Warning.....
its too sad sorry but i..we all know zayn is a Muslim so i will use some of the muslim prayers so I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable i don't care what your religion is or who you serve or if you don't serve anyone at all its a free world I just really hope you enjoy 😘
Dedicated to icannotbethem
Here is what you requested I hope you enjoy reading this much as I enjoyed writing it also grab your tissues would you?
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It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end
It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends, yeah
"Remember why are we doing this". Louis said, slamming down the trunk of the car before heading back into the flat, watching as Niall's loaded the backseat with pillows and blankets, making a nest as liam watched with amused affection. Harry in the he passenger seat, his door hanging wide opened as he shot out text to important people, shutting off hide phone as soon as the tedious job was done, not wanting any rebuke.
"Do you think this is wise? Were going to be pissing off a lot of people" harry said running hand through his hair tugging on it gently you remind himself to stay focused.
"Wise or not, we have to do it. And when have you ever known is to be wise?
" i know but our family, and our friends..... Not to mention what management Will say when they find out"he tried to argue but it was forgotten as all their heads turned to the door of the flat, louis's arm's wrapped around a narrow waist, supportive?, so unlike louis, as helped the petite figure down the stairs, bundled in sweat and wrapped in his his favourite quilt, the one he went to sleeping every night, the one is daadi had painstakingly stitched together when he was thirteen and suffering nightmares.
"There you go, are you ready for our trip?' Louis murmured softly into the bundle of blankets and layers, his tone reminiscent of an adult speaking to a toddler.
"No. I want to stay in my bed., where it's warm and familiar. " the Velvet smooth voice snapped, albeit weakly, still leaning heavily on the short brown haired brunette.
"Come on zayn. One last adventure. Just the five of us". Liam said, walking over and wrapping his free arm sound the narrow shoulder's, where he knew tattoos were skinned on too small skin, to much ink and not enough of that gorgeous tan skin that his friend seemed to despise.
" I'm so tired li. So tired of the adventures. I just want to sleep. " the world weary voice tugged at all of their hearts, because this was their zayn, the big innocent creature that they had met just five fateful years ago, the one who refuses to dance and belted songs out like an angel from the stars above. The zayn they had watch grow and who had watched them, the pillow talk, the heart to hearts talk, all the banter and play fights, the ups and downs, but lately it had just seemed like one continuous down.
"I know. I know you are. But it's almost done. We're almost done. Then you can sleep" louis promised, keeping his voice Strong because he didn't want to or know how to let zayn go. None of them did. They were unite. How were they supposed to go on with one gone?
"M cold" he shivered as a Sharp wind knocked into him.
Alright. Lets get him into the car . we've got a lot of distance to cover. " niall said with that sane. Cherry as normally had, but this one seemed more forced, a facade. Everything about them was a facade nowadays.
"Where are we we going? " he asked, once he had been settled into the nest of the blankets and pillows, swaddled but his face uncovered, gaunt and fatigued, but a smile that made them think that maybe, this would all be worth.
"Somewhere brighter, more beautiful" Niall said, reaching out for zayn's hand, cringing because the bird stared at him, when it used to take up only a quarter of his hand now it took up almost half, the limbs emaciated. He felt like he was holding a child's hand, the veins visible and daunting. But held tight, urging zayn to grip his just as long, not to let go of him just yet.
"Will it be warmer there? " he asked, watching them steak past the empty the highway, still between the early dusk and light night, a tune where everything was abandoned and held a strange eerie silence to it.
No. But its okay, you'll have us there to make it warmer. ' louis said, peering intently through the windshield, both hands clutching the steering wheel.
"If you fart near me again am gonna kick you in your balls" zayn groaned, making them all to crack up, memories of those nights on your buses, hyped on adrenaline and the rush of the stage, sharing one room all the way in the back, with playing cards and the game of strip pokers that always ends up with them getting buzzed and falling asleep on top of each other, warm and completely comfortable.
They all seen to pay attention to that one breathy set of lungs laughing along with them, immense in dream's of days long passed. Zayn laid back in the back they insisted he be in, postalgic smile on his chapped lips and that shine back into his eyes that had Bern dull for kindest time, it was their zayn.
know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me
Well, maybe you should show a little mercy
The way you look I know you didn't come to apologize
~~~~~~~
They drove straight through the night, stopping only once they got off the ferry and ended up in France, somewhere in the country side where they found a beach, all of them bunkering down with blankets and pillows, heat blasting from the vents, and the sun peaking out from the edges of the skyline.
"You never really get a chance. To really appreciate it" they turned to liam who sat next to zayn arms encasing his fragile emaciated body.
Yeah, because its here before you arrive and its going to long after we're gone. " niall said, reaching out his hand and finding comfort in the finger's pressing along the gaps in his. Louis and harry reached out for each other through the barrier, trying to keep the crushing weight from craving onto them, the future that loomed in some of their futures, and the freedom in the others.
Rattling cough spewed from zayn's narrow throat, dragging all the attention to him as a fist to his pursed lips, trying to stop the fit, Liam's hand gently patting unsurely.
When he pulled away none of them flinched with the seen pool of red trailing down the corner of his lips, merely passing liam a napkin so that he could dab at it gingerly, giving all of them a chance to wipe at their eyes in frustrations, pushing away the grief. Now wasn't the time. Alright, a spot of the breakfast and then back on the road. We've still got a decent path ahead of" Louis Said, feigning the cheer as he tosses the blankets over his shoulders and took off down the road a determined fervor, almost manic in his posture as he drove thinking that maybe everything would be okay once there were there. Zayn was asleep again when they reached the outskirt's of their destination, shivering as Harry opened the door to their little lodge inside, to ask how to get to their reservations.Niall watched the small rise and fall of the cocoons of covers, knowing that when he slept hurt less than when he was awake, but he didn't want him to sleep. He wanted him awake, laughing, cracking idiotic jokes about strumming and complaining about Louis feet. He wanted zayn who was, Ll soft droppy hair and soft smiles with his sock clad propped up on the table and laughing ad they clambered around, running and playing games wincing as they poke each others tattoos.
Unforgettable together, held the whole world in our hands
Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand, yeah
"
"Alright gotta drive around back and then park there. Ours is lot 5. " harry said, holding up the keys and pallet. they all found irony in having number 5, a 5 piece band, they were about to release their fifth album, and lets go of their fifth member. It was a bittersweet irony and one they hated everything.
Zayn, hey zee. We're here" harry waited till the others had emptied everything out of the car, setting up their space before reaching for the limp figure, large hands cupping the frail body close to his chest.
As he climbed out of the car, cradling him in one and, like a baby, while adjusting the beanie pulled over his thinning eye brows and dragging the blankets to shield him form the cold, before making his way pass all the glass domes, getting to the one that belonged to them, a little glass igloo in the middle of the Finland,. He deposited zayn into the two beds that they shoved together, right under the sun glare but he seen to absorb the heat and smile, heating making him purr, like a kitten.
"yeah hold on. "He said reaching past louis, who clung on to his side, the side table where they have set a few water bottles, knowing he liked his lukewarm, the cold making his teeth hurt and his gums shoot a sharp pain into his jaw. He helped him raise his head up, a hand cradling as the fern ink on his neck as he sipped the water, falling back to the Pillow's
as if those movements were too much for him, which they probably were.
I know there's nothing I can do to change it
But is it something that can be negotiated?
My heart's already breaking, baby, go on, twist the knife
" li remember that time at boot camp where you pushed me into the pool the fragile jet black haired boy asked
after a minute, his voice breathy and erratic. Liam nodded as he pictured the glistening pool, urge to push his new mate in, then the panic that set in when he saw him flailing and gasping, the fear in dear zayns eyes.
"Yeah, you were so scared. " liam said softly reaching for zayn hand.
"Yeah, I can only imagine. That's how all of you lads look nowadays. Scared, lost like your drowning, just barely hanging on." He said, turning to stare into Liam's eyes, his own understanding and they very vague hint of playfulness and seriousness it's was just so ....... zayn. Liam couldn't help the tears they bubbled in his lids.
"I just-you're my best mate and what am i supposed to do when your gone? I don't think how to be me without you. And i am scared because what is going to happen when i need someone to talk to and i turn to tell you a joke or bring up your contact then realise i cant because you're not there any more. " liam sobbed, ashamed that he is so weak, And why he should be crying when all the bad stuff seems to happen to zayn? Why was his life cut short.
Liam its. OK. Everything will be okay. " tiny fingers combed through his hair and wrapped slender palms around his neck.
"How do you know zayn? Does gigi even know zayn ... He asked choking on his cries. Zayn shushes him, biting his head onto his shoulder humming under his breath.
." because I'm zayn. I know everything. " liam hiccuped a bumpy chuckle
"Do you really think that you're going to be gone forever."
"Well in a way yes but i will always be, around. Watching you lads live. I want to watch y'all get married, and have family and go things that we said we would. I want to watch you lads live and live happy like we sang live while we are young happy and no Gigi doesn't know I don't want anyone else worrying" zayn wheezed coughing into the crook of his arm.
"My future is pretty set, but you lads can do anything, and everything. You can take over the world. "
"We've already done that. With you. And we wont do it without you. " louis said sitting up, wet steaks on his cheeks and fuck it all because when does louis Tomlinson fucking cry?
"Then do whatever it is that makes you happy. That's all. Zap loueh. Zap that all you lads are happy forever. " zayn sighed, reaching over the trace tattoo on his gaunt forearm.
"Zayn-" harry tried to cut him off, because it sounded like he was saying love you goodbye and he couldn't,not yet i mean they had so much dreams, even though they fought they were mad at zayn for going solo before but no matter what happens his still their brother he will always run back to them so why did this have to happen.
"Harreh Little hazza. Not little anymore. But you'll a least be my little bro. My Littlest bro you know I never knew you had that temper on you until I left" zayn reached out, running a hand through harry hair smiling because everyone knew harry hated goodbyes, mostly because they always meant goodbye forever, And that's was a really long time but for zayn seems like forever has to come hell it has came.
Thank you lads. For the best five years of my life"zayn huffed, glancing at all of they with watery eyes, a smile pulking at the coner of his lips.
"No. You can't say goodbye yet. Not yet zayn. Please" niall pleaded, crying softly, his head pressed against Zayn's flattered stomach
"don't be a sad little irish. "
"I can't. What am i supposed to do without you?? " Niall choked and stuttered, clutching to Zayn's fabric shroding his best friend like a mummy.
"Shh don't cry ni, you still have the other's.you be there each other and the fans they will always be there"
"But they don't know anything. They don't know you. Not like we do. They weren't there with us through it all , recording and all these late nights after concerts, they don't even know about us the real us. " louis growled, throwing a bottle across the room
"Louis, breath. Relax"
"I can't. Dammit cant you see it he is dying. i have held this in not anymore not when am about to lose a panther in crime.What about all the adventures we were suppose to go on? Riding around in our mystery maching causing mayhem? What about all that? " and they all watched as louis the strongest among them teared up, wrapping arms around then, a signature group hug except for the tears and the tight grip they held, because this would probably be the last time they would all be about to hold each other like this.
You will be okay. Ill be okay. Shh. And it was zayn confronting them as he stood at the door step of death, about to head into the unknown abyss,he was holding them together like he always did.
They let his word to them, because soon they wouldn't be able to hear that voice except through speaker's or screens, never be able to capture it's perfection, the warmth that it brought to them.....
One more taste of your lips just to bring me back
To the places we've been and the nights we've had
Because if this is it then at least we could end it right
Hey liam, i think its dark enough now"niall interrupted after a long time gesturing the curtains they drawn.
"Dark enough for what? " zayn asked, laying back on his bed, the exhaustion all over his face.
"For this" Harry said, taking hold of one end of the curtains and pulling as liam did same to the other end, showing off the lights that filled the skies, witch Brilliant shades of greens, blues, pink and reds that shifted along the dark sky, a show of natural beauty.
"The northern lights. " zayn, sighed, doe eyes going big , eye lashed making them look exaggeratedly big with each slow blunk, staring of through the glass in awe, and pure happiness watching in wonder thst he always dreamed of seeing but but thought he never thought he would
This would be the zayn they remembered. Not the one who got sick. The one who had to go to chemo and suffered day in and out with bleeding of gums and easily bruised skin, who had to shave his head and that was the first time they saw him cry, because his hair was his trade mark. This smiling zayn with big eyes and a big heart, the one who they got tO know in x factor and to love like a brother also a lover the one they would never forget.
They all watched him instead of the sky, knowing that soon enough they wouldn't even be able to that. They it's to up back he up crawling of more like stumbling into their bed and onto his feet reaching for the glass trying to touch the sky that he would be joining very soon too soon.
"Thanks lads, for everything " he said turning to them his eyes the warmest of browns, affection that he normally had when he looked at them was blazing into their skin there. Right there. Like it never went away.
No, thank you zayn" and they all dragged him to bed surrounding him in warmth, giving him back the love that he had always supplied them with in his hugs,kisses
and words.
"La illaha illallah muhamadur Rasullulah". They heard the pray slip from his smiling lips as their grips got tighter but were all afraid to check on him
Letting him have that last prayer, the last moment with God on earth right before they met.
And when they woke up in the morning he would be gone, to a place where they couldn't go after him, the ghost of that smile glittering in the remains of the northern lights that shone through out that night like their zayn already in the sky telling then one last goodbye
Everything hurts so so much Niall sobbed staring at dead Zayn's smiling face
What are we gonna tell everyone" was the only thought that ran through their heads.
Oh, why you wearing that to walk out of my life?
Hey, hey, hey
Oh, even though it's over you should stay the night, yeah
Hey, hey, hey
If tomorrow you won't be mine
Won't you give it to me one last time?
Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye
Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye
Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye
*chokes and sobs* well that was one that left me in tears like I can't even imagine this happening to any of my babies but anyways I hope you guys liked this and please don't forget to vote and comment also drop your own request you want me to write also last but not least thanks for reading-ally