TheRoastMaster's Kingdom
WildHoe: Craig I will punch you
RoastMaster: fuck sleep who needs that shit tell me the drama
Delirious: dAMNIT TYLER HE WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SLEEP
ChokingIsMyKink: what did I do now
WildHoe: u fucking know u piece of shit
ChokingIsMyKink: oh come on it wasn't THAT bad
RoastMaster: what happened
Delirious: no evan go to sleep
WildHoe: so we were at a bar, and I was ABOUT TO GET THIS GUYS NUMBER AND THIS FUCKING BITCH DECIDES TO WALK UP AND KISS ME
RoastMaster: oh shit I can't sleep now this is too good
RoastMaster: also Craig wtf stop being a cockblock
ChokingIsMyKink: I was DRUNK
WildHoe: it doesn't matter, you ruined my chances with that guy BECAUSE HE NOW THINKS THAT IM DATING YOU WHEN IM SINGLE AF
ChokingIsMyKink: I'm sorry okay? Just let it go
Delirious: don't let it go Tyler
ChokingIsMyKink: I thought u wanted Evan to sleep
ChokingIsMyKink: he won't sleep when there's all this drama happening
Delirious: idc anymore becuz my friend actually tried to do this when I first met Evan
RoastMaster: omfg Jon I know exactly what ur talking about
WildHoe: ON PURPOSE??
Delirious: yeah because he thought it would be HILARIOUS to pretend to be my boyfriend and yell at me about cheating on him
RoastMaster: oh my god I remember this it was hilarious you looked so confused and pissed
ChokingIsMyKink: what happened next???
Delirious: I "broke up" with him
Delirious: side note I think I've killed Evan he's been curled up on the floor for the past five minutes just laughing
RoastMaster: THE LOOK ON LUKE'S FACE WAS PRICELESS
Delirious: hey I'm newly single and don't need to mingle since I found you
RoastMaster: that was honestly one of the stupidest things you've ever said to me tbh
WildHoe: how are you two so fucking cute I'm actually triggered
WildHoe: but I guess that maybe it wasn't a big deal
Delirious: oh no I still gave Luke a black eye once we got back home
Delirious: no way was I going to let him off the hook just because I got a hot date
Delirious: Evan y r u glaring at me
ChokingIsMyKink: okay it's been five minutes and I have reason to believe Evan finally killed Jon
RoastMaster: nah he's fine
Delirious: why THE FRICK DID YOU PUNCH ME
Moo: abusive relationship I'm REPORTING
RoastMaster: it was in THE NAME OF LOVE
WildHoe: I'm actually going to cry
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Now showing private messages between RoastMaster and Delirious
RoastMaster: sorry if I made you uncomfortable it just kinda slipped out
Delirious: no it's fine Ev I promise, it just threw me off guard, but it's fine, okay
RoastMaster: are you sure? Because I just didn't want to ruin us
Delirious: Evan I promise you it is 100% fine
Delirious: in fact
Delirious: I love you too
RoastMaster has changed Delirious's name to RoastQueen<3
RoastQueen has changed RoastMaster's name to RoastKing<3
RoastKing<3: I guess I can share the kingdom with you
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TheRoastMaster's Kingdom
WildHoe: i require the assistance
ChokingIsMyKink: what did u do
WildHoe: I think I'm falling in love
RoastKing<3: I'm HERE
RoastQueen<3: holy shit you just jumped over the couch are you okay
RoastKing<3: iT WAS WORTH THE PAIN
WildHoe: omg guys ur names are about to make me cry
ChokingIsMyKink: WTF Y R U TWO SO CUTE IM GOING TO LITERALLY S U E
RoastKing<3: Craig stfu Tyler has a serious problem tell me everything I need to know
RoastQueen<3: Evan are you bleeding???
RoastKing<3: babe shut up I'm trying to play matchmaker
WildHoe: id feel better if we spoke privately
Terroriser: Jon better watch out cuz TYLER BE SLIDING INTO THOSE DMS
RoastQueen<3: I will not hesitate to fight you
ChokingIsMyKink: god I love you guys so much
ChokingIsMyKink: Evan is just openly aggressive and Jon is super passive aggressive
Moo: ikr they are so cute
Lui: I need me someone like that
DaithiDeNoPrivilege: Lui wtf u have me
Lui: man I need me someone like Evan
DaithiDeNoPrivilege: I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND AGGRESSIVELY MAKE OUT WITH YOU
RoastKing<3: don't try to be me David I SWEAR TO GOD
DaithiDeNoPrivilege: sorry Evan won't happen again
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Lui: Evan I would like to invite you and Jonathan out on a double date
RoastKing<3: oh I'd love to go just one sec
RoastKing<3: JONATHAN WAKE THE FUCK UP
RoastQueen<3: I'm fuckitng here
RoastKing<3: wanna go on a double date with Lui and David?
RoastQueen<3: yes of course now Can I go back to sleep???
RoastKing<3: oh fuck no let's go break some shit
WildHoe: I NEED ME A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS
ChokingIsMyKink: ikr like wtf I want to break shit with someone
RoastQueen<3: Evan no that's illegal
RoastKing<3: so is murder
RoastQueen<3: fair enough
Lui: have fun guys
Lui: and the date is Saturday at that pizza place downtown
RoastKing<3: which one, the good one, or the GOOD one?
Lui: wtf there's two????
RoastKing<3: yea but I think I know which one you're talking about, alright gtg break some shit cya
Lui: later!
Moo: I love how normal Evan's behavior is
BasicallyIDoWrk: ikr like if anyone were to join this chat they would literally think he's a psycho
Terroriser: feel like testing that theory?