"Larissa?"
I heard my name being called but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I looked around me and realized I had no idea where I was.
"Larissa, come to me."
Who was calling my name? I was walking down a busy, city road but no one was talking. There was no sound at all. As I walked past people, I looked at their faces closely to make sure I wasn't having some kind of bad dream. No one would look at me and it was like they couldn't see me at all.
I stopped walking and turned around slowly, taking it all in. I placed my hands in my hair and screamed as loud as I could. I closed my eyes tight and just let it all out.
When I stopped screaming and opened my eyes, I saw everyone looking directly at me. I smiled nervously and started looking for a way out.
"Larissa." They all said together at the same time and I stopped walking, taking in my surroundings. Everyone was now stopped as well and it made me very uncomfortable having so many people watch me.
"What?" I asked in a weak voice. They all started moving closer to me, trapping me where I stood. I walked backwards towards this big glass building and stopped when my back met the side of it.
"Larissa, come to me." They all said at the same time.
"What do you want? I'm right here," I said as their faces moved closer to me. They weren't blinking and they didn't look like they were breathing; just moving towards me slowly.
Suddenly they all stopped moving, again in synchronization. They weren't making a single sound and the silence was deafening; I was frozen in place in fear. A few people in front of me moved to the side and a boy started walking towards me. He had a smile on his face and it made me want to run to him.
"Hello," I said softly as he walked to me, stopping about a foot away.
"Hello Mommy," he replied and I gasped. My hands moved down to my stomach and I quickly remembered I was supposed to be pregnant. My flat stomach that my hands were running over told me otherwise.
"Where is my baby? Where is my son?" I asked him angrily. He looked so confused but closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around my legs.
"I'm here, Mommy. You have to come back. You have to wake up." His little voice was so peaceful and strong that he instantly reminded me of Eric. I placed my hand on the child's back to comfort him.
"I don't know how to wake up. Can you help me?" I asked him softly.
"Sure Mommy. It's easy. All you have to do is think about me. Think about my skin on yours. Think about my arms around your legs." His voice grew deep and suddenly his grip tightened on my legs.
The sudden change in his voice made my blood turn cold and want to run away from him. I looked down at the once little boy to see a full grown man in his place. His head snapped up quickly and my blood turned cold. The once little boy was replaced by a monster.
Robert.
"Happy to see me, Love? You will never be able to get away from me," Robert said while running his hands up my legs, holding me close to him. I started screaming, kicking, hitting, trying to get away from him but he was so strong. I fell on the ground and he quickly moved to cover my body with his. I screamed louder and thrashed around as much as I could. I wasn't going to just lie there and take it.
"It's no use. You can't get away from me. Calm down and let me speak and I'll let you go. I'm only here to deliver a message.. a warning if you will." I stopped moving and looked at him with questioning eyes. His hands were pinning my arms above my head and I knew I couldn't trust him for one second. I wasn't going to show fear thought.
"What do you want?" My voice came out stronger that I expected it too and I was grateful for not sounding weak.
"My warning is for you, my dear. I enjoyed our little cat and mouse game a few weeks ago but I'm done playing around. I don't know how you're eluding me, but I will find you. If I have to keep searching for you, I'm going to kill you, you child and your husband. So unless you want them both to die, you'll just turn yourself over to me. Understand?" He licked the side of my face but I didn't move. I wasn't going to show him fear. I wasn't going to give him more power.
"I don't think so. I'm not afraid of you. You'll never find me, so go ahead and keep looking." I smiled up at him and shockingly, my fear was gone.
"Oh, you think you're so smart now, so brave? I don't see brave, I see fear coming from this scared little girl. You are nothing and you will always be nothing." His eyes turned from brown to black in a flash and I just laughed at him, making him more angry.
"Do your worst old man, you can't hurt me."
I felt his hands tighten around my neck and I closed my eyes, thinking of Eric and our son.
"Goodbye," I whispered to Robert.
I sat up quickly, gasping for air. My vision was fuzzy and I didn't know where I was. I thrashed around and I felt someone restrain me but not with force. I grabbed their throat trying to gain the upper hand.
"It's alright, love. I'm right here," Eric whispered into my hair. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I drank in the smell of him, using it to calm me down. I quickly released his throat and caressed the skin I was just gripping.
“I'm sorry,” I said against him and I was instantly greeted with a deep, wanting kiss. My connection to him instantly picked up and I felt his worry and frustration for me. I saw myself in his eyes as he watched me while I'd been with Robert. My body thrashed around and mimicked the actions as I'd moved around Robert. He had to watch me get pinned down and it was clear he felt my fear because I was feeling it now.
'I'm alright. I'm back,” I purred into his head. I ran my fingers through his hair and brought him closer to me, realizing I needed him to calm me.
'Don't do that to me again. Feeling your fear and not being able to help is more than I can take.' His hands moved to the sides of my face like he was using me as an anchor. I smiled against his lips and a few moments later someone cleared their throat, breaking our kiss.
“I'm sorry,” I said to everyone. I sat up and thought about what had happened. How this new chapter of chaos started.
Over the last few weeks, since seeing Robert in the court house, I'd been having these weird dreams. They started off as nice and weak and I almost thought it was my son reaching out to me somehow, but the longer they went on, the more dark and evil they became. We realized Robert was able to enter my dreams like Michael had and he was trying to get to me mentally since he couldn't find us physically.
"What happened, dear? Did he take the bait?" Marilyn asked me softy. She'd done some research in her books and found this strong spell that allow me to interact with Robert in my dreams but keep me safe. My goal was to bait him and make him very angry. We wanted him to get so angry that he got sloppy. From my latest dream, I'd say he was getting pretty desperate to find me and pretty pissed as well.
I retold the details of my dream to Eric and Marilyn. Eric's hands never left mine and whenever I spoke about Robert touching me, he would tense up. Eric was so protective, overbearing and smothering sometimes, but I wouldn't have him any other way. He completed me and I knew he'd die before ever letting anything bad happen to me again.
I placed my hands on my huge stomach, relaxing in knowing it really was all just a dream. I took a deep breath and looked up at Eric.
"It was weird not being pregnant in my dream. It was like my mind subconsciously knew that being pregnant would only bait him to the point of destruction, so I just wasn't pregnant. Almost like our son didn't want Robert to see him."
"You think our son has something to do with these dreams?" Eric asked me with a raised eyebrow.
I paused for a moment and thought about what I'd said. Could that be possible? Could my son be helping protect me and himself? I felt the bubbles in my stomach and I knew it was a yes. Eric leaned down to kiss my temple and whispered, "Like father, like son."
"I'm a lucky woman then." I moved my head to the side so Eric could kiss me properly.
"Alright, you need to eat something and rest. It's not good for you to be doing so much while being so pregnant. Too much stress will cause you to go into labor," Marilyn whined at me.
"I want to go into labor. I'm huge, uncomfortable, and I just want to sleep on my back again." I sounded like a whiny two year old, causing Eric and Marilyn to both laugh at me.
I stood up off of the table and felt my head get fuzzy. My knees wobbled and Eric was there in a flash, helping me stay upright. When I didn't answer right away, he picked me up.
"Are you alright? What was that?" He moved me to our bed and set me down quickly. He placed his hands on my stomach and closed his eyes.
Our son was already madly in love with Eric. They could feel each other. It was amazing to watch. I never got sick or worried, causing the baby stress because Eric would just touch my stomach and calm us both.
"I'm fine, honey. I think I just stood too quickly." I smiled at him and he opened his eyes to look at me.
"No, something is happening.. He feels, different." Eric's voice was strained and I started to get anxious.
"What do you mean different? Is he alright? What's happening?" I placed my hands on my stomach just in time for this intense pain to shoot through it.
"HOLY GOD!" I screamed, causing Eric to flinch back. I felt a rush of water leave my body and Eric got off the bed. He looked down at me with a huge smile.
"I knew it. He's coming." He looked like a proud father and it made me smile for a second, but only a second because the pain was too much.
"Don't just stand there, it hurts!" I grabbed his hand and squeezed as the pain kicked in again.
"Just try to stay calm, dear. You need to breathe." Marilyn was at my side with towels, water and a bunch of other things I didn't recognize.
"What is all that stuff," I asked through clenched teeth, trying to breath deep like Eric suggested.
"Things I'll need to deliver your baby." She appeared to be calm and that was comforting to me because I had no idea what to do.
"Is there anything you can't do?" Eric asked her with a smile.
"Uh, I can't make macaroni and cheese from a box. I burn it every time, but other than that I don't think so." She spoke like she was being serious and Eric laughed. She could deliver a baby but couldn't make mac and cheese? I'm in trouble, I thought.
'It will be fine love. She won't hurt him and I won't let her hurt either of you.' I looked up at Eric and smiled. I knew I would be fine as long as he was by my side. I gripped his hand and took deep breaths through the pain I was feeling.
The next few hours were a blur to me. I remember all the pain, the screaming on my part and Eric trying to calm me down. Marilyn twitched around like a mad woman and pain, oh the pain. I felt one last surge of pain and then nothing. There was silence. I reached for Eric but he quickly moved away, causing my anxiety to shoot through the roof.
"What's wrong? Why isn't he crying? What's happening to him?" I tried to sit up but didn't have the strength.
"He's fine, Love." Eric's voice was low but calm. Eric moved to me slowly and lowered this small bundle so it was level with my eyes and I gasped. The most amazing sight was in front of me. I felt tears falling down my cheeks and love fill my body.
"He's so beautiful, Eric. He looks just like you." It came out as a whisper and I couldn't take my eyes off my son. He was looking right back at me, taking me in as well.
"I think he looks more like you but with my eyes. He has your hair color. Can you feel him, Baby? I can actually feel him in my mind." Eric's face was radiating happiness and the emotions coming off of him were fantastic. He was so happy and so proud right now that I didn't think it would ever be possible for him to be more happy than this very moment. I was wrong.
"I want another one, lots more actually. I didn't think being a father would feel this amazing. Can we have more, please." He moved down to be at my level and kissed my face over and over. Any inch of skin he could kiss, he did. I laughed and tried to move away from him but I couldn't and didn't really want to. I liked feeling him like this.
"Answer me and I'll stop attacking you," He laughed at me, kissing my eyelid.
"Okay, okay. We can have another child." Eric stopped kissing me and waited for me to look at him again. My eyes locked with his and he kissed my lips softly.
"I love you so much. Thank you." He kissed my lips once softly and pulled back to look at our son again. I followed his eyes down to the tiny little guy in his arms to see him looking up at us.
"I love you too, both of you."
"Alright lovebirds, have you decided on a name for the handsome little man?" Eric and I looked between each other. We had talked about names but hadn't agreed on one.
"Well, we never really decided on a name. Nothing with an M or R," I added and they both agreed.
Eric and I looked at each other like we had no idea and obviously seeing our distress, Marilyn spoke first.
"I know what great things this child will do in his lifetime and I have a name that is quite fitting. Alem, it means world leader in Arabic. You know, it's like Alan but em at the end instead. I think it's a beautiful name for a beautiful boy."
"I think it's perfect. Alem Eric St. James," I said out loud.
"You want him to have my name?" Eric asked me in a shocked tone.
"He is your son silly, of course. Will you bring him closer please?" I asked Eric and he moved closer to me.
"Do you want to hold him?" He sounded like he wasn't sure and I nodded quickly and held out my hands to take him.
"Make sure you hold his head," Marilyn said to me.
"Yes Mom," I responded with a laugh.
Sitting up, Eric placed Alem in my arms and I looked into my son's eyes. He hadn't made any sounds yet and I was honestly a bit worried about that, but looking at him in my arms took all my fears away. I reached out and touched the soft hair covering his head. I kissed his forehead and smiled down at him.
"Do you like the name Alem? Huh little guy?" I moved back a bit so I could see his whole face. I was in awe that Eric and I made something so perfect. Alem moved slightly in my arms, causing me to tighten my grip on him. Then he did the most amazing thing. Alem smiled at me. It was like he was saying yes, he liked his name.
"Eric, come here quick. He's smiling." Eric was at my side in a flash. He looked down at his son and Alem's smile only grew when he say Eric.
"He's smiling at me." Eric reached out and stroked the hair on his head and bent down to kiss his forehead. "I love you, little man."
Eric turned to look at me and I was a blubbering mess. Seeing him radiate with the love he had for his son already was worth all my years of being alone. Being able to have my own family, my own child, my own husband made me feel like a new woman. I remember feeling half this happen when Eric and I were married, but nothing to this degree.
"I love you so much. Thank you for giving me what I always wanted and never knew I needed. Thank you for giving me a family," I whispered to Eric. He moved forward and wiped the tears from my face and kissed me with so much passion I thought we would burst into flames.
"I love you too, and this is only the beginning of our family. We are going to have so many children we will run out of names." I gasped and Eric laughed.
"There is no way we will have that many kids. Maybe one or two more. Having a baby hurts. If you can somehow get pregnant, you can have as many as you want but I don't think my body will let me have an infinite number of children."
Marilyn rolled her eyes and laughed at us. "Why don't I take Alem and finish getting him washed up so Eric can help you get washed up dear. Then you can feed him and be more comfortable. We need you to take your herbs so they get into his system as well."
I hadn't thought about any of that. I suddenly became very worried and gripped Eric's hand.
'What if I can't protect him? What if something happens to him? What if we are sleeping and someone breaks in? Eric, what is Robert gets our son?' I pushed my panic and worry into Eric and he took a deep breath before he answered me.
"Here, let Marilyn have Alem so you and I can go take a shower." He responded out loud in such a calm voice that it pissed me off. Why wasn't he worried? Why didn't he seem to care?
Eric's eyes flashed to mine. It was clear he'd heard what I was thinking. He frowned and rolled his eyes, clearly telling me I was overreacting.
'Don't for one second think I don't care about you or our son. Seeing his face has given me new purpose and meaning in life. I will never, and I mean never let anything happen to him. I'd die first. You and Alem are my whole world and nothing is going to take either of you away from me or hurt you, I promise.'
The conviction in his voice told me he was more than serious and I was suddenly not afraid anymore. I pulled on Eric's arm and brought him down to me so I could wrap my arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry. So much has happened today and my hormones are all over the place. I don't doubt you at all. I know you'd never let anything happen to us. I just love him so much already that it hurts to even think about something happening to him." I cried on Eric's shoulder and he just let me get it all out. He whispered kind words in my ear and ran his hand through my hair, calming me down.
"Come on. Let's get you in the shower so you can feed Alem."
I placed my hands in his and he helped me up. I was sore but I knew in a short while, I'd be completely fine. We walked to the bathroom and Eric helped me undress. He started the shower for me and he got undressed too.
"What are you doing?" I asked him in a shocked tone.
"Showering with you? You said we could have another baby and since you're not pregnant anymore, I figured now was the perfect time." He flashed that devilish smile at me and I smacked his chest.
"You're freaking hilarious, you know that. Give me a month before you knock me up again." We both laughed and got into the shower.
"I will not, not sleep with you for a month. How about a week?" He responded.
"No, five weeks," I shot back.
"What? You're going in the wrong direction. You can't add time to your original date. Fine. I'll wait a month, but you'll owe me."
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "A month then." I felt his lips on mine as I stood under the shower and I wasn't going to stop him from paying my body the attention it wanted.
Being with Eric was always the best part of my day. After seeing Robert at the court house that day, Eric and I knew we'd never be able to do normal things until he was out of our lives for good. We contacted one of the pastors on the list the woman at the court house had given us and the next day we were married in this small park that over looked a beautiful stream. It was much more memorable than going to the court house to get married and I'm glad it ended up being that way in the end.
I was more bound to Eric now than I ever imagined I'd be. He was the complete meaning of a soul mate. He took away all of my hurt and pain and since we'd been married, I'd never actually doubted his love or commitment to me.
Seeing my son for the first time was amazing. Just saying it was amazing. My son. Alem was perfect in every way. He has my eyes but Larissa's hair and nose. I suppose he has my shape face but it doesn't really matter. He's perfect and healthy.
I wasn't sure how this whole baby thing went. I know that Alem is like us physically but I didn't know if he would want food and blood or just blood. I didn't know if he'd take a bottle or if Larissa would feed him. I guess it's just one of the many things being a new parent throws at you.
After Larissa and I showered, we changed and went back into the living room where Marilyn and Alem were. She was sitting on the couch talking to him in baby talk and petting the top of his head.
"Well hello Mommy and Daddy," she said to us and I felt myself stand taller with pride. I was a Daddy. I grabbed Larissa's hand and squeezed it gently.
'Can you believe we made this? Can you believe we have a son?' I asked her in her mind.
'No. It's unreal. Months of not knowing and being scared was all worth it. He's perfect.' I kissed the back of her hand in agreement and we moved to the couch.
Larissa sat down while I sat on the coffee table in front of her. I wasn't sure how to ask her about feeding, so I figured I'd let her Mommy instincts kick in, or wait until Alem cried for food.
"Alright kids, I was thinking about Alem's feedings and I'm not exactly sure what we should do about it. He's been getting a bit fussy, which I'm sure means he's hungry. We need to get a good dose of the herbs in you Larissa so you can pass them along to Alem."
"I'll get them," I responded, getting up to mix it for her.
I was back quickly and handed Larissa a cup. She drank it all quickly and then looked back at Marilyn. "Should I give him blood or should we make him formula?" He voice was soft and low and I knew she felt silly for asking.
'This is all new, Love. Don't feel bad because you don't know. None of us know.'
Her eyes snapped to mine and she winked at me. "You're right," she responded and Marilyn just rolled her eyes at us. She didn't like when we talked in our minds to each other while she was around but sometimes we couldn't help it.
"I think since Alem is more like you than he is like me, that we should start with blood. Are you alright with that?" Larissa looked scared and I placed my hand on her knee to let her know I was here. She smiled at me and took a deep breath and nodded her head yes.
"I have you both here, I'm fine." I watched as she looked down at Alem and her smile grew. She was going to be a great mother. She was already so attached to him and it was beautiful to watch her with him.
It took a few tries and a few misses to get Alem to feel but it ended up that feeding him like a normal child was how it worked best. Larissa fed Alem and then handed him to me while he slowly fell asleep.
I looked at my son in my arms and wondered if he was dreaming, if he was happy, if he knew we loved him. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead and he moved slightly under my touch. I felt the bubbles in my stomach and my eyes shot open. I looked at Larissa and she frowned, looking back at me. She placed her hands on her stomach and then looked back at me.
"Did he just answer you?" She asked me in a shocked, partially freaking out tone.
"I think so. Did you feel that same bubble feeling from before?" I looked at Alem's face and he was dead asleep in my arms.
"Yes, I did. It felt different from before though. I was more connected to him when he was in my stomach. I think this is probably more how you felt. It's like actual bubbles are popping on my skin."
Amazing. My son was amazing.