Then came teenage years when puberty came along. I had finished primary school (elementary school) and was onto secondary (high school) there were more black people than in my former school.
There where times when the black people would say I acted white. It really hurt me. I wasn't white. I knew I was black. They couldn't just come in and suddenly tell me that.
What annoyed me was how they would talk about me. Saying I wasn't black enough. What did that even mean? They expected me to act like your streotypical black girl. Loud and aggressive but I was nothing like that.
People never realized how comments affected me. Before I never cared about my body. I always thought that my body weight was fine I was neither skinny nor was I fat. But people started to comment more and more. It really got to me.
I started to realize how tall and skinny I was. I hated that about myself. Black women where supposed to be curvy but I couldn't do that right either.
My friend once said "Your bun weighs more than you" Everyone laughed except for me. She told me it was compliment. Didn't feel like one to me.
It made me angry, because if I said something like "you weigh more than a whale" that wouldn't be funny. In fact if I said something like that I would be considered mean. People would call me lousy. The double standards are real. I so desperately wanted to make fun of her weight. But I couldn't think of any good comebacks until the next day.
Why is it ok to mock a skinny person? It didn't help that I was such a sensitive person. Little comments like that would plague me. There were more comments like "your butt is non-existent" "your so flat chested". I already knew these things were true but it hurt when it came from someone else.