Isabell woke at 3am.
The rest of the plane was silent. They were flying back to Headquarters, and everyone else was asleep. Winston's gentle snore was accompanied by Tobjorn's chainsaw of a snarl towards the front of the plane, and Lucio's gently beating harmonious music was just audible through his headphones as he snoozed. Tracer was dozing in the pilot's chair, her murmurs and small laughs still within earshot. Jamison was probably sleeping inside one of the overhead lockers again.
Isabell had to fight the urge to scream as she shot from sleep and clamped a hand over her mouth. Just a nightmare. Just a nightmare.
You would die before you did that, she reminded herself quickly. You would kill yourself before you would. You're not that person.
Suddenly, Isabell was desperate for fresh air. Air, air, she needed to be out in the open, to see the stars--
She stumbled out from her row of seats and dashed for the hangar door button. She switched on the outer shields and silently pressed the button, the door sliding open without a sound. The shields prevented her from hearing the raging wind or from the air being sucked out of the plane, and she was struck. Her feet moved without her permission, down the open hangar door, if only so she could reach it. If only so she could touch it.
The stars. It had always been so hard to see them. Maybe one or two, if she was lucky, through the thick layer of pollution. Even Australia had its fair share. The moon on a good night. Nothing on a bad one.
But this...
High above the clouds. Above the majority of the pollution, so far away from everything.
So alone.
But so surrounded by friends.
The stars glittered brighter than anything Isabell had ever imagined, the massive full moon hanging in the sky like a lamp, shining its soothing white light onto her skin. Flooding her with its cool embrace. The endless expanse of the sky was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Nothing but darkness, sprinkled with the most brilliant sparks of light. Not the kind of darkness she was scared of - the kind of darkness that welcomed you to sleep after a long day, the kind of darkness that soothed and caressed, the kind of darkness that rose up behind you and roared at your enemies.
It was the most beautiful thing that Isabell had ever witnessed. She'd likened her suit to what she thought an unbroken night sky would look like - a bright star here and there, but mostly darkness.
Just like her heart, she realized. Just like who she'd become.
But in reality, it was so much better. She could never hope to recreate this - to match the perfect expanse of the night sky. Never.
She felt her legs fall beneath her, and she slipped down, dangling her legs over the edge of the plane into that black, dark expanse.
Once, she had been terrified of falling out of a plane.
Now there was nothing she wanted to do more.
Isabell felt someone sit down beside her. She knew who it was. She'd always known he would come out here, somehow. She'd always known he'd be there for her.
A Fawkes will never leave your side. A Fawkes will never leave you behind. A Fawkes will never give up on you.
And then he was hugging her, his massive arms holding her as tight as he dared without crushing her in his metal arm's embrace. Like he never wanted to let go.
"Never do that again," he told her as quietly as Isabell had ever heard him speak. "Don't ever do that again."
Isabell buried her head in his shoulder and hugged him back. An endless circle, unbroken and untouched. Like the moon - the perfect balance of light and darkness, the perfect balance of love and hate, the perfect balance of insanity and sanity. The perfect balance of heart and mind. Endless, all-encompassing, powerful and unstoppable.
And then he released her. But the circle wasn't broken.
It couldn't be broken.
Sitting on her right, she leaned into him, staring out at it.
"I didn't know it was like this," she murmured. "I didn't know it looked like this."
"It's something, isn't it?" Jamie stared out. "I didn't expect it to be so... starry."
Isabell smiled to herself. "You knows stars are just giant space explosions from really far away?"
"You're joking," Jamie gawped.
"Nope," Isabell smiled softly. "Burning balls of endless fire. And when a star dies, it explodes, it takes down everything around it. It scatters its essence across space, scatters everything that it was until no part of the galaxy could miss it. It's called a supernova."
"Reminds me of you," he nudged her gently. When she looked up at him in question, he smiled. "When you're here next to me, you're like a burning ball of fire that I can't take my eyes off. An explosion like you are my favorite kind - the ones that keep burning and burning until they blind everyone around them."
Of course he would liken her to an explosion. "...Are you saying I'm a star?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm saying that if you die without my permission, I'll kill you," he answered. Too quickly.
They stared out into space for a while.
"...You ever get that feeling," Isabell said softly, "Like you want to do something that'll get you killed? Like you're on the edge of a balcony, and you want to throw yourself off, even though you know you'd never do it."
"Yeah," Jamie nodded. "I used to get that all the time. Before the explosion. Now... I live by it."
She thought wryly of how he used his concussion mines as a transport service.
"What are you going to do?" he asked in the softest voice Isabell had heard him use. "Once this is over."
"What are you going to do?" Isabell asked.
"That depends on how it ends," Jamie sighed. "If we get Tayanna back, then it depends on whether she still remembers me. If we don't..." He rubbed his temples. "And you, Smellabell?"
Isabell couldn't help the smile creeping up her face, before it fell. "I don't know. Overwatch, these people, they're my family now."
Jamie said nothing.
"But now... I don't know. I don't want to think about having to do that. About having to choose."
"Choose between what and what?" Jamie asked, his words clipped now. Edged.
"Between the right decision," Isabell loosed a breath, "And the one I want more."
Before he could answer, she got up, and she slipped back into her row of seats which she'd claimed as her bed and curled up under the blanket.
She knew he watched her for a few moments before he stood and closed the hangar door.
Isabell had never found it easier to fall asleep, her breathing slowly and steadily settling into a rhythm, the cool night air still in her lungs.
Until the nightmare started again.
What are you doing? Isabell stop
She couldn't stop.
Stop it Isabell this isn't you
She held out her hand, palm forwards, fingers splayed.
Isabell, you know me! Snap out of it!
I don't know you anymore, she thought emptily.
And then she fired.