Chapter 11 might be restricted. I can't tell so please let me know. Wattpad sent me a message about my ratings and such but that's all they really said so please let me know. To read chapter 11 you might have to follow me, remove my story from your library, and then re-add it. I know it's confusing but that's how I read 'restricted' chapters on other stories. If you are not following me and can read chapter 11, send a message or comment below. Thanks >.<
I look in the mirror and this isn't a girl I want to see.
"Antonia, honey, we have guests."
I sigh and fix my make-up once more. My dad has invited some people over and he's been hinting about a guy. I can't stand to look at my parents' faces right now so more people isn't what I want at all.
Toni never felt this type of sadness. Never. Over the past week she's slept, ate and whimpered under her covers. She had no phone for communication and the only thing she held on of Darren's was that envelope her gave her and that little note he left on her bedside table. Thinking about the envelope made her eyes water once again. She could recite it by heart because of the amount of times she re-read it.
Toni,
The first thing I want to say is I'm sorry. I would have never said what I did if I knew better. I was being insecure and counting down the days until I'd lose you. I knew a girl like you wouldn't put up with me for much longer...I guess that shows what I know. You're perfect to me, for me.
I've only had one relationship before you and I don't think freshman year of high school should count. She was older and not even a month later she cheated on me. I felt like I wasn't good enough and that kind of ruined it for me. I was this cocky guy (still am) and didn't really care anymore.
When I met you I thought you were this really fun girl and really wanted to get to know you. That night at the new years eve party just made me think of you so much differently and when I kissed you I knew you'd do something to me.
Now here we are and we have come such a long way. I love you and I know I messed up.
I also want to say that I'm getting drafted. Well I was getting drafted. The lakers head coach called my mom, asking if I wanted to go to their conditioning and she said yes. After finding out that you're pregnant I thought about it a lot. I made a big decision and I decided to decline. This has been my dream for ages but I'd give it all up for a life with you. I hope you can forgive me and see that I'm serious about this.
Love,
Darren
Toni felt horrible. He gave it all up just so she could be forced to leave. She hoped he reconsidered but knowing Darren and his hope for her return, she had a doubt he would.
She ran her hands down her floral sundress and left out of her bathroom. Going down the stairs she already felt like crying again. She missed her friends.
"Here she is," her mother announced, sending a sad smile her way. Toni forced one back and looked over the people, one face standing out like a sore thumb.
"Martha, Nathan, this is Antonia."
She softly smiled and held out a hand to greet the middle-aged couple.
"Kyle says you two went to high school together," the woman, Martha, says. Toni looks to the womans side to indeed see Kyle. The same Kyle she had the kid-crush on and took her innocence with harsh words.
She hadn't seen him since graduation less than three years ago and she wanted to keep it that way. Instead of denying his scummy existence she shyly, fakely waved his way. "Yes, I remember."
Once introductions were done with they all sat around the overlarge dinning room table for dinner. Toni was purposely sat next to Kyle and it annoyed her even more. As much as she was done crying--although necessary--she rather lock herself in her room and do that than be forced to act like this wasn't some big setup.
She picked at her dinner, a month or so, secretly, pregnant sure did take a toll on her appetite.
"You've hardly touched your food," her mother said, concern filling her blue eyes. "I... I'm not feeling well," she said instead of bluntly blurting out 'I'm pregnant' and running to her room.
"Do you need fresh air?" Kyle innocently asked, Toni thinking he was anything but.
Anything to get out of here.
"Yes actually."
"Great, I'll come with you," he said, helping her out of her chair and just because she didn't have the heart of strength to say no, she agreed.
Walking in the fresh late-spring air of Maryland calmed her. Kyle was speaking sweetly to her, actually making her second-guess her prior opinion.
"Maybe I can show you sometime."
She blinked and collected herself before confusingly saying, "Huh?"
"The Belt. It's a really busy place but with lots to see."
"That sounds...great."
He cleared his throat and took the brave move of grasping her hand. Toni froze for a moment, finding his touch so foreign she had to shudder. Kyle took it the other way and she was sure of it when a smirk spread across his face.
"Your dad wants me to marry you," he drawled.
"W-what?" Toni squeaked.
"He says that you're confused and that since I'm next to run the business that I'm responsible enough."
She began panting and suddenly became woozy. She had to take a deep inhale and a rushed exhale just to calm herself.
"I don't know what to say," she whimpered.
"When I ask you, you'll say yes because that's what your father wants," he firmly spoke, so sure of himself.
Out of the fear in her weak heart and the squeezing pain of her hand she felt choked to say, "O-okay."
***
Not even two weeks later Toni was caught between a heated argument between her parents about her 'date' that night.
"You know she's not ready!"
"When do you think she will be? When she stops crying over that boy?!"
They were in their room but she knew what they spoke about. Over Kyle and Toni's last few 'dates' he's been sort of dropping hints about their engagement.
They have really nice rings at the shop down the street.
My mothers ring is platinum, you should see it.
A friend of mine is getting married in the summer, wouldn't that be nice?
Toni hated it and made her feel more and more guilty about leading him on and practically avoiding her life with Darren.
She wanted to go back so badly. Not just for her love and friends but for her degree. She wanted to get her English degree and start writing, maybe even join a publishing company. With only two years of college experience it was impossible.
Toni fixed the bust of the dress she wore for the hundredths time and left down the stairs. Her parents were still arguing when Kyle came, kissed her and led her to his car.
She knew when they got to the nice restaurant that this would be the night she'd decieve nearly everyone around her. She shared small talk with Kyle and the moment he got down on one knee and promised to make an honest woman out of her, she said yes.
Out of the weakness inside her and hopeful clarity to come, she said yes. Out of the wish that her old life would be better off without her trying to run back, she said yes. And out of the fear that she would be exiled from the only home she knew, she said yes.
***
"Y-you bought it already?"
"Yes, is there a problem?" her father curtly asked. "I mean, it's a wedding dress. Aren't I suppose to try it on and see if I like it first?"
"No time for that silliness. There's business to be done and dress shopping should not take unnecessary time."
"When's the wedding?" she shrieked, outraged about her fathers decisions.
"Next week. I've already contacted all of our family and Kyle's as well. They should be he-"
"Next week?! Daddy, he just proposed a few days ago," she whimpered, pleading with her dad to see that she is not happy.
"Why wait?"
"I...can't you see that..." She sighed, giving up on trying to reason with her father. "Thanks," she mumbled.
"For the dress? No problem. I just got anything white, you know?"
Of course she mentally seethed and left her fathers home office.
***
Toni cried before it was time for her scheduled make up appointment. She cried a little after and cried as she put on her dress.
I'm not even woman enough to say 'no'.
She never looked at Kyle once as she walked down the isle with her father at her arm. Her eyes cramped from unfallen tears and she sniffled to try and hide them. Family she's never even seen before were there, smiling and whispering things about her.
She thought that they'd be speaking about how beautiful she looked or the way her dress flowed behind her. But she knew that they were secretly debating if the bruise on her jaw line--horribly covered my make up--was from a strike or if she was just clumsy enough to fall.
She plastered a smile on her pale face and received the kiss on her cheek from Kyle when her dad passed her over.
The entire thing was fake to her. Fake people, fake emotions, fake vows, fake--disgustingly so--final kiss.
The kiss that sealed her fate.
"I'm sorry," Kyle whispered, gently pecking the tender bruise. She slightly winced but tried not to make it so noticable as they swayed on the large dance floor.
"It's fine," she faintly smiled, looking into his eyes for a brief second to assure him. Even though nothing was fine she could sure pretend like it was. She could act like the night before her wedding that Kyle hadn't hit her for bringing up having kids.
His eyes narrowed at her before he pressed a hard kiss on her forhead and squeezed her waist a little harder.
***
Here I lie beneath my husband, a man I do not love, as he pleasures himself with my less than willing body. Kyle is a monster and I can't love him because I am in love with Darren. I wince at his rough actions and pray that he does not hurt the unborn child that is not his but of my true lover. I was ripped away from him and practically forced into this marriage because the color of our skin was different. I miss him and I long to see him again.
She cried when he was finished with her and felt sore in all sorts of places. When he left the room to shower she made her way downstairs to the other with much difficulty. The new house was big and confusing to get around. She'd never know why he bought a house so far away from her parents and his work but now that wasn't the least of her worries.
She turned on the bath and filled the tub with warm water before removing her only piece of clothing and stepping in. It stung where it shouldn't and burned tender parts of flesh. She hummed a song that Darren showed her in what felt like years ago but was really less then a couple months.
Her hand slid down to her belly, where her fingers softly brushed the slightest bump under her navel. How could this baby survive if the one it would call 'dad' not want it? A whimper escaped her lips when she thought about how Darren must've been feeling now.
Hurt
Confused
Angry
That's how she felt and could only think of Darren feeling the same way.
What she didn't know was that Darren was in his dorm room, listening to her old voicemails and hollowly laughing at their distant memories.
"Antonia!"
Toni flinched at Kyle's harsh tone and shakily answered back, her voice painfully echoing throughout the spacious room.
"Where are you?"
"Down here in the bathroom."
"Oh, just checking."
Even if I begged to leave, he wouldn't let go.
A/N: I know...I know.
I didn't want to rush through this chapter as fast as I did but I really wanted to get this out to you guys.
Please let me know what you think.
Chapter dedicated to Zoe!! That's not her username but I know her well enough. Blue cotton candy is the best because lemon cotton candy shouldn't even be existent!!
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-Mone'