Kabanata 40
No Way
Sumama sa amin si Maxxine hanggang dinner, lagi niyang kinukulit si Lauren kaya agad niya itong nagustuhan. Lauren is usually shy when it comes to someone she just met pero etong si Maxxine ay naging komportable agad siya.
Dito na rin namin hihintayin si Ate Xena na galing trabaho kaya nag order ako ng pangmaramihan at pasta dahil paborito iyon ng dalawa
"You want Italian foods, Lauren?" Tanong sa kandong kandong na si Lauren. See? Close na talaga sila
"Yes..."
"Oh, may pinagmanahan?" Nilakihan ko ng mata si Maxxine. Alam kong walang ideya ang mga bata pero feeling ko malalaman nila kapag pinagpatuloy ni Maxxine ang pangaasar sa akin
Habang kumakain ay natanaw ko si Ate Xena na papasok sa restaurant at kung paano siya nagulat nang makita si Maxxine sa harap ko. She clearly thinks that it's just me, the kids, Rose and Percy, Maxxine is clearly out of the picture.
"Mommy!" Bumaba si Dior sakanyang upuan at pinuntahan ang kanyang Mommy habang si Lauren ay nanatili sa kandong ni Maxxine. She usually do what Dior's doing pero abala sa bagong kasama kaya walang pakielam sa bagong dating
"Oh where's my kiss, Lauren?" Parang doon lang napansin ni Lauren si Ate, mabilis itong bumaba at lumapit sakanya. Tumayo ako para mahalikan siya, ganoon rin ang ginawa ni Maxxine.
"Long time no see, Maxxine. How are you?" Sabi ni Ate habang pinapaupo na si Dior sa kanyang tabi habang si Maxxine naman ay bumalik na sa upuan at pinaupo na rin si Lauren sakanyang tabi
"I'm good, ate. Kamusta ang business? I heard ikaw na ang namamahala."
"It's doing good. Maraming interesadong investors kahit mataas ang stocks and it's still number one on the list."
"Your father also competed other company kaya nagstart siya ng business for construction and buildings. Are you also managing that, Ate?" Napatingin ako kay Ate Xena, wala akong alam sa sinabi ni Maxxine. I know that our company involves clothing line, schools and food and beverage pero never nabanggit ng kahit na sino sakanila ang tungkol doon.
"Si Dad na muna ang nagmamanage doon habang ang S & K, T & X, Francis & Francoise ay kay Mommy." Ang sinabi ni Ate Xena na mga stores ay initial nila Mom and Dad, it's a gown and tuxedo clothing line while T & X stands for Tiara and Xena that is a fashion retailer for young adults for both gender while the newest line na sinabi ni Mommy ang Dior and Coise ay para naman sa mga baby, toddler and kids.
"So you're managing the whole LT Prime Holdings?" Hindi na maitago ni Maxxine ang pagkamangha sa kaharap. Well, I also adore Ate Xena for being this hardworking. Kahit noong nasa Paris kami, sobrang tutok niya sa business dito sa Pilipinas. But that was not enough for my parents kaya kami nandito sa Pilipinas.
"I'm like the acting CEO since my Dad is busy monitoring the construction sites and Tiara will help me next week." I started joining the conversation while the kids are busy coloring the book that the restaurant provided for them.
Maxxine is working for their airlines as one of the staff in the airport. She wants to start from a scratch before officially managing the business at hinahayaan naman siya ng magulang niya. It's her day off every weekend so I decided to invite her to have a sleepover like we usually do when we were in high school.
"Your Mom has a new clothing line right? Francis & Francoise?" sabi ni Maxxine habang pinagmamasdan ang mga bagong sabit na frame sa living room. It's a family picture of the six of us, me and Lauren, Ate Xena and Dior and the both kids. They are wearing a Parisian outfit and posing on one of the famous streets there.
"I'm pretty sure your Mom wants Dior and Lauren to model for the brand." sabi niya habang pinagmamasdan paring ang letrato sa harap
It's eleven in the evening, umuwi muna si Maxxine sa kanyang condo para kumuha ng damit at dumiretso dito. Late nang nakatulog si Lauren dahil sa paglalaro nila ni Maxxine kanina, ngayon naman mga malalaking letrato ang diniskitahan niya.
"She is but I'm still thinking about it. Lauren loves dressing up and posing with her cousin. I'll ask her and I have to support her." Kahit na natatakot ako.
Gusto ko iyon idagdag kaso baka magtanong ulit sa akin si Maxxine tungkol sakaniya.
I'll just hope nobody from my family and close friends tell about my daughter and her identity. I just want her to live a simple life with me.
We had our late night girl date on our pool. She know how to made a cocktail kaya habang nakalutang kami sa floater at iniinom namin ang liquor na gawa niya.
Ate Xena came by to check on us, we also requested some photos kaya nagpost kami. Ipopost daw iyon ni Maxxine bukas.
I told her what happened from days before I left and the years I spent in France with Ate Xena without mentioning his name or talking about him, just my life in France and how Lauren changed me.
I would literally cry in the middle of crossing the street whenever I think of my baby inside me. Can I do it? How will I tell the people around us about her? Can I love her despite of the bittersweet happened with her father?
Of course, you'll love her. You love her father so much na kahit na alam mong masasaktan ka ay pinagpatuloy mo parin. You will love every part of her and I do. Siya ang inpirasyon ko sa lahat ng bagay.
"She really looks like him, isang kita mo pa lang alam mo ng sakanya siya but then European features is very evident on her. Zeeyan is from London and you're from Paris. If you ever see each other and he knows about your daughter then tell him hindi siya ang ama. That you have a boyfriend na iniwan mo sa France but that will be torture for you." Nanatiling nakatikom ang bibig ko habang nakikinig sa sinasabi ni Maxxine. She is right. Hindi ko kailangang matakot, I can deny it because he doesn't have evidence na siya ang ama pero iyon ba ang gusto ko?
Ang ayoko lang ay ang makasira ako ng pamilya dahil sa mga pangarap ko. Yes, I wished that I was the one who is destined to marry to him, that I will be the one to be with him through thick and thin, have kids and grow up together but that will forever remain a dream because in reality, I am a single mother who will give everything for her child except for a father because that father might be a father to other child and that will be messed up for us.
"You've changed." panimula ni Maxxine nang umupo ako sa aking kama, bagong ligo ako habang siya ay nakahiga naman at kanina pa akong pinagmamasdan
Nilapitan niya pa ako at tinitigan ng matagal kaya napaatras ako at binatuhan siya ng unan
"Ang creepy mo!" sabi ko at nilayuan siya. The mature side of Maxxine earlier is now gone, with her matchy pajamas, she looks like a total teenager malayong-malayo sa pinakita niya sa akin kanina
"You're blessed to have body like that, iyong hindi nagbabago ang katawan pagkatapos manganak? And girl, you are blooming. I wonder kung wala talagang nanligaw sayo sa Amerika?" Nagkibitbalikat ako. Mayroon namana at kadalasan ay naging kaklase ko, some came from different institute at mayroon rin na apo ni Mrs. Dubois, a close friend of Grandma, I rejected him but we remained friends after that, no hard feelings. Masaya siyang kasama, he would always throw joke at minsan ay niloloko niya ako tungkol sa pagbubusted ko sakaniya.
"Oh Zeeyan's ass will be happy if he hear this." bulong ni Maxxine pagkatapos kong ikwento sakanya ang mga lalaking dumaan sa buhay ko pero hindi nanatili dahil iniwasan ko
I paused when she mentioned his name, sa kagustuhan kong iiwas ang topic tungkol sakanya ay nagsimula akong magtanong tungkol sakanya.
"How's you and Nathan?" pagkatanong ko ay agad siyang umirap at ngumuso. I know, they didn't end up together, I'm just testing her if she's still affected and she is. The way she rolled her eyes and she even turned her back at me to avoid answering my precious question is the answer
There's a huge percentage that high school lovers will breakup when they reach college and Maxxine and Nathan's relationship proved that. Maybe because there's a new environment, new influences and people around you that can be factors of complication and problems.
Nathan was influenced by his college friends in drinking and going to bars, sinuportahan pa ng mga kaibigan niya na magloko at magtago kay Maxxine kaya si Maxxine ay walang kaalam-alam sa pagsisinungaling nila kapag nagtatanong siya kung kasama ba nila si Nathan ay sasagot sila ng oo pero ang totoo ay kasama ni Nathan iyong babae niya.
"I told you a million times and I will repeat it again, hindi mo kaibigan ang mga kaibigan ng boyfriend mo dahil sila nag unang mag-ch'cheer kapag may ginawa siyang kalokohan." hirit niya bago tuklaban ng comforter ang mukha. Ngumisi ako at nilapitan siya
"It's already been years at alam kong nag-move on kana kaya huwag ka ng bitter diyan."
"I've moved on, yes! Hindi ko lang tanggap is pinagpalit niya ako sa babaeng iyon? What a downgrade!" she groaned at nilukot ang comforter ko. Tumawa ako at niyakap siya. I missed my best friend so much.
"Pero iyong totoo Tiara, nabobother lang talaga ako. Bakit hindi mo sinabi sakanya na aalis ka? Noong nalaman mong buntis ka, bakit hindi mo sinabi sakanya? Bakit nagtago ka sa amin ng ilang taon?" sabi niya habang nakatingin sa ere habang ako naman ay nasa gilid niya, nakaharap sakanya.
Hindi kami nakapag-usap ng maayos noong bumisita sila last year sa Pransya dahil busy kami sa pag-catch up at iniwasan ko rin ang topic tungkol sakanya kaya wala siyang alam sa mga desisyon ko. I am a awful best friend, nakakatampo ang ginawa ko pero inintindi niya parin ako at hindi sinumbatan ang mga naging desisyon ko
"You really loved him that you decided to leave him for his own good." iyon ang unang sinabi ni Maxxine pagkatapos ng ilang segundong pananahimik nang natapos ako sa pagkukwento sakaniya
"I went back here after a year to tell him about our child pero pagkatapos kong makita iyon? Standing outside SCSU, together and looked like a couple. Gusto ko na lang na magpakalayo at hindi na nagpakita sakaniya o kanino man na related sakaniya."
"Is that why you're avoiding us after several years and didn't tell us about your daughter?" may nahimigan akong sakit sa boses ni Maxxine dahilan nang paglabo ng paningin ko dahil sa namumuong luha
"But I'm your best friend! Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nasaktan sa pagkawala mo, I should be the first person to know your whereabouts pero kahit ako hindi mo man lang sinabihan. You left without any word and trace."
"I'm sorry. I've been self-centered, sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko noon at hindi ko inisip ang mararamdaman niyo."
"It's okay. The important is you're back and you're with a Tiara mini or should I should a Zeeyan-girl version." tumawa siya pero ako hindi
"Don't mention his name in front of Lauren."
"Yes, ma'am."
Tinanghali kami ng gising, kung hindi lang kami ginising ni Dior at Lauren ay hindi kami magigising. They tickle me like what I'm doing to them para magising sila, ganoon rin ang ginawa nila kay Maxxine.
"Wake up, Mommy, Tita! We're done eating our breakfast and we want to swim!" tumalon-talon sila sa kama ko at tuwang-tuwa na lalangoy na rin sila pagkatapos ng ilang araw na pagiging bagot sa bahay
"Argh... I suddenly hate being around kids." tumawa ako sa sinabi ni Maxxine
"Stand up or they would bug you forever." tumayo na ako at they are cheered. Sunod naman nilang ginulo si Maxxine kaya walang siyang nagawa kundi magpahila sa mga bata palayo sa kama.
Kumakain kami ni Maxine ng almusal sa hardin habang pinapanood sila Lauren and Dior sa pool kasama sina Rose and Percy. Ang lakas ng bungisngis ng dalawa habang tinutulak sila sa salbabida, nag-aktong parang superman si Dior habang si Lauren naman ay umaaktong parang butterfly. Sobrang cute nila sa suot nilang swimwear kaya hindi natiis ni Maxxine na videohan ang dalawa.
We're already wearing our bikinis pero naglagay muna kami ng cover up dahil pinili muna naming mag-almusal habang ang mga bata ay kanina pa kumainat hindi kami mahintay kaya sa excitement sa pool.
"Mommy!" hinanap ako ng anak ko kaya mabilis akong tumayo para lapitan sila sa gilid ng pool. Hindi abot ng dalawa ang dulo ng pool kaya tanging ang salbabida at ang dalawang kasama ang katulong nila para hindi sila malunod.
"When will you swim? I-it's not hot anymore." tinuro niya ang araw, nakatago na iyon sa malaking ulap kaya hindi masyadong mainit.
"Where's Tita Ganda?" tinatanong niya si Maxxine, nagulat ako doon. She don't usually speak tagalog kahit na kinakausap namin siya ne'to. Natawa ako sa naisip ko, tinuruan siguro siya ni Maxxine noong nasa restaurant kami.
"I'm here!" tinaas pa ni Maxxine ang kamay niya habang palapit sa akin. She remove her cover up and she's wearing a brown string bikini.
"Kami na ang bahala sakanila, Rose."
Naghintay ang dalawa sa hagdanan ng pool pagkaalis ng dalawa habang si Maxxine naman ay nauna na at pinagtripan ang dalawa.
"Imagine I'm a shark..." iyon ang huli kong narinig bdahil lumayo ako para ipatong ang cover up sa lounger.
Lauren's loud shriek is what I heard the moment I faced the pool, hinahabol siya ni Maxxine and because she's in her salbabida, she can't move fast.
"Stay away you evil shark!" pumagitna sa dalawa si Dior na parang hero. He's always act like a hero to Lauren kaya napapangiti ako tuwing may ganitong eksena.
"But I'm hungry!" sigaw ni Maxxine at tumawa na pang villain.
"But you just ate your breakfast!" out of character na linya ni Dior kaya napatawa kaming malakas ni Maxxine
Unti-unting kong sinanay ang katawan ko sa lamig ng pool bago nagdesisyong lumapit sakanila. Maxxine brought her waterproof camera with her kaya panay ang picture niya sa dalawa, pinicturan niya rin kaming tatlo pagkatapos ay apat. Tinuruan namin silang lumangoy ng walang salbabida, Dior knows how to swim pero kumakapit parin siya sa amin o sa gilid ng pool dahil hindi naman niya abot ang pool.
It's a perfect day for me, I have my best friend and the kids with me making memories and saving it by taking pictures, wala na akong hihilingin pa. I wonder bakit kapag tuwing malungkot lang tayo humihiling? Bakit tuwing nahihirapan at mayroong problema lang nating naalalang magdasal?
I closed my eyes and pray for the heaven to hear my prayer. Thank you for giving me an unexpected gift, for making me feel this loved and happy. I'm sorry if I ever doubted your plans for me, alam ko naman pong lahat ng binibigay niyong pagsubok sa akin ay para maging matapang at malakas ako and I'm getting there.
Maxxine and I decided to bake cookies and cupcakes for the kids mamayang hapon habang sila ay pinapaliguan pa. Madalas ako ang nagpapaligo kay Lauren pero dahil narito si Maxxine ay hinayaan ko munang si Rose ang gumawa noon.
"How old is she? Four?" marahan akong tumango habang iniisip kung ano pang ingredients na kulang
"Kailan sila mag-aaral?" kuryosong tanong ni Maxxine
"This year, we talked about it. Inaayos na rin namin ang mga papel ng mga bata. They are excited actually." ngumiti ako habang iniisip kung gaano sila katuwa nang malaman na mag-aaral sila dito sa Pilipinas. They are at the right age and Ate Xena and I will be busy for this year dahil sa lahat ng nangyayari at sa pagbabalik namin kaya hindi rin namin. We can't monitor them all they and I don't want to depend on Rose and Percy.
"Saan? St. Cloud?" umiling ako, I know that school was owned by our relative and they will be safe there and besides that's my alma mater but I can't help but be paranoid when it comes on dealing with the past
"We'll try Brent since mas malapit iyon kaysa sa St. Cloud."
"Bakit hindi sa SCSU?" nagkibit balikat na lang ako at tinalikuran siya para kumuha ng tubig, bigla akong nauhaw pero gusto ko ring makawala sa mga tanong niya
"You're afraid that he might find out since he's one of the stockholders?" nagulat ako roon. Tama siya sa unang sinabi niya pero nagulat parin ako kapag direkta kong naririnig at he has share of stocks? Kailan pa?
Means he's really successful, huh?
"No." I lied, nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I wonder kung napansin niyang nagsinungaling ako "I can simply say that he's not the father." kumunot ang noo ni Maxxine, tila hindi natuwa sa sinabi ko kahit na ideya niya naman iyon.
"And you really take that bull as an advice? You can just simply tell him about your child? Sainyong dalawa 'yan, Tiara. Huwag mo namang isarili. May karapatan si Zeeyan na malaman ang tungkol kay Lauren." Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin kaya uminom na lang ako ng tubig. Can I do it? Paano kapag hindi niya tinanggap si Lauren bilang anak niya? What if he got really mad dahil sa pag-alis ko at hindi na niya ako kayang tanggapin. What if he completely moved on at wala ng spcace sa puso niya kahit man lang sa anak niya?
Those are the reason why I don't want him to know about her, I'm afraid of the outcome and possibilities that he won't accept me again in his life and I don't think I can afford that.