Vodka burned my throat for that first half of the moon crossing over our starry eyed skies, but your name–blue eyed girl, that hurt me more. It ached inside my head, and because of those throbbing screams against the skull of my mind and the ribs of my body, I guess I would rather blackout with a hangover than watch my hands tremble from missing your touch. You were my tornado with pretty eyes, those eyes like the sky on a crisp, clear summers day, but you were as sad as a lost and forgotten ghost, a heartbeat that sang like birds in romance movies from the fifties but envied the souls dancing around you.
Parties I hated, but missing you tonight was something I hated even more than the lonely taste of alcohol and forced smiles.
How did everything go wrong, so fast?
"Styles?"
I'm busy. I was perched on a couch, watching the lava lamp beside me fade up and down, deformed blobs of colour against the green liquid inside.
"What?"
Oh I sounded bitter, like the taste of the vodka that sticks to my tongue as I sip on my drink. My eyes don't move from the lava lamp though, it was a nice shade of green and purple, a nice distraction.
"We're playing beer pong, care to join?"
It was Ethan, one of my oldest friend besides Sean.
Oh but he's dead you moron, he's not your friend anymore.
My mind had a habit of reminding me about that. Like when you smell an old perfume or piece of furniture, or like the smell of wrapping paper on Christmas morning, or that bitter-sweet coffee your father made every morning before he left for work. Those memories are always there, but when certain subjects, smells, triggers, set these memories off, it's like re-living it in a hazy, and realistic dream that sunk your heart into the depths of your belly to swallow up and devour with pain.
"No thank you," I reply quietly. "I'm not really in a beer pong mood."
Ethan sighs. "Alright," and with that, I'm alone again.
And it seemed all I had to do was focus on this lava lamp, not the ache in my chest or the yells from across the home I was in. No, that distant music wasn't important or the dizziness settling into my bones, this green and purple concoction would do me just fine for the rest of the night.
I would forget everything, drink my vodka and watch this stupid thing for the rest of my night until I passed out.
I didn't check my phone–or really talk to anyone–for such a long time it felt like. But time went slower and slower, and the more I drank the more I missed Lola. And the more I missed her, the more unfocused I would come from the lava lamp in front of me, and that's when my mind wandered to painted blue eyes and soft pink lips, that was when I'd fall back and hit reality again as my head shook from the wind hitting my face and harsh ground digging into my skull.
The stars looked quite lovely tonight I suppose, but I didn't quite understand why I was outside.
I move my eyes down from he sky and back to the earth I laid on, and there she was.
It was like the first time seeing her, that electricity and buzzing sensation inside my veins. I smiled, genuinely and widely as she stared down at me and bit into her lower lip. Her freckles matched the skies above, and her eyes glowed with the moon itself. I swallow what tasted like bile, the bittersweet consumption of her return to me made me anxious. But I was happy to just see her, see she still had colour inside her cheeks and her lips were still that chapped red. Her eyes still bright and her skin still the same pale, imperfect galaxy, reminding me of the milky way.
"Harry?" Her voice comes out strained. "Are you okay?"
I smile like a fool. "Lola, my Lola."
She can't help but smile too. "How much have you has to drink?"
I swallow my thoughts. "Not much," I shrug, the ground below shuffling under my shoulders. "Maybe a little too much."
Lola chuckles. "You're an idiot."
"I'm your idiot," Lola doesn't have time to respond as a voice ricocheted off my skull, the familiarity sworn red hot light inside my body and boiled with the blood that pumped with my veins.
"Fucking hell, let's go Lola."
I growled as I stood to my feet, it was incredible how quickly you sobered when adrenaline pulsated through your limbs.
He stood with a cigarette between his fingers, a little smirk lacing his lips as our eyes met. He was dressed in a classic blue dinner suit, rolled sleeves to reveal more tattoos up his arms, his hair slicked back.
My frown deepens.
"Harry," Lola sighs. "Louis and I are just-"
"Fuck."
I didn't think my heart could hurt anymore than it already did, like the weight of this moment was too heavy and it dragged me into the dirt below. My lungs ached to inhale the air around me, my blood running cold through my veins as tears threatened inside my eyes. I felt sick, and it wasn't just the alcohol spinning inside me now.
"You're joking right?" I snark towards Lola, tilting my head to Louis.
I had now noticed she was dressed in a beautiful navy green dress, her legs and arms fully displayed and her face made up, an angel she truly was that dived into a devilish and dark heart.
"Harry, it's really not what it looks like." Lola states softly. "I'm not with Louis. But-but, I've come here to officially end things with you."
"To take him back?" I question roughly.
"No," Lola shakes her head, a tear falls down her red cheek as she inhales deeply. "No, I need to let both of you go."
I swallow the lump rising inside my throat. "Lola, we can fix this."
Lola opens her mouth, but someone else speaks up for her. "Just fucking leave her be, aye styles." Louis states firmly, dropping his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it as he moves closer.
I'd only just realised the gathering of people around us, all eyes watching like we were some sort of reality tv show.
I hated that.
I hated my heart being ripped out and put on display for people I barely knew, who didn't care what happened tonight as long as they got some drama to talk about.
I shake the thoughts, I needed to focus on Lola.
"Lola can I please talk to you?" I sigh loudly, stepping closer to her. "Please."
She smelt so strongly of vanilla that it gravitated me closer to her, the heat that haunted her anxious skin made me want to caress the hurt she felt down the base of her sternum, my fingers reaching out to touch her skin like I did before.
"Back off," my hand is snatched away, a glaring Louis hovering over Lola now. "She said what she needed to say, now fucking leave her alone for once."
As I stared back into his ocean eyes, I realised how easily it was to absorb into them and drown under the colours that bounced off his iris. I frowned and the colour dissipated, only darkness surrounding my mind now and my body felt numb as I shoved him back so harshly he falls to his back.
A loud grunt escapes his lips as he hits the ground, a thud echoing with the impact. I hear Lola say something, but it's blurred in the back of my mind as I storm over to Louis.
I gripped his collar so tightly my knuckles went pure white, lifting the other fist to connect with his jaw. It hit hard, like crackling thunder on a dark and stormy night, blood sprayed from inside his nose and mouth, running down his chin and my bruised knuckles.
But all he did when he turned back to me was smile, smile with red stained teeth and a obvious lack of respect for me as he spat a ball of blood to the ground.
"Feel better?" He chuckles and I inhale deeply as my shallow breath catches in the wind, my chest was rising so harshly I thought my lungs would stop working any given minute.
But I managed to contain myself, shoving Louis back into the ground and leaving him there.
Lola stares at me with wide eyes as I turn around, and I swear I see fear flash the blue inside her soul for a split second. But she takes a deep breath, stepping forward with the wind beneath her step and her hair flowing like angel feathers. I see her tug a smile to her lips, inching so much closer so that I find it hard to keep my breath steady.
"Harry," she sighs. "My love, my Harry," her eyes dance with mine, her fingers ghosting my skin before taking my hands in hers. "I've never felt the way I do about you, with any one in this world. But, I've hurt you-"
"I hurt you, Lola." I sigh.
"No," Lola shakes her head. "I know the truth now."
My eyebrow cocks, but she doesn't press the subject. "I've caused you too much trouble by entering your life, if it wasn't for me so much wouldn't of happened," she takes a deep breath before looking to our hands below, fondling my fingers with her own. "I am the reason Sean is dead, Louis wouldn't of ever have spoken to him if it wasn't for me and you sparking our relationship and he wouldn't of ever involved them both in such horrible work."
I feel my heart ache inside my chest, like it could explode any moment. I briefly look to Louis, his expression was pale against the crimson stains but his eyes glassed over and I realised he cared more about Sean and Lola than I could ever know.
"We all cared for Sean, and I'm sorry you lost your best friend because of me." Lola sobs that last line and I can't help but tug her closer, reaching behind to grip her body into mine as she cries softly.
"It wasn't your fucking fault," I sob. "It wasn't anyone but the people who hurt him."
Lola sobs softly, gripping my shirt tightly.
But she breaks away, like a bird let out of a cage and her wings could finally sore now. I knew this when she looked into my eyes, I knew she was leaving when she wiped those tears away. I looked up into the skies and wished upon those stars for it not to be true, but it was and it was breaking my heart into a million pieces.
Lola let's her hand reach up to my face, that same knowing smile on her lips as she inhaled a shaky breath.
"I love you Harry Styles," she speaks to me with hushed words. "But I have to let us go."
***
authors note;
Lol did someone cut some onions?!?
One more chapter to go sweet things, I'm sad to see this story end but I'm quite excited to end it also.
Vote and comments are appreciated lovely people.
Quick message to anyone affected or involved or around the current mass shooting in Las Vegas.
I'm sending so much love and support your way. 🌹🌹
-A