We bask in the sun and he's spot on. The two of us seem to dry in a matter of seconds. It's getting colder though, a chilly breeze passing by and I pull him into my arms, chin resting on his shoulder, hands lost in his soft tufts of hair.
"Are you getting hungry?"
We both laugh as his stomach rumbles, the perfect anwer to my question.
I get up and brush myself off, popping open the trunk. He nudges me gently and I give him my full attention.
"Yes babe?"
"What's with the blankets and the latern?"
"Thought we'd make a day out of this," I shrug before pulling out the cooler. "I made chicken salad sandwiches and there are grapes and strawberries. Oh wait-"
I go around the car, searching the console until I find some antibacterial wipes. He wipes his hands clean as I lay out the quilts.
"All I brought to drink was bottled water."
"That's alright," he grins. "This is all so thoughtful."
His skin is glowing, cheeks tinted pink. I study the soft sweep of his lips as he talks, mesmerized by how beautiful he is.
"You know...I'm not afraid of death."
I frown, collecting him in my arms.
"It's just a natural thing. Besides, I've been so content lately. I feel so incredibly blessed and happy that if I died I wouldn't feel shorted."
I'm death. My heart tumbles in my chest. He has no idea but here I am, enveloping him.
I feel guilty. He's so young. Hasn't he been through enough lately? Why do I have to take his life so soon?
Warm tears are welling in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.
"Zayn," he murmurs.
I let go of him, weeping softly until a warmth grows inside of me and he holds me, stroking my hairline, kissing away the tears on the tip of my cheekbones.
"It's okay. I'm very much alive. So are you. Sorry I upset you, I-"
"It isn't you," I say, voice strained. "I don't want to hurt you but I will. No matter how hard I try, I'll fucking hurt you."
"No babe," he massages my shoulders. "You'd never hurt me."
I hiccup painfully and sniffle, rubbing at my puffy and swollen eyes. He's made me so weak.
"Hey," he cups my cheeks, eyes searching mine. "I love you. You know that right?"
My heart is sinking and my head feels heavy but I nod weakly in response and he kisses my lips gingerly.
"Maybe some food would help," he chuckles. "Sometimes I get moody when I'm hungry."
I nibble on a sandwich but I don't have a large appetite. I feel sick to my stomach.
He places the back of his hand on my forehead, concern written all over his face.
"You feel really warm."
"For once," I try to joke.
That doesn't make him cheer up, instead he uncaps a bottled water and passes it to me.
"Thanks," I mutter.
"You feeling alright? If you start chilling we can move back to the car, I shouldn't have pushed you to go swimming. The water was really cold and-"
I cup his cheeks and kiss him with all the strength I have. His head tilts slightly, the kiss deepening. Our tongues are tentatively touching. A small noise gets caught in the back of his throat. I tug gently at his hair and he moans softly.
It's a beautiful sound and all I want to do is pleasure him more.
He's panting as I pull away, green eyes darkening with lust.
"My breath must be horrible," he blushes deeply. "Frickin' chicken salad."
I chuckle lightly before pushing him onto the blanket, straddling his waist.
"It isn't bad," my finger traces the outline of his lips. "I wouldn't mind anyway."
"It tasted delicious," he giggles. "If that counts for anything."
"Well thank you angel."
I brush a lose curl behind his ear, stupid smile on my face. I just can't help it. Harry does that to me.
"Maybe you should eat too...unless you're feeling sick," he frowns.
"No, I'm alright. M'not very hungry."
I sit back up, chewing at my bottom lip nervously. He hasn't punished me in awhile. Well, Harry getting sick felt horrible but I wonder what he has up his sleeve.
A deep shiver runs down my spine and Harry drapes a blanket over my shoulders, fingers brushing through my hair.
"Do you wanna talk? Is it school?"
I shake my head and the quietness envelopes us. No cars swooshing by. No honking, no shouts, no shrill sirens.
Nothing but the occasional chirp of a bird. It feels serene and I want to stay here forever, soaking up the sun.
"Zayn," he says softly. "Is it me?"
That's heart shattering.
"Why would you ever think that? I'm just mad at myself. Don't worry about it."
His arms wrap around me and I sigh, heart growing deathly still.
Deathly? Really Zayn?
"I do worry about you. I want you to be happy. You can tell me anything. I'm not going to leave you."
"You know you could do better, don't you?"
"That's not true! I'm clinically depressed and yet you give me something to fight for. My heart beats for you Zayn. It does," his voice cracks. "I'm so in love with you. I don't merely love you. I'm fucking in love with you. It's something I've never felt until now but it's beautiful."
I'm in awe. He always leaves me at a loss for words.
"Say something," he whispers.
"It's too soon. We haven't been together long enough for you to say that, I-"
He shakes his head, eyes wet and looks away, eyes fixed on the line where the grass meets the wide blue sky.
"I don't want you to fake it," he says quietly. "If you don't feel the same way just walk away."
His voice is so raw it hurts me.
"Fucking walk away."
A tear streaks down his cheek and I make up my mind that this is worse than any kill.
I've never hated myself more.
"I told you I'd hurt you."
"Just stop," he begs. "Why go through all of this trouble pretending? Can't you be honest with me? I'm being open Zayn. I'd never hide anything from you."
"It was wrong of me to say that, it wasn't true...I understand, okay? I know exactly how you feel and quite frankly, it scares me. I'm scared of how quickly I fell."
He sniffles and my heart softens, pad of my thumb collecting the droplet.
"You really mean that?"
"Of course my love."
"I don't like when you play with my feelings."
He wouldn't understand. There's no way he could ever comprehend what I go through.
"Angel," I exhale, fingers carding through his hair. "If I didn't love you why would we be here right now?"
"I don't know, this is so confusing. You said it was too soon-"
"I know what I said," I say gently. "My brain tried to tell me that it isn't the right time but my heart decided that it loved you a long time ago."
"I see," he giggles.
"I won't ever stop."
Not until his heart stops beating and he takes his very last breath.