Good evening my dears, how are you? I hope the last chapter wasn't too much for you. This chapter is more sad than it is angsty, but it is also hopeful. Nursing a bad headache my dears, so I won't say much.
I hope you enjoy the weekend ahead. Once again, thank you for the comments, and for giving me honest feedback. Masaya na tayo bukas, beshies. Cheer up na tayo, ok? Bawi ako tomorrow :)
Northwestern University Campus, Evanston - Spring 2015
Throughout the next three years that they attended to their studies, Dei and Richard barely saw each other. They would bump into each other on campus with their new set of friends or occasionally chat on Facebook just to see how each one was doing. They got so caught up in their academics and focused on their writing, such that the pain of losing each other became a little more bearable.
On her birthdays, she would always receive something from him. He would send her excerpts from the stories he was writing, words strung together that reminded her of how he still regarded her as someone special to him, framed and gift-wrapped, delivered to her. On his birthday, she would send him food that she made, with a reminder to always eat on time and take care of himself.
One evening, Dei called him and asked him to come over. She was filled with a bad case of homesickness and yearned for someone to hug her. He arrived close to midnight, straight from a group study session on the outer side of Evanston.
"What happened, Dei?"
He was looking at her with concern, noting how much weight she lost and how she had dark circles under her eyes. But she felt better already upon seeing him, and knowing that all she had to do was call and he would come to her, like they never parted ways.
"Can you just stay with me for a while? I just don't want to be alone."
"Are you ok? The truth, Dei."
They sat down on the sofa, and like old times she put her feet up, while he sat beside her and stretched his long legs, crossing them at the ankles. He was actually tired but happy that they were together unexpectedly.
"I'm ok, Jay. Really. I just don't want to be alone tonight. I couldn't think of anyone I can talk to freely about feeling like this. I'm sor-"
"Stop.....ngayon lang tayo nagkita and you're apologizing again. Dei, I'm glad you asked me to come over. Alam mo, several times I actually stopped by here to see if you were home but in the end, I would chicken out and leave."
"Why didn't you call? I would've wanted to see you."
He looked at her and cupped her chin with his hand.
"I didn't want to confuse you Dei. If I came by, we might start seeing each other again, start another cycle of apologies and misinterpreted actions. Tonight was different, you asked for me to come, and I'm glad you did."
"Pa-hug Jay. Please?"
She went into his arms and buried her face in his neck, savoring his warmth. It was like lying down on a soft bed with warm covers wrapped around her body. The comfort and familiarity of his body against hers soothed her.
She tried getting over him. She even dared to date other guys to neutralize the ache she felt over losing him, but those dates ended dismally.
"I still love you Dei."
"I love you too, Jay. All this time, even through the mess I've made of overthinking about us, I loved you."
He kissed the top of her head. The revelation that she loved him back tempted him. He saw an opportunity to be back in her life again, but this time, he held back. He wanted both of them to be emotionally ready to face things together. Right now, in the middle of all the chaos of getting ready for graduation, he knew it wasn't wise to be together again.
"Dei......I don't know if we'll see each other again after this. On graduation day, my family will be coming over, and much as I want us to spend time together......"
"Ok lang, no worries. My parents are coming over as well. I understand."
"Pero, pwedeng.........after graduation, could you spend one day with me? I'll be moving back to Miami after the ceremony. I just want to see you one last time."
"One last time. Ang sakit pakinggan. Do you think we'll ever see each other again after that?"
"I don't know. I will move heaven and earth to follow you wherever you go. But I don't know when that will happen. For now, I just want to enjoy this time with you."
"Jay.....please spend the night here."
"Do you think it's a good idea?"
"Please? Last na 'to. I just want to store memories of being with you."
For the first time, she let him into her bedroom. Lying in bed together, bodies close, their limbs intertwined, they talked till the wee hours of the morning, cuddling like they used to. They fell asleep exhausted but happy, appreciative for this little respite from reality.
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Graduation was finally over. Dei would be going back to Manila two days from now, while Richard was also going back to Miami to his family. He wanted to spend the day with her at the beach, to swim together and explore the lighthouse at Grosse Point. They would have dinner later at his place, and hopefully he could convince her to stay the night. He wasn't sure if today was a good idea, it might be more painful for them to separate, but he just wanted to be with her before the distance would prevent them from seeing each other.
She was all smiles when he picked her up, wearing a sunny yellow top with her hair loose. Dei loved the beach, and it was a joy to see her this happy, so different from that night before graduation when she looked so miserable.
Today, the bright spots of color on her cheeks gave her face a radiant glow. She was talking to him animatedly, like a child, she was laughing and carefree.
"Look at you, you're so pretty when you're this happy."
"You make me happy. Thank you for asking me for this day."
"No matter how hard I try to stay away Dei, I just can't. You always reel me in, and I come running back to you."
"This will be the last time though," She said, her face sobering.
"For now. I promise you Dei, I will follow you, wherever you go."
They swam together, played in the water like children. They took numerous photos of each other, held each other close, their touches bolder underneath the water. He dared to untie her bikini top and cupped her breasts, feeling himself harden when he saw her close her eyes and sigh with pleasure. She groped at his crotch, massaging and kneading his hard-on through the material of his board shorts.
They hugged, their close-to-naked bodies pressing against each other, kisses urgent and long. In the lighthouse, he took more photos of her, videos of them kissing. Memory upon memory was stored on their phones, in preparation for their 'drought' in the days to come.
They took a nap in his place and woke up to prepare steaks for dinner, grilled to perfection in his backyard. The delicious steaks, baked potatoes, wine and rhum cake completed their dinner.
"Dei, it's my turn to request. Please spend the night here with me."
"Sige, I'd like that."
They were now seated on the thick carpet of his den, she was nestled in the circle of his arms, her back against his chest. She was quiet and already he felt the sadness coming. The day was ending too soon.
"Hey.......bawal ang sad, remember?"
"Sorry na."
"Bawal din mag-sorry. We've done enough apologizing to each other, Dei."
"I wasted so much time," She said, her voice wavering.
"Let's just believe that it wasn't our time yet, Dei. Ayoko na siya ipilit."
"Is that it, or you got tired already fighting for us?"
"No, never that. I just know now that we will have our time soon. I will be with you again, I just know it."
"Will you have girlfriends after I go?"
"I don't know Dei. Right now I don't see myself being with someone else. Ikaw lang talaga."
"I will wait for you."
"Just promise me one thing, Dei."
"Anything."
"If you fall in love with someone else, don't wait for me."
"That will never happen."
"Just promise me."
"Why? Para pag nangyari sayo, you'll do the same?"
"We don't know what's in store for us in the future, Dei. I just want you to be happy."
"Being with you is what makes me happy. I will wait for you, Jay. Kahit matagal, I'll wait. I know you have things to finish, things that hold you back from returning to me. Kasalanan ko naman kung bakit ganito tayo. So it's only right that I wait for you."
They kissed then, tasting the salt of their tears. Tomorrow was not as rosy without each other, but Dei felt it, he would be coming back to her soon.