Chapter 1 -Orihime-
"Friends"
It was the first week of summer. The sky today was so blue with only a few clouds hanging on it. I never really hated summer, it was just because this year's summer was different. This summer everything felt wrong. Actually nothing had changed this summer, not much—but still some things changed.
I took a deep breath, lately I often had felt like it was too hard to breath, and that wasn't because of my health condition. It wasn't physical. Besides, I just felt this way when I was with my best friends.
It was after classes, when me and my friends sat down on the grass, in a park, behind the faculty building. We had been there for almost two hours talking about our plans for this year's summer vacation. Every year we would always spent our summer vacations together. It had been our annual activity since we were in grade six.
I rested my back on the tree trunk,the one that protect us from the cruel summer sun. As usual in summer, it was almost six but the sun didn't tire yet, it still tried to kill us with its heat.
I watched my two friends debating with passion about our destination for this years vacation. Both of them were already so excited to go somewhere for vacation. I just smiled bitterly; honestly I didn't really want to go. I couldn't tell them of course, I did not want to ruin everything they'd been planning.
"I've told you…. We're go to the beach!" said the raven haired girl. She had a small body, smaller than me, but somehow she could speak louder than any ordinary girl. Not to mention that she was strong—the second strongest girl in the university. She was really pretty, it's just she could be really violent sometime. "Summer means beach!"
The tall guy who sat in front of her crossed his arms. He shook his head violently, "Nope. Last year we went to the beach. This year we'll go to the mountain. I wanna go to the mountain!" the red haired man was usually not the type who would debate her, but this time he looked so determined.
"Renji… You suck!"
"W-What?" he protested, "Oi, Rukia, that's not the way for a lady speak, wait 'til your brother hear that!"
"I don't care," Rukia said hardheadedly, "We're still going to the beach!"
"No way.. this year we're going to the mountain!" Renji did not want to lose this fight, "We'll go to onsen!"
Both of my friends continued their debating. No one seemed ready to give up. I just looked at them and smiled. I liked moments like this, where I didn't have to talk and I could focus my mind on one thing.
"Orihime-chan… What do you think?" asked Renji suddenly catching me off guard, "Which one? The mountain or the beach?"
I looked at them both, they were looking at me with a big pleading eyes. They were too cute, I chuckled. Actually they looked so good together, but I knew better.
Honestly I didn't really care about this year's summer vacation. If I could, I would choose to spend my vacation locked up in my room. But I didn't say it, I just smiled, "I don't mind wherever we'll go is fine…"
Both of them let out a heavy sigh.
"I knew it, we shouldn't have asked Orihime-chan…" Renji huff-ed and threw his back onto the grass, using his own hands as the pillow. He yawned and closed his eyes, "I really want to go to onsen this year!"
Rukia rolled her eyes, "We had fun last year didn't we? We could go again this year! That's why we should go to the beach!"
"That's the problem," Renji opened his eyes and frowned, "We were there last year, this year we have to go to another place!"
"Orihime, you didn't help…" Rukia looked at me, "You didn't vote for either the beach or the mountain…"
Renji laughed lazily, "So, the only way now is asking for Ichigo's opinion…" Renji realized something and sat up, he looked at me, "By the way where is Ichigo? I haven't seen him all day…"
I shook my head, "I have no idea," I said honestly "I think he might have some sport club activity?"
"Ichigo has a meeting now…" Rukia informed us, "Our Kendo team could enter a national tournament this November…"
Renji nodded understandingly, Ichigo was the captain of the male kendo team, "And so what are you doing here?" he narrowed his eyes, looking at the raven haired girl, "I thought you were the girls team captain, don't tell me they finally fired you?"
Rukia cracked her knuckles, "They changed the rules, my weight isn't enough to enter it…" she snorted, "I have to gain few more kilograms to participate next year."
I lowered my gaze, deep inside somehow I felt sad. Why did she know about him more than me? I was his girlfriend, wasn't I? I knew I was being childishly jealous over my own best friend, but I had a reason to be jealous.
Rukia and me were just too different. I would never be able to be like her.
"By the way," Rukia looked at me with her pretty purple orbs teasingly, "Last Sunday was your fifth anniversary with him, wasn't it?" she poked my waist and made me smiled, "What did you do?"
I shook my head "Nothing."
"Oh c'mon…" Rukia smirked to tease me, "You know you can tell us…"
I laughed, "Really, nothing happened…" I added with some blush covered my cheeks, "Well, he came to my house and we spent some time together, just that…"
"Eeeeh, did you guys finally…"
"Rukia!" Renji hissed, me and Rukia looked at the tattooed man. His face was redder than me. Actually it matched his red hair, "You shouldn't ask about things like that!"
I looked at Renji questioningly, "What's wrong Renji-kun, it's not like you…" Pervert thing had never been a big fuss for him usually.
He rubbed the back of his head, "The image of Ichigo having… errr… doing such a thing is way too sickening for me…"
Rukia snorted, "Ignore this idiot." She looked at me once again and smirked, "So?"
"I think you should get a boyfriend, Rukia…" teased Renji, "You get way too interested with other people's love life? What's wrong with your latest boyfriend? Break up? Again?"
"Shut up!" this time it was her face that turned red, "You don't have a girlfriend either, do you?"
"But I'm a man!" Renji defended his pride.
"I don't see the difference!" Rukia rolled her eyes.
I laughed when I saw both of the ready to attack each other. They'd been like that since the first time I saw them. I knew for other people they looked like cat and dog but for me, I think that was just a way for them to interact with each other. I knew Renji never meant any insult he said to Rukia.
I watched the fight with a little amusement. Their debates had always been funny. For a moment any jealousy I felt before melted and somehow I felt peace.
I was about to rest my back to the tree trunk when someone walked toward us, "Oi, I'm sorry I'm late."
"Ichigo!"
I turned around to see a young man with orange hair and brown eyes walking towards us with smirk. He was still wearing his hakama and still sweaty. I sighed, whenever I saw him, he would always look too good. He looked at me and his expression changed a bit. His smirk was gone when he saw me, but when he saw my expression he smiled and walked towards me.
I swallowed. I hated this situation.
He got closer and tried to give me a kiss on my forehead, I tried to get away but finally I let him do it. I forced a smile when he pulled away from me, I could hear Renji and Rukia saying something to tease us. Oh, if only they knew…
"So," Ichigo sat between Rukia and me, "How about the plan?"
"I thought you had to practice? And a meeting too?" Rukia raised her eyebrows questioningly.
Ichigo smirked, "Yeah, and I ran away…" he sat on the grass between me and Rukia, "I have to go back later but, hey, have you decided where will be going?"
"Renji said he wanted to go to the mountain," Rukia pointed at Renji with a boring face.
Renji nodded with his arms folded on his chest and he pointed at Rukia using his chin, "And that one wants us to go to the beach."
Ichigo rolled his eyes as the two started to argue again. I rested my back, looked at Ichigo's face as I did so. He was scowling but there was a faint smile on his lips as he watched Rukia and Renji debated each other. How I loved his expression. But that expression wasn't for me. He would never use that expression to look at me. He would look at me with a sad look, a worried look, I hated so much.
"And Orihime didn't help matters at all…" Rukia told Ichigo, I forced my self to laugh, I wished I could vanish right now, "…she didn't want to choose!"
Ichigo laughed and patted my head softly, I knew that laugh wasn't for me, "If that's the case, it'll be difficult for me to decide as well…"
"Oh, c'mon…" Rukia groaned, "Last year we had fun at the beach right?" then she looked at me, "You enjoyed watching the fireworks on the beach last year didn't you Hime?"
Yes, but that was because I hadn't known Ichigo's true feelings back then .
"But the mountain is cooler!" Renji insisted, "And there's an Onsen, you know, an Onsen!"
"But you could find look at girl's wearing bikini's on the beach!" Rukia added slyly "Bikini!"
Ichigo smirked, he looked at me, "Sounds fun. Right Hime?"
"Right! You'll enjoy it, Hime!" Rukia clenched her fist and punched the air excitedly, "Then it's been decided! We're going to the beach!"
Ichigo smiled.
Suddenly I felt jealous. I did not know why but seeing Ichigo's smile as he looked at Rukia, I felt upset.
"Oi, Orihime, are you okay?" Renji asked.
I startled and quickly shook my head, a little too quickly that it made me dizzy. I smiled, I knew that there was no use to lie to Renji, he might look stupid but he wasn't blind. I knew I looked pale right now, "I'm just a little bit dizzy…"
I wanted to throw up.
"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked, he moved toward me to check my body temperature by putting his palm on my forehead.
Then I saw it.
The way she looked at us. The way she looked at Ichigo as he approached me. I knew that kind of look. It was just like she was hurt. As Ichigo knelt in front of me, I knew she was still looking at us. I wasn't sure how should I feel about all of this. Maybe I should be happy for her being hurt, but I couldn't. She was my friend, and her expression somehow hurt me too.
Ah, all of this just made me dizzier.
"You've taken the medicines, right?" Ichigo was scowling as he checked on my temperature.
"I'm fine." I told him.
I hated the way Rukia and Renji looked at me. I hated to see the concern all over their face. I knew very well that they all worried about me, and I hated that. I hated the fact that it was me, who would always ruin the mood.
Rukia looked at me.
The way she looked at me… I knew she had looked at me with that kind of expression lately. Did she know what I had been thinking?
"I want to go to the mountain,"
"Eh?"
The other three looked at me with a surprised look on their face.
"I want to go to the mountain, I don't want to go to the beach." I said selfishly, I knew that I was acting like a spoilt brat but I didn't care.
"S.. Sure…" Rukia was a little taken aback by my sudden decision, "Why didn't you tell us at the beginning?" She forced a cheerful laugh, "Of course, Let's go to the mountain…"
Ichigo looked at Rukia before then again scowling and looked at me, "Are you sure?"
I nodded slowly my head so heavy.
Ichigo sighed, "Fine, I understand…" I knew deep inside he was angry, I had been so selfish, "First thing first, I'm taking you home."
"Eh, I thought you still had the meeting?" Rukia asked.
I shook my head, "I can go home by my self…" I wasn't sure that I could actually, It was just tha didn't want to go home with him.
"Don't worry," Renji patted Ichigo's shoulder, "Let me take Orihime-chan home with my motorbike, how does that sound?"
For a while, Ichigo looked unsure. It seemed like he didn't like the idea of me riding a motorbike. But he had no other option, he knew I just didn't want to go home with him. Finally, still scowling, he nodded "Please be careful…"
Renji nodded to assure him that he'd be careful, "Of course."
Ichigo looked at me once again with that kind of look. I couldn't understand why he had to look at me like that. I had no idea what he thought of me, but I knew I had hurt him a lot lately. I knew that I had been so selfish lately. Deep inside, I knew that I shouldn't be acting like such a spoiled child in front of my friends, but I did not know how else I should act. I wasn't the same Orihime. I was not the selfless Orihime they once knew. I was an annoying selfish little girl right now.
Even I hated myself.
"Wear this," Renji handed a blue helmet to me, it was Rukia's.
"Thank you Renji-kun," I smiled.
"Hold on tight 'kay!"
"Ok!"
It had been a year, almost. I did not know whether Renji knew about what had happened or not. I had done my best to pretend like nothing was wrong, but in the end I couldn't act normally in front of them. Everything had been settled but I knew that this wasn't the end of it. There were things that couldn't be done just by pretending it had never happened.
Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other.
It hurt.
I had known Ichigo since I was a little kid. Ever since I could remember it, I had been so in love with him. He had been my first love and my first boyfriend as well. We had been so close, people around me often teased us, and they told us that we looked so good together. Everything had just happened naturally, even when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I thought it was just about time. I wondered swhen everything started going so wrong…
Autumn last year, I wanted to surprise Ichigo by picking him up after his Kendo practice. I came to the sport center right after the practice hours ended. The building had been dark and I didn't see anyone there but I knew Ichigo was there.
I had been right. There he was, but he wasn't the only one there. I smiled when I saw that the one with him was Rukia. I was about to surprise them when I heard their conversation.
-"I love you…."
I stood there without any sound.
I couldn't make any sound.
Ichigo's voice was trembling. Those were the same words he had told me few years ago. But this time, it sounded almost hopeless. The Ichigo I'd known was never hopeless, The Ichigo I'd known was confident and strong.
This wasn't the Ichigo I knew.
I looked at them from behind the door.
Rukia didn't say anything. She stayed still and looked at Ichigo without saying a single word. This wasn't the Rukia I knew The Rukia I'd known would not ever stand shakingly like that. The Rukia I'd known was a really strong girl, she wouldn't look so weak and sad like this.
The Rukia I've known would not stand there, with my boyfriend standing in front of her confessing.
All of this seemed too unreal.
"I can't… I'm sorry…"
There was a pause.
"I understand…"
I couldn't look at his face clearly but I could imagine it. I didn't know what I was feeling right now, what was the name of the feeling I felt at the moment. It was hurt. I could not even cry, because all of this seemed to fake to me. I refused to believe it. Ichigo couldn't stop loving me like that.
"I'll tell her…"
"It'll hurt her…"
"….I know."
I couldn't say anything. Ichigo would say it to me. He would tell me that he did not want to be with me anymore. No. I did not want that. I did not want to lose Ichigo. I had been with him for years and had grown accustomed with him beside me. I did not want to share him with anyvbody, let alone let him go. I loved him too much for that.
"I don't love her…"
Those words had woken me up. I realized it. What I thought was love, until that day, was not love. What had been showed by Ichigo to me was not love. That was just some pity and responsibility. He didn't love me. The one he loved was another girl, my best friend. But I still loved him. I wouldn't just let him go like that. I would die without him. I preferred to die than to live without him.
I had been dead serious when I said that.
"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"
"Don't say something like that," he said, he raised his voice sounding desperate, "We could always be friend! I will be with you, I'll protect you, as a friend!"
I shook my head, "I don't want it, I don't want to be your friend!"
"Hime…"
"You promised me, Ichigo. You promised me, to always protect me…"
He lowered his head, "I'm so sorry…"
"I can't...Ichigo… If you leave me, I'll die!" .
I had forgotten about my pride that day, and I didn't care. I loved him far too much to think about anything but him. I didn't care that to make him stay with me would only make him hate me.
I pleaded him. I blackmailed him. I forced him. I had done everything to make him stayed with me. And he stayed. His body stayed with me, but I knew his heart did not belong to me.
Everytime I looked at him with Rukia, it would hurt me a lot. I could see it, the way they looked each other… I knew for sure, Rukia loved Ichigo too. She just did not want to take him away from me. And Ichigo had never stopped loving her, either. Even thought he was with me, but the only one in his mind and heart was Rukia. No matter how long I waited, he would never looked at me, and that hurt me.
Everything was too complicated because we were all friends.
"Hime-chan, are you okay?"
I never realized that we had stopped in front of my house, I was just too deep in my thought that I didn't realize it. Renji helped me hop off the motorbike.
"Ah, sorry, I was just daydreaming…"
Renji narrowed his eyes, "Why are you crying?"
"Eh?" when I touched my cheek I felt that it was wet. I hadn't relized that I was crying. When had I...?
"You sure you're okay?" Renji looked so worry about me. He stood in front of me and eyed me with his worried gaze.
"It's because of the fever," I lied, "I think my brain's too hot now…"
"Do you want me to take you to hospital?"
I shook my head quickly, "No!" I smiled to assure him that I was okay, "I'm fine…"
"How about if I call Ichigo?"
Once again I shook my head, "Don't. Renji-kun, I'll be okay…"
After all right now, Ichigo must be with her…
-chapter 1—orihime— "friends" : end-