In all my eighteen years of living, I'd never thought I'd be where I was. I mean, I guess no one ever really correctly predicts their life. I hadn't attempted to, and after everything I'd been through, I was glad I hadn't. No one could have predicted how my life would go and I wasn't prepared for all the curveballs. You can't really prepare for anything, and the best and only thing to do is adapt when life unravels.
I had to adapt. I had to adapt to being in a car accident where my friends died, having my leg amputated and having to live on immunosuppresants for the rest of my life. I had to adapt to having a broken boyfriend.
No one wants the person they are with to be damaged or broken. No one wishes for it to happen, but it does happen. The thing about love, much like life, was that it was unpredictable. I fell for Jax knowing he was damaged. I didn't know how far the damage went, but I still fell in love.
Most people would run away at the prospect of dating someone broken, someone who had sky-high emotional walls. You go in knowing that no matter how much you do things by the book, the idea of trusting you is terrifying to them; their last memories will spill into your relationship and they'll at many times say things they don't mean because they are scared.
You have to tread carefully because they tend to understandably overreact. They might not take kindly to compromising because they've had to compromise a lot before. They want control, even at times where there isn't any to give.
Every time you leave it feels like you're abandoning them.
Jax knew I couldn't stay with him forever, but he still appeared shocked when I had to leave. After spending the weekend at his dad's place, I had to go back to Rittertown. I still had school and after begging my mom to visit Jax, I couldn't overstay or she'd never let me go anywhere again.
I wasn't happy about leaving, but I was happy about my stay. Jax had finally told me what had led to the suicide attempt. We'd told his dad in the morning. Mr. Wyatt's first reaction was that of fury. If Digger had been in the room he would have killed him, I had no doubts about that. His second reaction was sadness and then guilt. Jax cried throughout but told me he felt better afterwards.
He also felt strong enough to lay a case against Digger. I was in the room when he laid out the rape in detail to the investigating officer. I was supposed to be strong for him but I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I couldn't imagine what he was going through having to say everything out loud, even more when the officer appeared skeptical and asked him stupid questions.
The officer said it was a tough case but he'd do everything he could. When we left it felt like nothing much had happened, but Jax was able to smile and that was worth every grueling second at the police station.
Jax and I parted that day as they drove back to Crescendo.
It had been two weeks since I'd last seen him. Summer break was coming up and I was excited. Mom had at one point threatened to send me over to my grandparents for the whole summer and I hoped she'd forgotten because I was planning to spend the break with Jax. We'd even talked about it on the phone.
We literally spoke every day since we parted. He was doing well except for the occasional times he asked if he could trust me, the tantrums and the times he called me at one in the morning because he'd had a nightmare about the rape.
He was seeing a therapist, whom he initially "hated". He hated that she wanted him to talk about the things that bothered him. He complained that she wasn't me, but there was only so much I could do for him. I had no training. I was winging it as I went along. Sometimes I gave in and let him have his way when I shouldn't have.
Things were getting better with the therapist, so I'd been told.
Summer break finally reared its head and I welcomed it. Mom reluctantly gave her permission for me to go to Crescendo for two weeks of the break. Things were getting better between mom and I. I didn't know if her change of attitude was because dad had talked to her or if she'd seen the bigger picture on her own, but there was much peace at the Lewis house.
I hadn't told my parents about Jax in I's change in relationship status. Things were too peaceful I didn't want to rock the boat. I figured I'd tell them when Jax was doing better, at least better enough not to be dramatically upset by their disapproval.
I was packing my bag in my room when my phone rang on my bed. I left my open suitcase and attended to it. It was Sunday afternoon and Jax was calling.
"Hey baby," I said when I answered.
"You are still coming, right?" he asked gently. There was much anxiety in his voice, he didn't even think about asking how I was.
I chuckled. "Of course."
"You are kind of...late," his tone hadn't changed.
"Church ran a bit late. Well...mom had to say hi to everyone. Lunch took forever because Jasmine's parents were here and you know women and gossiping. I'm just finishing up right now and I think dad is ready to drive me," I said.
"Okay. I have something to tell you," he said hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
"I'd rather tell you when you get here. It's...big," he baited me.
"You can tell me now," I said.
"I'd rather tell you when you get here," he reiterated.
I begged as much as I could as my curiosity was piqued, but Jax wouldn't give up any information. I gave up. The drive to Crescendo was just thirty minutes. I could wait thirty minutes.
It turns out I had to wait more than thirty minutes. I waited three hours to be precise. Dad drove me up to Crescendo in about twenty-five minutes. He left after five minutes of courtesy conversation with Jax's dad. I thought Jax would tell me then, but no, he was making popcorn and apparently we couldn't talk or the popcorn would burn. You'd swear we were manually popping the corn.
When the popcorn was done, his dad stayed with us for two and a half hours. Avengers: age of Ultron was the movie Jax picked to watch, for the 5th time I'd been told, and Mr. Wyatt just couldn't miss it. So after two and a half hours of me glaring at him, he finally left us alone.
I could breathe a sigh of relief. I was happy to see Jax, but I was concerned about what he couldn't tell me on the phone, and apparently while his father was in the room.
Jax was on his feet in no time. He collapsed next to me on the two-man couch and turned to give me a peck on the lips. He had a slight glow to him that was noticeable. He looked happier, healthier. He wasn't by any shot back to the self he'd told me about, but you could see he was much more relaxed.
"I thought he'd never leave," he said leaning over to place his head on my shoulder.
I chuckled. "I thought so too."
"I'm glad you're here Orly," he said.
I narrowed my eyes. "Everything is fine, right?"
"Everything is fine. Well, it depends how you want to look at it," he said moving slightly away so he could rest on the end of my shoulder.
I raised a brow.
"The officer called to tell me that Digger has been charged with sexual abuse of a minor. Nina is gonna testify and they have the doctor's reports from the night...the marks where he... hit me. The prosecutor believes we can go to trial. He's looking into getting a preliminary hearing," he said.
"That's great!"
He looked a bit worried. "I have to be there and talk about everything."
I pulled him towards me. "You can do this baby. Just...remember why we're doing this. You are strong enough to do this."
He didn't look convinced but he smiled.
"I might have to testify in another trial," he said.
Once again I raised a brow.
"The murder trial. I heard Digger fighting with Sam the day he disappeared. But they don't think it's a good idea putting me on the stand...conflict of interest."
"Even I can see how that's a bad idea. The defense would question your credibility," I said remembering a bit from Eric's talks about court cases.
"Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is..." he paused and looked at me apologetically. "I told Dr. Stevens about us and she suggested for you to join us in one session like she did with dad," he said quickly, causing him to take a huge deep breath afterwards.
"Me?" I stupidly asked.
"I...I told her about my initial days in Rittertown and you came up a lot. She asked about the nature of our relationship and...I told her. Of course she doesn't think it's a good idea. I didn't think she'd suggest a joint session," he replied.
"Do you want me to come with?"
He nodded shyly. "You don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to," I said with a smile. "So when are we seeing her?"
"Tomorrow," he replied. "I..." he started talking but his phone's ringtone interrupted.
He looked at his phone and his expression turned grim. I thought it was his mom calling, but when I looked, "Janice" was displayed on the screen. I instantly knew why his expression had turned grim. Janice refused to believe Digger had done all those horrible things to Jax. She refused to believe he'd killed Sam. She stuck by him, going as far as calling Jax a 'lying troublemaker who needed attention because he couldn't get it from his mother'. Jax was distraught hearing those words. He hadn't spoken to her since.
I extended my hand for the phone. "May I?"
He shook his head. "I don't want to know what else she thinks of me."
"Maybe she's changed her mind," I said and regretted the words the moment I heard them. It was the worst thing to give Jax false hope. He cared what Janice thought. He couldn't have hope only for it to be taken away.
He gave me the phone while I cursed my name internally. His change of mind only confirmed my words had given him hope and I was about to snatch it away from him.
"Hi Janice," I answered the phone.
"Orlando? Is that you?"
"Yeah. Whatever you want to say, you can say it to me," I sternly said.
"Where's Jax?"
"I think you didn't hear me. Whatever you want to say to him, you can say it to me. Please be warned, if you have nothing nice to say, you can hang up right now."
She sighed. "Okay. Look, I just want to apologize, for everything I said and how I reacted. I was shocked. I..." she said and started sobbing. "I couldn't believe he'd do something like that, especially because Jax is a boy...but I found his magazines and...pictures of Jax taken when he was only thirteen, half-naked."
I was lost for words. I'd been intent on being stern throughout the conversation, but now I was stunned.
"You have to take that to the police, right away," I recovered myself.
"I c..." she said and I cut in, anticipating what she was going to say.
"Don't tell me you can't, because you can. He obviously had been planning this for years. This is your nephew we're talking about. I know you love Digger but Jax needs you. In your heart you know Digger did everything Jax told you. Can I trust you to go to the police?"
She sniffed. "Yes."
"Thank you. I'll tell Jax what you said."
"Tell him I'm really sorry," she sobbed.
"I will."
Jax was looking at me with anticipation in his eyes. He wasn't even blinking. After I hung up I turned towards him.
"She says she's sorry she didn't believe you and for all the things she said," I said gently.
"What is she taking to the police?" Jax only cared about that part.
"She said she found Digger's magazines – gay porn magazines I suppose, and pictures of you half-naked."
"Pictures of me half naked?" there was conspicuous shock in his voice.
"When you were thirteen," I supplied the information.
"Oh," Jax said as what I supposed was a flood of memories hit him. He seemed to be remembering something.
"What's that all about?"
"When I was thirteen we went to visit Janice. Sally spilled juice on me so I had to take my t-shirt off. Digger must have taken pictures then. I don't know, I never noticed. I had my t-shirt off for about an hour. We didn't spend the night," he replied.
"That psychopath! Anyway, Janice said she would take the pictures and magazines to the police station," I said.
Jax looked skeptical. "She won't."
"I think she will. She was crying. Besides, she called to tell you about them. The police already searched the place and didn't find them. She didn't have to disclose anything. If she doesn't we'll just tell the police about them. They might do a second home search."
"Well I just hope she's as sorry as she says she is," he said and got off the couch. "Do you want to bake something?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"I love baking. I had chocolate cake yesterday and now I'm craving it. Dad likes baking like me, so we've got all the ingredients we need," he said with a grin.
It was refreshing to see the smile on his face. The past weeks he'd been getting better but there were some setbacks.
I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him back onto the couch. He landed just next to me, with his leg going over mine. I only had to lean slightly so I could kiss him. Our kiss wasn't long but it was passionate. It had a mixture of salt and butter from the popcorn, and sweetness that originated from nowhere. It could have been that it was a kiss I'd longed for – correction, we'd longed for. Jax was giving as much as he was getting. For a while we were just caught in our web as our lips moved against each other. It felt great just kissing him.
Jax pulled back slightly and whispered. "So how about that cake?"
I chuckled quietly. "I'd like to bake with you."
When we finished baking, the kitchen was a mess. Jax could bake, I'd give him that, but he was equally good at producing a mess. He put everything everywhere. Things that were supposed to be in the kitchen sink were all over the counter instead. He dumped flour on the floor and even on his face.
"20 minutes in the oven. It feels like forever," he said as he wiped his brow, redistributing the flour on his face.
"We are barely two minutes in," I said.
"That's why I said it feels like forever," he huffed.
"How about we clean up? By the time we finish, the cake will be done too," I said.
He groaned but started picking up the eggs shells that had once been intact from the floor. All in all he'd dropped three eggs. The second and third time was my fault. I mocked him with basketball commentary and he attempted to prove me wrong by throwing an egg and catching it. He didn't catch it and ended up pushing another egg off the counter. The first time he tried to use the edge of the kitchen counter to open the egg. The egg slipped from his hand and landed on the floor instead.
When the cake was done, Jax found something else to complain about. He couldn't decorate it while it was hot so he was grumpy. I coaxed him into taking a shower, seeing as he'd dumped flour all over himself. We ended up going to the bathroom together.
I stood at the sink and poured cold water on my face. A few feet away Jax was getting ready to shower. I turned to ask him something and realized he was naked. I didn't look away immediately. Jax had a beautiful body, but on that body was evidence of the cruel things that had happened to him. My eyes were fixated on the evidence, and I knew I shouldn't have been staring, but I couldn't help myself. He'd mentioned that Digger beat him up when he didn't comply, but I never thought it was bad enough to leave marks.
Seeing those marks on his beautiful body made my heart ache. Even though he wasn't in distress at that moment, I wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay, he was safe. I wanted to tell him he looked gorgeous even with his battle wounds.
There were about two large bruise marks on his ribs. The bruises had healed, but left brownish marks. There was a large bruise on the side of his abdomen near the bellybutton. It was fading, but you still see the outline. It was all I caught a glimpse off before Jax realized I was looking at him. A look I couldn't decipher passed his eyes before he practically ran into the shower.
Even though I couldn't say what the look was with certainty, I knew it wasn't good. He'd caught me staring and he'd probably misinterpreted my stare.
We didn't talk about the incident. When Jax came out of the shower all he wanted to do was decorate his cake. He couldn't be bothered with anything else. He looked happy decorating the cake I decided there was no use dampening his mood.
I assisted him with placing strawberries on the cake and he impressed me with his piping techniques. He created swirls I had never seen before.
"How does it look?" he asked excitedly.
"It looks like a masterpiece!" I marveled.
"Wait till you taste it!" he said quickly.
I was halfway chewing the left-over strawberry I'd taken while he wasn't looking when the calendar on the wall before me caught my eye. It wasn't the calendar in general, it was a specific date on it that was circled with the words: Jax's bday. That date was the next week Monday. I couldn't finish chewing before I said, "Your birthday is next week?"
He didn't look fazed. He said calmly, "I do grow like other people."
"Yeah of course," I said and brushed my jaw. "...but it's next week!"
"So?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" was all I wanted to know.
"My birthday didn't matter and it doesn't matter now," he said and focused on putting the finishing touches on the cake.
"We should do something...on your birthday," I suggested.
"There's no need," he practically spat out. He seemed angry. His cheer was gone.
"You are turning 18 yeah? You will officially be legal in this state. I think it's a big deal. We don't have to do much, just..." I said and he cut in.
"I'll bake another cake. Do you like cherry chocolate chip cake? I can also do coffee and cream cake, but I'm not that good with it," he said as if he was remote-controlled. "I hate my birthday and it sucks. Please hand me the lid so I can cover this cake. We'll have it after dinner."
I didn't get any more words in. Jax had totally closed off. We only exchanged a few words before bedtime, but I was optimistic about Monday. We had an appointment with his therapist. I hoped he hadn't changed his mind about bringing me along.