That night was a living hell. One minute I was too hot, the next too cold. My mind spiralling out of control thinking about this, that and everything in between. What could be, what might never happen.
I'm not sure what to expect from today's meeting as I shuffle into school, hoping to be completely invisible. Keeping my head down and pulling my over-sized, grey jumper sleeves over my clenched fists. I hold the stress In, not letting it show.
Luckily, on Fridays only half the students come into school, the rest skip and for some reason get away with it. It's like the teachers are completely oblivious and have no clue what's going on, that or they just choose to turn a blind eye to it.
Taking the stairs slowly and carefully, my whole body begins to tremble and I can feel the acid swirling around inside my stomach.
Should have eaten breakfast.
I can't help but let out a sigh.
Today I don't know what I feel. But it's not normal. I don't feel on the edge of panic but I don't feel calm either. It's like I'm on some middle ground and I'm blind to how to escape it.
As I'm about to knock on the empty classroom door, I notice a different teacher sat at the desk. Her hair a bright auburn like the fallen leaves on an autumn day. Not knowing the kind of person she might be, I take a sickly approach to her.
"Excuse me?" The woman turns to me and I grip hold of my jumper tighter. "I'm not feeling too good today, is it okay if I work in the Library?" She nods. Smiling at me and hands a piece of paper.
"Just make sure you're back after break to sign in again."
After signing the piece of paper, I rush towards the library silently praying for it to be empty and luckily, there are only a few people sat at the back on computers. I take A small desk to the side of the library, just out of view, and take out a book to read.
Reading is meant to be calming however when you're reading the last book in a fantasy series, it's anything but calming. As my eyes scan over paper and ink I begin to become stressed. But, a good kind of stressed as I'm plummeted into the book, feeling what the characters are feeling as the march to war to save the innocent. And for a long while, I feel like one of them, stressed but strong. An unlikely combination in real life. I slowly unclench my fists around my jumper and my whole body begins to relax. My brain is occupied with something else, no room to panic and no room to think about the events to take place later.
But I can't help but to subconsciously think about the meeting with Layla later. Even with Jessie stood by my side.
Just as I'm fully calm and relaxed, a stir of voices begins to rumble from the hallway, body instantly tensing.
Don't come in, please don't come in.
The voices get louder and louder until around ten people start to wonder in, talking and laughing with each other. Grabbing my things, I clench hold of my book and I slowly slide out of the Library and down the steps to a familiar place.
Since meeting Jessie, I have hardly felt the need to go in there. He created the safety I would feel inside the storage cupboard filled with cleaning supplies. I always thought no one could get the me in there because no one knew about it but now, with Jessie I feel like no one can hurt me. Like I finally have someone there looking over me. But today, I haven't seen Jessie anywhere. So, as I retreat back into the storage cupboard where we first met, I can't help but still feel tense.
What if something has happened to him? Should I go looking for him?
Selfishly, I decide to stay put as I start to worry more about panicking then my best friends' safety and I hate myself for it.