Patricia had taken Iris out for groceries after the night she had spent sleeping beside her, stating that she did not care how small Iris was, she needed to eat more in order to be healthy. So, with a fully stocked kitchen and fridge, Iris had parted ways with Patricia after delaying the older woman with a long hug in the doorway of her apartment. Patricia didn't seem to mind, and had just stroked Iris's hair as she assured her that they would see one another soon.
Iris knew that she couldn't be selfish—she couldn't hold onto her soulmates all hours of the day because they had lives, too. She truly wished that she could; she wished that she never had to let them go.
However, she now had the thought that she could be with them much more; she had, after all, agreed to Patricia's invitation about having a room made up for her. For her to think about such a drastic change in her life left her feeling old ghosts of panic, but it passed easily as she reminded herself of the comfort and security that came with having her soulmates nearby.
They had talked about it in more depth and Patricia made sure that she was fully aware they were not asking her to leave her apartment. They had no desire to rush her from her home, and only desired to offer her a safe place to sleep on nights when she felt her home wasn't as safe as it used to be. She wasn't sure when any of that may actually take place, since Patricia confessed that they had decided on it while she was sleeping, but knowing that it was a possibility in the near future was all she needed.
Standing in her kitchen as she finished the dinner she had picked out with Patricia, her plate scraped clean of any food, Iris looked at her laptop she had placed on the counter in order to read. She rarely used her laptop, not really liking the headaches that came from reading on the screen too much, but this seemed like a good time to bring it out.
On the first tab, information about apartments coming up for rent in her price-range, some saved or bookmarked to come back to at a later date, and the other tab held an article that Fletcher had released on Dissociative Identity Disorder. She knew that the soulmates she had met wouldn't mind answering what questions she may have, but there were some things that she wanted to know going into a living situation.
Putting her dishes in the sink, filled a few inches with hot, soapy water, Iris picked up her laptop and half-filled mug of tea to take back to her bed and sit down. Crossing her legs and placing the computer in front of her, mug of tea in close reach on the nightstand, Iris returned her focus to the article.
This particular one was written only on the person with D.I.D., lacking anything to do with soulmates, and that was just what Iris was looking for. There wasn't much information on soulmates of those with D.I.D. to begin with, so she didn't concern herself too much with it and instead focused on studying the condition itself. She had tried to read other articles she had found, but they never seemed to portray the 'subjects' as people. Fletcher spoke of them as humans, and revealed that each identity was in fact their own person.
It wasn't just someone hearing voices or showing signs of extreme bi-polar disorder; they were truly their own person, unique and different even if they all lived in one body.
Iris fully believed it, and not only because of the evidence provided by her soulmarks. It reminded her of the way each of her soulmates carried a different smell. Patricia had been wearing Barry's clothes when she came to her, yet she smelled nothing like Barry except for the ghost of cologne that still clung to that material.
One of the things that irritated her with the other readings was also how they brought up treatments, explaining that the alters could be 'cured'. They didn't believe that alters were as real as the original identity and were all a part of a mental psychosis. That fact alone had her immediately abandoning those types of articles, always finding her way back to Fletcher's work instead.
It was disappointing to know that there were so few people who supported Fletcher and her side of the research; from what Iris was reading, she had incredible evidence on her side. Yet she was forgotten in favour of others were went on about how these people could be 'cured' because they were sick. Knowing that Kevin had been through something terrible when he was younger, the exact reason that the alters existed, made Iris loathe those who said they were sick.
Kevin wasn't sick, he was abused and afraid. She knew that feeling; she knew the desire to have something or someone there to protect you from the pain that was happening. The alters saved him, and they continue to protect him every day. You cannot cure fear. You cannot cure memories. You cannot cure a person from within a person. That would be like saying Barry, Luke, BT and Patricia were diseases.
Slamming her laptop closed and pushing it away from herself, Iris released a huff of frustration as she glared at the tiny computer. How dare they? How dare they think that they could ever understand what had happened to those who were abused, those who did all they could to protect themselves.
If anything, the people in the world with D.I.D were better than those without; their minds had done something that no one else thought possible in the past. They had literally become morein order to survive the circumstances which had created them.
"They don't understand," she muttered to herself, looking down at her arms to take in the visible marks along her forearms and hand. "They didn't live through what we did."
Clenching her marked hand into a fist, she pushed aside the irritation and anger that bubbled inside her chest in favour of focusing on those who she had met so far. There were still so many others there for Kevin—and for her, she was beginning to realize—that it warmed her heart. She wanted to know them all. She wanted to thank them all.
If the alters had not become who they were, there was a likely possibility that Kevin would not have survived to meet her.
For any of them to meet her.
Perhaps...she could help Dr. Fletcher.
These days, soulmarks made everything legitimate. If she were to let Fletcher use her and Kevin—with all twenty-three of his alters—as an example that would prove they were real, that the other identities really existed, maybe they could help others to open their eyes. It would be the most terrifying thing she would ever do, exposing herself to the world in such a manner, but it might just be the way of saving others like her and Kevin in the future.
Sighing as she leaned back into her pillows, head coming to rest on the headboard of her bed, Iris closed her eyes.
It wasn't going to be an easy decision—she barely came up with the courage to talk with the older woman in the first place. Voluntarily putting herself into view of all those who hate someone like her?
Suddenly, her parents didn't scare her quite as much.
What would the other people in the world think? She and her soulmates would be hated, hunted and possibly attacked for what they were; for being different. Because the world couldn't stand those who were different—they didn't understand them, they feared them, and wanted to remove that which caused so much confusion in their perfect lives.
Collecting her laptop from the bed and placing it safely back in her case, Iris then perched on the end of her bed as she tried to relieve herself of the anxiety building up in her chest. She never thought the day would come that she would be debating on exposing herself so openly to the public.
The ways meeting a soulmate—or soulmates—changed her never really seemed to end.
That was the excuse she used when she found herself standing outside of Karen Fletcher's office the next day, tugging nervously on the sleeves of her winter jacket as her heart raced in her chest nervously. The older woman was understandably surprised when Iris asked if she could come and see her; stating that she wanted to help in any way she could to bring awareness to those with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
She was left to wait as Dr. Fletcher finished with her previous appointment; such was the curse of always showing up early to things.
The waiting gave her time to regret her decision, but she forced herself to remain where she was and do as she had placed her mind. Strong and sure. That is what her soulmates were making her become, someone who was strong and sure.
The door to Dr. Fletcher's office opened and Iris respectfully kept her eyes on the window as she listened to the person quietly tell the doctor farewell. Soft heels tapped slowly down the stairs as the other client left, prompting Iris to look over her shoulder to where Fletcher was waiting with a faint smile on her lips. "Come in, Iris."
Bowing her head in thanks, Iris slipped passed Fletcher and entered the familiar office while she slowly undid the buttons of her coat. "I...I wanted to apologize for how I ran out on you, Doctor. I just-"
"Oh, dear, there's absolutely no reason for you to apologize to me!" Fletcher rushed to dismiss Iris's concerns, waving her hands as she moved over to take the chair that she had occupied the last time Iris was there.
Draping her coat over the back of her chair, Iris ignored the glance she received from Fletcher when she exposed herself more than she had the previous visit. Her arms were still covered by longer sleeves, but she had removed the thick, protective barrier of her jacket. Settling into the chair with a faint sigh, Iris couldn't quite bring herself to relax as she repeated "this is for them" over and over in her head. She was doing this for her soulmates; they were the ones who were thought to not exist.
"I want the world to know they're real," she began right away, lacing her fingers above her lap as she met Fletcher's surprised gaze. "The alters; I want people to stop thinking that they can be 'cured' and removed from existence. I want to help people realize that the identities created are real people, just with a shared body."
Fletcher's aged face softened with a smile as she lifted a hand to press her fingertips against her lips. "I see that they have changed you, Iris." Her comment made the younger woman blush, looking away. They had, it was clear to see, even if she hadn't spoken a single word. "If you don't mind me asking, how many have you met?"
"Four," Iris answered. Fletcher knew how many alters there were in Kevin's body, so she would also be aware of the number of soulmates that Iris had. "Barry, Luke, BT and Patricia."
Fletcher's eyebrows went up in surprise, sitting forward in her chair suddenly. "Patricia? How was that meeting? I understand that many people become...unsettled when it comes to meeting a woman in a man's body."
A small frown pinched Iris's expression, but it faded quickly as she thought back to when she had woken up to Patricia at her door. "I was having a nightmare and the others could feel it—the more soulmates I meet, the stronger an emotional connection we have—and Patricia came over and woke me up when she knocked on the door. Having her there was very...comforting. I didn't have any trouble with the fact that she was an alter in Kevin's body."
Fletcher's smile returned, nodding her head gratefully. Iris truly was perfect as their soulmate.
"Are you sure you're ready to help them? To do what must be done to help people understand?"
Iris bowed her head a moment, falling silent as she, yet again, considered the other woman's questions. They were the same ones that she had been asking herself.
"I've spent so long being scared; looking over my shoulder and fearing every shadow. I don't want to do this forever. And...reading up on Dissociative Identity Disorder showed me that they really don't think that these alters are...real. They think that with therapy and pills they'll just disappear and I hate the thought of that. But these soulmarks are one thing that they consider...strong. They indicate that these alters are real people."
Fletcher relaxed back into her seat as she smiled softly at the young woman before her. "Look at you, Iris. You've changed."
I know.
Seeing her begin to fidget, Fletcher was quick to stray from that particular direction of conversation. "If you decide to do this, is can be completely anonymous; no identifying information will be given out. Perhaps if you and the others sign over consent for other professionals to study your situation, but that is entirely up to you."
"I haven't spoken to the others about any of this, so I can't give you an answer for them. However, if you can promise me that it will be anonymous, then I'll do it." She closed her eyes as soon as the words left her mouth, forcing herself not to go back on them now.
She was not afraid. She would not hide. This was the decision she had made, on her own and with her own reasons.
"I'm very proud of you, Iris," Fletcher confessed as she smiled at the younger woman again. Her expression provided the truth to her words; she looked at Iris like a grandmother would, basking in the accomplishments of her family. "And you should be proud of yourself."
"I am," she admitted bashfully. "Terrified, but proud."
Fletcher shuffled toward the edge of her seat, moving closer to Iris as she continued to smile softly. "Talk to them about this, I'm sure they will be happy to support you if this is truly what you want. They've been trying to find a way to prove that they are real for a long time. One of the most upsetting things for them is to hear that people don't think they are alive—real people that can feel emotional pain from the words of others."
Iris's face pinched in pain, sorrowed to know that her soulmates were being hurt.
"Is there anything else you would like to speak about while you're here?" Fletcher prompted gently.
However, as much as Iris had improved since meeting her soulmates, the prompt still had her immediately coiling in on herself like taut spring. "No, that's alright. Maybe...in time, but not yet."
Holding up a hand to stall the woman's hesitant stumbled, Fletcher shook her head. "That's perfectly fine, dear. I'm not here to push or force. Just know that if there is ever someone you need to talk to, and you don't want to say it to your soulmates, I will happily lend an ear. Whether you want my opinion or not is up to you. If you just want to talk and let something off your chest, I am here."
Letting out a long, slow exhale, Iris offered a shaky smile and nodded her head.
Rising to her feet, Iris made up her mind. "I'll talk to the others first, but I'm sure you'll be seeing me again soon," she explained calmly, quietly, as she collected her coat back over her arm and turned to face Fletcher with a soft look in his whiskey eyes.
That look alone told Fletcher that things were changing, and they were for the better. This young woman, as fragile and broken as she was, had a strength inside of her that was necessary for the soulmate for twenty-three separate identities. It was a hidden, buried strength, but it was there all the same. The more time that passed after having met and reconciled with Barry, the more visible that strength became. "I hope to see you again soon, dear. Say hello to the others for me?"
Nodding her head with a peaceful smile, much better than the tense one that had been growing as they spoke, Iris turned for the door. "I will, Dr. Fletcher. Have a good day."
Once Iris had departed, the older woman leaned back in her chair with a soft and thoughtful hum. If the others supported Iris and they were able to use the soulmarks shared between the two bodies, there was a possibility that favour could finally be tipped in their direction. However, that did not mean that it would not be a struggle for them—especially for Iris. As much as Fletcher thrilled at the thought of solid proof, finally, that others would struggle to argue...she did not want to damage the small woman further.
Proud as she was that Iris was refusing to let her fear rule her, Fletcher was deeply concerned that the fear is also what had kept her safe for so long. Even with her soulmates there, Iris would be in danger of a dark change in her life.
Glancing over to the chair that the young woman had vacated, she could only hope that this would not turn out to be a terrible mistake. As much as she wished to reveal to the world the truth behind all of her years of research, she did not want to do so at the expense of Iris's happiness and safety, and that of her soulmates.