Chapter 11 - Zayn
I was asleep when the call came in. My room was pitch dark although it was still daytime thanks to my thick black curtains that kept all the light out. With my eyes still closed, I reach around my bed to grab my cellphone and swipe to the right.
"Yeah," I say into the receiver.
"Hi, Zayn," says a deep voice on the other end. I know it's not the voice of a man, it's too silky and fragile. It's a voice I know very well. The voice that sang me to sleep, the voice that brought me comfort even when I knew it's owner was thousands of miles away. It was Perrie's voice. My fiancee's voice.
I quickly sit up in my bed and my heart begins to beat fast. Normally my heart would swell with joy at the sound of her voice, but it's been four days since I saw the photographs of her kissing another man and this is the first time she's called. I suppose I should be angry, but the numbness that haunted me for the first couple of days has delayed all of my reactions and I'm still trying to cope with the grief that sits on my chest threatening to suffocate me.
"Perrie," is all I can muster.
There's a silence over the line and I think I can hear her breathing. Memories flashed through my mind of her falling asleep on me in bed, I loved to listen to the sound of her breathing as her body moved up and down with each breath.
The last four days have all muddled together and I'm not sure of anything except the fact that I didn't know what I wanted to say to Perrie. My mind had been watching reruns of our past but had never taken a moment to decide what was going on in the present. I didn't even know if I wanted to hear what she had to say.
Perrie was my first serious relationship, and I was hers as well. We told each other everything and we texted the entire time the both of us were awake. The way I felt when I was around her could only be described as euphoric. Every time I caught a hint of her scent I would become slightly dizzy. When I looked into her eyes I asked myself how it was possible for me to snag such a perfect girl. She was my everything. We were madly in love.
At least I was.
"Zayn, I'm so sorry," she said slowly. I didn't say anything.
"Honey, are you there?" she asked. Honey?
"Yeah," I reply drily.
"I know I owe you an explanation. And I plan to give it to you. But I need to see you," Perrie said. Something about her plea sounded forced, but I wanted to believe it was true. Whatever the case was, I wasn't ready to see her yet. I needed time to think about everything. I needed time to take it in.
"Say something, baby," Perrie begged.
"I need time, Perrie," I said. My voice came out cold and apathetic.
"Alright, I understand. Are you really in Los Angeles?" she asked me, trying to seem casual.
I wasn't sure if telling her I was back in Bradford was the best idea. I knew she wanted to see me, but whenever I'm around her I'm a permanent state of happiness and I can't think straight. I needed time away from her contagious aura so I could clear my head and decide how I was going to handle this terrible betrayal by the one person I least expected it from.
"I should go," I tell her without answering her question. I rub my eyes with the palm of my hands as if it will help me think straight.
"I love you!" she screams from the other side.
My mind instantly battles with itself trying to decide whether I should tell her I love her too or whether I should just hang up the phone. I flashback to the last time I saw her in my flat in London. Her wavy platinum blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders and onto the neckline of her snug navy blue dress. Her pink lips were curved up in a smile as I walked through the front door. There was a half eaten cake on the glass dining room table. It had the cover of Little Mix's latest album but Perrie and Jesy's faces had been eaten. Under the white fondant was a crimson-colored layer of spongy cake.
"I know red velvet is your fave so I stole this from the party at the label," she said shrugging as if it was every day that she snuck out huge red velvet sheet cakes from the offices of Polydor.
I smiled wide as I walked toward her. Even though I was five feet away I could already smell her sweet aroma, instantly lifting my spirits.
"Have I told you I love you?" I asked her flirtatiously as I stuck my index finger in the cake and brought a dollop of frosting to my mouth. She raised an eyebrow at me.
"No, I don't think you have," she said going along with my charade.
I dipped my finger in the cake and placed a small dollop of frosting on her nose. "Well, I do. I love you, Perrie Edwards," I told her as I leaned in to kiss her.
"Perrie Edwards-Malik," she reminded me, holding up her left hand. The sparkle of her engagement ring caught the corner of my eye as I pressed my lips to hers, smearing frosting all over my nose and cheek. We both laughed for what seemed like an eternity.
I smiled at the memory. We were happy once. Maybe we can be again.
"I love you too," I said with as much emotion as I could muster, and hung up the phone.