I can't believe it's been over THREE YEARS since I last updated. Anyone still here??
I'm so sorry for taking so long. I have no excuse other than life got in the way. I can't say when i'll next update but I am working on finishing and then rewriting this book to make it more professional, in hopes that it could potentially be published at some point.
Thank you for the support, I still see you all even when i'm inactive. Enjoy! X
(not proof read it yet soz)
September marks the start of a new semester at college. New art work to complete, new deadlines. I can't wait to be working again.
Scott's birthday weekend away was perfect, just a small retreat away from home with just each other as company. It was so good to get away from everything at home and just spend time with one another, waking up and falling asleep beside each other and knowing that we'd be in each other's company for a few days with no interruptions or distractions.
Scott and I sang with his guitar for a little while, both of us singing little tunes together. It's the first time I've harmonised since I stopped singing, and I got goosebumps hearing my voice blend with Scott's in the way it did.
"Okay guys, I hope you all had a good break. Time to start a new semester and learn some new things."
I smile up at Avi as he addresses the class, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and small paint splatters sprinkled all over him. His hair seems to have gotten longer, his beard too.
"This semester we're going to be focusing on live drawing. Sketches, pencil and chalk work. Improving your shading and life drawing skills."
I nod my head, excited to be learning something new. Obviously I can sketch, but I mainly focus on nature instead of real people.
I spend the rest of the class watching Avi as he sketches out a drawing of his mother from memory, carving out her glistening eyes perfectly with only a pencil. I watch in awe as he draws each wispy piece of hair, the shape of each tooth and every line on her face. I can only hope that some day I'll be as talented as he is.
The bell rings after an hour and I begin to walk down to math class, my arms crossed over my chest as I try to avoid everyone in the halls. I take my seat beside Kirstie, smiling and nudging her with my elbow.
She turns and hugs me, her new dark hairdo framing her face and making her eyes pop.
"I missed you, egg shell."
I smile at her, running my fingers through a small piece of hair which rests on her shoulder, "I missed you too, ice cube. I haven't seen you for at least two weeks."
"I know, I feel deprived of my dose of Mitchell."
She gives me a peck on the cheek before settling in her chair, quietening down as the teacher begins the class.
We're about half way through class when Scott's dad walks through the door, his glasses perched on his nose and a concerned look on his face.
He says something to my math teacher before looking in my direction. Before I know it, I'm being called out of class and am standing out in the hallway with Mr Hoying peering down at me.
"Hello, Mitch."
_____________
Sitting in Mr Hoying's office, I feel a strange sense of nervousness in the air, a feeling of tension and a lack of comfort that makes the air feel thick and heavy.
"So Mitch, I'm sure you know why I've called you in here."
I shake my head a little, picking at the skin on my fingertips as I look at Mr Hoying's stern expression, feeling almost sad that I can't feel comfortable yet with my boyfriend's parents.
"I- ...is it something to do with Scott?"
Mr Hoying tilts his head a little, "well, yes. Has he not told you?"
Fear strikes through my heart at what it could be, what Scott has been keeping from me.
"Huh..." Mr Hoying shrugs a little, before sighing and flickering his eyes around the room.
"Well, as i'm sure you're aware, Scott and I haven't been the best of friends lately. No doubt you've heard us argue, and I just assumed Scott would've told you what was going on."
"No, Scott hasn't told me anything, Sir. Please, what's happened?"
Mr Hoying looks at me over his glasses for a few seconds, before sighing and fiddling with a pen between his fingers.
"He told me about your concerns surrounding the fact that you can never come to us for dinner or spend family time with us. I apologise if I have made you feel pushed out or disregarded, but as I'm sure you're aware, there are valid reasons behind my standoffish behaviour"
I frown with a shake of my head, "No, I mean, it's fine, Sir, I don't want there to be any pressure around me becoming a part of the family, I understand if you need time to adjust, it's... It's, yeah... uh. The valid reasons, just, uh... could you remind me?"
"A few weeks ago, I overheard a student talking about Scott and you. I didn't hear the whole conversation, but from what I could gather, they suspected something more was occurring between the two of you, more than just a civil teacher and student relationship."
My heart begins to race, "Sir? Who was it?"
"I don't think that is important, Mitch. What is important is that if this person were to report this to another teacher, there could be serious consequences for you and Scott."
"But... Sir, with all due respect, I don't understand why there would be serious consequences. Scott is barely any older than me, he's not even a qualified teacher he just helps you out in class. We aren't breaking the law."
"No, you're not breaking the law but Scott is crossing boundaries. I have tried to accept your relationship, but you have to understand that what Scott is doing is not seen as acceptable in a professional setting."
I nod my head slowly, "no, I do understand that. So what shall we do?"
"Well, that's why Scott has been so annoyed at me lately. He isn't listening to me, he can't understand where I'm coming from when I say this, which is why i've chosen to speak to you instead."
I look Mr Hoying dead in the eye, worried about what he could possibly say to me.
"I think, perhaps, that you and Scott should end things here."
There is a moment of silence. I bite back a laugh, knowing that this is a joke or a prank or something.
"Sir..."
"I'm not sure why you're smirking, Mitch. I didn't know how you'd react but of all possible outcomes the last one that I ever expected to happen was for you to laugh at me."
"No Sir, I'm not. I'm not."
I try my absolute hardest to keep myself calm and ensure my voice doesn't shake. Trying to sound confident is hard when you're not only nervous, but also extremely confused and taken aback. It's hard enough meeting your other half's parents; it's a mission in itself to try and get them to like and approve of you, but when they are a teacher at your school, and clearly have a complex about you already, it's near to impossible to even feel accepted by them. Now with Mr Hoying telling me that Scott and I shouldn't be together, I have no idea what I should be thinking.
"Scott doesn't listen, Mitch." He says, looking at me over the rim of his glasses with a harsh stare, "he never has. His mother always said he was a free spirit, could never be tamed and will always do what he wants. It's good for him in some situations, but in others... Sometimes he just doesn't know when he's damaging himself. He doesn't see it when he's making decisions that could have serious consequences. He doesn't listen."
I struggle not to feel slightly offended by these statements. Damaging himself? Serious consequences? How could this man seriously be sat here suggesting that our relationship is bad?
I swallow heavily, "I'm sorry Sir, I'm really struggling to understand. You haven't... seen our relationship enough to come to these kinds of judgements. Scott is good for me, and I believe i'm good for him too..."
"I wasn't suggesting that you're not good for each other."
"But suggesting that Scott is damaging himself by being with me? Suggesting that us being together could have serious consequences? What does that mean?"
I have no idea where this confidence has come from but right now i'm grateful for it.
"Scott being seen in a relationship with a minor is detrimental to his career."
I nod slowly, "but he isn't a qualified teacher, Sir. He's barely even older than me, how is it-"
"It doesn't matter, Mitchell." Mr Hoying barks, his tone sounding significantly more stern, "Do you think the board of education would care that he's only a few years older? You are the minor in this situation and I can't have you tarnishing his reputation."
"I-... Sir... I don't understand. We haven't done anything wrong, how is his reputation being tarnished? Okay if a student is implying that we are together then that's obviously scary, but it isn't hard to just nip it in the bud and tell them it's wrong. Scott and I take a step back in school, don't go in the same rooms for a while, and the rumour is gone. It isn't hard, Sir, it doesn't have to come to this-"
"It doesn't have to come to this. You're right. And i'm sorry, Mitch, I really am. But right now, I don't see an alternative to ensuring that both Scott and I don't see any repercussions from this little rumour. Simply nipping it in the bud is not satisfactory when it comes to students, surely you know that. You know how things get around."
I look down at my lap, my blood pumping and my hands clammy. He isn't seriously suggesting that Scott and I are to stop dating is he? I refuse to believe that this is happening. We've been secretive, we've been good.
"With all due respect, Sir," I say timidly, "and I do say this with the most respect as not only are you my teacher, you're my boyfriend's Dad... If I am having to choose between being with Scott and not potentially tarnishing a reputation, I will choose Scott always. If the answer is that I move College to avoid ruining your reputation, then that's what I'll have to do."
Mr Hoying shakes his head, letting out a heavy sigh and rubbing his forehead, pinching the piece of skin between his eyebrows with a tense grip.
"Why can't you just wait a year or two? Then you'll be out of college and everything will be fine, no questions asked, no qualms and no issues. You and Scott can be happy together."
"Me and Scott are happy together."
"Yes, but you and Scott shouldn't be together."
"That's one person's opinion."
I decide i'm done here and begin to collect my belongings, picking up my bag off the floor and standing up from my chair. I can't maintain a calm front for much longer, my body longing to feel Scott and speak to him about this and figure out what's actually going on. I look down at Mr Hoying as he watches me, his face red as I can tell that he never got the answer that he wanted to hear.
"It may be one person's opinion but the person in question is rather influential on whether your relationship is successful or not, no?"
I bite my lower lip to prevent myself from overreacting to something that sounds like a threat. Throwing my bag over my shoulder and turning towards the door, I manage to let out a calm and final statement.
"It's like you said, Sir. Scott's a free spirit, doesn't follow the rules. I guess it's unlucky for you that I don't either."
_____________________
I rock back and forth on my office chair, twisting and turning slightly on the spinning axis, my head resting back against the head rest and my eyes locked on my ceiling.
I've struggled to think of anything but the conversation Mr Hoying and I had in his office just a few hours prior. He said he'd spoken to Scott about how he felt. When? Why didn't Scott mention it to me?
I don't think Mr Hoying would really do anything to sabotage our relationship. I mean, whether he likes me or not, Scott is his son. Surely he loves him enough to decide that ruining a beautiful relationship would be so incredibly unfair. I think I'm gonna ask Scott if we can keep things on the down low for a little bit, even though it pains me to let his dad have the upper hand, if it means I don't have to go through the whole process of moving schools just to prevent a potential telling off from the board of education then it will be worth it.
My heart hurts a little bit at everything that's happening. I mean, I get it, I understand that Scott is older and he's seen as a Choir Director and he's got authority and from an outsiders perspective it could look wrong.
But he is only two years older than me. And he isn't even my teacher. And we haven't technically done anything. I would never want to get anyone in trouble, that's why we've been so careful.
Mr Hoying implying that he can do something to split us up has scared me, as much as I hate to admit it. I know that he could never change the way I feel, and I hope that I believe he could never change Scott's feelings either, but what if he does something horrible like kicks Scott out until he breaks up with me or tells the school about us himself and forces us to stay away from each other? Oh I don't know.
Just as I'm about to get frustrated with myself for my own racing thoughts, there's a knock on my bedroom door, and with the twist of a handle and in the small opening, Scott's face appears.
Regardless of everything that's going on, it still amazes me that just the sight of his face can make me feel so at ease.
He walks in the room with a small smile on his face, his eyes glistening as my fairy lights twinkle within them as he makes his way over to me. I reach my arms up and he wraps me up in a big cosy hug, kissing my shoulder and the side of my cheek. He smells so good.
We make our way over to the bed and snuggle up near the wall, both sighing as we fall into each other's warmth.
"How's your day been today, baby?"
I pick at my nails slightly, not wanting to bring up what's happened out of fear that Scott will tell me something I never want to hear. I decide that it's for the best to just get it out now, otherwise i'll be stressing all evening and I won't be able to enjoy my time with Scott.
"Why didn't you tell me that you'd spoken to your dad? And that he doesn't approve of us?"
Scott sighs slightly, obviously aware that I would bring this up at some point but not quite expecting it to be right now.
"I'm sorry, he literally spoke to me this morning when I was on my way out of the door and I just wasn't in the right place to be listening to what he had to say. He doesn't disapprove of you, Mitchy, he just doesn't think the timing is the best."
"No, Scotty, he told me that we should end things. And that if we don't then we are messing with him and he's in a position where he could sabotage everything that we have. He said that you make decisions that damage you. He... he doesn't like me, Scott. It's nothing to do with the timing."
I see Scott physically tense at the things that I tell him, my tone of voice struggling to mask the upset beneath it all. He can tell that the conversation that me and his dad had was not good, and it sounds as though it got more heated than his conversation got this morning.
"Mitch... honestly, I know he says these things but he does like you. He's just... he doesn't like to be out of control and I don't know if he worries that we are just gonna... make out in the middle of the cafeteria or something ridiculous like that, but he just likes an easy life and us being together and creating the tiny risk of a little bit of complaining is enough to send him into a meltdown."
I nod, trying to understand but still finding it hard to get past the things that he said to me, and the way that he said it.
"I get that," I say softly, Scott putting his hand over mind to prevent me from picking at my skin anymore, "I just wish you could've been there. The way he was speaking to me was... it was like there was no way he was going to compromise. We were never gonna come to a decision together. It was his way or the highway."
Scott shakes his head, swallowing as he pauses in an attempt to find the right words.
"He's difficult. He is. He will never understand what we have going on here. It took him a long time to accept my sexuality, but he does accept me completely and I know that for sure. But my dad and change just don't come hand in hand. This is hard for him and he won't understand it, baby and I'm so sorry that he had that conversation with you. It isn't fair. But nothing changes okay? He might have said some things that... quite frankly were uncalled for but... I know my dad, Mitchy. I know him and I know he would never do anything to hurt me, or you, or us."
I tilt my head slightly, not fully convinced but desperate to believe him.
"I hope you're right, Scotty."
"I am. Now again, I'm so sorry that you had to speak to him today, angel, really I am. I'll make it up to you with extra cuddles and kisses tonight."
I giggle quietly, leaning up to kiss his jawline, "you don't need to make it up to me silly. It's okay, really it is. I was just shocked and kinda sad. But I trust you and I trust that he wouldn't do anything to hurt us. Maybe we just need to take a step back for a while when we're in college, just let things blow over a little."
Scott nods, "absolutely. We can do that. Just means I need to give you even more love when we are alone if I can't give you secret smooches in the cupboards at college."
I laugh, lifting my hand to his cheek as I bring my lips closer to his.
"Can we start now? I don't think I want to feel your lips leave mine for the next few hours at least."
Scott smiles seductively as he runs his thumb across my lower lip, his fingers gently tilting my chin up, "now that is something I can quite happily agree on."
He kisses me gently, smiling against my mouth. Once again it feels like the first time, my heart racing and my blood pumping, making me feel nervous and excited and overwhelmed all at once. I love it, I love that he can make me feel this way. I wrap my hands around his neck and push myself even closer to him, tasting him and absorbing him everywhere that I can. He reciprocates, his hands moving down to grab my waist as he deepens the kiss and pulls me closer. And so the night begins.