of black boots, not like the stripper boots I've seen her wear so often. These had no heel, and were wrapped in chains that circled the ankle like silver snakes, "I knew buying two pairs would come in handy."
Eli vacated the room to ready his motorcycle while we changed. Luckily, Corinth and I were about the same size. She was a little slimmer than I so her jeans were a bit snug but Corinth assured me that was the style around these parts and I had no choice but to believe her.
She was dressed similarly in a pair of jeans and a maroon v-neck that hugged her like a second skin and showed a little too much cleavage, though this didn't seem to bother her.
"Looking good, love." Corinth commented, nodding towards my black long-sleeve shirt with the sides cut out to reveal the length of my torso and the black lace of my bra. I felt extremely exposed in this but if Corinth reacted this way, I couldn't wait to see how Dustin acknowledged my newfound wardrobe.
Once we both slipped on our boots, I couldn't deny the feeling any longer. Maybe it was just because of the clothes, or perhaps it was the addition of the bruise on my face.
Either way, I felt like I could take on the world.
I looked in the mirror and felt my chest swell with that feeling once more, "Okay. I'm ready to kick some ass or fight a mercenary or get arrested. I don't even know."
Corinth laughed, holding up her hands in defense, "Alright calm down, Al Capone. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, we're going for a ride not robbing a bank." She motioned for me to sit down at her vanity, "First things first, we have to wrap up that gorgeous hair."
"Wrap it up?" I asked, sitting in front of her as she began pulling my hair into a french braid that traveled along the curve of my head then down my back.
She nodded, reaching for a black bandana from the drawer at the left of her vanity, "It's going to get windy and if you don't keep your hair locked up tight, you'll be spending the next two weeks brushing out knots. Especially with how long your hair is."
Corinth wrapped the bandana around my forehead, then tied it at the back, tight enough to hold in place. She dropped two hands on my shoulders and leaned over until her cheek was positioned next to mine, "Now you look like a rider."
I smiled too, I couldn't help it.
Corinth took another ten minutes braiding her own hair, because I didn't know how to do it for her, then she tied up her hair with a black and red bandana that matched her shirt. With everything taken care of, she slipped on her leather cut from where it hung on the back of the door, then flicked out the lights.
Of course, the boys were already outside, crowded around their motorcycles as they checked over the engines. Corinth hooked her arm with mine, her way of offering reassurance and support as we crossed the lot, "And remember, try to keep still on the back. Moving around makes it harder for the guys to drive."
My fear was rising, "What if I fall off?"
Corinth shrugged, "Tuck and roll, say a prayer?"
Her words of encouragement failed miserably, leaving me more scared than before. It didn't help that everyone with a pair of eyes was watching us stroll towards the motorcycles. While it was easy enough to ignore the stares from those around us, it wasn't so easy to ignore Dustin's.
He eyes caught us before we made it halfway through the compound, and his eyes trailed on me as I neared. He stood beside his bike, leaning against the seat with his arms crossed at his chest, trying to hide a soft grin that peeked through to his outer countenance. But with eyes masked under dark sunglasses, I couldn't read his expression entirely.
I only hoped he was as stunned as I felt.
"Damn." Lumiere commented as we neared, those emerald eyes sparkling in mischief, "I said it once and I'll say it again. You look scrumptious, sweetheart." His gaze darted towards Dustin, "Good enough to eat."
Whether he was baiting the Vice or simply looking to start trouble, I'll never know. But Dustin ignored him with an irritated twitch of his lips before he stood from his bike and met me in front of the line. He lifted the sunglasses away from his eyes, just enough that I could see them raked down my body twice, before he placed them back over his eyes with an overly confident shrug, "You clean up good, Dimples."
I let my eyes wander over him, taking in his worn jeans, black t-shirt, dark leather boots, and shadowed bandana that hung around his neck. His hair had been combed back and the scruff along his jawline remained, adding devilish chaos to his otherwise flawless complexion. But seeing him like this, so obscure in his natural element, made my hormones delirious and my mouth water.
More tempting than sin and hot as hell.
"You're not so bad yourself, King." I replied, praying to whatever deity up above that my tone didn't sound as pathetic as it did to my own ears. Dustin only smirked, then placed his hand at the small of my back to direct me forward.
Towards his motorcycle.
One glance told me Corinth and Eli were ready, and Lumiere lounged on his bike as if he were sunbathing. All of them wore their leather cut, signifying allegiance to the Tribe. I didn't have a cut because I wasn't a member but I felt no less ostracized. I didn't feel like an outsider anymore.
Dustin swung his leg over first, mounting his bike with ease. Then he offered me a hand as he had that first night we met. However, this time, I didn't swat it away. I accepted his help, holding his hand tightly for stability, then stepped onto the passenger's footbar and swung my leg over as if I'd been doing this all my life.
He was impressed, as was everyone else. Did they expect me to fall flat on my face? Because I sure did.
Dustin glanced back at me, "I don't have a helmet for you but I'm sure Corinth does somewhere?"
No one else was wearing a helmet, then again, they were all over eighteen.
I shook my head, trusting Dustin to keep me alive, "It's okay."
He smiled again then gave an affirmative nod towards Lumiere and Eli. They fired up their engines first, causing loud claps of thunder to reverberate throughout the compound and beyond. Then Dustin placed both hands on the handlebars, lifted his foot to a small metal lever, and stomped it down.
The motorcycle burst to life below us, roaring and rumbling so loudly that I felt it vibrating up into my chest then throughout the rest of my body. Reflexes caused me to sit forward, clinging to Dustin like a newborn as he jammed his heel against the kickstand and righted the bike's balance.
He reached forward, grabbing something that had been hanging off his handlebars. It was his leather, similar to the others in design but Dustin's had Vice stitched onto the left side.
Right above where his sigil lay permanently etched into his skin.
With a smile on his face that was too enthusiastic to overlook, he shouted, "You ready?"
I knew my voice wouldn't be loud enough so I nodded to express my spirited acceptance. Dustin nodded back, then hitched the bandana up over his nose to hide the bottom half of his face and gunned the engine.
While I'm sure we barely moved, it felt like a million miles to me. The motorcycle rolled forward and I held on to Dustin even tighter. At first, I was self conscious of wrapping my arms so tightly around his waist but now, I did so to keep myself from falling into oblivion.
The gates at the front of the compound rolled open, presenting the rest of the continued road on the other side. Eli pulled up behind us, Corinth waving maniacally at me from where she sat behind him, and Lumiere brought up the rear.
"Hold on, Dimples." I heard Dustin warn only seconds before we took off.
Then we were gone.
It was nothing like I've ever felt before. That first night, I was far too preoccupied with trying to find a way off this damn thing, determined to get away from Dustin and back to my family. Besides memories of dire terror, not much else stuck with me from that first ride. But now, having the chance to actually pay attention, I found myself stunned at the sheer power of riding on such an impractical machine.
And I loved it.
Wind whipped at my face, scraping along my skin as it rushed past. I felt my braid flying along with it, desperate to follow the breeze in whatever direction it traveled. My ears clouded over as if I were under water, drowning out all other noise besides what the wind provided. Chills washed over me quite literally, licking along the surface of my skin to bring about goosebumps on every inch.
We raced past the graveyard that surrounded the compound, we flew past the line of houses that still looked as empty as when I first saw them. Then we broke through the confines of the hills and the trees, out onto the open road. Flat land surrounded us on all sides, purple mountains in the distance marking the borders of Tribe area. Two lane asphalt stretched out before us, one long consistent stretch with only a few curves to slow us down.
Riding with Dustin was the most incredible experience. Sitting behind him, holding him as tight as my arms would allow, made me feel safe. Protected. Even though death followed us on all sides as we tore down the road faster than lightning.
Gusts tangled in my hair, biting at my cheeks in a way that was surprisingly refreshing. The engine growled beneath us, sending vibrations through my body and into Dustin's from where I held him. He didn't seem to mind though. I couldn't say that I did either.
Though the vortex around us made it hard to see without my eyes tearing up, I looked out to the scenery flying past us, turning to blurs of colors. Everything faded away, leaving only smudges as remnants of what they once were. We flew past it all, not stopping or slowing for anything or anyone.
A loud sound neared then cruised past as Eli and Corinth took the lead. The sound of the engine drowned out Dustin's voice but the shaking of his shoulders indicated his laughter. Then he cranked the engine higher and we shot forward, reaching new speeds as we took back our position at the front of the pack, much to Eli's dismay.
With the open air around me, almost calling out from a void I couldn't see, I felt one of my hands loosen from Dustin's waist then release him entirely. That one hand lifted into the air, gliding through the breeze, my fingers dancing along the path of the wind as it swirled and curled around us. I found myself contemplating how freeing it must be to fly, to become one with this wind. No troubles, no responsibilities, no worries. Only freedom on swift wings and liberty in altitude.
Both Dustin and I could use a little liberation right about now.
He glanced over his shoulder at my hand now dancing through the air as we rocketed down the road. His cheeks lifted. The bandana veiled his mouth but I assumed he was smiling.
He gently placed one of his hands over my remaining hand which still held his waist, and tried pulling it off.
My body jerked forward, grasping onto him in a panic as I yelled over the rumble of the elements, "What the hell are you doing?"
Again, his laughter was stolen by the wind and the engine.
His hand landed on my knee, his fingers spread wide to cover maximum reach. He leaned back just a little, his shoulder blades colliding with my chest as his hold on my knee tightened further. Then he gave one simple command, "Squeeze."
I obeyed, pinching my legs into his hips which effectively secured my hold on him despite the loose grip of my hands. Dustin then took hold of my wrists again and guided them away from his waist. A new surge of fear crashed down upon me when I realized the only thing keeping me on this motorcycle was my irrational trust and my legs now wrapped insanely stiff around Dustin.
But the feeling of it ... of my arms floating aimlessly in the air as though I were nothing more than a feather caught in the currents of our atmosphere, of the knowledge that at any given moment I could fall off and die ... it was even more liberating than flying.
My arms stretched out to either side, my head tilted up towards the sun, basking in it's warmth and it's light. In that moment, that single instant, there was nothing but me and the sky. My past faded away, my troubles and fears becoming obsolete. There was no motorcycle, no gang, no father, no brother. No Dustin.
There was only me and that vast, blue sky that extended across the entirety of my vision and kissed the horizon in the distance. Not a cloud marked it, not a single streak. Only open, endless sky so blue that it rivaled any ocean.
This was ... remarkable.
I lost track of how long we rode on. Time lost significance while riding, as long as the sun offered light and the night remained at bay, we hadn't a care to regard.
Eventually, our speed slowed. I hadn't realized the amount of trees surrounding us on all sides, not a forest but enough to block out far off sight. The we rolled to a stop and Dustin cut the engine. Piercing silent blared in my ears, causing an uncomfortable wail to drill through my head. But even this, while foreign to me, was an experience just as desired as the last.
And I wanted so much more.
Dustin propped the kickstand, then stood up, offering me a hand over his shoulder, "How was it?"
I used his hand for balance, then jumped off the bike. My feet hit the ground and I almost collapsed. My legs felt like absolute jelly, no strength or control. Dustin laughed but my mind was so high from that ride that I didn't care.
"It was ... oh my god, it was ..." I didn't know how to explain it to him, words couldn't describe it. I needed a new set of vocabulary from god's personal dictionary if I hoped to properly explain what I felt.
Dustin stood up too, his legs not nearly as affected as mine were, and he peered down at his motorcycle fondly, "Yeah. Me too."
When he dismounted the motorcycle, he hissed through his teeth, holding his chest where the cut resided below. I checked him over thoroughly for good measure, "You okay?"
He nodded, scratching at the gauze below his shirt, "I'm fine. This damn thing is more annoying than painful."
Dustin leaned against his bike as we waited for our friends to catch up, and I joined him with curiosities of my own, "Lumiere told me that the ceremony is a fight of honor, but if that's true then why cheat? Why did that guy cut you? Doesn't that cancel out the whole 'honor' thing?"
He shrugged, "Those that lose in the ceremony must return to their men, as failures, and accept another beating. I guess most guys would rather cheat to win, sacrificing honor, than lose with their honor still intact and have to take on more bruises. Personally, I think fists are most effective in a brawl but everyone has their own opinions."
My ear must still be ringing, "That doesn't make any sense. Why do you have to face another beating if you lose during the ceremony?"
"To redeem yourself from losing to another gang. To serve as a promise that you'll fight to protect what's yours even though there is another who has already beaten you." Dustin explain casually, recalling this all from memory while he kicked a rock near his boot, "It's the law."
Again, logic was missing. I prepared to continue this argument but our conversation was cut off as Eli and Lumiere pulled up, laughing over something that happened during the ride. Corinth vacated the motorcycle long before Eli stopped, and she dashed towards me with windburned cheeks, "Did you like it? Wasn't it amazing?"
I nodded. For once, I was on the same level of intense enthusiasm as Corinth. Dustin chuckled at our antics and strolled off to meet with Lumiere and Eli. They talked for a bit while Corinth and I gushed over something we equally loved with such passion. When both groups came to a conclusion, the boys joined us.
"So where are we?" I asked Dustin, desperately trying to keep my eyes from wandering towards his motorcycle.
Dustin placed both hands on my shoulders and spun me around, "Why don't you see for yourself?"
We were standing in an open field that scooped out a large clearing from the surrounding forest. Small benches lined the parameters and the small pond in the back corner drew most of the attention of visitors. We must be in a meadow, possibly in a state park, where people were wandering with their kids and playing with their dogs. A large group of children hung near the far corner of the clearing, listening intently to an older woman who was explaining the bio-life of the nearby pond.
It was a scene straight out of a tourist pamphlet.
Eli and Corinth started forward with Lumiere right beside them, but Dustin hung back while I took in the sight. I turned to him, "What is this place?"
He gestured towards the area, "Just a nice spot to hang out and clear your head, an oasis in this godforsaken desert."
I knew him too well by now, "That's it? Just a quiet place to 'hang out'?"
"Yes." Dustin said innocently, but the upwards turn in the corner of his mouth gave him away, "Well ... not entirely. Take a look over there."
I followed his direction, my gaze landing on the large group of kids. There were too many to count, especially since they kept bouncing around with arms thrown in the air as if they could touch the clouds with their fingertips. But through this crowd, one particular head stood out. One particular set of eyes that I've spent most of my life staring at, in both times of sorrow and times of joy.
One particular set of eyes that made mine tear up instantly.
"Toby?" I heard myself ask through a breath.
The strength in my legs instantly evaporated, threatening to spill me into the grass with little compassion. My mind was reeling. No ... this isn't possible, that couldn't be Toby. My brother was back home, tucked safely away under my father's cruel surveillance. He couldn't be way out here, in the middle of nowhere.
I whirled on Dustin with a mouth dropped open in confusion, "I don't understand ... what is this? What's going on? Is that Toby, is that really my brother?"
Dustin was already smiling and it grew when he witnessed my reaction, "Yeah, that's him alright. He's a spunky little guy, I'll tell you that. Must get it from his sister."
I had turned back to stare at my brother, too bewitched to look away, "But how?"
Dustin neared from behind, placing his hands on my shoulder as his hushed words brushed against my ear, "I didn't know you had a brother until we saw that press conference on the news. It occurred to me only afterwards how much you were leaving behind when I brought you to the compound. So I had Mark dispatch some extra men, they've been keeping an eye on him."
My heart, quite literally, stopped. Again I turned towards Dustin at an utter loss for words at what he'd just confessed. My vision went blurry as tears layered over my sight, "You really did that?"
Dustin's hands traveled down my arms and into my hands, "Of course. Taking you was a necessity on behalf of the Tribe, but your brother wasn't a part of that. And sentencing a kid to a miserable life, well ..." He looked over towards Toby, now leaning over the pond's edge, and that smile went soft. One shoulder lifted in a humble shrug, "I may be a monster, but even monster's do the right thing every now and then."
Oh god, my heart ... my tears ... I couldn't contain them. I blinked up at him to clear my sight but more tears came forth when I realized how much effort Dustin has put into keeping me alive, and now my brother as well. I've spent most of my life looking after him, caring for him once our mother passed and our father was too capricious to concern himself with the wellbeing of his children.
But despite it all, Toby is okay. That's the only thought I had running through my mind. My little brother is okay. I expected him to be dead, I assumed my father forgot about his doctor appointments and was letting him rot away in that corpse of a house. My hatred for my father clouded my judgment and set my assumptions to standards way worse than reality.
But whatever was going on in my absence must not be too traumatic because Toby looked ... good.
He wasn't nearly as skinny, still thin but not sickly so. There was some color back to his face, vibrancy streaked through his hair and his eyes. He seemed stronger, healthier, and the distance between us didn't hinder my sight of him as he raced his friend back to the group.
Toby looked good.
He didn't need me after all.
I felt Dustin's presence float closer, "Sadie? Are you okay?" He sounded worried, his tone indicating such.
My hands found his without looking at him, using his strength the replace mine which had depleted drastically upon arriving. When I finally managed to tear my eyes away from Toby and back towards Dustin, I found him watching me with furrowed brows and a mouth slack in concern. But what I saw, what was evident in his expression, only brought more tears and a watery laugh that left both of us reeling.
Then I was in his arms, pulling him closer as I cried on his shoulder, "Thank you."
Tentative arms came around my back, rubbing along my spine in comfort, "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy-"
"I am, I really am." I explained quickly. My arms retracted to wipe the tears from my cheeks but his hands remained on my back as I said, "I just can't believe you did this. All of this."
Dustin watched me a while longer, obviously not convinced that my tears were from happiness. But my irrefutable joy soon persuaded him and his suspicions didn't dwell long after.
An easy smile slipped over him and though our hands were still molded as one, he pointed across the clearing, "You can talk with him if you want."
That caught me off guard, more so that either of us could have guessed, and it took me several minutes before I could form a coherent answer, "I can't, you know that."
"I'm willing to bend regulation, just this once." Dustin explained. When he saw my doubtful hesitation, he continued, "I know it hasn't been easy to adjust to life in the compound, but you're trying. You protected Sam and Corinth ..." His lips rolled into his mouth in bashful modesty, "And you protected me. This is me saying thank you for all of that."
The chance to speak with my brother far exceeds what I've done during my time in the compound.
But that's exactly what stopped me from running across this clearing.
I have to go back. This trip is only temporary. Due to legalities with Tribe ordinance, I'll have to return to the compound. I'll have to say goodbye and Toby won't understand. He'll want me to stay and I'll have to break his heart all over again.
My head was already shaking before my thoughts processed entirely, "No."
The Vice crossed his arms, "No? I'm not allowed to show appreciation, is that it?"
"That's not what I meant." I responded quietly, still staring at my brother. He was laughing again, I could practically hear it. Recalling the sound from memory, it entered through my ears but made it's way throughout my entire body before dripping down my cheeks and off the tip of my chin. "I don't want to talk to him."
This caused Dustin to freeze, bemusement wracking through him as he tried to sort out my decision, "But I thought-"
"It's been months, he's either forgotten about me or he's accepted that I'm not coming home." I wrapped my arms around myself, "I can't take that away from him. I can't make him say goodbye. He's better off this way."
Dustin stepped closer, "Don't you want him to know you're okay?"
"No." I whispered. Aside from watching my mother die, this was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and my decision sat heavily in my gut like a stone. A lone tear escaped my eye, leaving a trail of fire along cheek and bringing salt to my lips as it snagged in the crevice of my mouth. I didn't look away from Toby as I repeated an important lesson, "I'll spare him this nightmare."
Dustin straightened in posture, and finally he began to understand. Whatever has happened with Toby in these past months, he's gotten better. He might be sad, and he might miss me, but he's moving on. If I showed up now only to leave again, it'll throw Toby right back into that madness. I couldn't do that him, not when I've fought so hard to protect him from the very pain I would be causing.
His happiness is more important than my own, and I'll gladly sacrifice that if it saves Toby from this pain.
Wiping away my tears with the back of my hand, I asked, "Can we sit here for a while?"
"What if he sees us from across the way?"
This time my voice broke, "He wouldn't recognize me."
Dustin noticed my pain and he wrapped an arm over my shoulders, leading me towards an area at the other end of the clearing, far enough that we were hidden but still able to see Toby. Dustin leaned in towards me, "You're strong, Sadie Caster. Not many people would have done what you just did. Not even me."
I had to force my gaze away from Toby to keep the tears controlled, "Really?"
He nodded, sitting down at the base of a tree. I followed after him, reflexively, as he answered, "I'd give up just about anything to see my family again."
My legs folded under me and I used my arm to prop myself up. I took in a deep breath to steady my nerves before saying, "Lumiere told me about them ... about what happened."
Dustin bent his legs at the knee and draped his arms over the top of them, "Yeah. I figured as much."
"Please don't be mad at him." I continued on, prepared for his impending fury, "He didn't want to tell me, I kind of forced it out of him."
"I believe that." Dustin chuckled, "It's hard to say no to you."
His cheeks dusted a light pink at letting that last part slip out, but I didn't mind. I scooted a little closer, both wanting and needing to be near him, "What was your family like?"
His eyebrows shot up, "What were they like? You mean apart from the murderous tendencies and traitorous acts of violence?"
"You wouldn't miss them so much if that's all they were." I pointed out.
"Come on, Sadie. Let's not talk about this right now." He said with a groan, pointing towards the other side of the clearing, "Tell me more about Toby."
But I was adamant in resolve, "I've told you about my family, it's time to return the favor."
He narrowed his eyes, "I think bringing you here to see your brother is favor enough."
My expression spoke for itself, "Was your childhood so terrible that you really can't remember any good things about your family?"
Dustin's countenanced blanked and his head fell back against the bark of the tree, his mind lost in thought.
It was a while before he spoke again and even then, his voice sounded distant, as if he were here physically but only just, "I remember a lot of good things about them. I'm sure it seems like my childhood was hell but it wasn't bad. To be honest, the only bad thing was my father. Noah and Charlie knew him before he took over the Tribe from our grandpa but for me, he was just a guy who barked out orders and expected them to be followed."
Lumiere settled across the way on a bench near the entrance of the clearing. Corinth and Eli were lounging on a patch of grass not shaded by trees, where the sun bathed them in warmth and light. Every now and then, they'd look towards Dustin and I, but would then go back to their own distractions once they saw that we were fine.
Similarly, my eyes continued to survey the group of kids near the pond. I monitored Toby's every move, storing them all too memory with the knowledge that I may never see him again. But while I watched my brother, I also listened intently to Dustin because though he spoke of his now deceased family, he didn't sound sad. He sounded ... indifferent.
"My brothers were great though. We'd waste entire days playing football at the back of the compound. Before I met Lumiere, and maybe even after, Noah and Charlie were my best friends." Dustin shrugged, as if he hated to remember such affectionate memories, "But we grew up. They became my dad's favorite soldiers, and I became a mistake."
That couldn't be right. Dustin, a mistake? Not likely, not possible. I placed a hand on his arm, "That's not true."
Dustin laughed lightly, his grasp on the situation far more lenient than my own, "Yes it is. If Lumiere told you what happened then you know my actions led to the death of my family." His head dropped a little and the smile on his face faltered, "And Katrina."
"You don't honestly believe that do you?" My words came out defensive, maybe even a little angry, "Your dad chose his fate. What he did was terrible and he got what he deserved-"
"What about my mom?" Dustin asked this with that same melancholy grin upon his lips. I would have expected him to fall prey to that dark rage we were both so familiar with, but he didn't. Dustin sat against that tree with nothing but shame and remorse in his eyes, "My dad may have deserved it but my mom was innocent. Katrina was innocent."
"You're right-" I agreed, eager to dismiss this built up guilt. But Dustin has been living with it for so long, he'd never let it go even if I could convince him to do so.
"And yet, they're both dead. I'm still here though. The man with a soul as black as the devil himself." He shrugged again, looking down towards his fingers which picked apart the blade of grass I'd thrown at him, "My dad may have chosen his fate, but it was my fault there was ever a choice to begin with."
I previously thought Dustin was broken, because being broken meant he could also be fixed. But now I realize Dustin is so much worse than just broken, he's completely shattered. He was held down, beaten down, while those he loved were killed, but he still accepted the fault. As if he could have done anything to stop it.
"You've done a lot of good too. You protect the Tribe, you saved Lumiere from his dad."
Dustin shook his head again, now discarding the blade of grass to the wind, "Lumiere is too dramatic for his own good. I didn't save him from anything.
"But he said-"
"I didn't shoot Lumiere's dad, Lumiere did." Dustin said this quietly so we wouldn't be overheard by the pedestrians wandering by, "We knew news would get back to Rosen about what happened, and Lumiere couldn't afford to go to jail. There's a lot of Reapers locked up and they would have killed him the first chance they got for betraying his people." Dustin glanced at his friend who still sat on the bench, eying a few people admiring the motorcycles, "So we spread the word that I shot Lumiere's dad. A few days later, Jeremy came forward as a witness and the cops picked me up within the hour."
My shock spilled into my question, "You were condemned for a crime you didn't do?"
He nodded slowly, wringing his hands above his knees, "We knew I'd be safer, I have status. So I took Lumiere's place."
Did he not understand what that meant, "You still saved Lumiere. You went to jail to protect him. Isn't that good enough?"
His eyes closed again and he swallowed, his throat shifting with the movement, "It wasn't just me."
My teeth began to chatter as they do so often when I'm nervous, and I asked, "Someone else went to jail with you?"
Dustin sighed again, now looking over towards the patch of grass where Corinth and Eli were busy mocking one another. They seemed happy, but Dustin's next words clued me in to yet another aspect of their lives that was darkened by the Tribe, "Brandon. He was my cousin, Corinth's older brother. Donovan sent him in with me to keep me safe."
Brandon? That's why Dustin was so angry the first time I asked about Brandon, and why Dustin almost lost it when he thought Corinth told me. Because Brandon was family. I suppose I'd react the same way. If something ever happened to Toby, I'd spend the rest of my life trying to forget about it. Dustin was only doing the same.
I didn't say a thing but Dustin guessed my inquiries, "I'm sure it'll come as no surprise when I tell you he died."
It's evident now that joining the Tribe is essentially signing your own death warrant.
"At first, things were okay. There was some tension but nothing we couldn't handle." Dustin's hands fisted, "Then one day, Brandon get's called to the warden's office.Ten minutes later, I walk into my cell and see Brandon laying on the floor." Dustin chewed on his bottom to lip to keep him occupied, "The Reapers paid off a guard. They got Brandon alone and slit his throat."
I felt my face go pale, drained of all color.
"He was only in there because of me, and it cost him his life." Dustin shrugged off my hand, sighing to himself. His jaw locked and his motions lagged, held back by years upon years of suffering and guilt. When those emotions became too heavy, the Vice shrugged, "Whatever, it doesn't matter now. Like you said, what's done is done."
How could I have ever thought my dad was cruel? Dustin may blame himself but his father's actions are what set this rivalry in motion. If Katrina hadn't been killed, Dustin's family would still be alive and these past four years of anguish would have never transpired.
Talk about a deadbeat dad.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. I didn't know what else to say.
His head rolled towards me, eyes crinkled in the corners as another somber glow brought a doleful smile out of him, "I've never said this out loud but I miss them. All of them ... even my dad."
There have been times when I've sympathized with Dustin. There have been times when I've despised him. But now I sit here, staring at a man who has lost absolutely everything and still has enough humanity left in his mangled heart to watch out for me, and my brother, and an entire gang who thought he was no better than the dirt below their boots. And in this moment is the first time that I realized how much I care about him.
How much I ...
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this trip so depressing." Dustin chuckled, scratching at his head sheepishly.
An unexplainable longing compelled me to take his hand in mine, weaving our fingers together until there was no hope to untangle them, "I know this won't mean much, especially coming from me, but you're a good guy Dustin. And you may think you're to blame for what happened but you're not. Your dad is. And I think ... I think Katrina would be proud of you."
"Really, you think so?" Dustin asked, attentively inspecting my hands enclosed within his. A small portion of that sadness lifted, dispersing into the air around us. His thumb swung in large arches across the back of my hand, dragging along my skin in a way almost too intimate to bare, and he looked up towards the open sky.
I looked up too. I don't know where Katrina is now, but I dared her to make a liar out of me, "I know so."
Dustin gave a small chuckle, his hand still held tightly in my own, "For what it's worth, I'm sure your brother is proud of you too."
The class across the clearing was moving away from the pond and Toby followed along joyfully. Even without me around, he was happy. How could he be proud of me, all I've done is disappear. I've taken the only sense of security he's ever known and flung it out the window. Is that something to be proud of? My dad might think so but Toby wouldn't.
At least not the Toby I remember. He's changed so much since I left, so have I. It would be foolish to think I still know anything about him.
"Yeah." I mumbled, "I'm sure."
Dustin looked towards me once more, that hopeful glint now gone from his irises. With his hand still grasping mine, as if they actually belonged together as one instead of two separate entities, he drew me towards him, "You should practice what you preach, darling. If Toby knew everything that you've been through, he'd be proud."
I wasn't so sure of that, "Where I come from, killing people isn't something we celebrate."
Without removing his hand from mine he draped his arm over my shoulder, slinging my own arm across my chest. He leaned into my shoulder and knocked his head playfully against mine, "Then I guess it's a good thing you're in my world now because where I come from, killing is a rite of passage."
My free hand lifted up to rub at my temple which he struck with his forehead, "And what rite of passage have I obtained?"
He laughed, sending stocky breaths against my neck, "The rite of becoming a badass."
The way we were sitting allowed for my body to rest against his and the heat from his skin seeped into mine, boiling my blood and raising my core temperature. As if that weren't enough, Dustin noticed my close proximity ... and pulled me closer.
Now both his arms were around me and I was locked away in his snug embrace. In order to see him, I had to crane my neck, "Well if I'm such a badass, what's stopping me from beating the shit out of you?"
His eyes were on my lips as I spoke, transfixed by the movement. He smirked in response and spoke in a husky tone layered by lascivious hunger, "You tell me."
He was too close now but I said nothing. I didn't want him to move away, I didn't want any distance between us. It was wrong and ridiculous but I wasn't sure how much longer I could lie to myself.
Luckily, before either of us could do something we may regret, I saw Lumiere rise from the bench out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at something across the clearing, then made a sudden dash towards where Dustin and I were sitting. Behind Lumiere, Corinth and Eli were suddenly on their feet as well.
I sat up, away from Dustin, which brought a chill at the absence of his body against mine. When Lumiere was near I asked, "What's wrong?"
"We've got to go." Lumiere said, still staring off into the distance.
I followed his gaze to where four men were standing surveying the area. They were tall in stature, burly and beefy. Grotesque by all standards. I didn't recognize them but from Lumiere's reaction, I knew they weren't friends or allies. Dustin went still behind me, a muscle working in his jaw when he saw the unwanted guests.
The strangers were scanning the area, in search of something or someone. Almost simultaneously they glanced our way, and broad smiles broke out across cynical faces. Then they were running towards us, ignoring the looks they received from those close by. Metal glinted in their hands as guns reflected sunlight like mirrors.
Lumiere grabbed my arm and threw me towards Eli, then he dragged the Vice to his feet, "Dustin, we've got to go now!"
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Okay so suuuuuper long chapter for you guys. I rewrote this chapter like 20 times and I'm still not thrilled with the way it turned out so ignore the whole 'this is my favorite chapter' thing lol
But as always, please vote, comment, and follow.
I truly appreciate it my lovelies, thanks again!
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