When the clock showed 7am, I slowly got out of bed. I walked to the other side and kneeled in front of Harry, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm gonna get something to wear at mine. I'll be back in a few minutes" I whispered to him, hoping he would've heard me anyway.
As soon as I closed the door of my house behind myself, I called Gemma.
"What happened? Why didn't you text or call me back yesterday?" She asked in the second she picked up.
"Harry... He tried to kill himself yesterday" I said, still unable to believe my own words.
A deep silence was heard on the other side before the answer came. "Which hospital?"
I widened my eyes. "Oh, no! He's okay! Physically, that is. He tried to... throw himself from the balcony of the restaurant I work at."
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. And thank you so much for saving him."
"It's just... I don't really know what to do right now. And he's like, completely shocked, I think. He won't even talk or look at me" I explained reaching my bedroom and opening my wardrobe to see what I could put on on that day.
"Oh. Just like the last time. Just take care of him, don't allow him to shut down."
"The last time?"
"Shit! He hadn't told you, had he? I really should start asking him what he's told you and what he's not."
"I didn't know there was a last time."
"Forget it. Just, make sure to clean the house, okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know... Anything he can hurt himself with. And also the pills. Let's not forget about them. Find out whether he'd been taking them or not. Leave in the house the bottle that's already open, I'll take the rest. Don't even know how he even managed to have that many bottles in first place."
"Don't you think it would be a bit too much?"
"Trust me, he can get really inventive when it comes to these things. I speak from experience. So, do that and also take away all the keys of the doors in the house. And when he has a shower, ask him something every few minutes. I'll... I'll try to come by tomorrow, but I can also do it sooner or later if you want. Just put all those things into a bag, and I'll take it away with me. And all the keys but the one of the front door, don't forget."
I changed into more comfortable clothes and walked to my door. "I'll do it. Now I'm going back, bye."
"Keep me updated" I heard her say before I closed the call, opening Harry's front door.
A quick inspection allowed me to find out that Harry was still in bed, potentially asleep. I left the door of his bedroom ajar, and started doing everything that Gemma had asked me to do in the most silent way possible.
I took a bag from the kitchen and started checking room after room. I paused for a few when, after opening a kitchen drawer, I found a set of knives. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to leave them there. I really wanted to believe that he wouldn't have tried to bring harm to himself ever again, and I didn't want to show him so openly that I didn't trust him, in the moment in which he needed me the most. The same treatment received a few other things in the house, and in the end I just decided to make sure that the bathroom was free from any dangerous object, since it was the only place where I couldn't have kept an eye on him. After finishing to double check the whole flat, I left the bag near the entrance, and I tiptoed back into the bedroom.
I lay down in bed next to him, watching his shoulder rise and fall at an even pace.
All of sudden he turned around, facing me. We looked at each other silently for a few seconds, before he said anything.
"I'm sorry" he mumbled, and I shifted closer to him, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and breathing in the clean smell of his skin.
"It will be okay" I replied, using the same words of the night before.
"Are you mad?" He asked, shivering a bit when my cold hand found his under the covers.
"I'm not mad" I whispered back, "I just wish you would have told me." I looked at him in the eyes. They were so green and so clear in the light of the morning sun.
He closed his eyes again, and moved a bit closer to me.
"Are you tired?" I asked him, but I got no reply. Understanding that I wouldn't have got anything else out of him, I closed my eyes as well and went to sleep.
• • •
When I woke up later that day, it was late afternoon, and Harry was still in bed, curled up as far away from me as possible.
I got up and went to make some tea. Once it was ready, I took the cup to the bedroom, and shook Harry's shoulder gently to wake him up. "I made tea" I whispered to him.
"I'm not hungry" he simply replied.
"You haven't drunk anything for the whole day. You can go back to sleep after" I said, trying to convince him.
He sat up and took the cup from the nightstand. He took a few sips, and put it back. "Done" he mumbled, and lay down again, turning his back to me.
I left the unfinished cup of tea where he had put it, and I got on the bed once again, looking at him.
His eyes were closed, but I knew for sure that he wasn't asleep. I brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen over his forehead, and his eyelashes fluttered at the unexpected touch.
"You know, I still remember the day when I met Liam for the first time" I whispered all of sudden.
His eyes didn't open, but I knew he was listening.
"It was a terrible day, honestly. You know, those days in which literally everything goes wrong" I started, keeping brushing his hair back with my hand. "And honestly, when I spilled food all over him, I really did think that I was done for good. And I was there, already thinking that I would've got fired and I wouldn't have been able to pay my part of the rent, and another long series of things that honestly, don't really matter now. I really did think it couldn't have got worse. But then, he said that it was okay. He was so nice to me, to the point that we became friends, isn't that amazing?" My little story was met with the most complete silence. "Don't be afraid of hitting rock bottom, because from there you can only come back up." I stopped playing with his hair. "I know it seems hard to believe now, but it's just the truth. And I believe in you."
Without opening his eyes, he cuddled up against me, putting his head on my chest, and I kissed the top of his head, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.