"Is she asleep?"
Dinah's voice sounds in the night air and Lauren's head turns fast enough to give her whiplash. She thought Dinah had already gone to bed with Normani, after all, there were two lumps on Ally's bed and it would make more sense for Normani and Dinah to be sleeping together than Ally and Normani.
Dinah seems to read her mind, shrugging and leaning back against the cold metal chair that faced away from the hotel room, looking at the view. She had gone outside on the balcony to think about everything she witnessed today. Their room had a beautiful ocean view. It was calming, unlike the atmosphere had been.
"Ally fell asleep, I didn't have the heart to kick her out of her own bed. It's okay, I'll take the couch." Dinah explains, watching the calm waves gently lap onto the shore.
Lauren sighs, taking a seat next to the girl in the other metal chair. It seemed impossible that such a calm moment could be part of such a hectic day. "Camila fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago. Her cheek is already turning purple.....God." Lauren shakes her head, running her fingers through her hair and tangling them in the messy of thick waves. "I-I just....I hate him. It makes me so angry th-that anyone would lay a fucking finger on her!" She huffs, visibly frustrated.
It goes silent and although Dinah doesn't speak, Lauren knows that she understands. That she feels the same way. After all, Dinah cares for Camila just as much as Lauren did, just in a different way. They are both angry. And sad, so so sad. It hurts to see Camila in this position. It hurts to see Camila hurt.
After a few minutes of just listening to the waves and letting Lauren calm down, Dinah speaks. "The-they've never hit her before..... not that it makes it any better." She sighs, leaning back in her chair and keeping her gaze on the ocean. "I used to always be so worried about that. I hated the verbal abuse but she always convinced me not to say anything. Every time we were together I would check f-for bruises....marks.....anything that hinted that they took it too far. I told myself that if it ever reached that point, that was when I had to say something, whether she wanted me to or not." Dinah's voice fades.
"It's so fucking....hard." Lauren's voice shakes as she talks. She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I hate the way that they talk to her like she isn't a person just like them. Like she isn't worth their kindness or attention. I can't stand the way that they treat her! I hate how when she gets thinking she somehow convinces herself that she's the one in the wrong, that there's something wrong with her. I fucking despise that she didn't even know there was something wrong with the whole situation until a few years ago." Lauren breathes out shakily a dry laugh escaping her lips. "Hell, I've only known her for a few weeks. I can't even imagine knowing her for years."
Dinah shakes her head. "I did what I could, but I don't think that I, myself, even understood the extent until this tour. She kept it mostly to herself, you know? We always hung out at my house and well, you've met Cat, she's.....she's a charmer when she wants to be. You wouldn't ever think that she would do anything so horrible. But this tour is the first time that I really saw it firsthand..... I feel terrible."
Lauren pulls her fingers from her hair and turns to Dinah with glistening eyes. "Don't blame yourself Dinah. Don't do that."
"That's what Normani says too." Dinah chews on her lip, not once making eye contact.
"You should listen to her." Lauren suggests. "The only people to blame for this are Camila's parents and Cat. You may not have known to what extent they were treating Camila, but you helped her so much. She always talks about how you are one of the only good things in her life. How she would have never made it through without you. How you and your family showed her love and what it was like to be treated like a human being. How you made her feel less lonely. You did so much Dinah."
Dinah smiles with tears brimming her eyes as she stares into the blackness of the ocean. "Don't blame yourself either Ralph. This goes both ways. You don't get to give me a lecture and then be a hypocrite about it." Dinah sniffs before turning to Lauren's direction.
Lauren shakes her head. "But I literally dated Cat like intimately without noticing that-"
"You've done so much for her." Dinah interrupts, rubbing her sleeve beneath one of her eyes before Lauren can see anything. "More than you even know. Hell, she has respect for herself now! She's learning her worth. She stood up for herself today and that's.... it's something that may seem so small but means something so big."
Lauren only shrugs, breathing in deeply as a salty breeze blows at some of her lose hair. "I just want her to see herself the way I see her. I want her love herself the way that I love her. I want her to be herself and be completely okay with that."
"And that, Ralph, is why you're so good for her." Dinah nods approvingly, she reaches out and gives Lauren's hand a small squeeze. They keep their hands connected for a few minutes, just enjoying the comfort and understanding that they can give each other.
Sure, Lauren hasn't known Camila for as long as Dinah but there's something about falling for someone that connects you in a way that has nothing to do with time. Dinah and Lauren, they care about Camila in a way that Normani and Ally, as much as they do care, can never understand.
It's comforting, having someone there who gets it. Someone who can sympathize. Someone who can say the exact words that you need to hear because they need to hear them too.
Lauren smiles softly at Dinah, squeezing her hand back. "I'm trying to be as good for her as she is for me."
Another pause follows. It's nice and needed. The words need to sink in. They need to have their full effect. When both girls feel a bit better, the silence ends. "We're gonna get her out of this contract, right?" Dinah asks softly, though neither of them really have a confident answer she needs to hear something other than her own thoughts.
Camila really does have horrible luck. No matter how much good she deserves, she never seems to get it. Dinah wants more than anything in the world for things to go her way, but there's this looming cloud of all the things that have gone wrong and all the things that could go wrong floating around her brain.
Lauren breathes out deeply, nodding her head. "Yeah." She answers before fixing her answer. "Yeah, we're gonna get her out of that contract. She can't go anywhere if she's stuck in such a toxic environment. She needs room to grow. She needs people who are going to help her, not hurt her."
"She needs us." Dinah nods in agreement.
Lauren hums. "And we'll be there."
Dinah can't help but smile. "You know, I've heard so many stories of all these best friends who don't get along with their best friend's significant others, but damn, I really like you Ralph."
"Same goes for you Dinah Lee." Lauren returns with a slight teasing tone.
"Dinah Lee?" Dinah furrows her eyebrows. "You do know my last name isn't Lee....right?"
Lauren laughs loudly. "It's a nickname! You call me Ralph!" Lauren points out.
"Yeah, but Ralph is creative. It's like Ralph Lauren, the brand?" Dinah tries to explain and Lauren can't help but laugh again.
"I know, I got it. Dinah Lee like the Bing Crosby song. It's a classic. Really, really old. See, that's creative too." Lauren rolls her eyes playfully at the girl.
"Bing Crosby?" Dinah shakes her head. "Not ringing a bell Ralph."
Lauren chuckles. "Dinah, is there anyone finer in the state of Carolina? Show her to me. Dinah, got those Dixie eyes blazin' how I love to sit and gazin' to the eyes of Dinah Lee." Lauren sings softly, laughing when Dinah's eyes brighten.
"Hmmm in that case, I think I like this Bing Crosby guy." Dinah decides.
"So it's Ralph and Dinah Lee then?" Lauren smiles.
"Yeah, Ralph and Dinah Lee."
-
-
Lauren smiles as Camila's nose scrunches softly in her sleep. She instantly retracts the hand that hand been gently brushing hair behind Camila's ear but it was too late, she had woken Camila up with her little touches. Camila nuzzles her face into the sheets, having pushed her pillow away at some point throughout the night.
Camila sighs in her half-asleep, half-awake state, reaching out with her fingers and feeling around the bed. Lauren moves her hand closer to the girl, assuming that Camila's looking for her. Camila's warm fingers brush over Lauren's hand and she smiles, still not bothering to open her eyes.
She doesn't intertwine their fingers, but instead starts playing softly with Lauren's fingers. She runs the tips of her fingers over Lauren's knuckles and twists the ring on Lauren's finger. Lauren doesn't say anything for a bit, letting Camila sleepily bend and straighten her fingers with her eyes closed. After a minute or two Camila flips Lauren's hand over and begins drawing shapes into her palm.
"Morning Beautiful." Lauren rasps, breaking the content silence.
Camila peaks her eyes open, smiling softly. "Did I wake you?"
Lauren shakes her head. "I was already awake. I like it when you play with my hands." She admits and smiles when Camila blushes a bit, caught in the act.
Camila removes her fingers, unfortunately, and instead stretches. She reaches with her fingers towards the wall, releasing a large yawn before cuddling back into the warmth of her sheets. "Cuddle me?" She asks in her adorable, raspy morning voice.
Lauren doesn't need to be asked twice, she pulls the girl into her side, wrapping one arm across Camila's back. Camila hums softly, drawing small patterns across Lauren's stomach now, sending chills across Lauren's skin. "How are you feeling?" Lauren asks the girl, her voice soft since she knows there are other people asleep in the room.
"Sleepy." Camila yawns.
Lauren chuckles softly. "I can tell. How about your face?"
"Hurts but not too bad." Camila mumbles, closing her eyes once more.
"Anything else?" Lauren knows that Camila had a panic attack yesterday too. In fact Dinah hadn't been able to calm Camila down from that one and Camila had fainted. It scared the shit out of Lauren, opening her hotel room door to find Dinah carrying a bleeding, unconscious Camila with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Lauren herself hasn't ever had a panic attack, but she knew that they didn't feel too good. She wonders if the repercussions could still be felt the day after or if it's more of a temporary thing. Additionally, Camila's conversation with Joe, Sinu, and Cat was pretty intense too.
"I mean I know yesterday was...." Lauren trails off, not seeming to find the right words.
"Yeah." Camila just agrees, knowing what Lauren meant. "I'm okay. Just tired and a little sore." She pauses, drawing a few more shapes across Lauren's skin before she continues. "I've only ever had two panic attacks so I don't really know what to expect but I feel kinda drained. Mentally and physically." Camila decides to share, knowing that it will make Lauren feel better to know exactly what's going on.
Lauren frowns, rubbing up and down Camila's back with her hands. "You wanna have a lazy day?"
Camila sighs softly. "We can't we're flying to Costa Rica at four." Camila reminds the girl. "I have to go back to my room and pack. Plus we have to get to the airport like an hour early."
Lauren glances over at the clock on the wall. "We have a few hours. It's only nine right now. That leaves us like four hours to cuddle and such."
Camila nods in the form of a 'yes, let's do that' and nuzzles her face into Lauren's side. "Laur, what am I gonna do?" She asks quietly.
"What do you mean?" Lauren furrows her brows in concern.
"I always ride to the airport with Sinu, Joe and Cat. They have my ticket and all my stuff. I can't...... I don't want to ride with them or...." She releases a long breath.
"Don't worry about it." Lauren tells the girl softly. "We can get your ticket information online, you have your passport, right?" Camila nods. "That's all we really need. You can sit between Ally and I. We always pay for the window and aisle seat but never the middle and since no one really wants to sit between two strangers, usually it's open. Plus, our flight isn't very full. I'm sure there will be plenty of open seats."
Camila sighs into Lauren's side. Lauren always seems to know what to say to make her feel better. To make her calm again. It's like some magic power or something. She smiles softly, tracing the letter 'I' into Lauren's stomach followed by a heart and the letter 'u'. Lauren doesn't notice, but the fact that Camila can get the words out without actually saying them makes her feel happy.
"I might have to wear the wig again." Camila warns the girl.
Lauren only shrugs. "Doesn't change how I feel about you."
"So we can have half of a lazy day?" Camila asks softly.
"A lazy morning." Lauren nods her head.
"Can we keep cuddling?" Camila wonders. "And will you play with my hair?"
"Of course."
"Sounds perfect." Camila sighs.
"You're perfect." Lauren smiles, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss onto Camila's little forehead freckle.
They spend all morning cuddling. Camila falls back asleep at some point and Lauren plays with her hair and watches the way that her nose scrunches up occasionally in her dreams. God Camila was so cute. Camila doesn't snore, or really even talk in her sleep. At least, she doesn't snore unless she's sick. She just breathes in and out so softly that it's hard to hear if she's breathing at all. Sometimes though, a small whistle will escape from her nose and it makes Lauren's heart melt.
When Camila wakes back up, everyone else is awake too. Normani and Dinah have gone to make sure their shared room with Camila is clear and to pack. Ally has gone downstairs to eat the hotel provided breakfast. Lauren and Camila choose room service, bringing the food to them instead and moving from the bed to the couch to cuddle.
Harry Potter is playing on ABC. It's the third one, Camila's favorite movie and they watch contently, eating waffles and drinking chocolate milkshakes, both of them wrapped in the puffy hotel comforter.
Camila helps Lauren pack first, then they move to her room and switch places. They end up ready just in time, both wearing comfortable traveling clothes. Camila has on her wig, freckles, and sunglasses. They spot Joe and Sinu in the airport, Cat trailing not too far behind. Sinu looks relieved that Camila showed up, Joe looks hostile, Cat looks conflicted.
Lauren reaches over to grab Camila's hand and pulls her softly through the security line.
The flight isn't too long, only about three hours. Maybe a little shorter. Lauren lets Camila take the window seat, despite it being her favorite. The look on Camila's face as she watches everything fly by below her is worth it. "You've really never sat in the window seat?" Lauren asks. With as much as musicians travel it seems impossible that not once, had Camila ever sat on the window seat.
Camila shake her head, pressing her nose against the cold glass. "Cat or Sinu always took it." Camila mutters, gasping excitedly as the plane flies into a cloud and everything around them turns bright white.
"Oh, that's a shame, you won't be able to see much." Lauren shrugs.
"It's amazing." Camila breaths, finally leaning back in her seat but not taking her eyes off of the white clouds. "Thank you Laur."
Lauren shakes her head, smiling softly. "It's really no problem. I don't mind so long as I get to hold your hand."
Camila nods her head, threading her fingers through Laurens. "Always." She assures.
It's funny how yesterday was so terrible and yet today she had woken up feeling better, mentally, than she thinks she ever has. Lauren tended to make her feel like that. Good she means. Lauren made her feel good. She made her feel good enough.
"Does your cheek hurt?" Lauren runs her fingers gently over the skin. It had bruised, not too much, but enough that a faint blue and purple tint can be seen running along the length of Camila's jaw and up across her cheek. Her lip had scabbed over on the corner where Joe's ring had hit and it was bruised too, a little more severely than her cheek was.
Camila flinches when Lauren presses a bit too hard and Lauren cringes at herself. "Sorry."
"It's okay. It doesn't hurt unless you press on it." She assures the girl.
"I hate that he hurt you." Lauren whispers, pressing her lips just above Camila's ear.
"You make me feel better."
-
-
They can't hold hands when they get to Costa Rica. I hoard of screaming fans wait just outside their gate. Camila keeps her head down most of the time, not only because the group of fans made her nervous, but because she didn't want to chance someone thinking that maybe she looked a little too much like Cat. Wig or not, they had the same face.
She hopes the sunglasses cover enough. The makeup on her bruises too.
The fans chase after their cars. Camila loves their devotion but it makes her nervous when a few of them are almost hit by their driver and it scares her a bit when a few of them bang on the windows as they pass. They're tinted so Camila knows they aren't trying to bang on hers specifically, but still.
By the time they reach their hotel it's dark. Camila barely has the energy to carry her bag to her hotel room before she plops onto the bed and falls asleep. Dinah takes a picture and sends it to Lauren. Lauren doesn't think she's ever seen something so pure.
-
-
Camila chews on her lip as she stares at the paper in front of her. She and the girls were all doing research, trying to find out way out of this contract and anything that could help them. Ally knew the most about this kind of stuff, being Lauren's manager and all. She knew a lot of the ins and outs of the music business as well as the general rules.
That said, she had printed out a bunch of papers that could have useful information. Each girl had taken a stack and a highlighter, running the markers across anything that could be helpful or important. Normani was almost through her stack, Lauren not far behind. Dinah took a break to order to get them some snacks from room service. Ally was going over the highlights and checking the information. Camila was....well Camila had tried to help, she really did, but she was only halfway through her first page and her head was pounding just behind her eyes.
The words kept moving across the page, letters flipping back and forth. Her eyes stung from concentrating. She wanted to help though, she felt bad making all the other girls do the work for something that strictly involved her.
She sighs, rubbing her temples in an attempt to sooth her headache. It doesn't really help. "You okay Camz?" Lauren looks up from her paper, giving Camila a concerned look.
Camila hums. "I'm okay, just a small headache is all."
Camila meets Normani's eyes from across the table, she's giving Camila a stern look that clearly says, I know that's not really what's up. Camila breaks their eye contact as Lauren puts her stack of papers down and moves closer to her.
"Does it hurt a lot? Where does it hurt? Maybe you have a concussion from Joe or something?" Lauren brushes her fingers gently over the now purple and green skin running along Camila's jaw and fading across her cheek.
Camila smiles at Lauren's concern but shakes her head. "It's not...I don't have a concussion Laur, it's just a headache." Joe had slapped her cheek, and although her entire head had rattled at the contact, the chances of getting a concussion from that was pretty low unless it was a child or something being hit. Plus it was two days ago that it happened. It seemed impossible to just now be feeling the effects of a concussion.
"Are you sure?" Lauren cringes when Camila moves a bit in her grasp and she accidentally adds pressure to the bruise. Camila flinches. "Sorry." She removes her hand.
"It's okay." Camila gives her a reassuring smile. "And yeah Laur, I'm sure."
Dinah walks in with a tray of food, clearing some of the papers from the middle of the hotel kitchen table and setting it down in the middle. Her mouth is already full of sandwich. "What are we sure about?" She mumbles through the food.
"Camila has a headache and Lauren thinks she might be concussed." Ally informs, not even looking up from her paper.
Dinah turns her gaze to Camila knowingly, silently telling her to just go ahead and tell everyone the real reason as to why she's only on page one and why her eyes and brain are aching.
They have a silent conversation for a few seconds. Camila telling Dinah that it was fine and she could still help. Dinah telling her that no one would judge her and that they should know. Finally, Camila sighs, alerting Lauren once more as the girl drops the sandwich back onto the tray to give Camila her full attention. Camila rubs her irritated eyes once more, blinking a few times after.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Lauren asks softly.
"The headache isn't from Joe, I promise Laur." Camila reaches out and squeezes the girl's hand.
Lauren frowns. "Are you stressed? Did you get enough sleep? If you need a break you can go take a nap or somethi-"
Camila chuckles to herself, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Lauren's lips in order to shut her up. She pulls away quickly, knowing that her point was made. "It's nothing like that Laur, I just... There's one more thing that I didn't tell you. But, just to be clear, it wasn't because I wanted to hide it or anything, I guess it just never came up."
At this point the whole table had her attention, even Ally, who was in the zone, was laying her papers onto the table and placing her highlighter on top. "What is it? Is it bad? Did Joe do anything else?" Lauren breathes out nervously.
Camila shakes her head and Dinah huffs. "Jesus Ralph, I know you gotta play the concerned girlfriend and all, but can you shut up for a minute so that she can actually tell you?" Dinah half teases, sitting down on her seat and taking another large bite of her sandwich.
Lauren closes her mouth, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "Sorry Camz, go ahead."
Camila squeezes Lauren's fingers gently. "I just, I don't want you to think of me any differently okay? I want to help with all this as much as I can I'm just.... I can't do much in this department." She admits. When Ally and Lauren give her a confused look she explains. "I have.....dyslexia."
"Dyslexia?" Lauren furrows her brows confusedly. "Is that a reading disorder?" There's no judgement or malice in her voice, just pure confusion. It's obvious she doesn't know a lot about it.
"Kinda. Technically I don't have dyslexia specifically. Dyslexia is more of a broad term for difficulties that are predominantly reading or learning oriented." Camila answers. "It's called a visual processing Issue. It's like dyslexia with the whole reading thing, but dyslexia specifically, is more of a disorder comprehending information that is read. This isn't."
"So, what's a visual processing issue then? How does that effect you?" Ally asks, obviously curious.
"It's a problem with how your brain processes what your eyes are seeing. So, it's not a problem with my vision so to say, but merely how my brain processes the visual world, stuff like letters and symbols mostly, but also sometimes pictures or distances. Stuff like that." Camila explains. "I don't know a ton about it, my mother was the one that the doctors talked to when they officially diagnosed me and she basically narrowed it down to 'I'm stupid'." Camila rubs the back of her neck, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.
"Which isn't true at all, you're like the smartest person I know." Dinah scoffs. "Your mom can kiss my ass."
Camila smiles at that, rolling her eyes at her friend. "Thanks, DJ. Anyways, I did do some research and from what I found out and from what I notice myself, it basically it effects how I perceive stuff. Like when I'm reading the letters often move around or reverse or I just misread them altogether. Sometimes I skip words or lines without even realizing it. It's hard to write on line or margins because sometimes they look like they are bending or something."
"Wow, that's trippy." Normani comments.
Camila nods. "Some things are hard to remember, like I always misspell words that have irregular spelling patterns and I always get lost because I can't remember directions for shit." Dinah laughs a little at that one because it's totally true. The main reasons Camila always finds these weird places in all their arenas is because she gets lost and finds them accidentally. "If I try to concentrate or read it makes my eyes hurt and I get headaches sometimes if I'm focusing too hard." She unintentionally rubs her eyes, they were still irritated.
"Wow I guess I never really thought about all the other stuff." Dinah thinks aloud. "I knew some stuff from what I've observed but I didn't know how much this really affects you." She pauses. "It actually makes sense though, you always get us lost!" She teases. Camila knows it's not at all in a mean way.
Not like Cat does it.
Camila hums, smiling slightly. "Oh, you just wait, I actually have an excuse for being clumsy too." She chuckles. "I mean obviously I'm a clumsy person in general, but a lot of it is because of the way my brain processes distance. I can't accurately tell how close or far something is. That's why I always trip on that stupid step leading up to our bus. The height is abnormal in my brain always misregisters the distance. I always think it's further away than it is."
Normani can't help but laugh and shake her head at the girl. "And here I just thought you were the clumsiest person in existence."
"Well for some of it I am." Camila blushes.
"What about like TV? Can you watch that or does it hurt your eyes too?" Lauren wonders softly. She and Camila have had plenty of movie nights, she would feel terrible if she found out that Camila was dealing with headaches the whole time.
"Usually they are okay because it's not too many symbols but sometimes, depending, it can give me headaches too. It's mostly like subtitles that make them hard to watch. Don't worry, usually if it starts to bug me I just stare at you or cuddle into you and fall asleep." Camila admits, her cheeks going a bit red.
Lauren can't help but smile and squeeze Camila's hand. Ally coos softly. "That's adorable." She comments.
Camila bites her lip to try and contain her smile. "Uhm, so yeah I hope you guys don't think that's I'm stupid or lazy or anything. I really do want to help with this, but honestly I'll probably just slow you down. I haven't even finished the first page yet and...." She trails off, moving her eyes to look at the ground.
Lauren tugs on her head to bring her attention to her. "Camz, you having a learning disability doesn't change how I think of you at all. In fact, if anything I have more respect for you as a person. Now that I think about it, it does make a little bit of sense though. Like how you never text me back... not that that's a problem because honestly, I don't mind. I'd much rather talk to you in person anyways." She assures the girl. "And how you panic every time you have to order from a menu, which I think is pretty cute."
Camila blushes again in embarrassment but Lauren continues.
"And I'm not saying that you aren't perfectly capable of functioning on your own because trust me, I'm really impressed at all you've accomplished and stuff. I mean you graduated from high school all by yourself and really, I couldn't even tell for the most part. But also, if you ever need help don't hesitate in asking, okay? Even if it's something small. Even if it's something that you think might be stupid. I don't mind one bit. And I'm sure that none of the other girls do either." Lauren leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to Camila's cheek and being careful not to press on the bruise too much.
Camila nods her head thankfully. "Okay." She relents though she really doesn't like asking for help with things as simple as reading menus or correcting texts. She even tries her best not to do it with Dinah. It's embarrassing. But she appreciates the gesture and she knows that really, she shouldn't be embarrassed about something that she has no control over. "Thank you."
Lauren just gives her hand another gentle squeeze as a form of 'you're welcome'.
Camila breathes out in relief when everyone else gives her reassuring smiles. No one cared. No one thought she was stupid or retarded like her mother did. They didn't use it against her, they didn't even blink an eye. "Now I can tell that your head is still hurting, probably your cheek too. Why don't you go take some Advil? We can take a quick break, eat our sandwiches and stuff." Ally suggests.
-
-
Camila furrows her eyebrows as she sings. It's about midway into their Costa Rica concert. The crowd is crazy, like so loud that Camila can barely hear herself sing crazy. The don't really have a reason to be so energetic though; Don't get Camila wrong she's singing pretty good. She's hitting all her notes and her timing in nearly perfect, however something was up with Cat.
She was still smiling those crowd winning smiles, which is probably the reason that everyone is freaking out so much, but she's acting different. Normally, she's all over the stage: dancing, lip-syncing, blowing kisses to her fans, winking at random boys in the audience, you name it. But tonight, she lacked...... energy.
She was hitting all her moves. She looked like she was hitting all her notes. She still smiled, she still waved, but she looked almost distant. Of course, Cat was a great actor. She hid it well, the only reason Camila could tell something was up is because she knows Cat. They are twins after all, even if sometimes Camila wishes they weren't.
Cat didn't have the normal sparkle of deviance in her eyes. She didn't have her normal aura of amusement or the usual persona of entertainment.
And yeah, really Camila shouldn't care. She shouldn't care one single bit because Cat literally sat back and watched Camila be miserable for eighteen years and did nothing. It wasn't like she seemed to care. But Camila? Camila cares even though she really wishes that she didn't.
Camila tries to ignore the feeling that something was wrong. She does. She sings her songs and tries her best to get lost in them, but when you have to stare at someone for a straight forty-five minutes, it's kinda hard to forget about them, music or not. She tries to remember all the horrible things that Cat has witnessed and how the girl did nothing to help Camila or even check if she was okay. All that does is make her emotional. Cat is still lingering in the back of her mind.
Finally, as she's finishing up the last song Camila realizes that maybe that's the difference between her and the rest of her family. She cares. They don't.
And let Camila tell you, sometimes caring fucking sucks. Sometimes having a heart fucking sucks.
So, that's how she finds herself running after her sister only minutes after the show ends. She knows that she can't just stop and talk to her wherever she pleases, people could see her. Pictures could be taken. This whole thing could be ruined. She knows this. Instead, she follows Cat until the girl disappears into her dressing room. She knocks a few times before letting herself in, giving Cat some time to prepare herself.
"Mami I told you-" Cat starts but when she turns around her breath catches in her throat. She clears it loud enough that it echoes in the room. "Oh, Camila." It isn't in a mean way like usual. The typical sneer that Camila has gotten used to hearing her name in isn't there.
Camila nods her head, looking around the room. Even Cat's temporary dressing room was nicer than Camila's.... considering Camila was shoved into a room half this size with Normani and Dinah. She shoos the thought from her mind. She came here for a reason, not to thinking about how Cat's dressing room was all furnished and fancy.
"What's wrong?" She asks her sister, getting straight to the point. She keeps her voice soft and prodding, but not in a way that made it seem like Cat had to spill. It was a choice.
At first, her sister seems surprised. Like it was impossible that anyone was able to tell that there was something wrong in the first place, let alone care enough to ask. Camila assumes that in some way, Cat is caught up in the Sinu Cabello show too, she just happens to be one of the main characters whereas Camila is made up to be the antagonist that her mother unfortunately has to deal with.
All in all Sinu Cabello apparently doesn't ask about Cat's feelings either. Camila honestly isn't surprised with how much the woman seems to talk about herself and nag on Camila there probably isn't much room for feelings.
After a few seconds, Cat pushes the surprise away from her face and plays the oblivious card. "I don't know what you're talking about Cami." Her voice is so sickingly sweet that it makes Camila want to turn and walk out the door that instant. But, she's committed now. She stays.
"You don't need to do that." Camila sighs at her sister, pointing at the girl with one hand. "You don't need to pretend to be all fine and perfect all the time. Not being okay isn't a flaw. Emotions and feelings aren't flaws."
Cat opens her mouth to say something but then she closes it and allows her body to fall into the couch that is pushed against the wall of her dressing room. She crosses her arms across her chest. "How could you tell?" She finally breathes out.
"Because you're my sister, even if you don't treat me like one. And I know you well enough to know that something's wrong." Camila sighs, moving to sit on the arm of the couch. They don't touch. There aren't any comforting touches like there usually would be when one person is upset and the other is trying to comfort them. Their family has never been big on affection.
Well Camila loved affection, but their family was never big on being affectionate with each other.
Cat only stares at Camila, her dark, brown eyes observing every detail of the girl, moving up and down Camila's body almost like some sort of scanning machine. It's quiet as she does this. Camila lets her. "We don't look exactly alike." Cat mumbles after a few minutes of continuous staring.
"Nope." Camila agrees. "There are a few differences."
"Mami can't tell us apart." Cat adds again, turning her vision to the ceiling and letting out a deep breath. "You were with her a few times, and she didn't even notice that I wasn't there."
Camila almost laughs. Literally Camila's whole life feels like that. Sinu can't even tell them apart and yet somehow, Camila is this terrible, horrible person who ruins everything and Cat might as well be some sort of angel or Jesus or something. Sinu never notices that Camila isn't there.
Camila nods her head again. "How do you think I feel."
She regrets saying the words as soon as they come out of her mouth. That wasn't what Cat needed, no matter how true the words were. Camila came to comfort not guilt trip. She, unlike the rest of her family, didn't live to make other people feel miserable. She bites down on her lip.
Cat shoots a small glare at the girl but for once in her life, doesn't say anything. "Mami is cheating on Papi with Joe." She admits though at this point, it should be obvious to both girls.
Joe had said it himself and even if he hadn't, Sinu wasn't exactly discrete. She always laughed too long at Joe's jokes and clung to the guy like Velcro. They already acted like a married couple, living in their fancy tour bus with their one perfect daughter and glorious income.
"Is that what's wrong?" Camila asks softly. Cat doesn't answer, Camila sighs. "Joe made that pretty clear the other day. Does Papi know?"
Cat shakes her head. "He doesn't."
Camila chews on her lip. "He deserves to know. He's all alone back in Miami. He's lonely every day and yet he stays loyal to Mami. She has all the company in the world at her service and she's playing around with Joe. Why does Mami continue to make him suffer? It would hurt him if he found out, but it would also free him. He would be able to move on. Find some company maybe...." Camila asks Cat since Cat seems to know Sinu better than Camila thinks she ever will.
"She likes the control I guess." Cat shrugs nonchalantly like cheating wasn't a big deal. Like their mother cheating on their father wasn't a big deal.
It was something that Cat and Sinu had in common. Hell, everyone likes some sense of control. But having control and being in control are something that the two older Cabellos take very serious. More times than not, they take it too far.
"People aren't meant to be controlled." Camila sighs.
She wonders if she should tell her father. She hasn't seen nor heard from him since her trip to Miami but she's also been busy with other things. It's possible that he texted and she never read it. That happens a lot. And even if he didn't make any attempt to contact her after his apology, he still didn't deserve to be betrayed by his entire family. His wife cheating on him with another man. His two daughters keeping it from him.
That would be horrible.
But also, she thinks that maybe in the back of her father's mind, he already knows. It's one of the factors to his unhappiness. To his loneliness. To his drinking.
Either way he needs to know. She wonders if she'll be the one that has to tell him.
Cat chews on her lip, looking almost guilty. It's a rare thing to see on Cat's face and for a while, Camila almost thinks it must be something else. But she can see it. The guilt. It's all there, well at least some of it is there. But Camila knows that there won't be any apologies. Or any sort of mentioning to whatever it is that Cat is feeling guilty about.
Cat finally moves her eyes from where she had been intensely staring at the floor to Camila. But she doesn't meet Camila's eyes. It takes Camila almost a minute to realize that Cat is staring at Camila's face. Her bruise to be exact. Camila turns her head away so that Cat can't look at it. "It doesn't hurt anymore." Camila finds herself saying.
She wonders after everything why she still finds the need to spare Cat from the pain that Camila feels every day. She wonders why she still wants Cat to feel better about something that she should've done something about.
Cat blinks like she wasn't even aware that she was staring at the discolored skin. "I wasn't-" She cuts herself off, closing her eyes tightly for a few seconds before opening them. "Are you sure?"
Camila nods. It only hurts when she adds pressure. Or when she thinks about the way that her family had let it happen.
Now is the time when anyone else would apologize. When they would say sorry for standing by and watching as their little sister was slapped across the face for no reason. When they would apologize for staying silent as the sound echoed around the room and doing nothing when it only escalated from there.
But like Camila said. Anyone else would apologize. Not Cat. The words floated in the air around the room, but not once were they said aloud. The silence was deafening.
To be honest, Camila isn't sure what it is that Cat is upset about. It could be their father and his lack of knowledge about his wife's whereabouts. It could be the guilt. It could be some boy troubles. It could be Cat feeling neglected by her mother just like Camila felt.
Camila had no clue. She was even more in the dark than before she had asked the girl. She's getting nowhere and she realizes this. "I don't know what's wrong." Camila mutters. "But whatever it is, I hope it gets better for you. Pain is unfortunately something that everyone can relate to, no matter what, and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone."
Cat breathes out deeply but keeps her expression neutral.
Camila stands up slowly, hoping that maybe Cat will say something else. Anything else. She doesn't, so Camila leaves. She walks towards the door, pulling the hood of her jacket over her head to give her some sort of disguise in case Cat decided to leave after her. She opens the door and peaks out.
Right as she's about to step through the door she hears it. It's quiet, so quiet that Camila almost doesn't hear it. Maybe she isn't supposed to her it.
"Thanks Cami."
And Camila can only shake her head as the door closes. Honestly, she doesn't even know why she tries sometimes. But at least she can say that she did try. She tried.
And that's more than anyone else can say.
A/N: This chapter is a mess so I apologize for that but i promised an update this week and well, the week is almost over. So yeah, here's an update. I'm kinda losing inspiration for this fic, ngl, so I'm not sure how many chapters there will be left but I do promise that I'm not going to rush anything and I'm going to tie up all the lose ends in some way or another so don't fret.
Also, is there anyone who knows a lot about legal stuff and wants to tell me all the stuff that Camila can use to get out of her contract in legal, professional terms. Cause i have no knowledge at all when it comes to that sort of stuff and although I know all the flaws in the whole contract situation, I want to make it sound professional.
BTS HIT 100K and just wOW GUYS THANKS SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL. But like seriously, thank you guys for reading and supporting me in all my writing and stuff. A lot of you comment in all of the chapters and in all my other works too and it totally makes my day so thanks you for commenting and sharing your thoughts and being all expressive and such. You guys are the best.
Anyways, have a good night/day. I hope I didn't ruin too many people's sleeping schedules but yeah, here it is.
Brook