I was swinging.
The picture wasn't clear, and neither was the scenery around me.
My favorite pink dress was tucked under my legs, restricting it from flowing.
I pushed myself higher and higher, letting the cold wind play with my hair.
My laugh was muted, yet, I felt my mouth curved up to my cheeks.
The swing jolted to a halt, the chains in the grip of some tight fists.
The man who stood before me, was angry and red.
Frightening at the sight.
Who is this man?
When did I start running from the man with the fists coming towards me?
Im terrified.
This man,
This man who made me scared to look at
To talk too
Was my very own
Father.
I gasped, holding my chest with my sweaty palms. Again with these dreams, I thought to myself. My feet brushed the floor with each step towards the bathroom.
These dreams need to stop, I'm begging. The cool water washed the heat away from my face. I grabbed the small towel on the rack to eliminate small beads of water and sweat on my face.
This is the second night where I found myself terrified of my parents when I was younger. I was young, to young to be afraid as much as I was. Yesterday was my mom, holding me against the springs of my bed with her palms against my small shoulders.
That was their way on 'being high'. Instead of actually giving a damn about me or my safety, they resolved in violence more than happiness. I can still remember the shouting and fists hitting the wall when they argued. I was alone with only my stuffed puppy that lied in the closet for months. Crying against the wall with no one to comfort me.
Did those experiences make me stronger? Did those rages make me who I am today? I was terrified of everyone in the past, scared that those memories will come back to haunt me. This isn't the way I wanted those experiences to reveal, but I guess it's way better than it being in real life, right? Right.
I composed myself and lied back on the bed. My eyes wouldn't shut, only quick enough to blink. Sometimes I think of my deceased parents. How they have always shut down and lost control of their feelings and actions. I never, n-e-v-e-r want my child to experience the feelings of sadness and helplessness. And when I feel that way, I think of the way my aunt carried me out of the house with police officers by her side. The way she cradled me in her arms. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead by now.
This may seem wrong and horrible, but my parents dying may have been a huge relief. My aunt didn't have to worry about my safety anymore. Everything was better off without them. Its better off now. Me, Eleanor, Zayn, and the boys.
Stop thinking! I reprimanded myself, forcing my eyes closed to the darkness.
"Jamie, are you ok?" Zayn's groggy voice opened my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said as he scooted closer to my body.
"I love you."
"I love you." I smiled as I laid my head down into his chest.
This is what I wanted and needed the most. Someone who loves me. Whenever I feel horrible, Zayn's the guy to make it better. To make me smile a my weakest points. Without him, I wouldn't be here. Our child wouldn't be forming. My life wouldn't remain and his smile wouldn't be what I wake up too.
Zayn is never going to be the way my dad was. I'm never going to be the way my mom was. We're never going to be my parents. The ones I dreaded. I love him so much. Words cant define. Zayn's my savior. He made me strong with each word he speaks. He makes/made me smile when I thought I would never be able too. This man, is my soul. My rescuer. The love of my life.
Zayn's arm squeezed around my waist probably feeling me shift a couple times. "J, whats wrong?" I could feel his eyes open even though my eyes were shut.
"Nothing. Sorry. I love you."
"I love you babe." His head relaxed on the pillow and so did mine.
Now sleep.
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Hello Readers!
Sorry For Laaaate Updates! I Was Doing Cheer Try-Outs All Week.
GOOD NEWS! I MADE IT!
All The Hard Work Payed Off, And Now I'll Update More Often Again.
This Chapter Was Kind Of Sad. /; It Needed More Spice.
ALSO, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR VOTING AND GETTING THIS BOOK TO 300 LIKES! THAT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A LOT BUT IM SO HAPPY! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU!
THANK YOU FOR READING AND VOTING! BYEEEEEEEE