I walk inside as arrogantly, superiorly and flirty at the same time as I can. I wave at the Spanish "casting directors" sitting in front of me so artificially that I have a feeling I've turned into a china doll in a single moment. I stop in the middle of the room and let out the sweetest and most false-but-believable cry. – Hey, guys!
I act as idiotically and over-positively as Leeroy does (aka Liam Payne) in the One Direction "Best Song Ever" music video. The moment he shows up there, he says this phrase "Hi, boys!" with an identic voice intonation as I've said my "Hey, guys!" with. And then I have this fantastic idea...
- Hello! – Magdalena answers.
The moment I start saying my lines, which I've made up just a second ago, I imagine myself being Leeroy the Choreographer. – Okay, so here's what I'm thinking about myself as Juliet. My first role is gonna be really big and I'm gonna be PER-FECT. – I pronounce the word exactly how Leeroy does it. – I'm perfect already, but you just don't know that yet. However, you'll find it out very soon. – This time I don't pretend to be Leeroy. This phrase sounds just like Christian.
- You can start. – Seems Magdalena is the only one talking here.
I talk as stiltedly and utterly unprofessionally, gesturing the way I've never done it before. – O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? – I almost faint from the "heart ache".
I'm waiting for the Croatian guy to open the door for Agnes. I stand there with my hands on my heart and head tilted backwards, as if suffering from pain, for three more seconds. And then I understand I have to do something, because the guy has forgotten what I asked him!
Thank God I have a soul of a poet. I don't know the play by heart, but I come up with my own lines. – Neither the sun, the moon, nor the stars will bring you to me. / I'll always remain alone here, alone for eternity. – What a depressed Juliet!
Well, this is some kind of crap! When is the guy opening the door? Maybe I should pretend I've forgotten the lines of the play? I'm already acting like an idiot, so it might suit my character.
No. Perhaps we can make another double of this scene? That would definitely be the best thing to do. Please, Norbert!
- She had to come in now... - I say in my normal voice and look pleading at Norbert, who's standing on the left with the camera and filming this horrible disaster of mine.
All of a sudden the Croatian boy opens the door and Agnes sweeps in.
This is bad. It means Norbert won't shoot the scene again. I have to come up with an explanation of my words. – I knew you'd come, but you won't get the role! – I shout at Agnes and for a moment I think she doesn't understand a single thing I'm doing right now.
However, the girl is good at improvising. – Oh yeah!? I'm way better than you are! From now on I'm in charge here!
- Who do think you are to compete with me!? – I'm so into my role that even Greta would be impressed to see me like this.
- I'm... I'm... - What's wrong? Agnes is stammering as if she's forgotten everything in the world. Then she makes a really smart face, turns to the "casting directors" and says with a wide grin and huge relief. – I'm GLORIA!
Agnes says the name with such pride and greatness that I'm the one now who has to stammer. What should I say...? – Gloria what? In excelsis deo!? Hah! Dear... GIRLY, be nice and let real actors do their job...
- And you... HIPPIE PRINCESS! Do you think that wearing plastic flowers on your head will help you become Juliet!? – Wow! Agnes is VERY good!
- I don't "think", I know that. – 99% arrogance and 1% huge surprise that I still haven't started laughing my heart out. The situation seems so real that it starts to be comical. Agnes pretends to be furious and I'm trying to look really angry either. I wonder what happens next...
- You don't need it anymore! – Agnes grabs my flower crown and throws it on the ground. – I'm the Juliet! – While I'm ducking down to pick it up with a frustrated expression in my face, the door opens and Robert comes in.
He looks really drunk – Robert's wobbling and murmuring something and suddenly... The guy stumbles and almost falls on me.
He's the best actor I've ever seen!
- Get off me! – I push Robert away from me in disgust. He loses balance again. – What is that thing doing here? – I look at the casting team.
Robert replies himself. – I'm Romeo, of cour... - He doesn't finish his sentence, because the guy has to start hiccupping all the time.
This scene has to end right now! – That's it! I won't stand it anymore! I'm out of here! – After saying this I rush out of the room.
***
The moment I'm in the hall, where Greta, Julia, Christian and some Croatians are waiting for their turn to enter the filming room, I start laughing uncontrollably.
- Martux, I have a feeling you blew everything up! – Greta doesn't look like laughing at all. The three of them are still practising their scene. Really? How many hours do they need to get ready?
- It was a total disaster! – I feel adrenaline buzzing through my veins.
- That's what happens when amateurs get the chance to improvise. – Christian's haughtiness is overflowing again. I don't mind it, because I've understood already that it is his way of joking, but I have to answer the offensive remark.
- For your information, I was very good. – When talking to Christian, one has to be confident about himself. I don't like bragging, but when Christian is around, I somehow feel the urge to pretend I'm better than I actually am. But, to be honest, isn't this something that scares boys away? – The problem is the Croatian guy didn't open the door on time.
- That's the thing with amateurs – they feel like the kings of the world until somebody forgets to blow their nose for them. And then... Tam-da-dam! – Christian gestures with his hands as if casting a spell on me. – Marta the Great turns into Marta the Catastrophe in a millisecond!
At the exact moment Agnes runs to me, puts her arm around my shoulders and exhales deeply. – Oh. My. God.
- The guy forgot to open the door! I was freaking out! – I turn away from Christian and Greta.
- I was so in panic when you asked me who I was! I couldn't come up with a name! Then "Gloria" came out of nowhere and I was like: "Thank God!" – Agnes might even be more anxious than I am.
- How did you and Robert end the scene? – I ask.
- I don't know. I just ran out as you did.
Then Robert comes toward us, speaking while he's walking. – I'll hate to look at myself when watching the film. Guys, did you see how I slipped and almost fell?
- What!? – I'm a bit surprised. – Wasn't that on purpose?
- NO! I nearly had a heart attack when you pushed me! I was so close from falling! – Robert sighs.
Robert tells he acted as if he became sick at the end and that's why he had to leave the room. I tell Robert and Agnes about my "She Had to Come in Now" failure and we continue having fun about our scene until Norbert shows up from the classroom and tells that the film is ready and the premiere will be this Friday at 7 p.m.
I know it already it's going to be the worst day of my life when everybody sees our "R&J" scene.
Greta is proud that her, Christian's and Julia's scene has been completely perfect and they've done it even better than during their rehearsals. I understand they've acted out Greta's "jealousy scene" – while Christian and Greta were spending time together, Julia walked past them and Christian started to stare at her. I don't know what happened afterwards, but Greta had to shout at "her husband" A LOT!
I check my phone – I've got a new message from Ethel on Snapchat. The moment I read: "What are you doing?" on the screen, I have an idea. I turn to Greta and Christian.
- Guys, would you like me to take a photo of your squad? - I smile encouragingly.
- Sure. – Greta responds. – Julia! Come here for a picture!
Oh, right. She's going to be in the photo, too. But if that's the only way how to send Ethel a picture of Christian, I'll do it anyway.
When we're in the swimming pool hall, I take a fantastic photo (Christian looks better than ever in his white T-shirt and black jeans, smiling the warmest smile ever) on my, Greta's and Christian's phone (I wonder why Christian wants a photo with him, Greta and Julia?). I send it to Ethel and receive a response almost immediately: "My dear, what's happened to your taste in men?".
I text back: "I'm a gourmet of men now, talking about seeing the beauty of their heart".
***
However, it will soon turn out I'm still a dilettante when trying to hide my feelings from guys I like, but from whom I could never get love in return, and avoiding becoming an object of scorn in front of everybody.