We all meet that one person that just changes us, at least once in our life. That person that just makes our day better whenever we are with them, no matter the circumstances. If there was one thing I had realised, it was that it's not necessary to always be happy to enjoy someone else's company. As long as they make your life a little more worth living, that's all that matters. But these people are rare. There's just a few people who genuinely care in this world, and people meet and part all the time. So, whenever their path encounters yours, they shouldn't be let go away. Because the person you might spill your coffee all over by mistake on a day, could just be that one reason of your smile on the other. The person you might lose your entire sugar stock to one day, could become one of the people you care about the most on the other.
Another thing I had realised, was that a person doesn't have to be well all the time to be worth your time. They don't need to be happy to make you happy. And it was something that broke my heart. Since I had met him, my life had taken a turn for the better. But what I had just realised was that his hadn't. While he was making my life better and better day after day, he had started to give up a little more every day. I wasn't stupid, I knew that what Louis had said wasn't the only reason behind his decision.
In that moment, I realised that his wellbeing was as dear to me as my own. In a way, I guess I had always known. It had always been there, at the back of my mind, but it struck me just then.
But in that instant, it wasn't what guided my actions. In the second I knew he was about to let go, I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. His hand left the railing, and the strain left me breathless. I was holding up his entire weight, I was the only thing keeping him from falling. My arms started to hurt almost right away, but I didn't care, and just tightened my grip on him.
His hands went to my wrists, and he desperately tried to set himself free. "Let me go!" He shouted, a hint of panic in his voice.
"I won't let you go" I said into his ear.
He tried to pry my arms off his waist harshly, but I didn't let him.
"If you fall, I'll fall with you."
At my words, he stopped moving. There were a few seconds in which none of us said anything, or made a move. Then, I felt his shoulders shake against me, and his chest rise and fall faster.
"Please" he mumbled brokenly.
Another lightning shook the sky above us, and I gripped him harder.
I put my head into the crook of his neck. "I won't" I whispered to him.
A sob broke through his chest, and I felt my own tighten. Wetness was on my cheeks, was it rain or had I started crying? I couldn't tell.
"Please, Harry" I begged him, "Give yourself another chance."
He turned his head imperceptibly stopping his crying for a second, and I realised that somehow I had made him doubt his resolution.
"We can go home" I whispered fast into his ear, "We can drink something hot. And then just cuddle together on your bed, okay? How does that sound? You don't have to do this, there's always another option."
The rain had started to pour down on us, and in fear of him slipping away, I tightened my fingers around the hem of his shirt.
"Please baby" I murmured again, even though I wasn't even sure he could hear me over the sound of the rain.
Fear washed over me as he hunched over crying, as if just hearing the sound of my voice was causing him pain.
"Don't" I said as I tried to keep him from slipping on the wet edge, with no success.
My heart dropped when I felt him slip from my grasp, and I instinctively pulled him towards me. He fell over the railing right into my arms, taking me down to the floor with him.
After a few seconds, after realising what had just happened, I took his coat, forgotten about a few feet away from where we were sitting, and wrapped it around his trembling figure, before hugging him again tightly. I could feel his heartbeat rush against mine, and he was crying uncontrollably. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, and I put my hand on his hair protectively. He was soaking wet and cold in my arms because of not having worn a coat in the freezing weather of the night.
"You're so gonna catch a cold" I whispered to him, but he just cried harder in response.
After a while he seemed to calm down, and I distanced myself a bit to look at him in the eyes. "Let's go home" I told him and I stood up, not waiting for a response, that anyway didn't come. I helped him get up, not trusting the strength of his legs in that moment.
We escaped the rain and walked into the restaurant, stopping to lock the balcony door.
"I'll ask Chloe to dry it up tomorrow, don't worry about it" I said, noticing that he was looking down at the puddle of water that was starting to form at our feet.
We exited the restaurant and made our way to the ground floor, not a word being shared between us.
"Did you walk here?" I asked him once we got out of the building.
He didn't reply.
I took a look around and I didn't see his car. "Well, in case you didn't, we'll get your car back tomorrow, how does that sound?"
We reached my car and I opened the door of the passenger seat for him. He sat down, and I fastened his seatbelt, since he seemed completely unresponsive to what was happening around him. I closed the door and walked to the other side. I got in and started the car. After a few minutes, in which I drove in the most complete silence, I put my hand over his, that was gripping the seat, and started drawing small circles on the inside of his wrist, over his shirt, in a soothing way. He flinched at the unexpected touch, but then he relaxed a little, and turned his head to look outside of the window.
• • •
"Where is your key?" I asked him once we were standing in front of his door.
He gave no reply. It almost looked as if he hadn't heard me at all.
"I'm gonna search for the key in the pockets of your coat, is that okay? Please, let me know if it isn't" I said, hoping to get some kind of reply from him, but once again, he said nothing. He didn't even glance at me.
I sighed, starting to search for it in his left pocket, and I found it. I opened his door, and put my hand on his back, inviting him to walk in first. As soon as I touched him, I realised that he was shivering. The thin black shirt he was wearing was completely wet, just like his hair, and the coat had done close to nothing to protect him from the cold. I removed it from his shoulders and hanged it next to the door.
I took off mine and hanged it next to his. I turned around and looked at him. He was standing in the middle of the hallway, his arms around his chest in an attempt to shield himself from the cold, or the situation.
"You're freezing. You should have a hot shower. Come on." I took his hand and directed him to the bathroom. I turned on the water, and waited for it to get hot. "No more than five minutes, okay? Just to warm yourself up. I'm gonna bring you something comfortable to wear." I turned around towards the door, that I had closed to keep the warmth inside. I noticed the key in the lock. I glanced at Harry, he was looking down, waiting for me to get out. I took the key and walked out, closing the door after myself.
I took out a long sleeved jumper, of a dark colour that I couldn't recognise as either black or dark blue, and a pair of grey sweatpants for him. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I searched for a pair of boxers in his wardrobe, and put it on top. I left the pile of clothes on his bed and went to the kitchen to warm up a cup of tea for him. I didn't really know how to handle a similar situation, but it had seemed to work before, so I decided to give it a try anyway.
I glanced at the time on my phone and, since seven minutes had already passed, I went to knock on the bathroom door. "Harry? Are you done?" I asked, but I got no reply. "Harry?" I asked again, but nothing. "I'm gonna come in, is that okay?" I got no reply again, and I started to feel nervous. "Harry. If you say nothing, I will come in. If you don't want me to come in, tell me." Not getting any kind of reply, I put my hand over the door handle. "Okay, I'm coming in."
It took me a few seconds to spot him. He was sitting at the bottom of the shower, still dressed, under the water. I turned it off and I kneeled next to him, putting my arm around his shoulders. I couldn't tell if he had been crying again or not, and it made me nervous. "Now, let's get you into some warm clothes, how does that sound?" I went to get the clothes I had got ready for him and put them in the completely dry sink, since I couldn't find a better place. I went back to his room and I took a towel from one of his dressers, and brought it to him. "I'll be back in five, okay?" I asked him, and I walked out again.
I retrieved another towel to dry up my hair at the best, and went back to the kitchen, putting the hot tea in a cup before taking it to his room and leaving it on his nightstand.
"Are you done? I'm gonna come in again, okay? Tell me if you don't want me to." I waited for some seconds and, having heard no sound break the silence, I walked into the bathroom. He had changed into the new clothes, the wet ones left on the floor, but his hair was still wet.
"You should dry up your hair, or you'll catch a cold. Can you do that?" Once again, he didn't reply, and didn't move. "I'm gonna do it, okay? Let me just find your hairdryer." Once I found it, I dried up his hair in the best way that I could, since he was still looking down.
"Hey baby" I said putting my finger under his chin to lift up his head.
He glanced to the side not to meet my eyes.
"It will be okay" I told him, and he looked at me for a second, before looking away again.
We got out of the bathroom and sat on his bed.
"Here you go" I said handing him the cup of tea.
He took it carefully with both hands, and took a sip.
When he finished drinking, I took the cup and brought it back to the kitchen. When I came back, he was laying down, his back towards the door. I changed into one of his shirts and got on the bed. I put the blanket over Harry and I hugged him from behind, leaving a kiss on the back of his neck. I took a deep, slow breath, trying to hide the way it was shaking from Harry's ears, blinking a few times as the state of shock I'd fallen in started to wear off and wetness started to pool in my eyes.
I stayed awake the whole night, and if he did the same, he didn't make it noticeable.