09:07.
long road ahead.
roma knew that.
hours to take in, the scenery, the rushing cars, the sky hanging low across the bright horizon.
morning.
she regretted to admit that she hadn't been up this early in the day for a while. that was summer for you. this summer seemed to last an eternity. could tell baekhyun was tired, too, because of the sagging lines beneath his eyes and the repetitive nature of his yawns.
he strained himself to stay awake. to drive them both away from the city. back home.
home.
the word seemed foreign, regardless of its implications of comfort and familiarity.
life ahead, as well. that's what the motorway represented; a new chapter, perhaps. or, maybe, a different way of viewing the future and her surroundings. another outlook to have on what was going on.
roma rested her head heavily against the car window, slightly open ajar. eyelashes fluttering in time to the gushing breeze. the earth was warm today, displaying hues of gold and amber and flaxen. yellowish reflections. sapphire eyes followed the sprinkles of sunlight that glittered across the black tarmac and the metal roofs of the speeding vehicles.
she saw the sign for the city of monaco, indicating how many miles away they were.
removed her head from where it sat in her palm, and glanced longingly over at baekhyun. his hands were placed on the wheel, eyes trained hard ahead, as if he were on a mission. planned action. hair fell across his forehead, still slightly damp from the shower, his tanned skin beautiful against the white shirt on his arms.
noticed her staring.
he flashed her a small and deeply reassuring smile. radiant. lifted his hand off the wheel to squeeze her thigh, to further reiterate his promises and meaning.
roma wondered if he even knew how much those little shows of affection and appreciation meant. whether he know how much her heart fluttered or how, she could be nervous or scared, and then his touch would dissipate all the negative feelings. forever.
"i haven't told them we're on our way," he spoke deeply, the heated gesture of his hand returning back to safely steer the car.
roma straightened her posture, the exhaustion she still sensed making it difficult for her back to straighten itself. she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get her head around and to process the utterances that had quietly but profoundly slipped through his lips.
"what do you mean? you haven't told them?" she replied in an equally soft and quiet tone. apprehensive, but also attempting to comprehend.
baekhyun coughed lightly.
"as in, they don't know we're coming," he said, in a way that was trying to dissect what he'd said, but didn't really. their eyes made sudden contact. "i figured it would be easier to just turn up and see if they're still there."
roma remained speechless.
"but wouldn't it be better to have let them know?"
she suddenly became anxious, mind flooding with images of jongdae's sharp, judgemental expression and sehun's darting eyes that analysed every movement and emotion within the expanse of the room. always dark. roma couldn't help but think that they both held something against her.
"it doesn't matter, honestly," he shrugged off the question, and roma was confused by this. it must have mattered.
it weirdly mattered to her.
"but won't they..." she began, and then trailed off, for lack of being able to come up with a comprehensive sentence that would make any sense. didn't know what question she was trying to ask.
"don't worry. i'm just gonna grab my stuff that i left there and then we're going back to lyon," baekhyun stated, slowing the car down at the red lights.
the sun seemed to be transforming brighter by the minute, its rays beaming across the sky and through the clouds.
car was at a halt.
she understood that. she recalled being in a rush to the leave the house in monaco that morning, both of them filling their small bags to their extent and then driving away.
remembered that dark night, with the wind, the storm; sehun driving, her eyes stinging. thinking that baekhyun hated her. that's all she remembered thinking during that car journey.
roma felt the lump rising up in her throat.
"and then...what will we do?" she asked, apprehensively and quietly.
crossed one of her bare legs over the other.
baekhyun glanced over in her direction again. eyes locking. light turned green. engine rumbled once again, zooming away.
"whatever you want," he answered plainly, but radiantly. if that was possible. as if every utterance he spoke was open to interpretation.
roma leant back again into the back of the seat and thought deeply. she wanted to see mia and talk to her properly, ask her what happened, make sure that everything was okay. she wanted to go back to her flat, to restore some normality in her life. she wanted to phone her mum back home; hadn't spoken to her in absolutely ages.
she wanted baekhyun and her to be fine. for things to be normal for as long as possible. roma looked at his strong posture and the emanating beauty from his being and still couldn't believe how she'd possibly ended up in this situation.
wanted to love him like this for as long as she could cling on for.
"what are you thinking?" he asked her quietly.
eyes didn't leave the road through the front window.
roma smiled to herself.
"about how i just want to stay with you," she grinned, feeling a sudden emotional gush of happiness.
he let out a light, lovely laugh.
"yeah, reckon we can sort something out," he said jokingly, winking slightly at her.
roma laughed, throwing her head back against the seat.
her eyes closed slowly.
the sun still shone, still visible, even with her lids obscuring the vision.
a few hours must have passed.
she was suddenly awakened by the sound of gravel crunching beneath the tyres, as baekhyun swung the wheel around, parking the car between two others. her eyes took a while to adjust, to overcome her tired posture and limbs, but she managed, already recognising the tall-storey house, that belonged to them all. somehow.
late afternoon, maybe. the sun had a light, darker tint to it, overhanging the street full of homes, trees aligning the pavement. open windows. birds singing, the sun blinding her through the front mirror. awake, now.
"hey," his deep voice resounded. "sleep okay?"
roma sleepily stretched her limbs, arms and legs, looking over at baekhyun. key already out of the ignition, car door swung open, his smile still beaming softly. checking to see if she really was okay.
she was, she thought to herself.
merely nodded her head, smiling back at him equally, pulling her lips, to prove her point.
baekhyun took that as her answer.
his feet hit the ground and, as quick as a flash, he was pulling open her side of the car. quicker than she could configure herself. he was locking the car and putting his arm around her back, leading the way for her across the road and towards the porch and front steps.
the brightness of the planet's shadow outlining the tall structure made the front of it seem more darker and perhaps more menacing, triggering a string of odd, dim and distant memories for roma. she retained the image of the back of baekhyun's figure, meeting her as she'd run up these very steps with baekhyun, heart thudding in her chest.
different setting right now.
baekhyun knocked three times, as if making the point of making his presence known. roma felt the lump rising up in her throat. despite the evident heat of the afternoon, she felt the chills across the plain of her forearms and the back of her calves, bare skin giving way to the atmosphere.
no answer.
a moment of trepidation. blurred juxtaposition of the ominous aura that blocked their two figures and the inside of the apparently silent house, in contrast to the turquoise sky and beautiful sunshine.
instead, baekhyun gave a sudden, harsh kick to the wooden frame of the door, without explaining everything. it opened easily, being kicked with such force that the crashing sound of it swinging wide on the other end made roma flinch back.
baekhyun squeezed her arm in reassurance, but also as if to guide her to follow him.
they entered the enclosed hallway, baekhyun first. weren't breaking in, because baekhyun owned this place, but it felt like it. like they shouldn't be here. roma gulped. she shouldn't have been here.
shoes were littered across the torn rug lying flat on the floor, along with a lighter, remnants of the moist soil, a book with its pages open, the papers cornered and bent, as well as a few pens.
a vase filled with withering flowers lay smashed across the wooden flooring, the petals resting between the clear shards of broken glass. the blue vase was cracked in half. roma held her breath. wasn't scared because she was with baekhyun, but she was nervous.
the atmosphere was off.
"hello?" baekhyun tried, his deep voice bouncing off of the walls, echoing.
his trainers crunched over the glass. roma stayed, glued to the spot. baekhyun peered into the kitchen, sticking his head around the corner, his back muscles prominent against his shirt. on guard.
she watched as him as flicked the light switch on. suddenly, the objects on the ground became easier to make out,
more evident. more out of place. realised that all of the curtains in the house were closed, hence the dimness that had encompassed every inch of the floor and furniture.
"baekhyun?" a voice rung out.
she let out a loud yelp. heart racing. a voice had spoken up from behind her.
roma turned, immediately recognising jongdae at the top of the stairs, in a dressing robe, hair tousled, and sunken eyes.
baekhyun came practically running out of the empty, darkened room, first looking at roma, and then noticing the presence of jongdae, following her eye-line.
silence passed. he just stood there, similarly stuck to his position, immobile. staring, confused, at roma and baekhyun.
"jongdae, what the fuck?" he responded sharply, his body still tense, vision trained on jongdae now.
the broken glass beneath baekhyun's feet pierced the tension evident between the three of them.
"what are you..." jongdae started, speech slow, trying to apprehend, as he took a couple of steps down the stairs, "what are you doing back here?"
expression incredulous. roma noted, as he came closer, that his eyes were almost black. irises drained of any colour. a bruise had formed harshly on the base of his neck, where his shoulder met his collar bone, a large scrape also carving a line across the globe of his indented cheek. he looked like he hadn't eaten in days.
despite his despotic appearance, roma couldn't help but be conscious of the fact that his current state was much less dominant and scary than before. something bad had happened. she could feel it in her bones, setting deep, reflecting off of the increasingly anxious expression on baekhyun's face.
of course, baekhyun ignored his initial question.
"what has happened? where are...where is everyone else? and why..." he gestured towards the kicked-down front door, "was the door unlocked?"
jongdae was seemingly attempting to regain his normal, domineering stance in this sort of situation. he was wavering, though.
"kai and sehun went back to lyon. that's, at least, what they told me," jongdae explained slowly, his mouth evidently dry and struggling to string together a coherent sentence. he'd managed.
roma felt the heat creeping beneath her clothes.
jongdae's head snapped in her direction.
"but what are you two doing here, then? i didn't know you were coming."
roma suddenly wished that baekhyun had told him. she felt incredibly intrusive, and didn't know what to do with herself, apart from shuffle nervously from one foot to the other, and avoid eye contact. for fear of being burnt alive.
"we just stopped on the way to get some of my stuff that i'd left here. we're going back to lyon, too."
jongdae and baekhyun seemed to share an intense stare; one that transmitted and transfused messages that roma knew she would never be able to grasp understanding of. again, like many times before, she felt out of place and unwanted. couldn't help herself.
"you were in berlin?" jongdae enunciated slowly.
"yeah."
staring. seemed like forever.
"with minseok?" jongdae continued through gritted teeth.
baekhyun's chest heaved up and down.
"yeah."
roma couldn't breathe. baekhyun's eyes were like circling solar systems, flashing and in constant motion. colours. not even regarding her presence. jongdae's seemed to grow impossibly darker.
jongdae turned on his heel.
"make sure you turn the lights off when you leave."
he began his ascent upstairs.
roma still couldn't breathe.
//