'Ugh, thank god for that' I thought half an hour later when Lockhart collected in the papers and ruffled through them at the front of the class. I left half of the questions because I didn't know them and I didn't care. I don't like Lockhart and having to sit and answer questions about himself only adds to the hate. You can tell he's full of himself.
54 questions about himself! I mean, come on!
"Tut, tut- hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. I say so in Year with a Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky!"
Go die in a bottomless fire pit.
He gave us all another roguish wink. I shared a look with Ron before looking at Lockhart with the look of disbelief on my face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in the front, were shaking with laughter. Harry looked just as bored as I did, and Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.
"...but Miss Granger knew my secret ambition -" it's not a secret if everyone knows, dumbass. "-is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good girl! In fact -" he flipped her paper over, "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
I watched as Hermione raised a trembling hand and scowled. Miss know it all.
"Excellent! " Lockhart beamed. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so, to business..."
Okay, so Hermione being a know it all wasn't always a bad thing. We got ten points! Lockhart bent down behind his desk, leaving me to debate whether or not to rush out of the class, when he popped back up and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.
"Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All that I ask is that you remain calm."
We're doomed. We're gonna die today.
Harry, from beside me, leaned around his pile of books to get a better look at the cage whereas I sank further behind my books, not wanting to get killed today by a 'teacher' who doesn't know what he is doing. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now and Neville was cowering in his front-row seat. I felt bad for him. Neville is a very nervous person.
"I must ask you not to scream," Lockhart said in a low voice and I scoffed. Now the class is gonna scream, idiot. "It might provoke them"
Provoke what? I, amongst the class, held our breath as Lockhart whipped off the cover off the cage.
"Wait...are they - are they-" I started but Lockhart cut me off.
"Yes," he looked at me and then looked at the class dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish Pixies.'"
I gulped. Yep, we're gonna die. May my soul rest in peace.
Seamus Finnigan didn't seem to be having the same thoughts as me. He couldn't control himself and let out a snort of laughter which even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
Lockhart smiled at Seamus. "Yes?"
"Well, they're not- not very- dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Just wait Seamus, just wait,"
Seamus looked back at me and chuckled again.
"Miss Swan is right," Lockhart said, waggling his finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky blighters they can be!"
At least he got my name right. Getting tired of people thinking my last name is Black.
Anyway, back to the lesson. The Pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering around and rocketing around, rattling the bars and pulling bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right then," Lockhart says loudly. "Let's see what you make of them,"
He's not....he's not going to - yep he opened the cage.
It was hell. Literally. The Pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air. Several shot straight through the wind, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed us with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, upended the waste bin, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half of us were sheltering under desks, I was battering the things away from me, and Neville was swinging from the candelabra in the ceiling.
"Come one now, round them up, round them up they're only pixies..."Lockhart shouted over the noise.
I whacked a pixie away from my head. "YOU DO IT THEN IF THEY'RE JUST PIXIES!"
Lockhart rolled up his sleeves, pulled out his wand, and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
It had no effect at all. One of the pixies seized Lockhart's wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the candelabra gave way.
"Why is it always me?" Neville groaned from the ground.
I ducked as a pixie flew over my head. Damn things!
The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the exit. Me, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were almost out of the classroom when Lockhart's voice stopped us.
"Well, I'll ask you four to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." And he swept by us and shut the door quickly behind him.
I groaned. "Is he serious? Isn't he meant to be 'great' and 'amazing'?"
"Can you believe him?" Ron roared, as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear. I whacked it away with my book.
"Stupid blue smurfs!" I angrily yelled.
"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," Hermione said, immobilising two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.
"Hands on?" Harry said as he tried to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. I rushed over to help him. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing,"
"Like I said," I said stuffing a pixie in its cage. "Fraud!"
"Rubbish," Hermione said. "You've read his books - look at all those amazing things he's done..."
"He says he's done," Ron muttered and I high-fived him just as a pixie bit my arm.
I've said this once.
But I'm going to say it again....
DAMN PIXIES!