When Kota approached me before homeroom in the courtyard, his cheeks tinted red and muttering numbers under his breath, I immediately became concerned. I smiled reassuringly and motioned for him to sit next to me, intertwining fingers with him. I squeezed his hand gently, letting him know I was there for him.
"Everything okay?" I asked, cocking my head slightly. After I did so, I thought that Kota might have muttered "adorable" but I couldn't be too sure.
"Uh, well," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, obviously embarrassed about whatever it was that was bothering him. "I've been talking about you a lot, lately." It was my turn to blush now. "And my mom wanted to know if you would like to have dinner at our house tonight..."
At first I was shocked by the inquiry but then I was beaming. I had met his mom and sister a couple of times, but only in passing when I was meeting with Kota and we had somewhere to be. I resisted the urge to bounce in my seat from excitement.
"I would love to have dinner at your house," I exclaimed, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. His cheeks flushed a deep red again, and I couldn't help but grin. It felt good to not be the only one always blushing.
So, that was how I ended up waiting on Kota's doorstep, nervously smoothing over my skirt as I waited for someone to answer the door. I was squirming in place, both excited and anxious, the two emotions waging a war in my stomach. I nearly sighed in relief when the door opened and Kota's smiling face greeted me. I could have kissed his face off if it weren't for the fact that I knew his mom was inside the house waiting for us.
"Don't worry," he muttered to me, obviously noting the fact that I was continuously smoothing down my skirt to keep my hands busy. I tried my best to smile as he led me into the kitchen, a hand resting on the small of my back. "My mom is going to love you."
"I don't have the best track records with parents," I whispered to him, eyeing up the back of the woman I assumed to be Kota's mother. "I mean, you have met my mom, right?"
He chuckled and gently bopped my head. "Shush."
I giggled but then abruptly stopped when Erica Lee turned around and faced me, a beaming smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back, the vibes she gave off making me feel comfortable and welcomed. My mood dimmed slightly at the fact that my mother had never greeted me in such a way, and she never would, knowing her. My smile slipped some, but I managed to keep it on my face.
"It's so good to finally formally meet you, Sang!" Erica exclaimed, seeming genuinely pleased that I had taken time out of my schedule to have dinner at her house.
"It's nice to finally formally meet you too," I said, my shyness shining through. I spent most of my time around the guys, allowing my outgoing and bubbly side to shine through a lot. When around other people though, I reverted back to my shy and mostly quiet form though.
"Do you need any help with anything, Mom?" Kota asked, resting his hands on my shoulders as a reassuring gesture. I leaned into his touch, and didn't miss the way Erica's eyes shone at the movement.
Erica waved her hand dismissively, still smiling. "No, no. Dinner is almost finished. You two can hang out while I finish up and I'll call you in when it's ready."
I wanted to insist that I could help somehow, but before I got the chance, Kota was pulling me into the living room and leading me over to the couch. He sat on the couch, then raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to sit with him. I grinned, resisting the urge to shake my head at him, and plopped down beside him.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me in close and nuzzling his nose against my neck. I giggled, winding an arm around his neck, leaning into his touch. It was harder for Kota and I to get time alone due to the fact that he took a lot of hard classes, and we were both often handling the boys. In a way, I liked to think of us as a team, leading and taking care of the others together. Since we barely spent any time alone, I savored the small moments of privacy we occasionally stole.
"I'm glad you agreed to come tonight," Kota whispered and I smiled softly, leaning my head against him.
"I am too," I replied, truly meaning it. I had been nervous when I was getting ready at home earlier, Marc and Brandon lounging on my bed, being annoying as per usual, though I didn't have the heart to kick them out of my room. Besides, their bickering was pretty amusing and there was one point where they had tried to get me to choose which one I liked better.
"You seemed a little freaked during lunch today when we talked about it," he chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
My cheeks heated up and I shrugged slightly, though he was right. I had frozen up some during lunch when he mentioned it, and anxiety had me wound tightly for the rest of day, images of how I could ruin the night running on replay. I wasn't so sure why I had been so worried about how it was going to turn out, the boys always made everything okay.
"I'm just worried your mom won't like me," I admitted quietly, chewing on my bottom lip as soon as the words left my mouth. It was the one thought that had been circling through my head ever since I had said yes to the dinner, and no matter how hard I tried to push it away, it remained.
Kota frowned and brushed his nose again mine in a reassuring manner before pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back tightly, burying my face in his chest, as if I could hide from my fears that way.
"Sang," he muttered, rubbing small circle into my back and holding me close. "I already told you that my mom is going to love you. Anyone who doesn't love you is insane. You're the most spectacular person I've ever met, and you light up my world. You light up everyone else's world too, sweetie. I promise you, I love you, and my mom is going to love you too."
I lifted my head and brushed my lips against his, tentatively waiting to see if he would want more. He hesitated for only a moment but then his lips were connecting with mine in a sweet and slow kiss, his hands gently gripping my hips and holding me close. I backed away some and kissed his nose softly.
"I love you too," I whispered, unable to stop smiling.
***
"I told you she would love you," Kota said with a grin on his face. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him and shook my head. My hand was in his and he was leading me up the stairs to his bedroom that I had been in a handful of times.
"Okay, Mr. Know It All," I teased, allowing him to lead me through the doorway of his room and over to his bed. I raised my eyebrows at him, gesturing towards the bed. "Are you inviting me into your bed, Dakota?"
His cheeks flushed red and he adjusted his glasses, looking away. "I was going to say that we should lay down for a little... You look tired..."
"Oh, then I guess I'll be accepting your invite to bed," I giggled, crawling onto his bed and sprawling out in the middle of it, sending a teasing grin his way. He wasn't the type to be playful, but I hoped that I could at least get him to loosen up a little bit for the time being. "You coming?"
His cheeks grew even redder, but he joined me in bed anyways, laying on his side and pulling me into his arms. I curled up against him, winding my arms around his neck and tangling my fingers in his hair. He ducked his head close and rubbed his nose against mine, causing me to giggle. He smiled and gave my lips a small peck. Gently, I slid off his glasses then put them on his nightstand.
I rested my head on his chest, winding my arms around him tightly. "Let's take a nap and pretend that everything in the world is just right."
"Okay," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my head. "I love you."
"And I love you," I replied quietly. "To the moon and back and more."
***
When I woke up from my small nap with Kota, I found that the sun was much lower in the sky and that my phone was blowing up from texts from the boys, some inquiring where I was, and others just wanting to talk. I sighed, reluctant to leave the comfort of Kota's arms and return to my cold and empty house. I peppered small kisses all over Kota's face to rouse him from his sleep, but he only grumbled and shoved his face into his pillow. I giggled and carefully climbed out of bed, leaving him a note, deciding it was better to just let him sleep.
The drive home felt tedious and longer than usual from the amount of yawning I was doing. I was afraid I would fall asleep at stop lights and was grateful that I hit very few. I was prepared to fall into bed and sleep the entire night when I arrived home, but nearly turned around and drove around town at the sight of a certain car in the garage.
The black BMW was rarely ever in it's unofficial spot in the garage anymore, but when it was, I knew that it meant trouble. It meant that I should stay clear of the house for as long as possible because Zain was home.
I summoned all my courage, convincing myself that he was probably just sleeping here for the night and that he would be gone by the time morning rolled around. I was so good at lying to myself, that it didn't take much time to beat this assumption into my head and slowly enter the house through the side door, tip toeing through the kitchen and towards the hall that would lead to the stairs.
"Sang, what are you doing?"
I jumped, slamming my foot into the island that resided in the middle of the kitchen. I turned, blinking at Zain's tall figure across the kitchen. He was standing in the doorway that lead to the foyer and living room, looking just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. My surprise quickly faded away to irritation, too tired to have a civilized conversation with such an asshole.
"What are you doing?" I shot back at him, folding my arms over my chest and shooting him a glare. "You don't even live here anymore. Do you just stop by to harass me or do you have an actual purpose other than that for stopping by?"
He took a hesitant step further into the kitchen, as if wondering if he should come any closer. My glare intensified when he reached the other side of the island, and he must have decided to remain there which was good if he valued his life. A flash of nervousness came over his face before it felt back into it's practiced impassive expression.
"Knox told me that you went you out tonight," he said quietly, his eyes scanning the room, looking everywhere but my face. I couldn't blame him for not looking directly at me. If had treated a person so horribly, I wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes either. "I thought you were home already, in bed." He paused. "Sean, Brandon, and Marc moved in?"
I didn't say anything even though he had phrased it as a question. He didn't need confirmation on a fact he was probably already aware of. If Knox knew something, then Zain definitely knew it as well. It used to work out that I would know it as well, but things had changed and a line had been drawn, one that I clearly was not allowed to cross over.
The kitchen had fallen silent, and unwilling to break it, I bit down on my tongue to prevent myself from yawning or screaming at my older brother. I would wait for him to break it, I would not cave like I always did for him.
"Sang," he sounded so unlike himself when he spoke that I had to force myself to look at him. His green eyes were pleading and free from the haziness that had claimed them for so long. A lump formed in my throat; he was sober. "Can we please talk? I know it's late and you're probably tired... But there's some things that I think we need to talk about."
He was right. I was tired and before I had walked through that door and caught sight of him, I had wanted nothing more than to get into bed and sleep. Now, though, in his presence, reminded of the brother he used to be, I wanted nothing more than to reconnect with him, to have the big brother back that I was so familiar with.
I nodded, gesturing to the seats that were pushed against the island. He sat down slowly, and once he was fully seated, I took the chair next to him, my eyes glued to the countertop. It was hard to look at him at the moment, because I was afraid I would give in and forgive him before he had even explained himself.
"It was hard," he started out, his voice shaky. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that his hands were resting atop the counter and they were trembling. I resisted the urge to reach out and hold them, to let him know I was there for him. "I was so busy protecting you guys, shielding you guys, that I took most of the blows. It hurt. What hurt even more was the fact that I couldn't help you. I felt like a failure. I know this is no excuse... But there were so many emotions inside of me and I didn't know how to handle them. So much pressure. And I found that alcohol helped, so I drank. A lot. And then I found I couldn't stop, that the only time I felt good was when I was drunk."
A ball of emotion had formed in my throat, and I was trying to blink away my tears, but it was hard. Listening to him explain himself after all these years, his apology, his feelings, it was hitting me hard.
"I fucked up." He admitted, his voice strangled. His breathing had quickened, as if he too was trying to keep from crying. "I fucked up so bad. I pushed you away, my baby sister. You have been one of the only people to ever love me unconditionally, and I ruined it because I was selfish and couldn't handle the fact that I couldn't help you. I don't expect you to just forgive me... But I miss you, Sang. I miss being around you. I miss making you laugh and hearing about your day and just being your older brother. It hurts me to know that you didn't have anyone while I was losing it. It hurts me even more to know I was one of your problems. God, Sang, I'm so fucking sorry."
At this point, I was allowing myself to openly cry. Tears trailed down my face freely, and I didn't make a move to wipe them away. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to calm myself before I even dared to speak.
I inhaled deeply before I spoke, my voice soft but even. "That's all I've wanted from you for the past couple of years, Zain. For you to try. For you to get sober. For you to apologize. I didn't think you could do it, but you have, and I'm so proud of you. God, am I so angry at you, still, but I'm also proud. You had it in you to get sober and then to come talk to me. I still want to beat the shit out of you, but I also want to hug you, to welcome back my brother. Because you're him again. You're my older brother that sits in the kitchen with me in the middle of the night, just talking. Thank you, Zain. Thank you for choosing me over booze finally."
I was pulled into a bone crushing hug, and I didn't resist it. I clung to him, sobbing into his chest. He was crying just as hard as me if his heaving chest was any indication and he held me to his body tightly, muttering how sorry he was. I didn't respond, I just revelled in the fact that once again, finally, my older brother was holding me in a moment of weakness.
"Thank you," he whispered after we had calmed down some. "Thank you for giving me a second chance."
My lips curled up into a small smile and I leaned back some. "You should make some hot chocolate," I said. "You really need to get caught up on everything that's happening right now."
The joy that passed over his face made the fact that I didn't sleep at all that night worth it.
a/n: Here you go guys!! There was some cute moments with Kota that I hope you enjoyed, and there was some issues with Zain that were resolved. Has this chapter changed anyones view on Zain?? Can you believe MD is almost over??
Well, fear not if you're sad about it almost ending, THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. I wasn't sure if I had formally announced but now I am.
As always, I love you guys and thank you for endless support.
xoxo,
ry.