I lay back crying, hitting my head against the concrete,
I looked up hearing the cars roar across the bridge above me.
I wasn't sure what to do anymore, I knew that I'd be fired immediately from my job for walking out,
I'd have no money for the apartment.
I mess everything up and I never learn, I just wish Scarlett knew how hard I tried and that sometimes I forget that I shouldn't hate myself, but I don't hate myself anymore, but I have a constant impulse to tell people that I'm not pretty or perfect, I wish I could accept these compliments, but I struggle and all these things that people say, and I can't even answer them normally.
I wish the pills had worked a few months ago, because then I wouldn't of hurt Scarlett and messed things up and I'd be dead.
I had to try again, but I had to find the perfect place.
I wrote a note, explaining how sorry I was, I placed a bluebell on the note next to the bridge, scar once gave me a bluebell on this bridge and they remind me of her,
I texted the Alex and scar
"Sorry, I have to, don't hate me, it'll be easier with me gone" that's all I put, I climbed up onto the barrier over the river,
This was how I had always wanted to die, no matter how old I was I had always wanted to die drowning, people say it's the most peaceful death, it's a struggle at first and you fight for breath, but then everything's peaceful and calm and then it ends.
I deserve the struggle.
I leant back, I heard a shriek and I hit the water.