Awkward hello, after almost 4 months...
Listen to:
A little too much - Shawn Mendes
WARNING!
Contains suicide and cancer. Read at your own risk.
Enjoy~
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Love. That's a strong word. Hate. That's also a strong word. Some people didn't realise that. They used it whenever and how they want. Sometimes it can hurt someone or make someone happy. «I Love you» can instantly become «I hate you». It's the speaker's choice, and an important one, too. This person can change your day. Mood.
Your whole life.
«I Love you, »
Tears were streaming down her face like rivers as she spoke. Hands trembling. Voice cracking. A living hell. The girl reached out her hand for the boy to take.
«I don't love you. I can't love you. »
The boy said and took a small step back. A normal expression on his face. It had to be done and this was the moment. His parents were sitting in the car waiting for him to come sit so they could drive.
«Don't leave me! Please! » The girl pleaded. «You are my only friend ...» She said and sniffed, as the tears had calmed down.
"I'm sorry..." He said and walked to the car door, opened it and sat himself in. Then they drove away. Away from it all. Away from their best memories. Away from their happiest and saddest moments together. All of it, just... gone. In under the blink of an eye. Their life together.
Gone.
Years passed. The girl still had no friends. No one to talk to. She had a chance to get some friends, but every time, she refused talking to anyone. School was a living hell. Constantly people would come over to ask if she was alright. She just looked at them, smiled a little smile and said: «Yes, I'm alright. » and then going back to the sad, no, normal expression she had every day. It was a routine. She was obviously lying. In the end, she was just alone again. It was a horrible feeling. She acted strong in front of everybody. Everyone thought she was strong. But she knew, she wasn't. What they didn't know was that she could barely carry on. She was breaking down inside. But lord no would she show it. Never.
She was afraid. Afraid that being and feeling alone was too much to face. That one day, she would just decide to... end it all. A bad and horrible decision.
No. She would never do that. She knew deep down that she would be okay. She would not even consider the thought. She had a dream. A dream off accomplishment and success. A great job. Maybe even a family? She would work hard. Not letting the loneliness, she felt, get in her way. Everyone has had bad times, right? Were all the same. We are all humans. Living creatures that has thoughts, dreams and futures.
She would always get through her depression. She would always tell herself: "You can do this! It will all be over soon. That's why I must work hard and then I can accomplish everything!"
But sometimes, it's all just way too hard to handle. She would lose her focus. Daydream in the middle of class. Think of her own thoughts. Problems. Expectations and her own life. Even when it got too hard, she would handle it just fine and carry on. She didn't need help. It would all be fine in the end.
But still, it was a little too much to handle. Even though she tried, she couldn't live like this. Until she met him. The boy of her dreams. Her prince charming. Levi Ackerman. A boy with concealed emotions. Rude, and has bad humour. Still, she liked him. Even though he showed no emotions, she knew he had them. She knew, deep down, he was just like her. A shattered mirror with no reflection. He must've also had bad and rough times- I mean, they're all human. She knew the fog would clear up. The fog of bad emotions and sad moments. And this was it.
This was all she ever wanted.
To love again.
It's official. She is in love. (Name) (Lastname), in love. As surreal as it sounds, it was true. She had begun to smile again. Not the fake smile she would give everyone. A real smile this time. She felt... happy. A foreign feeling. It was exciting. New feelings and new expressions. New moments and actions. Finally, she could smile, laugh and have fun. This time, with her best friend and crush, Levi Ackerman. He was her purpose. Her purpose to live, and purpose to laugh. He was her favourite hello and hardest goodbye. Her all and everything.
Months and days passed. (Name) confessed her love. She knew this could end both ways. End her happiness and make her depressed again, or maybe it would change her whole life. Only one way to find out and that was to try. What would life be without taking chances? She certainly didn't know. But if Levi didn't want to be with her she would be okay with that. She suffered before and survived. She could survive one more time, right? Well, as long as she knew Levi was happy, she could bear her pain. But as any other sappy, romance story, he also liked her. They became an official couple. And as most authors would say: They lived happily ever after, I will not. Why? Because this was not the end.
The girl spent her days cherishing all she had and lived to the fullest. They got married and four years passed. She really loved him. Her love would never die out. But for Levi it was another story. He was tired of her. Of spending too much time with her. But he still loved her, just not in the way he did before. His feelings changed. He wanted something new. He wanted to be young and free again.
(Name) sat in the comfortable couch, waiting for Levi to come home from work. He said he would be home at six. It was nine now. The woman was worried about her husband. She had waited all day for him to come home. She had made his favourite dinner only for this moment. She had news to tell him. You (the reader) is probably thinking (Name) is pregnant, huh? No, that's not it. It was not happy news and it was now she needed him the most. Tears threatened to fall from the woman's red, puffy eyes. She could see loose strands of hair nearly falling of her head. It was one of the symptoms the doctor had informed about. This was what she was going to tell Levi about.
She had cancer.
Now she was full out crying because of two things. 1) she has cancer and is probably just going to get worse. 2) Levi hadn't come home, and she was worried. I mean- every wife should be worried about their husbands.
(Name) just sat there. Staring at the ceiling in deep thoughts. Time passed. Seconds became minutes and minutes became hours. When she couldn't bear her curiosity anymore she decided to go to his office and tell him there. What other choice did she have? Tell him right before she died? No thanks.
She hurried toward the entrance door, slipping on her shoes in the speed of lightning, grabbing her winter coat and running out the door. She didn't even bother locking the door. She had to tell him. It was time. No turning back.
No regrets.
She drove fast, not bothering to follow the speed limit. When she arrived at the enormous building her husband worked at, she felt anxious. How would she tell him? How would he react?! What if he... left me? (Name) banged her palm against her head.
No don't think like that.
She sprinted inside the building and stopped at the reception. The receptionist stopped what she was doing and looked at her. Her eyes widened when she noticed some bald places on her head but didn't say anything.
"What do you need?" The woman asked in a professional voice, which made it seem like she had been working here for years. The woman had small glasses at the tip of her nose, but she didn't seem as old as she dressed.
"Levi Ackerman? Short, rude and short?" (Name) asked, with a voice trying to be as professional as the receptionist's but failed. How did the woman do it? It was like she was made for working here.
"Floor 6, office 37..." She said while typing on her computer keyboard, not even looking at it as she wrote. Her fingers danced at the tabs like a pianist that had played all his life.
"Ok, thank you, Ma'am." (Name) said while then hurrying to the elevator. She could barely hear the faint, "Your welcome," from the receptionist before she jumped in and clicked the elevator button that would lead it to floor 6.
It's happening.
She took small steps to his door. She was nervous. The nerves were kicking in. The few meters felt like miles. What would she do if... if- no stop with the if's.
Now she was standing right outside his door. It was time. She brought her hand up to the door, ready to knock. She knocked once. No reply. Twice. No reply.
He was not there. He was gone. Maybe he went home? Maybe he left her?
Thoughts were racing in her head like rockets that would never land. She ran back down, this time taking the stairs. She ran, ran all she could. Right past the receptionist. Straight out her door. She ran inside her car, started the engine, and drove home.
Oh, how she prayed Levi was home. She needed to tell him everything. She needed him beside her. To comfort her. She needed him. She parked her car in the garage and ran inside the house. There on the dinner table, sat Levi. He sat there, staring down on a piece of paper and reading it carefully. He hadn't even noticed her before she called out for him. He lifted his gaze from the paper and onto the woman who had tears running down her cheeks.
Nothing was heard. No one moved. It was all silence. A long pause in time. No one dared to speak. That was until the male said something that would ruin the woman's life.
...
"I want a divorce,"
...
"What?"
...
"You can keep the house and car, I'll move out. Any other wishes?" He said.
...
She was done. This was it. She couldn't live like this. It had to end.
...
"I don't love you,"
he said before taking his bags that were already packed. He throws on his coat, slipped on his shoes and went to the door. She was dead inside. She had no more purpose. It was all gone.
He turned around and glanced at her a final time. The eyes she had grown to love, scanned her in every inch of her body.
"I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore, (Name). I hope you get a great life. Bye."
He opened the door and was ready to step out before...
"I have cancer. I am going to die. I won't have a great life. You just ruined it all. I love you. I need you. I'm... I-I-I'm..." she broke down sobbing. She didn't care anymore. She just couldn't hold it back anymore. She would die anyway.
Levi's eyes widened. He couldn't. He had to go. He didn't want to but... that's for another story.
"Bye, (Name). I'll keep you in my heart."
The door slammed shut. He was gone. All the memories. All the good moments. All her happiness and purpose to live.
Gone like the wind.
This time she knew it didn't come back. She didn't wish or dream or work for it. She just had to end it all. No one would care. She would die anyways. No more hopes. No more friends. Just pain and sorrow. She was just human. Humans have emotions. She had too many negative. Great lives were fairy tales. Something she could only dream of. She lied to herself. She was not okay in the end. She was not strong. She was nothing and had no one. She knew the feeling of pain. She knew the meaning of "I love you" and "I hate you". She knew it all. She wouldn't be okay. She wasn't alright. Hell. That's what it was. The unlucky girl who got a life straight from hell. Well, she couldn't decide how it would all end. She was only human. She decided to end it fast and peacefully. Get away from this life. All the painful memories. She had to. No regrets. The next days, no one had seen her. Heard from her. Nothing. She was found two weeks later. They investigated the case and it turned out to be suicide. What she didn't know was that someone she had loved, was sobbing on his own by the news. It was no surprise. She was human, and everyone knew that we can do bad decisions.
Because sometimes,
It all just gets a little too much.
"I've seen it all,
I have seen the dark,
I've seen the brightness in one little spark,
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
That is enough
To want more would be greed,
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be,
I've seen it all, there is no more to see."
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I'M NOT DEAD GUYS!! I'm sorry! I just had too much at my hands. School, and--
Me to me: Stop with the excuses.
ANYWAYS!
I'm kinda proud of this! It took me two days but it was worth it. Hope you liked it! and again, i'm sorry for being gone for so long...
Thanks for reading!