This was an idea from @PurpleBeesAreBae so massive shoutout to them, I hope you'll like it!
***NOT EDITED****
Sam's POV
"You just need to tell them. You can't keep hiding who you really are." He said firmly. He wasn't wrong I couldn't hide myself anymore, I need to tell them. Only problem is, how will they react...
"What if they're going to hate me?" I asked, knowing that they wouldn't in any way react nice to the news I was about to tell them.
"if they don't react like you want them to, you can just go somewhere else. you fly back to LA around midnight, so it not like you have to stay there. I'll be there with all our roommates to comfort you, If anything even happens." Corey told me, trying to calm me down a bit. He had a point though, it's not like I would be stuck with them for another week or so.
"I'll them them at dinner, I need to go now." I said looking at the the video I still needed to edit.
"Call me after you tell them, love you man."
"Will do, love you too." I said, before hanging up. I sighed and rested my head on my desk, this is going to be a long night...
I finished editing my video, saving it before opening my YouTube channel page, I set a timer for tomorrow afternoon so I was sure it would be uploaded tomorrow on time. I sighed loudly before shutting my laptop, I grabbed my backpack and put my laptop in it, together with my charger.
I needed to be prepared for any reaction I could possibly get, I packed all my stuff and took them down stairs. I placed them next to the front door, so If something did however go wrong I would only have walk away and take my stuff to the nearest bus stop.
"Sam dinners ready!" I heard my mom shout. Alright Sam this is it, just make sure you keep breathing. you're leaving tomorrow morning, so if anything goes wrong you just leave. I told myself over and over, After my little pep talk. If you can even call it that, I had gained enough courage to go into the dining room. I took a few deep breaths on the way, and put on a fake smile on my face.
When my mom was making our plates ready, and my dad and my brother Ben were already seated at the table. I sat down across from my dad not wanting to be close to him.
My dad has always been a homophobe, my mom always followed him in that a bit. I knew the risk I was taking by deciding to tell them I'm gay. I was sure my mom wouldn't react angry or anything, it was just my dad I was scared off.
The whole dinner I couldn't say a word, nor could I bring my self to eat. I was trying to collect all the courage I had in me, maybe I just shouldn't tell them.
"Are you alright sam? You're awfully quiet." My mom said looking at me, making my dad do the same. I swallowed, I should tell them now right?
Alright Sam, this is the moment. You need to tell them now.
"Um, actually... I- I uh need to tell you guys something.." I said, I could hear my voice shaking. My mom put her hand on mine, which kind of made me feel better. It felt like my head was exploding with all the thought and possible reaction I could get.
"You can tell us everything, sweetie." My mom told me, squeezing my hand gently. I knew she would think differently about what she just said, after I've told them. My dad still hadn't said a word, I think he kind of knew what was going to happen.
"I.. I'm gay." I blurted out, thinking that if you would just rip it of like a plaster, the reactions wouldn't be as bad. Man was I wrong about that.
My moms grip loosened on my hand. I didn't dare to look at either of them, until I felt myself being pulled up from my chair and thrown onto the ground.
"Dad!" I heard Ben shout, before I felt a punch in my stomach. For a second I couldn't breath, I knew he would react bad. But u never though he would ever lay a finger on my like that. Guess I was wrong about that to..
"No child of mine, is a faggot." My dad shouted, punching me in the face. I just let it happen, knowing it would get worse if I tried to fight back.
"Kirk, stop it!" My mom shouted.
"You little piece of shit, you're a shame to this family." My dad continued, ignoring my moms and brothers shouts.
My vision was getting blurry from the tears that were forming in my eyes. I just laid there, taking every punch, every kick. I just closed my eyes and took the pain, until it stopped. It was silent for a moment before I heard the door slam.
My head was pounding my back and stomach were burning with pain, and I felt like my arms and legs went numb. I opened my eyes slowly, not saying a word, not letting any sound escape from my mouth.
"Oh my gosh, Sam! Are you alright." My mom asked crying, I looked at her slowly to see both my mom and Ben bending over me, worry in their eyes.
Ben slowly helped me sitting up, i didn't look at either of them. I winced a bit when I stood up, I could feel their eyes on me.
"I'm fine." I told them, voice raspy. I slowly walked towards the frond door. grabbing the small suitcase and my backpack from the ground, I tried not to react to the pain that was shooting through me.
I looked behind me, where my mom and Ben were still standing. They walked up to me when I didn't do of say anything. both of them gave a small smile, filled with sadness and tears. I kissed my moms cheek and hugged her before hugging Ben. We didn't speak, mostly because there was nothing more to say. Or actually I didn't have anything more to say, I don't know about them.
"I love you." I said. My mom was crying and Ben looked like he was about to. They knew this was my goodbye, I didn't know for how long but I knew I would see them in a long while.
"I love you, Sammy. No matter what." My mom told me, smiling sadly.
"Find yourself a nice boy, and when you ready maybe introduce him to me, I'll be here. You will always be my baby boy." She said. I felt a tear slip down my cheek.
"I'll see you lil brother. Tell Allison I love her too" I told Ben. Ben nodded, tears slipping down his face.
"Will you keep calling me, like you always do?" Ben asked, voice thick with emotion. I nodded slowly before taking him in my arms again.
"Not for a while..."
"I love you." Ben told me I pulled back and smiled at him. I gave both my mom and him a nod before walking out of the house, Not looking back.
I decide to walk around for a bit, not knowing where I could go. I looked at the time on my phone.
8:30 pm
my flight is at 1 am...
I decided to go to a 24 hour cafe, down the road. I looked at the ground as I was walking, pulling my suitcase with me. I was still trying not to cry.
"I'm so sorry."
I looked up to see a bit helping a man up, the man looked angry but didn't say anything just walking away. The boy looked after the man before looking down, also starting to walk again.
That's when I noticed a little piece of paper on the ground. I walked toward it, picking it up.
It was a picture of 2 little boys, probably around 6 years old. On the left there was an adorable brown haired boy with the brightest blue eyes, with next to him a blonde boy that if I didn't know better looked exactly like... me.
The brunette looked familiar though, maybe I knew him? I looked up toward where the boy that dropped it walked to. I could still see him, he was like 2 blocks ahead of me. I ran after him, pulling my annoying suitcase with me.
"Wait! Something fell out of your pocket!" I shouted making the boy turn around. He looked just like the boy in the picture, but 10 years Olde.. but he still looked so familiar..
"Oh thank you." The boy said, looking down as he walked toward me. I handed him the photograph, making him look up.
I was immediately lost in his eyes. His mesmerizing ocean blue eyes.
"Sam?" The boy asked, causing me to break from my little daydream.
"How do you know my name?" I asked.
"You don't remember me?" He asked, looking sad. I shook my head slowly, feeling guilty I didn't remember him.
"I'm uh Colby. Uh just call me sometime if you want, if you remember..." He said. Handing me a small piece of paper I took it and watched Colby put the picture in his pocket, before walking away.
Colby. I know that name.. that's when it hit me, all the memories.
The first time we met.
"It's not your sandbox, mommy always say we haf to shawe!" 3 year old Colby said, pouting. His little hands on his sides, frowning at me.
"No, it's mine." I told him stubbornly.
"Why? It's no fun if you pway alone." Colby said, still frowning but his hands were now just hanging by his sides.
"Well, play wif me!" I said, smiling brightly, Colby nodded quickly, smiling before sitting down next to me in the sand.
Our first time I cheered him up.
"What happened." I asked as I looked at 6 year old Colby, who was sitting on the ground with his scratched knee.
"I fell." Colby told me sniffling. I frowned and hugged him.
"Hugs always make me feel better." I told him.
Our first kiss.
"I think I'm in love." 15 year old Colby said. Climbing into our tree house , where we met up everyday after school. I could feel my heart break into pieces as soon as he said that.
"Oh, that's.. cool." I told him looking at my hands, trying to blink my tears away.
"You don't wanna know with who?" He asked, I just sniffed and shrugged. I should've told him sooner, now he likes someone else.
"Who is it?" I eventually asked. That's when I felt his finger under my chin. He gently pushed my chin up, making me look at him
"You." He said, before kissing me.
Our first time.
"Are you sure? We can wait.." 17 year old Colby said, as we laid on Colby's bed. I nodded.
"I'm sure." I said, before pulling him Into a passionate kiss. I moaned softly as Colby grinded agains me.
"Just tell me when you want me to stop." Colby said, before pulling off my shirt.
Our First fight.
"Why didn't you tell me!?" 18 year old Colby shouted.
"I didn't know how!"
"You're fucking moving to LA and I had to find out through Stan?! You're leaving tomorrow, did you even plan to tell me!?" He shouted
"Of course i was!" I shouted back.
"Fucking when Sam!? When you already were in LA!? I can't fuckin believe you!" Colby said, tears streaming down my face.
"I'm sorry!" I shouted.
"Sorry ain't gonna cut it sam!"
I winced as I suddenly got the worse head ache. That's was Colby, the boy I literally explored life with, the boy who was my life...
I suddenly remembered, all the thing I couldn't remember because of a fucking car accident. After the incident I remembered every single thing, or well I thought I did.. except for the biggest part of me and my life.. Colby.
I looked at his phone number, and then in the direction he went. I grabbed my phone putting the phone number in it, not wanting to loose it.
I put the piece of paper in my pocket just to be sure. I looked at my phone to see the time.
9:45
I walked to the 24 hour cafe and sat down in one of the booth's. Everything hurt except my face, my father seemed to have missed my face or maybe avoided it.
I ordered a coffee and a muffin, before calling Corey.
"Hey.."
"it didn't go well.. at all."
***at the airport***
I ended up calling a cab at 11:30 to bring me to the airport, my flight was at 1 am so I had enough time to check in, get rid of my baggage, and get a coffee so I could stay awake. I tried to not move that much because the pain seemed worse than before.
it quickly was time for me to board the plane. I grabbed my backpack. I showed my ticked before finding my seat. When I was finally seated I grabbed my phone, remembering that I had Colby's number. I didn't have the guts to call him, and it's also 1:05 in the morning so he's probably sleeping... Maybe he's still awake? If I call now and he doesn't pick up, I can at least say I called him. I stared at the number, my thumb hovering above the calling button.
What if he actually does pick up? What do I say? What will he say? Will he hate me? Did he miss me? Has he moved on, or do I still have a change?
"Are you going to call me or what." I heard a familiar voice say, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up, finding the same blue memorizing eyes stare back at me.
"Colby, what are you doing here?" I asked him, quickly locking my phone. I couldn't stop the smile from making it's way on my face though.
"I'm going home?" He told me sitting down next to me.
"So you wanted to call me, Do you remember?" He asked, looking hopeful.
"I do yeah, I remembered right after you left actually." I told him, he nodded and smiled soflty.
"Did you really forget about me that quick?' He asked, looking kinda sad. I shook my head quickly. I can't believe I forgot such a big part of my life, Because of a stupid car crash.
"No, no that's not it at all. I uh, I lost my memory for a while after a car crash I was in.. Everything came back to me, except for you. Well until I met you again." I explained.
"Oh I'm sorry." Colby said. I shook my head.
"It's fine.. I missed you." I told him, Colby smiled and nodded.
"So when did it happen? The car crash I mean." He asked, I tried not to feel hurt when he didn't say he missed me back. Maybe he really did move on. I mean I left him, only telling him a day before I went away.
I knew I should've told him, I was just scared. I had gotten an email form a few boys from YouTube, saying they found my channel. Corey and Elton, we talked for a while before they asked me if i wanted to move in with them in LA, so we could slowly build our YouTube career together. I couldn't say no to that offer, Colby didn't even know I did YouTube. I always wanted to go to LA, so I took the change and started planning everything.
"Uh, about 2 years ago." Colby just nodded. I knew what he was thinking, it was already 2 years after I moved, I didn't contact him like I promised I would...
"Oh." He said.
I felt bad, so so bad. For leaving him, breaking all contact with him and then when I see him again after 4 years, I expect him to be by my side like nothing happened after. I was selfish, really fucking selfish. Maybe that's why I forgot about him because of that stupid car crash. Maybe I would be better if I didn't remember him, I don't deserve him, he deserves so much more. I hurt him, I know I did. I can still see it in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I spoke up. Feeling stupid right after I did, the memory flashing through my mind once again. 'Sorry ain't gonna cut it sam!'
That were his last words to me, the last thing he said to me. I knew it was true. It doesn't matter how incredible sorry you are, it's not going to fix anything.
I see that now, back then I just thought it was just something Colby blurted out because he was mad at me.
But it's the truth, sorry isn't gonna fix everything. Sorry always will be a word for people to use to make themselves feel better, less guilty. But it doesn't really mean anything, it's just a word you can throw at anyone at any time. It doesn't fix shit, that's something that you have to do yourself.
Maybe sorry can be seen as a promise. A promise to the person that you will try and do anything I your power to fix your own mistakes...
Colby fell asleep around 1:45, I decided to try and sleep to. Luckily it was only an 3 hour flight, I hate long plane rides. I took of my jacket, embracing the feeling of the cold air hitting my sore arms. I hadn't looked at my bruises yet, I knew they were there though. I looked down at my arms, they were filled with purple and blue spots, some even turned yellow greenish. I knew my stomach had to be worse but i didn't want to look, they made me think about what happened just a few hour ago.
I still couldn't believe my dad... my own dad, who raised me and loved me.. could do this to me. I didn't expect him to tell me he accepted me, I expected him to yell at me. Kick me out... But I'd never though he was capable of...
I could feel the tears brim in my eyes, pictures of his disgusted face looking at me. I took a deep breath as I traced my fingers over the bruises.
"What happened?"I jumped covering my arms arms with the jacked, wincing as I moved to quickly. I looked at Colby who watched me with wide eyes, his face was a mix between shocked, worried and sad.
I didn't answer immediately, i just looked at Colby. Watching him take the jacked of off my arm and carefully grabbing one on my arms. He just looked at my arm, his fingertips touching the bruised so softly I almost couldn't feel it.
I tried to ignore the butterflies that were dancing in my stomach, observing Colby's face. He was still focused on my arm, like he could see how I got them. Colby looked up again, finding me already look at him.
"My, uh... my dad..." I answered his questions. Colby nodded, sliding his hand down my arm to my hand, taking it in his. It felt oddly comforting, I somehow just knew he wouldn't judge me. So I told him everything and ended up crying, he didn't judge or look at me in any odd or weird way. He knew my parent didn't know I was gay, we used to hide our relationship from our parents. We like how we could have sleep overs and not have to sleep in separate rooms, we had more freedom that way.
We ended up talking about everything, from when I left till know. I learned he moved to LA when he was 19, for college. I told him about my YouTube channel and my roommates, he was shocked when I told him I never went to college. It was nice catching up after such a long time. I agreed to meeting up again, after we had had enough of sleep.
When the plane landed we, grabbed our baggage quickly before walking to the exit of the airport together. We hugged before we separated ways, both stepping into another cab.
Its nice knowing I had him back. We still needed to work out a lot stuff, but we were getting there. slowly but surely.
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Part 2? Yes or no?